One Day
when the tears flowed
& the past came back crying
-•-•-
When the tides are high
She sits by the bay
Her eyes trying to see
the world that lies beneath
the mysterious
sparkling sea
Her feet,
they hang
Toes,
dipped in the sea
for a moment she breathes
Just silence and peace
The tears that trickle
Down her cheeks
just as they always do
They pull her back
To her reality
When the waves settle in
Bringing with it green weed
She sighs as it tangles
around her skin
Her tears slip,
Again she breathes
Her head tilts up
Again she breathes
"Is this my life?
Am I to live like this?
Am I always supposed to live in two worlds,
and belong to neither one?"
She asks out loud,
and wonders if God will
have mercy,
and answer her —
this time around
No reply arrives
And so she continues
Hoping God will
hear her
& one day
help her too
"Here I sit,
my hands in one world
and my toes in another.
Here I live,
a world I was born into and
then there is his.
Where am I to belong?
How am I to live?
Or will I meld
with these waves in the end?
Merely bubbles
Like that sad mermaid did?"
I have a lot to say, but not enough words to say it. My mind is a blur of how I am feeling and how I shouldn't feel. And so I stand here and continue staring at the trembling back of a broken man as he continues to lean against the closed doors of the hospital room.
"Dante,"
His name leaves my lips, and it almost sounds like a toad's croak. My chest is stuffed with the heaviness of surprise when the man turns towards me and I stare into his misty eyes.
"Gem,"
He reaches forward and clings to me, his body heaving up from the ground until he has his arms wrapped around my waist. It catches me by surprise. It also catches the companion who is standing beside me by surprise too.
"Gem is she okay? I can't bring myself to go inside," he sobs against my stomach and I can feel as his wet eyes burn a wet spot on my dress. A glance up in William's direction has me witness him staring at the crying man holding me as if I am his lifeline.
"She's fine," I let out a sigh, and place my hand on his shoulder. I wonder if I'm trying to comfort him, the man who cheated on my cousin with her own manager or if I'm trying to comfort myself for what the lies beyond those closed doors. Is Khala the only one there with Saara? Is there August too? Maybe Khristian? I sigh again, my fingers find their way up to Dante's hair for a second before I let them fall lamely against my sides.
Dante notices, he looks up with his broken eyes.
"Everyone is looking, Dan. Please get up," I mumble, noticing for the first time how the people around us are functioning quite slowly as opposed to the speedy movements. Even the two officers guarding Saara are staring at us with open fascination.
"I'm sorry," Dante sniffs, nodding vigorously as he shuffles back and stands up. Suddenly he's towering over me, almost at the same height as William. "I'm sorry," he repeats, running his fingers through his hair frustratingly.
"How did you know she was here?" I ask, wondering if I should reach out to comfort the tall man. I can't believe he's standing in front of me, shamelessly letting his tears fall despite the fact that he's a well-known lawyer and that I've never seen him crying like this before. I don't think I've seen him crying at all.
"The media," Dante's shoulders slump, and I feel as William's fingers find the small of my back.
"And connections," he mumbles softly. I nod. Of course, he and Saara have a lot of mutual friends. They'd been together for seven years after all.
"Mum called me," He finally admits. I'm left a little stunned. Khala called him... Khala still doesn't know?
"Saara didn't tell her yet I guess," he answers my silent question even before I can ask. Then his eyes glance at where William's hand is. Instantly I find his surprised eyes on me.
"This is my William, my boyfriend," I answer his unspoken question, feeling William's hold on me tightens. Surprisingly, he even pulls me slightly closer. Dante doesn't miss this move, his eyes snapping from William to me.
"You're dating again," He finally smiles, and for a second I think he almost looks sad.
"Yeah," I reply, shutting away any shadow of disappointment I hear in his voice. It's best not to go onto roads that have been long damaged and closed.
"I always thought you'd never date af —" he stops, then shakes his head, looking up at me apologetically, "Congratulations."
"Hi. Dante," Dante extends a hand towards William and for a second it feels like William won't take it.
He does. "William," his hand grips onto Dante's and they give each other's hand a shake.
"We should go in," I offer, I don't know if Dante should come in as well but I can't bring it onto myself to send him away after seeing him sob like a child. That and Khala did call him. Saara needs to solve this one by herself.
