The longer the chapter, the more the comments. Lmao.
((I hope you guys appreciate the descriptions. I wrote them quite carefully,))
Okay so I tried to write this as well as I could. The pain of losing someone, your family, its very hard obv and I've tried to capture that. Hopefully you all will not think is it as lame.
Rip uncle shafqat 😂😂
Make sure to vote, comment and tell me what you think!!
It was getting too fuckin long, I had to divide it into parts lol.
Second part soon. :)))
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Hassan x Anaaya
They say that death comes unannounced. It's an unkind and wretched thing, they say it's unruly and unplanned.
You don't know when you're going to lose someone you love, someone you respect, someone you care for, death doesn't wait for anyone, it comes and it takes away the soul, leaving being a body that's only flesh and bones.
The person you used to talk to, is now just a body. It's scary, it's difficult but it's life.
It sucks.
It's lonely and sad, it's tragic and painful. It's everything that you don't want to feel in your life. It's everything opposite to how you want to feel.
She didn't know what to do, what to say, how to even speak without crying.
The look on his face was enough for her to worry but at the same time, what could she say to him? His father had died. There was no beating around the bush.
My dad's dead.
He had said. There were no more words spoken to her.
The funeral was in mere hours as they had landed.
They had to keep the dead body in the morgue for three damn days.
Three days of absolute shock and grief.
Uncle Shafqat wasn't just Hassan's father. He was the man that Anaaya had looked upto all her life. The man that was her father's best friend.
The man that had always given her the courage she needed, without asking for anything in return.
And now, without a word, the man had died.
She didn't know how she was going to even face his dead body, she didn't know how much hard life could get for them.
She adjusted Aira in her arms as they took steps to enter the house. She didn't know how she was going to make her children understand the crying and the yelling, but what else could she do? Nothing.
"We can't take them inside." It was the first time Hassan had spoken, first time he had actually said some sort of words to her.
Anaaya gulped.
"What choice do we have?" She questioned him.
It didn't even take a few seconds that Azlaan and his wife were at their sides, his wife hugging Anaaya lightly while Azlaan simply embraced his brother, choking and sobbing out loud.
Hassan didn't say anything, just patted his brother's back, whispering something completely incoherent.
He had died of a sudden cardiac arrest. They didn't even know he had a heart problem.
Life was cruel that way.
Anaaya hadn't seen Azlaan this broken, she hadn't seen Hassan this speechless.
She wanted to grieve and cry on her own, but how could she even do that? At this time?
As Azlaan pulled away from the hug, eyes tearful and nose red, he looked at Anaaya.
She pulled him into a side hug, telling him to be strong right now but she knew this was the only moment where he could be as weak and as vulnerable as he wanted.
Azlaan finally saw the children, Zayaan and Rohaan fighting sleep in their pram, Abaan standing clung to his father's leg and Aira already asleep in her mother's arms.
"Bhabhi, she can take them upstairs to your room, everyone's in the hall downstairs. We have a nanny taking care of Ahil and Khushi, she'll look after them too."
He choked out.
Anaaya nodded, Putting Aira in her sister in law's arms while a servant simply picked up the twins, who whined but didn't protest in their half asleep state.
Abaan walked ahead with his aunt while Anaaya stayed behind, she looked at Hassan.
"Ready?"
Hassan didn't say anything, just held her hand and the couple walked inside.
--
As soon as they entered inside, they heard shrieks and loud cries, cries filled with pain and grief, she heard the cries of a daughter who had just lost her father, she heard the cries of a sister, who had just lost her brother, she heard the cries of a wife, who had just lost her husband.
That was the most painful, wasn't it? The man you were supposed to spend forever with, the man you had vowed to love and cherish all your life, to be with until the end of your days, had left you all alone.
Anaaya couldn't understand how life could be so unfair. They had all just gotten out of Hassan's trauma. And now an even bigger trauma than that.
One that was hard to even get out of.
The view that she saw as soon as she entered was absolutely horrifying. She couldn't even bear to look at Uncle Shafqat's dead body. It was too much for her.
The man that she had thought of as her second father, was now simply gone.
Gone without even a single word. Gone like the wind.
And this grief, of losing someone, it never really went away. She knew that it would always remain, maybe it wouldn't feel this intense but it would always be there.
You can never really get over the death of someone. You just learn to live with it.
She felt Hassan numb by her side, standing still, his eyes focused on his father's body. Anaaya wiped away the tears, holding everything inside as much as she could. She had to console him right now. He had lost his father.
"Hassan, come on," She coaxed him into moving forward and in that moment, she also saw his sisters rushing towards him.
While Feriha baji was usually the calm one, being the oldest of the family, she was the one crying the most.
