박 지민
"one last time, i need to be the one who takes you home."
pretend there's a gif here bc my wifi is being poopy and won't let me upload a gif ;<
Namjoon's voice went deaf to my ears as my whole world came crashing down.
"I'm sorry y/n." I could barely understand what he said due to my hand shaking and my breath hitching.
No.
Jimin wouldn't.
He wouldn't leave me like this. He was supposed to come home tonight for Christmas. We were supposed to spend time together.
No. Just a few days ago, we were FaceTiming each other and planning all the fun things we would do once he came back home.
But the realization hit me deep.
Jimin had left me with a shattered heart.
4 hours earlier.
"So how's your relationship with Jimin honey?" I sipped on the sweet taste of coffee as I sat with my parents. I lived far away from them and wanted to see them since it had been a while.
I smiled as I recalled all our magical moments together.
"It's been great dad." I sighed as I put my coffee down.
"It's just..it's been a while since I've seen him because of touring. I just really miss him." I looked down into my hands as I frowned. I felt a warm hand over mine and looked up to see my mom with a small smile.
"Cheer up baby, don't forget that he's coming to see you tonight." Unknowingly I smiled, knowing she was right.
•••
"Where are you?" I looked up at my ceiling as I held the phone as close as possible to my ear.
"We're heading to the airport right now, gotta talk to you later y/n." Jimin sounded very tired and he seemed kind of annoyed.
"Okay bye, stay safe and I love y-" the sound of the phone call beep interrupted my sentence, signaling that Jimin had ended the call first.
I frowned and felt my a small tug at my heart. I tried smiling and shaking it off.
"Jimin's just tired from tour that's it. He loves you y/n." I tried convincing myself but deep inside it was beginning to become hard to believe when Jimin had declining my calls lately.
One minute he acted he was in love with me and the next minute he acted like he didn't know me.
I really hoped this was just because of tour and distance.
•••
I sat and looked at the plain Christmas tree in my living room. It hasn't been decorated yet. Jimin and I promised that we would only decorate the tree if we both were doing it and of course Jimin hadn't arrived from his flight yet.
I sat, criss crossed on the couch as I looked at the movies on the tv, but that wasn't on my mind at all. All I could think about was how I would finally be able to be held in Jimin's arms again when he came home.
How he would tell me sweet things and names, even in his sleep. How he would kiss my forehead before he went to sleep. How we would look stupid but have the time of our lives dancing to Christmas songs on the radio.
I felt my phone buzz and soon the ringtone. I quickly turned my attention to my phone, hoping it was about Jimin. And indeed it was.
It was a phone call that changed my life.
The five stages of grief.
Stage 1: Denial.
He wouldn't. I swear Jimin wasn't like that, no matter what anyone told me. Jimin wouldn't just abandon me. Why would he?
We made so many memories together and I would never believe that he wouldn't do it with me if he was never in love.
Jimin and I were in love and Jimin wouldn't leave me no matter what.
Stage 2: Anger.
"Ugh." I looked away in disgust at the couple holding hands who I walked past in the park. I felt the toxic venom and jealously in my stomach just watching them.
Why couldn't of I kept that with Jimin?
Everything made me want to scream.
Like at work when the workers noticed how I looked lately after the incident. "Are you okay?"
Did I look okay? Why can't you just see that I want to be left alone?
God everything makes me so irritated. I'm angry. Angry at the world. Angry at everyone who thinks they're helping but making it worse.
Angry at Jimin for leaving me when he promised he would always stay.
Stage 3: Bargaining.
Everything is my fault. Jimin left me because of how bad of a person I was during our relationship.
All the times where we would fight, where I would purposely ignore his calls after he had a long and tiring day. When the last thing he wanted to do was hear my voice before going to sleep but I had been to upset to let him do so.
God I'm so stupid.
Please God I beg you, please just let me go back in time and hold him one last time. I know he's probably better without me but I can't handle the pain of knowing that he left.
I would do anything to hold him again.
Stage 4: Depression.
To say I looked horrible was an understatement.
I was physically and mentally broken.
I woke up everyday and looked in the mirror seeing a girl who's heart was shattered on the day where it was supposed to be at its highest.
Everything is my fault.
If only I had loved him like a better girlfriend would have done. I lost the one true love of my life and I can't reverse my mistakes.
I couldsee the bag under my eyes from all the nights where I would cry because I couldn't go to sleep and my memories would haunt me. I could see how bony I was getting.
Nothing seemed important anymore.
Stage 5: Acceptance.
I smiled as I stood next to Namjoon. It was a bright and sunny day. A little breeze had wiped the hair away from my face.
"He loved you so much, you know?" Namjoon broke the silence and I smiled and nodded.
"I know. He would tell me that every chance he got, even in our arguments." Namjoon sighed as he reached in his coat pockets and pulled a blue velvet box.
My eyes widened as he took my hands and placed the box, closing my hands after it.
"It's yours. That night we were returning, Jimin had wanted to surprise you by coming early and eventually propose to you." I could see how tense he was getting and i myself, was getting choked up as well.
"I'm sorry y/n. He had been ignoring your calls and being distant before because he was working extra hard to make sure everything was perfect when he came back. Even your parents knew." My breathe hitched and tears stung my eyes.
"Unfortunately he never got the chance." His voice cracked and I opened the box. I examined the diamond inside and felt my insides flip, seeing the expensive ring inside.
"Again, I'm really sorry y/n. Everyday I wake up and wonder why I had survived from the plane crash instead of Jimin."
"Thank you Namjoon." I breathed out and closed my eyes. Namjoon nodded and turned around. Walking away.
I closed the box and smiled as the tears rolled down my face. This wasn't a feeling of pure sadness.
I had felt happy. I felt a sort of peace.
I looked down at Jimin's grave. I learned to accept that Jimin was no longer with me anymore. That didn't mean he was gone. No, Jimin didn't lie when he said he would never leave me. I know he's watching.
It's funny how life plays out but after all the months, I learned that it's just the way life is. Jimin was dead
but he was far from gone in my heart.
A/N
Omg this book is so close to 40k reads AND I reached 50 followers !!! I'm so grateful and thankful for the support like honestly I remember thinking "hmm I should do a bts angst book, not like anyone is gonna read it but I should do it for fun"
BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW OMGGG
AGAIN TY
Btw this chapter was HIGHLY inspired by a video I saw on YouTube. I think the title was "he left me on our anniversary".
It was very sad and made me cry so you should def watch ;((