Walking into the room my eyes zero in on Khristian on the sofa, suddenly I can't help but feel like something horribly momentous is going to happen today. August is nowhere to be seen, and neither is Khala. I don't know if I should say my good prayers for this or not but say them regardless.
Saara's eyes find mine first, and she's only beginning to smile at me when Dante makes himself known.
"Oh my God," Dante hisses as he steps out from behind William's shadow, his eyes murderously roams over a suddenly very shocked looking Saara before he begins striding towards her, his arms reaching for her. I bite my lip and focus on Saara's and Khristian's reaction.
Khristian understands from the get-go. I see it in his expression as he looks at the devastated man rushing towards Saara. He looks resigned. He looks defeated. I feel bad. I feel like it's somehow my fault he's feeling this way. When did I begin to root for Khristian? My eyes move to Saara instead, and I watch as a dozen emotions rush through her face. Shock, anger, affection, familiarity, sadness. For a second she looks like she wants to open her arms and let Dante hold her while she cries. Then she looks like she wants to slap him across his face with those exact hands. But I do notice that she doesn't look at Khristian. Not even once. Not until he stands up and begins walking away.
The look in her eyes, even Dante notices because he turns around and stares at the retrieving back of Khristian just before he opens the door and walks out — the door clicking shut behind him.
I, on the other hand, can't help but look from my silent cousin's teary eyes to the closed door. My chest constricts as realisation begins to settle in.
Oh, Poofy...
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"She likes her CEO," William states as we step out of the room after a few minutes, leaving Saara and Dante alone in the room. It was William's idea, tugging my hand gently until I realised that the two were withdrawn in our presence.
As much as I would like to pretend that ending relationships is as easy as saying "Let's break up" I know that's not true. Saying something does not mean it just ends. Dante and Saara have seven years behind them. For seven years their relationship has cultivated and grown. A simple "Get lost" can never do anything. They need to talk, they need to figure it out themselves. So we walked out.
"Hmm," I agree after a moment's silence of not being able to find proper words to express myself. I think she likes Khristian a lot too.
"She still loves the lawyer,"
He's right. Of course, he is. How easy can it be to throw away seven years' worth of feelings in just three months? It was hard enough to let go of my last boyfriend, and we had not even dated for three years. Of course, Saara still loves Dante. Of course.
"Hmm," I agree again, squeezing his hand before tilting my head up to look at the man who I call mine right now. Saara and Dante have loved each other for years before things fell apart. What guarantee do I have that it will not happen to me and William? Shouldn't I stop before it becomes unbearable to be without him?
Looking down into my eyes, the corners of William's lips curve up almost as if it's trick of the light and he slowly reaches down and twirls a loose strand behind my ear. I blink, realization dawning over me... it's already too late. It's already too late.
"Are you still angry about Olly knowing more than you?" I grin, finding myself changing the topic as I lift up to my toes and shamelessly place a kiss on his jaw.
Indulging me, William scoffs — but I notice how rigid his entire form is. Whether it is from my public display of affection or from bringing up his jealousy towards anyone else in his household except Isaac being more close to me than him, I don't know. I sigh, finding myself slightly amused. Slightly confused. Slightly regretful.
"No," He slowly smiles down at me, "As long as I know I'm the one you reach for."
He looks beautiful. Right now, when he's smiling. His eyes are crinkling slightly on the sides. His teeth are dazzling against his pink chapped lips. His smile — it makes me happy.
"Good," I beam up at him. 'I love you', I want to say.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
A few minutes later finds me in front of the elevator — alone — waiting for the doors to open so that I can leave the hospital. William got a call and left a few minutes ago, after which I went back to Saara's room just to find Dante still there. Both of them were just... there... silent. I said my goodbyes and now here I am.
Seven. Six. Five... I watch the numbers beside the elevator decrease and let out a soft sigh. My mind moving back to the hospital room.
I saw it in Saara's eyes, she didn't want me to leave her alone. She didn't want to be with Dante. But I still left. Aside from the fact that I have a class today that I don't want to miss, I can't fix Dante and Saara's hearts. They have to fix it themselves. Or for each other. And that choice too, has to be made by them.
