∞∞∞
"We need to discuss dividing – conjugal property."
"No, we don't." The reply was firm and instantaneous. "I had nothing when I married her, and I don't want anything of her." Jennie straightforwardly said.
The sharp-looking official sitting behind the desk ogled the catlike eye brunette unsurely. "Are you sure?"
A firm nod was what he received in response. "Yes."
Her answer prevented the other woman beside her from arguing, from disagreeing, like she had initially felt the need to do. Where would she go? What would she do? Those questions plagued Lisa's mind, but she pushed them away. Jennie was smart. She had gone to college, and she had always managed on her own. Her well-being was not her concern anymore, and she had made that clear.
"Are you sure there is no way you can resolve your problems?" The man pressed, one last attempt at making the couple change their minds – at making them look at each other in the eye at least once that day.
No words were said in response.
Lalisa Manoban, the woman that had seemed so madly in love, so completely devoted to the woman beside her, simply looked away, one hand stroking her clenched jaw.
Her wife, such a contrasting character, a woman that had seemed ready to support her in everything, lowered her head, her khaki long hair and hand that was resting over her forehead obscuring her face.
The judge, however, had seen enough to last a lifetime. He knew there were tears slipping from Jennie's eyes now.
"Can I have the papers?" Jennie's voice nearly broke, but she managed to keep it even. Her hand discreetly wiped at her flawless puffy cheeks as she tucked her hair behind her ear, before shifting forward in her seat, reaching for the pen he had offered her.
Her hand trembled as she signed her name in the space destined for her. Placing the pen on top of the papers, she took a deep breath, and stood.
"Thank you." Jennie said, genuinely.
Then she exited the room, and never came back, the sound of her heels clicking on the floor was the only sign of her presence, along with the subtle scent of her CHANEL perfume – and her signature, black on white.
∞
A quiet sigh escaped on Jennie's lips as she dropped yet another blouse in the large, black suitcase spread out on the king-sized bed.
Flopping down the mattress, she rested her elbows on her knees and ran her hands through her long, khaki hair, her eyes closing on their own accord as the familiar prickle of tears started to make its presence known. Tilting her head, she gazed sideways at the neatly made bed. She gave in after a moment, lying down, her face buried in one of the pillows – Lisa's own. She almost choked on the lump that had formed in her throat as she breathed in.
She loved Lisa. That was the truth. She loved her with all her heart – the heart that was slowly breaking into a thousand little pieces right now.
Tears stung her eyes as she inhaled Lisa's scent for the very last time. It was faint – it had been a long time since Lisa last slept home – but it was there.
It took every ounce of willpower and determination to control her meltdown and stand up.
Packing the last of her clothes, she zipped her suitcase closed, before finally straightening her posture. With her hands buried in the back pockets of her jeans, she looked around. The house had been her home for years; not only did it pain her to leave it behind, but it disconcerted her. She had nowhere else to go.
Her expression hardening, she wiped the tears from her cheeks. She had nowhere else to go, but that would soon change.
It was over. It had been over for a long time, longer than she dared to admit.
Taking a deep breath, she reached for her suitcase, pulling it off the bed and setting it on the floor.
Tomorrow, she would start over. There was nothing to worry about. She would make it, just like she had always done.
About to exit the room, she stopped when she noticed something gleaming from the corner of her eye. With sad smile, she abandoned her luggage near the door and slowly made her way towards the dresser.
It was a picture of the two of them, taken on their wedding day. It was candid – she was smiling, her most beautiful gummy smile while Lisa teased her, face to face, pointing a finger onto her lips, also grinning from ear to ear. The special moment frolicked a smooth yet painful replay throughout her mind.
It has been a while since she saw her smile like that, reflected. Was she truly that unhappy with her? She shook her head. Whatever the answer to that question, it didn't matter anymore. Lisa could be happy now. Jennie is gone.
She sensed Lisa rather than hear her. Dark eyes set firmly on Jennie's figure, Lisa stood in the doorway, leaning against the wall with one shoulder.
"I..." Lisa started, and almost immediately paused to clear her throat. "I didn't know you'd leave tonight."
"What's the point in staying?" Jennie asked. She believed she did a good job at keeping her tears from showing in her voice.
"Where are you going?" Lisa asked, curious enough.
Jennie thought about lying, about pretending that she knew exactly what she was going to do with her life, now that Lisa wasn't in it anymore. But then Jennie realized she had no reason to do that. Lisa's protective nature – something she had once loved – had been gone for a long time. Lisa did not care anymore, even if she sometimes found that hard to believe.
