{ Chapter dedicated to: @Leprechauncookie you're cute ily xx }
sorry again for not updating yesterday, my life is just in a shitty place. You won't care but if some -surprisingly- do, I'll explain a bit at the end. And here goes chapter 7 :)
-
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I'm not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond light on snow
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gently falling autumn rain
When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplighting rush
Of quite birds in circling flight
I am the soft star light at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die..
-
"I can't do this.." I breathed, laying gingerly in my deep aromatherapy bubble bath and looked at the 8" x "10 picture I had taken from the top of the piano downstairs and brought up here with me. I've propped it behind the taps so I could see it clearly from where I'm laying in the steamy water, as I was trying not to splash it.
It was a coloured shot of the love of my life, Harry and it was taken on his sister Gemma's wedding day, three years earlier. He looked desperately glamorous, with his messy hair and artfully artless suit & tie. No brother-of-the-bride slick black suit with matching tie for him. I remembered the tie - 20 inches tall, black coloured fabric. A gift from his mother a year before the celebration. No one sitting in the four pews behind me saw a thing of the ceremony. You couldn't see why, and I no longer remembered, but Harry was laughing his big, loud laugh. His head was thrown back, the locks of his curls shook up a bit, as his contagious laugh flew away with the summer breeze. His large, expressive mouth was open and wide, so that you could see a filling on the top row of his teeth, and his emerald eyes had almost disappeared into the crinkles on his face. It was an especially great picture of my love, although he've always been photogenic.
I could almost hear it when I looked at the picture, deep and throaty, and so, so alive. It was Harry's raucous laugh I would miss the most - that and the smell of his when I used to cuddle close.
I thought about the last big belly laugh we had shared. It was when I helped him pack his stuff for college. He didn't bear to do it with his mother, he ha said. She would be crying, and she wanted so badly not to cry. He was almost obsessed by not crying, towards the end.
I didn't expect it to be hilarious, but now that I've thought about it, I didn't know why not. The two of us had a great deal laughing together, through the past few years of my life.
I just want the one that used to make me laugh so loud come back. The one that used to stay beside me all night. The one who've I opened my heart to. I just want him back.
Tears didn't gleam in my eyes, that's because I've been crying all week. I let out a shaky breath - not wanting any other memories nor flashback to swell back.
I quickly stood up in the aromatherapy bubble bath that I'm having, water drops rolling down my steamed body and hair as I stepped out of the bath, wrapping a white towel around my waist, before stepping away from the steamed air and into my room, leaving the picture laying behind the taps.
I dried my body, wearing my boxers and sweats, before staring at the mirror that was in front of me. I let out a shaky breath - not believing the fading scars lined up on my left arm. But then again, it was supposed to feel pain, and it did, just not the type of pain I was hoping for.
I glanced at them, tracing my fingertips on the fading scars, tremendously ignoring the voice that have been torturing me to cut. I grimaced, the thought of Harry seeing this and getting disgusted by what my hands are doing, that alone makes me feel disgusted about myself.
I then stared at my reflection, the blue and fading black bruises were everywhere on my body. Bullying didn't come in handy - is it because I'm gay? Because I'm dating Harry? Why?
I remember the first time I was beaten up badly; it was in the fault of the a member on the football team, Josh, and his gang. I was confused when they first sweet-talked to me. I wasn't an outcast, I was pretty popular. I was known as the class clown, making everyone bubble with laughter. But after Harry came into my life, everything seemed to slowly fade away. Don't get me wrong - I didn't give a shit that I'm not popular anymore because as long as my real friends accepted me as I am, I've known I've chosen wisely.
Harry never really knew about the bruises, not even in our first time. That was - and thank goodness for it - on Christmas, 2 years after we've dated. We both wanted to wait, we both wanted to be the first to both of us.
Harry was so popular - he was the captain of the football team at school after all. No, he never knew about the beating. It hurts - sometimes he's so oblivious towards the whole thing. But that's because I never wanted him to know.
I guess bullying came by because I dated Harry. And Harry was perfect, girls and boys throw themselves at him but he picked me. So is it envy? Jealousy? What exactly?
It's funny how we met - extremely hilarious. I've known Harry all my life, but never talked to him. Because he was Harry, the perfect boy I fell in love with. And I was myself. My boring pathetic self. So how did we even talk let alone fell in love in the first place? Well, the story starts with a smile and a loud, attentional laugh.
-
"So, what are the plans for today, lads?" Niall spoke, directing his talk to me and Liam. We were seated in a coffee shop down the road, one that mostly all the school goes to.