"Gemmu!"
My gaze snaps up and widens just as the elevator opens just as my Khala and August step out of it and I am pulled into the welcoming arms of my mum's older sister.
A sense of relief and warmth runs through me as I wrap my arms around my Khala and hug her back. Relief because I've evaded the smacking, and warmth because I realise that I've missed her so much.
"Bubbah, where are you going?!" She asks, looking me up and down after she breaks our hug, stepping back and taking me in.
"I have a class in an hour so I was just going to Uni," I smile back at my aunt sheepishly. At my answer, understanding instantly swims into her eyes and I once again see how similar she and mum look. In times like these, there is no denying that they are sisters.
"Oh, okay! Acha go. You're so busy yourself. Studying and working, you must be so tired," Isma Khala makes a pitying face and pulls me back into a hug.
"I'll call you," I promise when we break the hug and take a step back. For the first time, I turn towards August then, who's still standing beside Khala.
"Hi!" I smile.
"I'll drop you," He smiles at me instead when my attention finally lands on him.
"Yes dear, please drop her to her campus. Everyone keeps telling her to get her license but she doesn't listen," Khala Isma turns to look up at August with a big motherly smile and I want to groan when August gives me a cheeky grin at the 'driving license' bit.
"Yes Isma," August grins at Isma Khala and for a second I marvel at how well he manages to pronounce her name when before I know it, I have a strong arm wrapped around my shoulder and I'm being steered towards the elevator again.
"Talk to you later, Khala!" I turn back towards my aunt, waving at her before I'm led into the elevator.
"I haven't seen you in a while," August states as we shuffle to the back of the empty elevator, already making way for other people. His arm shifts from around my shoulder to my elbow just as I look up at him and grin.
"Yeah, you're always out whenever I'm here, aye?"
August grins back, looking down at me with that playful expression he has on his face whenever we're together, "Yeah."
Slowly the elevator begins to fill and our conversation fades.
"Hey, isn't that your CEO?" I whisper when I spot the entertainment company's young CEO sitting on a bench, his body bend over so that he can rest his head on his hands.
"Kris?" August stops, turning and frowning at the guy.
"Yeah, it's him," I nod as the young man tilts his head up for a second and I recognise him properly. I'm already walking towards him by the time I finish 'him', a shocked August trailing behind me.
Why am I approaching the man who's in love with my cousin? I don't know. Maybe it's because I feel responsible for the clear hurt that's almost pouring out of his being right now. If only I hadn't let Dante in, things would be different right now. Maybe Khristian would still be in the room, just sitting there on the couch, a silent but comforting companion.
"I'm fine," He says when I drop down beside him.
Despite myself, I smile.
"I tell that to myself too sometimes. Especially when I am not fine at all — I tell that to myself and everyone around me,"
There's silence around us for a while. I almost begin to wonder if this is it — if he won't speak anymore and I'll end up waiting here patiently until it'll be too late to reach Uni on time.
"She still loves him," Khristian finally breaks the silence after a few minutes of patient waiting.
"And you?" I ask, I know I'm being a little promiscuous — asking for answers where he holds no obligation to answer me.
But my thoughts are cut short when Khristian scoffs. A very bitter sound.
"What is love?"
"I used to ask myself that too," I smile, "But then I realised that I was so busy trying to find the meaning of it in words when I could have just stopped and felt the meaning instead."
"You can't make the heart feel something it won't," I shrug.
"Are you telling me to back off because your cousin still loves her cheating ex-boyfriend?"
I tilt my head to the side, looking at the brooding CEO, "No."
Khristian scoffs, "Yes, you are."
"Do you know how long it took me to break up with my ex-boyfriend? Almost a year and a half. It took five more years to let him go."
I look away, up at the sky, "It's hard to let go, especially when you've loved someone wholeheartedly."
My voice is wistful by now, I realise. The nostalgia hits me in the wrong places and I take a shaky breath in, "We are different people. Our actions are our own. Our feelings are our own. Just because the person you love does something to hurt you, does not mean it'll change how you feel about them instantly. You'll get hurt, yes. But your heart is yours in the end. You can't make it feel something it doesn't want to. In the end, maybe you will forgive them. Maybe you'll fight. Or you'll walk away."
