Note: This is a raw chapter, meaning it hasn't gone through any edits like the rest of the book has (I know, there were still some errors but that's why none of this is a final draft). Thank you for reading this far and I hope you enjoy this last chapter. The ending surprised me, but no matter how much I wanted it to go a certain way, the characters have spoken. I was so determined to write this as a standalone book, and now with this unexpected ending, it looks like I can't avoid a sequel.
If you enjoyed, Mercy, I will be self-publishing the final version, which will include added scenes and probably a chapter or two, through Kindle and other e-book platforms. Be sure to follow me to be notified of any announcements. If you haven't yet, please hit the vote button on your favorite chapters and leave comments. I'd love to hear what you think and appreciate all the support I can get! Now, onto the last chapter. Enjoy!
With Love,
Ashley
Work called Brooklyn in the next day. She wished they hadn't because she was messing up order after order. Nothing could take her mind off of what had happened the previous night and she couldn't shake the feeling that maybe things were over between her and Father Mathias. That wasn't what hurt her the most, not as much as not wanting to him again. Things had shifted, and for the worst. Brooklyn couldn't help but to see her Priest in a different light. As hard as she tried, she couldn't keep him up on the pedestal she had put him on.
Gregory came in and Brooklyn wanted to talk to him. He was the only one who kind of knew what was happening and needed someone to talk to. To try a make sense of things. He was in for a short shift so they finished at the same time, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to him about it. After all, she already knew his opinion.
"What's going on?" he asked when they left work.
Brooklyn chewed on her bottom lip. "I had sex with him," she blurted.
"With Stephen?"
Brooklyn shook her head.
"With the priest? Wait, you hadn't had sex with him before?"
"No, and I found out last night that he was planning on staying celibate. So I pushed him and threatened to leave. We had sex and then he got all weird... I think I messed up."
Gregory face palmed. "Are you serious? What, were you planning on dating him forever with no intimacy?"
"We have been intimate, just not in that way."
Gregory snorted. "Gotta love Catholics and their convenient loop holes."
"Please don't talk about him like that."
Gregory stopped walking. "What do you want me to say Brook? I won't pat your back and tell you everything is gonna work out. Because it won't. He's a freaking priest that you don't even know is willing to leave the church for you."
"I know," she whispered.
Gregory sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "How about we go catch a movie. Keep you distracted for a bit. I didn't mean to be so harsh."
"No, no, I appreciate it. You're right." Brooklyn's bottom lip quivered.
"Still doesn't help you at the moment. I can't give you false consolation but I can keep you distracted until I have to go home." Gregory put his arm around Brooklyn's shoulder and she melted into him, welcoming his warmth. And grateful Father Mathias made her seek out a new friend. Page would have never been so supportive.
When Gregory needed to go home, Brooklyn went back to the church. She stood across the street, staring at it. The doors had been propped open and she could make out Deacon Thomas' silhouette against the church's soft lighting. Father Mathias was probably in the confessional and Brooklyn wondered if it would be safe to go with the deacon around. She decided to just go in and act like nothing is wrong. Surely, that would prove that there was nothing going on.
Her heart raced as she walked up the stone steps and into the church. The deacon's back was to her and she contemplated running to the confessional, but opted to take the 'act normal and casual' route. Brooklyn did walk quietly in case the deacon didn't end up turning around. When she got to the booth, she ducked inside and let out a sigh of relief.
"Child," said Father Mathias "What are you doing here?"
"I always come to confession," said Brooklyn. The tone of his voice was hard to place, but it wasn't good and Brooklyn's fear that she ruined things took hold of her.
"I... I can't see you. Not now."
"Why not?"
"What we did... what I did, last night, was horrendous. Yet all I can think about is the smell of your skin and the sound of your voice as I took you," he said, his voice cracking.
"It's wasn't 'horrendous,'" whispered Brooklyn.
"I feel as if my mind has been poisoned. I am being consumed by hell fire," he continued.
"No. This is good. This, is human, Father." But Brooklyn couldn't believe her own words. She had been there, and it had been anything but good. It was ugly.
"It's disgraceful."
Brooklyn wanted to shake him by the shoulders but all she could feel was immense grief over the distance he seemed so desperate to put between them. The church truly was robbing her all over again. In the face of potential loss, her hesitation over seeing Father Mathias again was gone. Yes, it had been a huge let down, but she was certain they could move forward and fix this. It wasn't his fault. Brooklyn knew better than anyone how damaging the church could be and for the first time, she saw her Priest as a kindred spirit. Even as a priest, she couldn't imagine him being at peace with who he was, no matter how hard he tried to reconcile it with words from the bible.
