Will be publishing a new story this weekend hopefully! Xx
Enjoy the chapter. Hope ya'll don't hate it lol
Anaaya.
Kya tum jaante ho? Kitna mushkil hai ye sab? Tumhare baghair, is tarah..akele. Jab main tum se pehli baar mili thi, us waqt ye nahin pata tha ke tum mere itne qareeb hojayoge. Itne qareeb ke saans lena bhi mushkil hojaye.
Do you know how difficult it is? All of this? Without you. Alone. When I met you for the first time, I didn't know that you'll be this close to my heart. So close that I'd find it hard to even breathe right.
Tum meri kisi ki hui dua ka sila ho, Hassan. Tum meri zindagi main pata nahin kis tarah aaye, ke mujhe khud se zyada pyaar tum se ho gaya.
Sometimes I think that you're the reward to some invocation of mine. I don't understand how you came into my life, how you suddenly entered in a way that I started to love you more than I loved myself.
Tumhari baatein, Tumhara dil, Tumhari beparwahi, Tumhara ghussa, Tumhara chehra, tum. Har tarah se mukammal. Aur mere. Sirf mere.
Your words, your heart, your negligency, your anger, your face, you. Complete in every form.
And mine.
All mine.
Tumhare baghair zindagi guzaarne ka pehle kabhi nahi socha tha, magar in do mahinon main bauhat socha.
I had never really thought about spending life without you before, but I have, a lot..in these two months.
Socha ke agar tumhain kuch ho gaya to main kya karungi. Insaan chala jaata hai, aur zindagi katt bhi jaati hai..magar aisi azeeyat wali zindagi khuda kabhi kisi ko na day.
I thought about it all. What would I do if I lost you? I know people come and go from this world and life keeps moving on, but the sheer pain, the suffering, its unimaginable. May God never give that kind of suffering to anyone.
Aaj tumhari ankhein khuli, to mujhe bhi mehsoos hua ke shayad meri saans wapis a gayi hai.
Today, when you opened your eyes, it felt like, maybe I had gotten my breath back. Maybe now, I could finally breathe.
Shayad meri zindagi main khushi wapis a gayi hai.
Maybe happiness has returned into my life.
Jaanti hoon, aagey raasta bauhat mushkil hai, dushwari bhara aur bauhat sakht.
And I know, I know that the path that I'll have to walk on now, it's hard, it's difficult.
Magar main tayaar hoon. Har tarah se.
But I'm ready. In every way.
Tumhare sath. Tumhare liye.
With you. For you.
--
It took a long time, to me, it felt like days had gone by, and there was no sign of the doctor. I knew it had changed from day to night and I knew they had him in there, treating him the way they had planned to.
But I grew impatient and more worried with each passing day. My tears had dried and my heart had started to gain some courage.
But at the same time, it felt like too much.
I tapped my feet on the ground, noticing how my shoes made sound on the marble floor.
It took another half an hour as I yawned once again, growing more and more impatient, that I heard footsteps approaching me.
Dr Shepherd's tired smile made me stand up on my feet and I looked at him, gulping.
"You're here. Okay, what's going on?" I questioned as soon as he came close to me.
His eyes glanced at me for a moment, as if he was finding the right words.
And he kept staring. It worried me.
I raised my eyes, speak up?!
"Right, the results show that even though he has woken up, a part of his mind isn't as functional as before." The news he broke made me eyes widen and a strange feeling entered my heart.
I knew that things might not be the same as before and I was ready to have him in any way that he as in, all that mattered was his health.
But this sounded scary.
"Oh.."
"He'll have trouble remembering things, remembering words, sometimes he might get angry at himself for not being the same, for thinking he's not good enough,"
My heart sank. Hassan thinking he's not good enough? That would be the end of the world.
Hassan's smart mouth and his intellect, his intelligence made him the man that he was. That he is.
"He knows he's a lawyer but what happens in law? He won't know or maybe he will..we can't say."
Being a lawyer was all he had ever dreamed of, all he had ever known. He had almost sacrificed his relationship with me to reach the point where he is today.
Law was all that he knew and more. Law was his life, his heart. Law was his baby.
"But that's his life! Law is his entire life." I argued, as if the Doctor could fix it.
He couldn't.
He could only fix the outside, not the inside.
"Look, this is a road to recovery. Maybe he'll wake up tomorrow and his mind will start working the same way or maybe he'll have to go through years of this."
He explained to me.