Hiba and Rania just hugged Hassan for comfort but Feriha baji vent out all the tears that she had. They were all grieving but Hassan just had his eyes set on his mother.
He couldn't even think about how guilty he felt. He hadn't even spoken to his father properly. He couldn't remember the last time he had even told him that he loved him.
How could he live with that? Knowing that there were no words exchanged between him and his father that could comfort him for the rest of his life?
He saw his mother, the way she was crying, the way she was so upset, the way she had her eyes focused on her husband's body.
It took him not even a minute to rush towards his mother and he caught her in his embrace.
Anaaya simply walked where he did.
"Mama, I'm so sorry." He said over and over again as the mother cried.
She didn't spot a single tear in Hassan's eyes. She didn't know if he was merely holding back or if he was actually numb.
"I'm really sorry, so sorry." He apologised again and again.
"Hassan, main kya karungi tumhare abbu ke beghair? Mujhe zindagi nahi aati guzaarni."
She sobbed.
Hassan couldn't respond to that. He couldn't tell her that it was all okay, that it would get better, that he was here.
It didn't matter. Not right now.
Among the chaos and crying, Anaaya spotted her own parents. Her father with a tearful gaze and her mother looking at her.
She hadn't seen her parents in more than a year. And somehow losing Uncle Shafqat had made her feel more protective over her own.
She rushed towards her own parents, embracing her father first. He had lost his best friend. How could he not come?
"Baba," She whispered, and hugged him tight.
"Are you okay?" Her father asked her first, she shook her head.
"Are you? You lost your best friend."
Her father's eyes filled with water again.
"How can I be? He just had to win this too. Always first." His voice shook as he pulled away from the hug and Anaaya sighed.
She turned to her mother.
Her mother pulled her into a warm embrace, slowly her shoulders relaxed, arms curling around her mother's body.
She pressed her face into her neck, eyes closed as she let the tears fall. Her mother stroked her hair, rubbing soothing circles over her back from time to time, something that she used to when Anaaya was just a little girl.
Her mother's confirming smell provided her with some sort of relief but she cried in her arms anyway, mourning an uncle who had been a father figure to her all her life.
Someone who had sat by her side when she needed someone the most. Someone who always had words filled with wisdom for her.
Her body shook with sobs, her own pain slowly coming out.
Her mother kept soothing her, then she finally pulled out of the embrace and looked at her daughter.
"We can't do anything, Anaaya. This life was Allah's to give and His to take."
"I know, mama. I know. But why him? He was so kind, so amazing." She tried to wipe away the tears but they just wouldn't stop.
"Because God takes away the good souls first."
Her mother cupped her face.
"You're not just Hassan's wife. You're the daughter in law of this family. You have a responsibility right now." Her mother tried to explain to her.
"You're the older one, you can't let this family fall apart."
Anaaya understood what her mother was trying to say.
"I understand." She whispered.
Her mother nodded.
"Now where are my grandkids?"
"Upstairs."
Anaaya walked back to Hassan and his family after that, knowing that they needed her too.
--
She wound her arms around the sweater that she had loosely thrown over her body, as the time for funeral arrived.
She was sat beside her mother in law as the men arrived in the huge hall, picking up the dead body to take to the graveyard.
Anaaya wanted to chuckle at the irony.
All her life, she had known this man as Uncle Shafqat and now all of a sudden, he was merely a dead body.
She wanted to believe that he would always be there, with them, through his spirit. But at the same time, she just couldn't believe it.
Anaaya wanted Hassan to cry then, as he picked up the casket. But his eyes were still blank, red but dry.
Azlaan cried his heart out, not caring about what people thought of his manhood. But Hassan didn't.
She was worried for him.
And she knew damn well that he was going to break down.
She just didn't know when and how.
--
She felt Rania fighting sleep, as both Hiba and Rania had their heads, each on one side of her shoulder.
Hours had gone by since they buried their father in the graveyard. It still seemed like a nightmare.
Her mother in law was sat on another end of the room, reciting some tasbeeh while Azlaan and Hassan were sitting beside her, both on each side.
Feriha baji was asleep on her husband's lap.
"He told me that it was hightime I got married, that he wanted to find someone for me."
Rania remembered groggily, her voice shaking as she spoke.
All the attention went on her words.
"I told him that I'd much rather have Hassan bhai find someone for me. Because I didn't trust his choice."
She mumbled, her head jolting up as she wept.
"You know what he said to me bhabhi?" Anaaya didn't say yes or no as Rania spoke again.
"He said, 'Anaaya was my choice and look how happy Hassan is with her, don't you want me to find you a man as radiant and as kind as her?"
Her heart warmed and her eyes welled up. Uncle Shafqat's words to her on the day she got married came back to her mind.
