Beautiful Boy ➶ l.s

5- Give up

{ Chapter dedicated to: Larry_It_Gets_Better you're awesome sauce x }

*LISTEN TO GIVE ME UP BY BIRDY WHILE READING THIS YOU'LL UNDERSTAND THE CHAPTER EVEN MORE*

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Tears escaped my eyes, flowing down my shirt as I pulled my legs to my chest, burying my head between my arms as I, for the first time, left the tears fall freely, sobbing loudly. How am I capable to live without him? My heart was with him, and now that he's gone, he took my heart with him. It's been 6 years since we've been together, and I just closed my eyes, waiting for the flashbacks to playback.

"Would you be my boyfriend, Harry?"

"Happy Valentine's, boobear!"

"Happy 3 months anniversary hazza!"

"Let's cuddle and watch movies, yeah?"

"Kiss me and make me yours"

"Happy birthday Lou!"

"Happy awesome birthday hazza!"

"Happy 1 year anniversary Lou!"

"You're the only 'oops!' To my 'hi!'"

"I love you.."

I sobbed, my hands shaking and my breath heaving so fast. I stared at the green area of grass in front of me, as I pictured us. His hands intertwined with mine, as I find myself thriving for his touch, and we haven't seen each other in just a few weeks.

It's like I was dying for his touch, and now I'm not going to feel his presence next to me. I won't be the one making him smile, and I won't be the one teasing him for his bad cooking skills. I won't be the one waking up every morning with his arms around my waist. I won't be the one cooking us breakfast. I simply won't be the one.

And it hurts, so much. It's not a stab in the heart, or a thousand stab either. It's like my heart was ripped out of my body. It's the worst feeling. It made me realize how madly in love I am; and that fact made me go insane because he's not here anymore. He won't see me smiling at him. He won't feel the warmth I feel when I embrace him. He won't feel it. He won't be here anymore.

Tears fell continuously as I helplessly tried stopping the pain. Flashbacks continued dwelling back into my mind, making me sob even more.

"You're leaving to college in a month! Aren't you excited!?"

"I'm hoping to have fun at college! America is a huge step"

"I'm proud of you.."

"I'm going to miss you boobear.."

"I love you, Harry.."

Is it possible to cry even harder than I already am? Because tears fell infinitely; stressing my body, making it suffer as some flashbacks of our fight crawled back into my mind.

"So you're leaving?"

"I'm coming back.."

"Don't say anything! I hate you! Understand that!"

"I love you! Nothing can change that!"

"Hate me; I don't care. Because my heart will always be with you.."

"Is this goodbye?"

"Stop it! We were never meant to be!"

"Wrong! Stop saying these stuff; you're hurting me Lou.."

"I don't care! Just go! Go live your life and don't come back!"

"How dare you steal my heart then leave?"

"You've stole mine too.."

"Goodbye.."

"I hate you."

"I love you."

I felt the cold winds sprint by my side, making me shiver through my sobs. The once clear white skies turned dark, hiding the sun whom was apparently playing hide and seek with the grey clouds. He gave up; and I did too. But it only took us forty-eight hours to distress the wiling of falling apart.

"Harry?"

"I came back.."

"I'd never hate you.."

"Are you leaving soon?"

"Not if you'd hate me.."

"Go fulfill some dreams and make me happy"

"I will. I love you.."

"I love you too"

And we haven't gave up. I realized that was just the begging; there's more frowns, tears, smiles and laughs to be shared in the future. But that opportunity was taken away from me. From us. I'm mad; I'm so mad that I don't even know what to say.

His smile. His eyes. His laugh. His touch. His curls. His lips. His heart. His personality. Himself, he's not here anymore.

It's not fair. People get to do the things we wanted to do. People get to be together, marry, have children and have a home. I wanted that; ever so badly but do I seem to make those things come true without the man of my dreams?

But guess what's the worst thing about this all? That I won't see him again? No. That I'm not gonna feel his presence again? No. It's that I haven't had my chance to say my farewell; and I don't ever want to. But at the moment, I wish I did. Oh, I'd sacrifice everything, just to hug him again. Just to make him know that everything's going to be alright. That I'll never hate him.

Tears trailed down my cheeks, as I let the flashbacks swell away, making me clean minded for a few minutes. I stood on my feet, wiping the tears away, walking all the way home after what seemed hours of crying and weeping around.

"Louis, is that you?" I instantly hear as the door creaked close, make her run to the hallway.

"Where have you been? I've been worrying sick about you.. We even went searching for you.." She said softly, her eyes held all the sadness she felt and her frown haven't said otherwise.

"I was at Harry's and I's latibule" I spoke quietly, making her sigh. She kneeled closer to my body, hesitatingly wrapping her arms around my body as she hugged me, tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Why did he have to leave?.." I ask softly, not having the capability to cry again, she just sobbed lightly before clearing her voice.

"Because God needed a new angel.." She answered me, her eyes held all the guilt and sadness I felt. I stared at her for a second; before asking another question.

"Why Harry, though?.." I ask, quite bluntly as she hugged me closer, smiling up at me.

"Because Harry is Harry. He's special and perfect for a job in heaven, don't you think?" She asks, and I fluter my eyes close. No I don't think. Because he's too young. He's a rose that never bloomed.

"Am I ever gonna get over this?" I ask, ignoring her answer and things went silent from there. I then felt her next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

"No. Because you can never forget someone you love.."

***

okay. im always making each chapter sadder than the first one. I totally understand if you hate me. do you?

Those were lines from flashbacks. Just so you's guys won't get confused and stuff.

Thank you all for your support. I honestly love you all, you've saved me from sadness, so god bless your soul. You're comments are everything to me at the moment. So thanks again. Now excuse me, I have to go and cry some more, gosh.

Until next time,

Dana x