"Do you think she will take him back?" Khristian asks, all the while keeping his eyes on his shiny shoes.
"What will you do if she does?" I ask instead, not trusting myself to come up with a good answer. I don't know where she and Dante will end up.
"It won't change how I feel," Khristian admits slowly. His answer feels bitter, I can tell. It makes me feel pity for the young CEO.
"That's it then!" I beam at him instead, standing up and patting down any dirt from my jeans.
"What did your ex-boyfriend do?"
The question stops me mid-step, my neck turns down and I find myself staring at my feet for a moment before I lift my head up again and look ahead. Into my future instead of my past. A possible future with William.
"He loved me," I smile, turning my head up to the sky, "He did. But maybe not when he was drunk. He would hit me all the time."
"I loved him too much to let go, so I stayed until I couldn't. Then I broke up." I sigh, letting out a soft breath before I turn back to looking at trees, "He cried a lot. He was sober then"
When I can muster up enough courage, I turn around to look at him.
"Saara and Dante have seven years behind them. It wasn't like their road had been rocky for ages. No. Everything was perfect until she found out he had cheated on her. She still hasn't been able to process it. It was so sudden. Of course, she won't be able to let go so easily — regardless of what he did, he was her first love. But that doesn't mean she doesn't feel for you. She does. She pushed you aside to get run over by herself, what does that say? Do you think you can treat her better? Do you think you can love her like she deserves to? Do you think her love will be enough for you? Do you want her enough to wait? If yes, then fight for her. At least once. Fight for her and wait for her."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
It's chilly today. It has been raining since yesterday afternoon after I got back from university, and all morning today. A glance at the wall clock tells me that it's almost nine o'clock in the morning and I bring my cup of cocoa up to my lips and take a sip of the lovingly warm liquid.
The house is quiet around me. Despite the housekeepers working in the house, they are all surprisingly silent today. I appreciate that. I've not been feeling great ever since waking up. As if hearing my thoughts, the twisting pain in my lower abdomen comes back with a bang and I find myself squinting my eyes and curling further into myself on the sofa. I hate period pains.
"Here," I feel Mary's soft hand caress my hair before she walks around the sofa and extends a small bowl towards me. I scrunch my nose when the foul bitter smell reaches my nostrils.
"It's Chinese medicine. It'll help with the cramps. Drink it," Mary's voice turns commanding, motherly, as she edges the bowl towards me. My eyes move from her warm eyes to the bowl and I make a face before looking at her again.
"Gemma," Mary warns, motioning towards the bowl again.
"Just drink it," Ren sighs as he comes to stand beside her, looking down at me as well, "It helps with my period cramps as well."
I chuckle at that, "Of course it does," I grin at the boy before turning towards Mary and taking the small warm bowl from her hand.
"Here, let me close your nose for you," Ren scrunches his nose as he smells the poison liquid and softly presses my nose between his thumb and index finger. I take the burning liquid in with a big gulp. It burns through my throat as I swallow the thing. For a second I even contemplate puking it all out but I don't. William's house is too pristine for this disastrous concoction. So I swallow. And begin coughing.
"Here," Ren immediately extends a class of water and a pack of eclipse mints towards me, and I take it, reaching for it like a woman who hasn't drunk water in years. That thing was foul.
"Good girl," Mary smiles at me when I look at her with a wounded expression I'm sure.
"Thanks, Mary," I find myself saying instead, reaching for her hand. Then I look at Ren and extend a hand to grasp his, "Thanks Renny."
Surprisingly, the medicine works quickly. The cramps become bearable to almost disappearing on most parts and I can't be more grateful to the horrible tasting medicine as I sit on the sofa and work on the manuscript I'm due in a week. My eyes find the clock on my laptop's screen and I frown, turning slightly towards the stairs.
It's almost eleven and Isaac is still asleep. William hasn't come down yet as well. I wonder if I should go check up on Isaac. Then think against it. It's Saturday, one of the only days he gets to just relax and laze around. Of course, he does need to go out to the city today but I think I'll let him sleep for a little more. I go back to my editing.
"How's it going?"
The question catches me off guard, and my gaze swiftly snaps up towards speaker when I find William standing behind me, looking at my laptop screen. I notice that he's already in his formal clothes.