"Father, I don't think the church was meant for you. What if you became this," she gestured towards him, "as a way to be okay with who you really are. The entire world tries to tell us that we're wrong."
"I can't see you anymore," said Father Mathias, ignoring everything she had said.
So, he's choosing the church, thought Brooklyn, sitting back heavily against the wall of the confessional. "I see. So I guess you answered my question." She stood up. "Father, I know it's wrong but I hope you never 'train' another submissive again. Because this," she motioned between him and herself, "isn't fair."
Fighting the urge to storm out of the church, she left, walking as casually as she had walked in. But once she was on the bus, she desperately searched for sunglasses so no one could see her crying.
Brooklyn took out her cell phone to text Stephen. She wanted to tell him that he was right and she was angry at him for it. Angry at everyone, including herself and the priest. It wasn't a good idea, so she shoved her phone into her bag and hugged it, sitting back into the bus' seat with a huff.
The sofa beckoned to Brooklyn when she got home and she dove under the sheets, wishing they could block out the world and the pain it had to offer. And she cried. Then her cries turned to gut wrenching sobs. Obviously none of it had been real, otherwise Father Mathias wouldn't have discarded her the way he had.
Brooklyn sat up and thought of Stephen and felt horrible. She had chosen unsustainable passion over someone real, thoughtful, caring... The idea of going to him filled her with shame. How would he ever believe her that she was truly interested in him and that he wasn't just her second choice? She shook her head, now wasn't the time to be running from one person to another. If there was one thing she could be thankful for, was the growth Father Mathias had inspired.
Looking around her room, she felt she needed to do something big. For her. On her own. As much as she wanted to wallow in the grief that threatened to swallow her whole, she got up and pulled out the expensive clothes that Page had gotten her. She did quick math and figured that with the shoes and accessories, she could get anywhere from three to five thousand dollars on them. She swiped at her tears with determination. It was time for a purge. She would sell everything and move or travel... anything but stay stagnant.
***
It had taken a couple of months, but Brooklyn managed to find some level of equilibrium after Father Mathias' rejection. The nightmares where he would knock on her door and tell her he was wrong and that he wanted to be with her, only to be swept away by some unseen force had stopped. Mostly. And Brooklyn had manged to sell of everything. She was a few thousand dollars richer and with a few more options in her pocket. What they even were, she wasn't sure.
Before figuring that out, she knew there was one thing she had to do; see Stephen. Most of her clothes were gone, so her options were limited as to what to wear. Nothing would make her look like she shouldn't be escorted out by security so she settled on a pair of her darkest jeans and a sweater. Brooklyn couldn't remember exactly where Stephen's office building was, so she took the bus to the business district and wandered the streets, looking for a familiar building. They all looked the same but she knew when she was standing in front of the right one. The side door they had gone through was unique in that it was on the left when most were on the right and not glass.
Brooklyn cursed herself for not paying more attention to the floor he had taken her to or even his company's name. So she went to the security desk to ask for Stephen's floor.
"I need a last name."
"I don't know it. How many Stephens are there?"
The security guard looked at her, annoyed. "Do I look like a directory?"
"Sorry to bother you." Brooklyn found the directory on the wall to the right but there were only company's listed. Undeterred, she went through the ones on the higher floors to see if anything rang a bell. Vera Global Investments seemed familiar so she searched it on the internet to look up the founder and found Stephen's photo, subtitled with his name and, 'CEO and Founder.' It was on the nineteenth floor.
Brooklyn went to the elevator bank and took one up, disliking the way it made her stomach turn over when she was already queasy with nausea. The elevator doors opened up to the large reception area and redhead in a sharp suit stood behind a desk. Brooklyn was greeted with an icy, disinterested stare.
"U-um, I'm here to see Mr. Vera."
The receptionist's eyes widened in surprise. "Do you have an appointment?"
"Yes," lied Brooklyn. She knew a no meant a prompt dismissal, but a yes meant a phone call and Stephen would at least know that she was there.
The woman checked her computer. "I don't see anything here."
"It must be a mistake. It's Brooklyn St. Jerome."
The woman took another glance at the computer and shook her head. "Nothing."
"You can call him and check, please."
"I'm sorry, I know for a fact that Genny is thorough with his calendar. The only mistake that's here is probably you."
"He may have forgotten to let her know."
The woman thought for a moment and looked at her computer again. "I'll confirm with him, but only because he isn't in any meetings." She picked up the phone and dialed his extension.
"Thank you."
The receptionist turned away from Brooklyn and spoke quietly into the phone. When she was done, she hung up, clearly not happy. "Turns out there was an error. Follow me." Her nose went up a few notches higher and she walked quickly towards Stephen's corner office.