Ya Khuda. I'm sorry. I am going to really pray a lot. I'm going to annoy you by praying all the time. Then you'll have no choice but to fix Hassan.
He looked at me with his tired tender eyes. Filled with concern. Maybe he was feeling sorry for the friend he had made in these two months. Or maybe he was feeling sorry for a wife who was desperate to do anything, just so her husband would be alright.
"It all comes to you, Anaaya. You have to take care of him, you have to be patient." He told me.
His hand reaching up to my shoulder and giving it one of his infamous gentle squeezes.
"You can't act too intimate, he knows you're his wife, he remembers you. But that doesn't mean he'll like the things you did before. So remain patient." He explained.
Intimacy was what we had. Intimacy was how we fixed things. Intimacy made it all better.
We would talk the best during those intimate times. Intimacy had brought us this close and had joined our souls.
I still nodded.
It all came down to what Hassan wanted.
"Make sure the children don't ask too many questions, it might confuse him. He's the same Hassan but his mind is a little different." I bit my lip as he explained it all to me.
My babies were five and three. Questions were all they had. How could I explain it to them?
"It all sounds scary."
"The road to recovery usually is. But he woke up, hmm?" I nodded.
Atleast he woke up.
Atleast there's some progress.
Be patient Anaaya.
Patience is all you have right now.
"We had placed stitches in his mouth that we're going to remove right now, then we can see how much he can speak." He informed me as he tried to walk away.
But I still looked so unsure that he stopped again.
"Listen, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Okay?"
"Okay."
"I know you might get confused but all you can do right now is help your husband the way you wanted to. Even if it changes things."
His words were filled with wisdom. So I understood it. I understood what he was trying to say. But God damn, my heart was beating so hard in my chest.
"I got it. Can I meet him now please?" I requested. He shook his head at me.
"Tomorrow, I promise."
"Why not now?" I pleaded.
"Because right now, we are going to keep him in the recovery room. We'll keep giving him some meds and fluids through out the night. Some injections too."
"Okay, I'll wait then." I decided, I had sat in this room long enough, I could sit some time more.
"No. I think you should go home and come back in the morning."
"But I wanna stay." I argued.
He clicked his tongue, shaking his head.
"I know you do but go home, take rest and get ready to meet Hassan tomorrow."
After that, he glanced at me and I understood.
I looked like a mess. I had been wearing a kurta with sweatpants, my hair tied up in a bun, my eyes had eyebags underneath, my face looked too tired.
I didn't look like the Anaaya that Hassan knew. I looked like some sad, sad girl.
I had always made sure to look good in front of Hassan. I never understood why.
I would buy good outfits, would wear lipstick all the time at home. Most of the times, my lipstick would get caught on his lips, on his neck, almost everywhere.
It would leave stains on his shirts. But I liked makeup and I liked to dress up for him...
It made me feel good..
I would even take out time to do my makeup after the deliveries, just so I would look good in my pictures.
It was just who I was.
But now, I had stopped taking care of my own self.
I shouldn't have. But I loved him more than me and I wanted to be here, not at home getting dressed up for a man with closed eyes and for a woman with a broken heart.
I nodded again and the doctor seemed satisfied. Maybe he'd see me in clean, good clothes for once too.
"What if he's too different?" I questioned, just as he was about to leave.
"Even if he is, would that really matter? He'd still be your Hassan. Right?"
Sach to hai. Wo jesa bhi hoga, kya Mera pyaar kam ho jayega? Kya Mera hausla toot jayega? Kya main badal jaungi? Kya farq parega? Zindagi bauhat badal jayegi? Magar sath to honge na. Kya itna kaafi nahi? Aur Jab sath honge, to sab mushkilain bhi door ho hi jayengi.
It's true. In whatever condition he might be in, would it decrease my love for him? Would it make me lose hope? Would I change? What affect will it have anyway? Our lives will change? So what? Atleast we will be together. Isn't that enough? And when we will be together, all the complications will get sorted out on their own.
"Right."
"Thanks Derek." I said with a small smile.
"Anytime." He smiled back.
--
The doctor is played by Derek shepherd of greys anatomy. I refuse to believe he's dead. I refuse it.
Also I'm really bad at translations. Either I can write in English or in urdu!! I can't do this whole, English to urdu or urdu to English. Idk why I even write stuff like this.
I'm stupid mehh!!
Anyway, thanks for reading. Please comment and vote. It would mean alot and love you guys!!
❤️❤️