Then he's walking around the sofa, a frown settled between his two thick eyebrows.
"Are you feeling unwell?" He leans forward and places his hand over my forehead.
"Erm. Just the usual monthly subscription," I reply after a moment's silence. He understands immediately.
Taking me by surprise, William drops himself onto the sofa beside me and before I know it, I'm being picked up and pulled onto his strong lap.
I let out a squeak when I feel his thigh muscles flex underneath my buttocks and my wide eyes immediately find his amused ones as he wraps his arms around my back and my waist and holds me against him like I'm a child.
"Does it hurt a lot?" I feel as his warm lips move against forehead and close my eyes at how great it feels to be here right now — in his arms.
"It did," I confess with a small voice, "But Mary gave me something to drink and it's okay better now."
"Good," William presses a kiss on my hair when I finally settle against him, tucking my head against his chest.
"I'm ruining your clothes," I grumble, suddenly realising how wrinkly this will leave his shirt. I'm already beginning to move out of his embrace when his arms tighten around me and he pulls me flush, back into his arms.
I stare up at William with wide, confused eyes, and the man chuckles. Impulsively leaning his head down and pressing his lips on my neck. I can't help but gasp at the sensation his kiss produces in my body. My neck arches on its own and I find him chucking before continuing to toy with my neck.
"It's just a shirt," William mumbles against the sensitive skin of my neck, before straightening a little and pressing a kiss on my jaw.
"You're more important," he adds, pressing another kiss a little higher above my jaw.
I don't know why, but it makes me happy. His words. Him being here, holding me in his arms like a child. I can't help it when I suddenly move my arms around his neck and bringing his head down capture his lips between mine.
I feel the effect my action has on him instantly. His arm around my waist tightens and I'm suddenly feeling the evident proof of his manliness against my thigh.
By the time we break the kiss, we're both panting and my heart is drumming at the speed of a couple dozen miles a minute. It's become even harder to ignore his manliness pressing up against my thighs.
He looks beautiful, freshly kissed. My eyes run from his dark hazy eyes to his slightly flushed cheeks to his plump pink lips. He looks beautiful like this. My heart constricts at the man before me. I am lucky.
Slowly the high of the kisses rides out and I begin feeling my cheeks burn, clearing my throat I try to shift out of William's lap and his arms around me instantly tightens, a soft groan leaving his lips as he drops his head against my shoulder.
"Don't move," William's hoarse groan stuns me to my spot.
"Oh," I whisper.
"Talk about something else," William presses a kiss on the bare skin of my shoulder where my loose sweater had fallen askew.
I want to yell at myself, or maybe even at William. Suddenly I don't want to talk about anything, all I want to feel is his lips against my skin. Anything to always see him flushed from my kisses like he looks right now. But we're in his living room. In broad daylight. Feeling this way right now should be illegal.
I still try.
"We're going to be taking Isaac out today for grocery shopping."
"Hmm," William presses another kiss on my shoulder and I shudder. Doesn't he want me to distract him?!
I try again.
"Saara's getting discharged tomorrow. I'm going to stay at mine from tomorrow for a bit," I mumble. This seems to stop William, his head lifts until I'm looking into his dark, hazy eyes.
"For how long?" I can see it, the moment the haze disappears and his eyes harden. For a wistful moment, I almost take a risk and wonder if he can't stay without me now. Then I push that thought away. That can't be possible.
"I don't know," I admit.
For a second he looks like he's going to refuse. But then William nods, "Okay."
I nod too, "Okay."
"Do you think I should tell my folks about us?"
This question catches William's attention. His eyes peer into mine and I find myself smiling at him like a foolish baboon.
"Saara's gotten into an accident right now. I don't think right now is a good idea. Maybe we should wait a little longer?"
It makes sense. I agree, "Okay," and lie my head against his chest again.
"Gemma,"
I glance up, finding his eyes on me.
"I—"
"Mummy! Pa!"
Both our head snaps towards around to the small boy standing at the foot of the stairs, his wide eyes glued to us.
I don't know why neither William nor I try to right our position on the sofa. I don't know why I don't get off of the man's arms or he doesn't push me off but before we know it little Isaac is running towards us. Then he's climbing on my lap and all three of us are laughing.