'I know men say that their daughter in laws are just like their daughters, but they never truly act like it. Saying and doing are so different, my child. But I promise you, Anaaya. I'll never let any harm come to you. I'll always cherish you the same way I cherish my own daughters. You're the light that I wanted for my Hassan for a very long time.'
Her focus came back when she heard Rania speak again.
"You know bhabhi, sometimes Hiba and I would get jealous of you. Because he loved you so much, we thought that we weren't as successful as you. That's why he loved you more."
"He loved you all more than you can even imagine." Anaaya softly spoke.
"I remember when I was little and he would come to visit my dad, he would tell me stories about all of you. And his eyes would shine while talking about his family."
And it was true.
For as long as Anaaya could remember, he had never spoken ill of his family, he had never complained, he had never scolded his daughters.
He was too gentle in this evil world. Maybe that was what made everyone love and appreciate him so much.
"I can't remember a day where your father was rude to me, where he was not compassionate."
She heard the voice of her mother in law, who was speaking as she looked down.
"Did he say anything before he-?" Anaaya asked her mother in law, she wept.
Hassan embraced his mother from the side as she continuously cried, her head on his shoulder.
Azlaan started to speak instead, knowing his mother was not in the condition to do so.
"We were all in the dining hall, he was sick from a few hours and we were waiting for the doctor when his condition got worse."
"He told us all to sit beside him until the doctor came. He told me that I had made him proud, that I had expanded his business and now people knew about him more because of me."
Azlaan had a sad smile being played on his lips as he spoke.
What a feeling it must be to be told by your father that he was proud of you. Right before he breathed his last.
Hassan had an expressionless look on his face but Anaaya knew it hurt him.
That he regretted everything. Even though it wasn't his fault.
"He told me that he loved me a lot," Hiba said quietly.
Rania chuckled, a watery chuckle that could only explain her pain.
"He told me to find someone who would spoil me rotten. Allah tumhain kabhi koi dukh na day, he kissed my hand after saying that."
She mumbled.
All eyes turned on their mother.
"Koi ghalti ho gayi ho to maaf kar dena. Humain aap se bauhat muhabbat hai, Shagufta. Tum se behtar biwi, aur mere bachon ko tum se behtar maa nahi mil sakti thi."
She repeated the words that her late husband had said to her. Every eye in the room was tearful, every gaze painful, every heart clenched, every soul hurt.
Hassan was the only one who had no message, no last words, nothing.
Of course it hurt him.
Anaaya knew how much, she wanted to help him. She wanted to ease his pain. But she couldn't. She could only stare.
A few minutes later, Hassan stood up.
"I have to go check up on the kids."
He made an excuse. Anaaya knew. Nobody said anything as he walked out.
--
She tried to give him some space as she took a warm shower and changed her clothes. She checked up on the kids as they were all asleep, entangled with each other. Only Aira was sleeping in a cot, with a huge comforter tightened around her body.
She took quiet steps as she found the only light that was switched on in the whole house, was the terrace one.
She spotted him sitting on the chair, his head lowered and body stiff. She took a few more steps, reaching the middle of their terrace.
This place had such memories attached to it. The fondest one being the day after they had gotten married. Anaaya remembered Hassan talking to her on the front porch, comforting her when she missed her family.
It was a happy moment, and there were several happy moments after that.
Either it was her standing on the boundary of the terrace and reading with a mug in her hand, or it was Hassan and her simply talking to each other under the sky.
She could remember the times where she would spot Uncle Shafqat's car and rush downstairs to greet him.
On the other hand, Hassan had thousands of emotions bottled up inside. He was trying to act strong, he was acting like how a man in their society was supposed to act, but she knew how much grief was filled in his heart right now.
"Are the children okay?" That was all he would ask ever since they had arrived.
He wouldn't exchange anymore words with her. Even now, he had his back turned.
He couldn't look Anaaya in the eye, just because he knew that even though Anaaya gave him the courage to be strong, she was the one person he could be the weakest in front of.
And he didn't want to act weak right now. He didn't want to cry right now.
"Yes. Everyone else went to sleep too, aunty has fever so I gave her a panadol." She told him.
It was her way of telling him that nobody was awake to see how he was doing. He could do anything, he could say anything.
Anaaya put a glass of water on the steel table in front of them.
She took his hand and placed a few medicines in it.
Hassan inhaled a sharp breath. She sighed.
"You can't fall sick if you want to take care of the family." She murmured and he didn't object anymore..
He simply took the medication and just kept quiet.
Anaaya sat beside him, not saying anything either. Maybe silence was what he needed.