"Count me in for anything lazy" I smiled innocently, as I heard Liam scoff.
"How aren't you fat? You eat as much as Niall, but Niall exercise and you don't" He mumbled, and I chuckled, patting his shoulders.
"That's because I'm naturally thin and athletic" I spoke, winking at him as he scoffed again.
"Athletic my ass" and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let out a loud, belly laugh - which echoed through the whole coffee shop, gathering a lot of attention from customers and employees. When I noticed everyone staring, I blushed and apologized quietly, making Niall and Liam chuckle. I pouted, playfully punching Liam's arms.
"Now now, wouldn't it be perfect to get embarrassed in front of your crush?" Niall smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at me as I shot him a confused look. He chuckled, making Liam quietly motion me to look at who were behind us. And oh God, did I regret doing that. I carelessly turned around, thinking it was a joke or something, only to get locked with those dreamy emerald green eyes I've been in love with. He smirked playfully, talking to one of his friends as he took glances at my stare every time. When I noticed I was staring creepily, I turned around, my face was so red making Liam and Niall burst into laughter.
"Shut up, I'm going to the bathroom" I spoke, quickly walking away as I heard Niall yelling at me.
"Yeah, and don't embarrass yourself by coming back" He yelled, doubling in laughter afterwards. That asshole.
As I entered, I thanked God there wasn't anyone there. I quickly washed my face, trying to make the blush of mine to disappear a bit. Quite the embarrassment of the day I am.
"What the hell was that Louis!?" I whisper-yelled to myself, looking at my reflection at the mirror.
"Yeah, what the hell was that Louis?!" A raspy voice spoke, and I swear to God, I'd never forget this voice. I shuddered, tearing my gaze away from the mirror to the perfect man standing in front of me. His messy curls, his emerald eyes, his rosy cheeks and his perfect smile. I felt myself staring as I heard him chuckle.
"I-I'm s-sorry.." I stuttered, tearing my gaze away to face the floor which seemed extra interesting at the moment.
"Why don't be Louis, though didn't you know it's wrong to stare?" He smirked, and I felt my heart beats sped up. I blushed furiously, staring at my trembling hands.
"I'm s-sorry a-again.." I stuttered nervously, as I heard him laugh.
"It's okay, I get stared at a lot" he spoke, a cocky smirk plastered on his lips. Flaw (1): egotistic.
At that I rolled my eyes, getting a bit disgusted by his unbelievably boosted ego. He laughed again, coming closer.
"Don't roll your eyes at me now" he whispered raspily, his hands rested on my waist, making goosebumps shot through my body.
"S-Sorry?" God why can't I stop stuttering! His smirked widened as K felt two finger under my chin, tilting upwards as I locked eyes with his perfect ones.
"You're cute" He mused, caressing my cheek with his thumb as I shuddered. I looked away, fidgeting with my fingers.
"A-Am not.." That's it, I'm a stuttering mess. The blush crept on my cheeks as I heard him chuckle.
"And you're even cuter when you blush" He mused again, as I felt my cheeks on fire.
"Give me your phone" He demanded and I shot him a confused look.
"Just do it" He smiled, as I hesitatingly slipped my phone out of my pocket, putting it in his hands. I saw him unlock it and type something so fast before handing it back to me. I just shot him a confused look, making him laugh loudly.
"Once again, you're too cute for your own good" He smiled, leaning in as I panicked. What the hell was he doing!?
I felt his lips press a kiss of my cheek before he pulled away with a satisfying smirk as he stared at my now blushed cheeks.
"See you at school" he waved at me, slowly exiting the bathroom, leaving me all flustered and confused as to why have he just now noticed me.
"He've always loved you, he just now told you" my mind spoke, and I shook my head, exiting the bathroom to find him and his friends no where in sight.
It was good times, but I've never really known why he started talking to me that day although I was pretty known at school.
-
"Louis! You've got visitors!" My mom voice boomed through my room, as I gave the air a confused look. Who'd visit me that I know of?
I shook the thought, climbing down the stairs as I was greeted by 3 boys standing beside each other.
"Hello Louis, we've missed you" one of them said as I smiled, going in to hug them all.
***
this chapter was so fluffy gosh. i told you things will get better (: hope you like this chapter!
Okay now. The reason why I'm in the most shittiest mood is because I've been bullied for 2 years now, and I'm going back to school in a month. I'm just sick of people judging me for something I'm not. So yeah..
Harry is so hot and egotistic and Louis is so shy and cute so awe :3 they make the cutest couple, i swear :3
Until next time,
Dana x