It sure must be a sight to see. Isaac sitting on my lap, while I'm sitting on William's.
"I think we're crushing your dad," I admit, still in between chuckles as I wrap my arm around Isaac and pull the lovely boy against me. Feeling him snuggle against me, I press a kiss on his hair and then tilt my head up and press a kiss on a bright-eyed William's cheek as well.
I really am lucky.
"I think you should rest at home today, sweetie,"
I groan, looking up at Mary, Ren, Olly, and Isaac all standing before me, ready to leave. Almost an hour has passed after William finally left for the hospital, leaving behind a glowing Isaac and I on the sofa. Half an hour before any housekeeper decided to walk into the living room and look me in the eyes without blushing their faces off while talking to me.
"But I was supposed to come help too," I mumble back, feeling sort of useless today.
"Why is mummy not coming with us, Grandma?" Isaac lifts his disappointed eyes up to his grandma before looking down at me, "I want her to come with us."
"Your mother is not feeling well, Isaac. Don't you want her to rest?" Mary explains, and eyes me, silently asking me to help her.
"Really?" Isaac turns towards me with his concerned, wide eyes.
"Yes," I find myself nodding awkwardly at the child. Even though the uneasiness in my lower abdomen and my back pain tells me to just stay at home, I really don't feel being here and not with Isaac. Still, I have a feeling Mary is not going to let that happen. The more we've gotten to know each other the more she's become overbearingly protective of me. Just like my own mother. Is this something to do with Asian mothers?
The response from Isaac is simple.
"Okay,"
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"Are you eating well?" The smile that flutters on my lips is something that I can not stop. Expect my mother to ask me if I'm doing okay at work when I called her a few minutes ago and for dad to ask me if I am eating well.
"I'm eating just fine, pa. Don't you worry. Are you doing okay?"
"I'm okay, darling," I hear my father chuckle from the other side of the line.
"Did your aunt and cousin tell you that they are coming back the day after tomorrow? Saara has decided to take a small break back home while she recovers. Your mum and I think it's a good idea. I was thinking... maybe you should join them? Come home for a bit?"
I contemplate it. The idea of returning home. Of course, I want to. But then I think about Isaac and William. My breath hitches in my throat. I contemplate.
"Dad... I have something to tell you," I find myself saying before I can stop myself. To think about the consequences and ramifications. I definitely don't think about how William and I had agreed just hours ago that we will tell my parents later. Right now, I just feel like my dad needs to know. Like I have to tell at least one of my parents.
"Yes, darling?" My father replies, his tone~ I notice~ becomes a little serious.
"Dad..." I stop, take in a deep breath and, "I'm dating a man who has a child!"
The moment the words leave my mouth, I begin to regret my tact dreadfully. I could have said it in a much more nicer way! I could have prevented it from sounding so grave!
What follows my outburst is silence. A long-suffering silence.
Then after five minutes of not saying anything my dad speaks again, "How did this happen?"
So I tell him. I start from the beginning.
When I reach the end there, only silence that meets my ear. Granted, he didn't speak a lot while I was reciting the happenings of the past few months of my life.
"How old is his son?" My father finally speaks up. His question seems simple enough, but I still find my palms sweating.
"He's five," I mumble.
"And the guy, how old is he?"
"Twenty-nine,"
"A neurosurgeon. He mustn't be around a lot,"
I release a shaky breath, "He isn't."
There is no need to be untruthful. It's common knowledge doctors hardly have personal time.
"But it's enough," I add, my voice a mere whisper.
"Are you serious, darling?"
I gulp, "I love him." This is the first time I'm saying my feelings out loud. To my dad. To anyone.
"Does he?" My dad asks, unknowingly putting his finger on a weak spot. The answer is, I don't know. I don't know if he loves me.
"I don't know," I reply truthfully, looking out into the garden from my spot in the living room.
"Gemma," my father sighs.
I sigh too, "He said... he said he likes me, so I should take responsibility of him."
This seems to catch my father off-guard.
"Responsibility?" He asks.
"And does he... take responsibility of you?"
My heart flutters knowing the answer.
"He does. He gets upset when I don't tell him if something troubles him. He doesn't like being left out..." I bite my lip, remembering the time in Saara's bathroom when we had had our first major argument.