"I don't know." Jennie softly answered.
"Nini..." Lisa murmured.
Jennie was sure she had imagined a hint of worry in Lisa's voice as the woman called out her personal given moniker.
Jennie shrugged. "I'll figure it out." She frowned, and then swallowed. Her throat felt dry. "Do you mind... if I... take this?"
Lisa glanced at the frame that Jennie held in her hands. "I thought you didn't want anything." Lisa said.
"I supposed this isn't important to you." Jennie bluntly answered.
There was a moment of hesitation on Lisa's part before she answered. "You can take it."
Jennie only nodded, and made a quick work of taking the photograph out of its frame. She cleared her throat as she folded it in half and turned to face her ex-wife.
"I didn't take anything else." Jennie announced. "I figured you didn't need my clothes, but the jewelry is there... everything you or your family ever gave me. The laptop, the car keys, the credit card... they're all there. The keys to the house..." Jennie added, taking a few steps forward to hand Lisa a set of keys that had previously been resting in her hands.
Lisa took them, trying to ignore the way her hands shook, as well as the electric current that still traveled through her at the simple touch of Jennie's skin.
"Oh..." Jennie said, her hands coming up to take off the CHANEL earrings Lisa had given her so long ago. "And these." Jennie added, handing them back.
"Jennie..." Lisa shook her head, extending her hand back towards her. "I don't need these."
Jennie's smile was bitter, but her words were gentle. "Me neither. I never did. So, keep them. Maybe in the near future, you will find someone else to give them to."
Lisa stopped Jennie before she could walk past her, looking down at her small figure. "But everything my family gave you... My mother –"
"Everything they gave me was because I was your wife." Jennie said. "But not anymore."
"Everything they gave you was because they loved you." Lisa insisted.
The tiny piece of Jennie's heart shattered even more when she realized that Lisa – Lisa had never loved her. She didn't even bother to deny it now.
Jennie shook her head. "They loved who I was. They didn't love me." Taking a deep breath, Jennie stepped out of the bedroom. "Goodbye, Lisa." Jennie turned to look at the tall woman one last time. "I hope... I hope that you manage to find someone who will love you – the way you want to be loved. Because I never figured that one out."
∞
Saying that Jennie didn't miss Lisa would be a terrible lie.
It was as though Jennie's entire body craved Lisa's presence, but that was something she was used to – something she had become used to long before they divorced.
The knowledge that Jennie had now lost Lisa forever, letting go of the woman willingly and knowingly was disturbing, like putting a salt on a raw wound, but it also held a certain degree of comfort.
At least there were no more fights, no more screams, and no more hurtful accusations thrown carelessly towards Jennie. Her heart ached, true, but it was a dull ache, and tears that left her eyes were now stray, random. No more breakdowns, no more emotional damage. No more living on the edge, wondering when Lisa would be back home, and whether maybe, just maybe, they could enjoy the few hours of Lisa's time that she dedicated to Jennie this time.
Standing in a front of a mirror now, Jennie knew it had all been for the better.
Almost a month had passed, and Jennie wondered, deep inside, if Lisa had even acknowledged her absence yet.
Gazing down at the object lying innocently on the edge of the sink, Jennie let out a soft sigh.
"If this isn't it, I don't know what it could be." Jennie murmured to herself.
Of course, Jennie, as a logical woman, knew it was not possible. There had been a time, two months prior to their separation. The night was hazy, because they had a fight before, and she always tried to bury the memories of their fights deep inside her mind, where not even she herself could find them. But just because she didn't remember, didn't mean it hadn't happened.
And when Jennie looked back at the sink, she knew she had the proof right in front of her eyes.
For a moment, all Jennie could do was to stare.
Then the tears came, and a shuddering breath left her lips.
"And I, who wanted nothing to do with you anymore..." Jennie scoffed quietly, an ironic, fleeting smile on her features. "Of course you would follow me everywhere. Of course you would." Jennie repeated, sniffling quietly.
The moment Jennie wiped her tears away, though; she realized that she had come to terms with this situation before she was even sure it existed.
A smile tilted the corners of her lips upwards.
"This is not going to be easy." Jennie murmured.
"Nothing with me ever is. But it's going to be alright, eventually, because..." Jennie continued, her voice breaking, as tears spilled down her puffy cheeks again, and her hand came to rest over her stomach.
"You'll have me. And no matter what, I promise... I will never abandon you."