"Mr. Vera?" she said, opening the door. "Miss St. Jerome."
"Thank you, Milenne." Stephen turned from the city view he loved so much.
"My pleasure, Mr. Vera." She closed the door behind her and Brooklyn was alone with him.
"I'm surprised to see you," he said when Brooklyn said nothing.
"I wanted to apologize. You were right. I was just so caught up and I couldn't see what I was passing over for a bit of..."
"You know, I thought I'd be okay, to wait until you realized that nothing would come of your affair. But you didn't come to that conclusion on your own, did you?"
Brooklyn clasped her hands in front of her and looked down at them. She shook her head.
"So things fell through and now you've come to second choice."
"No, it's not like that. I came to apologize. And to tell you the truth. You saw me as an honest person and I want to live up to that."
Stephen raised an eyebrow, then after a bit of contemplation, gestured towards the sofa they had had they're second date on. They sat, much like that night, opposite ends but facing each other.
"He wasn't married," she started. "He's, he's a priest."
Stephen's eyebrows shot up.
"I was too ashamed to tell you, so when you assumed that he was married I went with it. Because, well, technically he is and I wasn't up against a wife but the church. And he chose the church. So you were right. And I realized it was all an illusion I just got really caught up in. Like, where would that have gone?" Brooklyn cursed when she felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. She had been so sure that she was done crying over it.
"I don't know what to say."
"Stephen, you're not second choice. I was already caught up with him and then you came along and made me question everything. I was just too afraid to ask the questions because he had given me so much. I was in a really bad situation and he guided me out of that. I think maybe I mistook gratitude for love."
"And now what?"
Brooklyn took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, scratching her palm with her thumbnail and contemplating whether or not to press harder. "After he made it clear that, that, I, wouldn't have a primary role in his life, I was tempted to come running to you. I'm glad I didn't. Because, that wouldn't fair. To you, or even to me. I needed time to think, to heal. And the more I thought, the more I questioned whether I should come asking you for a second chance at all."
"What are you trying to say?"
A tear finally escaped, but Brooklyn was okay with it, because it was for Stephen, and for once, wasn't for the priest. "You deserve someone who knows that you're meant for them. I don't deserve you."
Stephen's conflict was so apparent and it warmed Brooklyn's heart. The warmth didn't come without a sting though, because it further proved her folly.
"Fuck, Brooklyn, you have me all sorts of fucked up. I know I should nod and agree with you, but..."
He was so forgiving it hurt Brooklyn. It made her second guess her choice to forgo trying things with Stephen, whether he wanted to or not. Instead of accepting the fact that she didn't deserve him, she could fight to earn his affection. The idea was short lived because the fundamental question she asked herself over and over again until she had decided she should stay away from Stephen came back.
If Father Mathias ever decided to chose me, would I leave Stephen for him? The answer had always been, and was still, yes. She hated the answer and wished it was anything but. Especially when she would ask herself anytime she met someone she liked. Brooklyn felt cursed.
She took Stephen's hand. "I want to try this, more than anything, but I can't."
He squeezed her hand. "I understand. And I respect you, and sadly, like all the more for it."
"I spent a lot of time imagining things differently. Where I never went into that church and, we had a first date without the shadow of my... craziness. But then I remember, the change that caught your attention was brought on by him," Brooklyn said, laughing sadly. "There would be no you without him, but I can't be with you because of him.
"Brooklyn?"
"Yes?"
"What if I told you I was all right?" said Stephen.
"What do you mean?"
He took a deep breath. "Here goes my male ego." He laughed, nervously. "What if I'm okay with still trying things? Maybe it'll turn out that you can't move on, at least not with me. Or maybe it'll turn out that you can. How would we ever know without trying?"
Stephen's sincerity hit Brooklyn in the chest. She couldn't imagine anyone being so gracious and she let out an unexpected sob of gratitude. "Why would you even consider that?"
"Because you lived up to my opinion of you. You're honest. Thoughtful. And you don't put your agenda before others. It would have been easy for you to come in here with the thought of trying to salvage things. But you didn't. I admire you, Brooklyn. And I'm more than positive I could fall in love with you."
She sobbed again and her tears flowed freely. "I really don't deserve you."
Stephen pulled her into his arms. "You have no idea how wrong you are."
Leaning into his embrace, Brooklyn wrapped her arms around his waist.
"So? What do you say?"
Brooklyn nodded. "I'd love to give us a try. More than you could imagine."
"There's just one thing..." said Stephen, his voice all businesslike.
She pulled away to look up at him.
"Will I be allowed to touch you," he said with smirk.
Brooklyn nodded. "Please do."
Stephen touched her cheek lightly before leaning down to kiss her.
THE END