"What ethnicity did you say he is?"
"Half Vietnamese and half Chinese,"
"Okay," My dad sighs, and I almost feel him nodding on the other side of the line.
"What do his parents do?"
I blink. This is the part where things get tricky, I know.
"They are rich,"
"Rich?" Dad sounds startled.
"Extremely rich," I bite my lip again, nervousness creeping onto me.
"How rich?"
"Billions," I admit.
"You'd be smart to break up with him, Gemma,"
This catches me by surprise, "Why dad?"
"They will think you're with him for their money. Haven't you learned anything from your mother's Asian dramas?"
I look away from the garden, letting my gaze move to my feet, "The only things I want from him are Isaac and him, dad,"
"Isaac... yes... your stepson,"
"Dad," I sigh at the slight bitterness in his voice. But I don't blame him. He had never thought that his daughter would find herself in love with a child and his father.
"Even though he's not mine, he'll never be my stepson,"
"Gemma," My dad sighs, and I sigh with him.
"Send me a picture of them when you can. I won't tell mum until you want her to know, you know she'll freak out." He says after a while.
I'm thankful, I really am. Mum would definitely have a lot of choice words to send my way.
"Thanks, Dad,"
"Love you kiddo,"
"Love you too dad,"
My phone is slightly warm when dad and I finally hang up the phone, but then immediately my phone is blaring up again. A glance in the screen's direction and I find a soft smile on my lips.
Mary Calling...
"Isaac must be wanting to check up on me," I think as I tap on 'Accept' and place my phone against my ear.
"GEMMA! OH MY GOD GEMMA! I'VE BEEN CALLING FOREVER! ISAAC! OH MY GOD GEMMA I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED! HE JUST ATE A COOKIE I JUST—"
I feel it. The sickening jolt in my stomach as I hear the panicking woman on the other side of the call. Suddenly I feel faint. Mary seems hysterical, and I know that I can't afford to have the same reaction if I want to have Isaac safe and sound. So I focus on the important things.
"Mary! Mary hold on! hold on tell me what happened?!" I cut the older woman off. I know my voice sounds strong, I know I sound like I want to get down to business, but I'm secretly begging her to tell me what's wrong. What exactly is wrong.
"It's my fault! Oh, Gemma, William will never forgive me! I forgot to ask if the cookies had peanuts in them! I'm such an idiot, Gemma! William is never going to forgive me! You have to come here! I don't know what to do! Please!"
"Where... where are you?" I ask, my words come out like a croak but I'm trying to control myself. Mary is panicking. So I have to control myself. I have to be strong.
A minute later, I'm running toward the front door, barefoot, my shoes, bag, and everything in my hand. The maids look worried as I rush past them, but I can't afford to pay them any explanation. All that's running through my mind is my son. My son. Yes, that's what Isaac is. I'm only twenty-four, I'm still studying, I'm definitely not married but he's my son and I just need to get to him.
I throw the front door open and rush outside, the soles of my feet pressing against the wet pavements, rain already coming down to meet me against my skin. My hair is flying everywhere but I don't care as I rush forward to lord knows where.
A hand grasps me even before I reach the gates, and I'm pulled under the safety of an umbrella, a strong male arm around me.
My wild eyes dart up and I almost begin sobbing when I see Olly looking at me with concerned eyes. The more I try to remain calm the more I find myself losing control.
"Calm down, Gemma," He says holding the umbrella with one and my shoulder with the other.
"He's fine. We got there in time," Oliver's lips are pursed and I'm finally feeling the rationality I had temporarily lost while grabbing my things and rushing out finally settle back into my system.
"He's fine?" I ask dumbly, looking up at Oliver with my quickly blurring eyes.
"He's fine," He nods, then turns towards the Jeep and then opening the door, pushes me in.
"William?" I ask if William knows. There's no way I can find any sentence that would seem okay to inform him with.
"I've already told him. He'll drive to the hospital,"
"Okay," I nod, thankful when he's turning on the ignition and begins driving.
"How is he?" I ask a silently sobbing Mary as soon as I reach her and wrap my arms around her trembling figure.
"It's all my fault. It's all my fault," She keeps whispering, shaking her head as she continues to talk to herself.