Because sometimes, that's what a person needs the most. No words of comfort can ever heal a person's loss. The dead can't come back by mere words. Ofcourse, consoling someone makes it better, to feel that there's someone by your side to help you grieve, it's better.
It does make it slightly easy. But it never changes the pain of losing someone you loved. You love.
At times, it just doesn't matter what people say, it doesn't matter how they say it and how much time they spend in saying it, Sometimes all that matters is how you feel.
And that can eclipse all the words spoken.
Anaaya could have told him words, words that would make him feel better maybe, but she wanted him to speak when he felt like speaking.
Almost an hour or two passed by, the Fajar azaan could be heard from around the mosques as she covered her head and prayed.
Hassan, who hadn't spoken in the past two hours, finally mumbled something, it wasn't very clear but she could still make words out of it.
"Do you think he's in peace?" He questioned, making her look at him.
"I think he is." She affirmed.
"He told Azlaan he is proud of him, he told Hiba he loves her, he told Rania he would find her someone as kind as you, he told Feriha baji that she was the light he had felt in his life, he told mama that she was perfect and made for him."
He kept speaking.
Finally, he looked at Anaaya.
"But what about me?" She could see his lip wobbling and she could see the way he took deep breaths to stop it.
"I didn't even get to say good bye."
Her heart broke.
The worst feeling in the world is to see your loved one in so much pain and you know that there's nothing you can do about it.
"I didn't join his business, he wanted me to. I didn't spend time with him, I hardly listened to him." His tone was filled with so much regret.
"He just wanted you to be happy, Hassan." She whispered instead.
Hassan shook his head.
"I was a pathetic son to him. And there's nothing I can do to change it."
He felt anger, misery, grief all at once.
"He came all the way to Newyork, just to see me and I moved my head away from him just because he told me I had a business I could run! That I didn't need to worry about losing a fucking Job!!"
This time he yelled. His hands shaking as she stood up.
She didn't know what could calm him. Ofcourse he was upset.
"He called me, Anaaya! When I was at work, the day he died!! He called me and I didn't pick up because I was at work."
Regret is unpredictable. It hits you with a hard feeling that's indescribable. What we think, what we feel, even for a minute can change our life's dimension.
And all we are left with, are if only.
If only Hassan had picked up the phone, if only he had called him up instead, if only he had hugged him one last time, if only he had told him he loved him.
If only.
If only.
If only.
"We can't change how life works, Hassan. All you need to know is that he loved you so much. That's all you should care about."
Her words didn't have any impact on him.
So she knew what she could say to help him.
"He would recite a surah over your head every single day at the hospital." She started off.
"When he was reciting Surah rehman, he told me how you would say koi ghalti ho gayi ho to maaf kardena, everytime you would leave home. He said that he wanted to say the same to you."
She continued talking.
"He said that he couldn't give you the love that you deserved, he was more firm with you than the others. That he wanted to say sorry for that. But he wanted you to know he loved you a lot."
She held his hand as tears pooled into her own eyes.
"He told me that he just wants to tell you that he loves you, as soon as you wake up. That he's scared he would go far away and wouldn't be able to tell you that."
The whole hospital conversation, it felt like Anaaya could actually hear each and every word, as if it was happening right in front of her.
She looked straight into his eyes after finishing her words.
Hassan's throat tightened, and he inhaled a deep breath, he had managed to keep it all inside for three days now, but the images of his late father now roamed in his mind, his message, that his wife had just told him, it triggered everything.
So many regrets. His father regretted and Hassan did too. But both of them couldn't do anything now.
The vision he had, blurred as tears welled from deep inside.
Hassan took a few deep breaths, wanting to not cry or sob. Anaaya knew he needed to do this.
He had to empty it. He couldn't hold it all inside. It was a raging storm.
She moved and kneeled down next to him as he sat on the bench.
"Hassan. I'm going to hug you right now and I'm going to hug you really tight. You can bite down on my neck and cry as much as you want to."
She said quietly. Hassan shook his head.
"You don't want anyone to see you cry. I know. But you can cry on my shoulder and I'll hold you, the same way you've held me for years."
She insisted again. Hassan tried to stand up, to push her away, but he couldn't. She had trapped him in her arms and he couldn't escape it anymore.
"Let it go, Hassan. Let it go."
All the pent up hysteria and dread of losing his own father finally let loose, as Hassan cried so hard, his body shook in such a powerful manner that she couldn't help but cry with him.
"I love him, he's my dad. I love him-" He said over and over again.
And he hoped and prayed that his father could hear it all.
Because the man who had taught him how to walk, how to talk, had simply gone.
And there was nothing but memories that he had left behind.
--
Hard to write chapter man!!!
Ahh so descriptive I can't. My hands hurt. 4000 words? Whatttt??? 😫😫