"No, it isn't," I insist, "All that matters is that he's safe."
"It's all my fault. My grandchild. It's my fault, Gemma!"
I bend my neck until I can see her from her level, "No. it. is. not. It can happen to anyone. Please, Mary, stop beating yourself over this. Why don't you go get some fresh air, okay?"
"No," The older woman insists vehemently, and in the end, I just turn towards Olly with a helpless look on my face.
"You can see the patient now,"
"Why don't you go see him first?" I ask Mary, who gladly accepts and rushes into the room.
Olly and I stand outside the room, in the hospital corridor. I keep glancing at the elevator, hoping for William to come out of it but minutes pass and he doesn't.
Mary walks out of the room looking a lot better. Giving me a soft smile, she motions towards the hospital room, "I'm going home to make him some hotpot. He suddenly wants to eat hotpot."
"Okay, I'll come back with him then," I nod, reaching for the older woman and wrapping my arms around her again.
Walking into the private room Isaac is in is something I can't do any faster — once Mary and Olly step into the elevator — as I find myself almost running into the room.
"Mummy!"
As soon I hear his voice and see his soft but still pale looking face peering up at me from his bed, I find myself almost leaping towards him — discarding my bag on the floor.
The sight of seeing the needle for his drips pushed up his arm makes me cringe. I look away from his small arm, already beginning to feel the scorching guilt begin to eat away at me. It wouldn't have been like this if I had just gone with them. I should have gone with them.
"Hey kiddo," I smile at the child as I settle down on the chair beside his bed.
"Mummy, you crying?" He asks, and I find my eyes misting again. From so close I can even see the swelling on his face that's slowly beginning to recede.
"Mummy was scared you'll hurt too much," I admit, leaning forward and grasping his face between my shaking hands. I wish I could take him in my arms but I'm scared the needle will move and it'll hurt him. So instead I place a kiss on each one of his cheeks.
Just then, William walks in. The door opens quietly, and a calm looking William strides in — his eyes immediately zeroing in on his child.
"Pa!" William yells then begins coughing. Immediately I fill up a glass of water and help the child up to drink it.
"Hey buddy," William speaks softly, his hand comes down to caress the child's hair and I look up at him to give him some silent encouragement.
He doesn't look at me.
"Feeling okay?" He asks his child instead.
"I'm hungry," Isaac pouts, and by this time I'm growing concerned. William hasn't looked at me even once.
"William," I find his name on my lips as I stare at him with my widening eyes. Is he mad at me? Why is he mad at me?
"I don't want to talk to you right now, Gemma,"
I blink.
"But why?" I whisper, already beginning to feel a confused sort of panic settle into my chest.
Finally, William turns to me. I find myself wishing he hadn't.
"I know you're not obligated to, but I had hoped you would at least remember that Isaac's allergic to peanuts. Even though you're not really — " he stops, we stare at each other for a while and I realise that he thinks I was out with Isaac. William looks away, running his fingers through his hair as he turns back to his child.
"Want me to go get something for you?"
Isaac's reply is an immediately excited one, "Yes, Pa!"
I watch as William nods and turns around, beginning to walk out of the hospital room. Then he stops.
"Go home," he's voice sounds strangled but I hear it clearly, "Your home."
Then he's gone.
I'm left in the room, blinking away tears behind the man who's just left the room. I feel wronged, I won't lie. I feel bitterness too. How can he just believe that I would not care for Isaac just because I didn't give birth to him? How can he just... tell me to go home when he knows I love Isaac so much?
Something in me wants to run after him and tell him that I was sick and at home. Shouldn't he know me better? Shouldn't he trust me? I remain silent. Let him think what he wants to. The truth will come out soon. He will regret this pain I am feeling in my chest.
The tears spill onto my cheeks and I turn away, glancing at my bag on the floor a few steps away.
Inching away from the bed, I begin to move towards my bed.
"Don't leave me,"
I freeze. I whirl around, surprised, to look at the wide eyed boy already on the brink of crying.
"Isaac..." I whisper, not knowing what exactly to say other than his name.
"She's not my mummy, you are. She didn't love. She didn't spend time with me. You love me, don't you mummy? Please don't leave me. I love you."
end of sample.