I jerk awake, the sunlight streams in through the tiny window and for a moment I'm disoriented. Then I sigh remembering what happened last night, I freeze and touch my face, I'm crying. Why am I crying? Did I have a bad dream? I can't remember. I stretch and yawn just as the door opens to Lilith.
I turn away ashamed, "Alex I know you didn't mean to."
I remain silent.
"I'll wait until you talk to me."
My silence stretches out in the small space.
"I'm in love with Dean you know."
I glance at her from the corner of my eye, she sits on the cold hard floor in front of my bars.
She takes my glance as a sign to continue, "I do, but I can't tell him. Do you remember a few years ago when I was having family problems and stuff and since you're a wolf now I guess I can tell you? My Grandmother wanted me to go live with her pack, which was my Mum's old pack, they're an actual gang. She said that my Mum had gotten weak from being with my Father, do you know that my Mum and Dad had me eight years before they actually mated?"
"But yeah, my Mum was going to be Alpha of the pack even though she was a Beta, simply because she was so strong, that's how it worked in that pack, strength was more important. So my Mum stayed with her pack but when she got into a fight with my Grandmother she had the mating ceremony with my Dad and became this pack's co-Beta. But my grandma fought really hard to get custody of me and told me a lot of stuff. So now I guess I'm just afraid of being weak after all the things my Grandmother put in my head."
"You think you'll become weak if you mate with Dean?" I ask, still not looking at her.
"Pretty much, I saw my Mum back in those days. She was strong, smart and just badass but now she's a lot tamer. I just... it feels like if I mate with Dean or stay with him that I'll... that I'll change and I'll become weak."
"Why would Dean do that to you?"
"What do you mean? Dean's a Beta, he'll be the pack Beta when we're all older, of course, I'd be overshadowed by him," she says looking away sadly.
"You're being a moron."
"What?"
I turn to face her, "Even if Dean is the Beta it doesn't change the fact your one of the best fighters. It doesn't change the fact you're a Beta as well if anything you both would be stronger because you would support each other and strengthen your weaknesses as a team. The reason your Mum got softer is probably because your Dad is just a pack mate and if anything I think she just wanted a normal life for you, which wouldn't be something you'd have if you stayed with her old pack. Plus Dean cares about you, it's obvious in everything he does. I remember him you know, he used to be a lot like Stag, except less flirty. But now he's basically a shadow and it's because you haven't talked to him, he probably thinks something's wrong with him and that's why you push him away."
"But I...," she looks off.
"If you don't talk to him, how will he ever understand, plus you need to understand where he's coming from as well. So go talk to him."
"But it's too late...,"
"It is never too late to talk. Just go to him idiot."
She gets up and bolts to the door, but just before she leaves she turns around to say, "You're going to be a brilliant Omega, Lex."
With that she bolts up the stairs calling his name, I smile. It only takes a few minutes before I get another visitor and not the twin I was expecting.
"Logan, are you alright? You look like shit." It's true, he has bags under his eyes.
"Yeah I'm fine, it's just I've had a lot on my mind." He says dragging over a chair.
I shift into a more comfortable position, "You can talk to me if you want, I won't tell anyone anything."
He looks at me, "I know you're an Omega but you don't need to listen to everyone's problems."
"It doesn't bother me, plus it distracts me from thinking and right now I could really use that."
"Alright, I guess it'd be nice to talk about it. I'm guessing you know about me, after all, you're so observant and smart so...,"
"Your gay right? And Stag's your mate, he's always looking at you and trying to get your attention."
"Yes, but I'm shy about coming out with this to everyone. Do you remember like two years ago how I 'dated' Amanda?" I nod, "Well she pretended to be my girlfriend and I was actually dating Locus in secret. It worked out well and Amanda was cool to hang out with and Locus was just patient with everything. But on my birthday when Destiny I think it was, was having a party I went with Amanda and Locus also happened to be there, everyone got really drunk except me and the others.
"So I was hanging out with Dean and we headed upstairs to find Stag so we could head home. So we followed his scent to a bedroom," I close my eyes already knowing what he's going to say, "only to find him in the middle of fucking Locus and Amanda, I think Destiny was also there but that didn't really matter. He turned and looked me in the eye while doing it with them and we both knew instantly, he was right in the middle so he couldn't exactly get up and out in a flash. So Dean closed the door, he figured it out, and he just got Fang and Adrian and we came home. Stag tried to apologise but I just avoided him, which is hard to do when your best friends in the same friend group and pack. So yeah that's pretty much what happened."
He looks so sad, I let out a sigh and ask, "How come you're still in the closet?"
"I'm afraid, to put it plainly, I know that it doesn't really matter that my parents are the Alpha's it's just expected that I carry on the line, even if I have a brother."
"That's understandable, I guess."
"It's hard to face him you know."
"I don't know from my own experience but I can imagine how hard that'd be for you. But I think you need to fix this gap you have with each other. I understand, and if I had been put in that situation I would have probably done the same thing but you can't do it forever. I don't want you to go say you forgive him but maybe start to talk to him a bit more, spend time alone with him. Because as hard as it might be, he's changed, he doesn't chase girls or guys anymore and it's obvious you're important to him and that he wants to fix his mistakes."
"But what about..., him?"
"Like I said he's trying really hard to just get your attention, he flirts with me to make you jealous, makes jokes to make you laugh and is trying very hard to reach you. I think you just need to slowly lower your walls otherwise you'll end up old and alone regretting the choices you make now."
"Your right. I know you are but it's just...,"
"You don't know how to go about it?"
He looks down to the floor, "Yeah."
"Maybe offer to go hunting with him one time, you'll both be in wolf form so you don't have to worry about talking, but you're still spending time together and I know it will mean a lot to him."
"I guess, just as long as you never do the thing again." He gives me a pointed look.
I laugh remembering that just the other night he and Stag were in a heated argument and were really close together. I had gone, 'I'll kiss anyone who gets them to kiss each other." So, of course, Lasagna had moved like lighting and shoved Logan into Stag, they ended up kissing but also crashing to the floor. Logan blushed like crazy and ran off but Stag looked so happy. I kissed Lasagna on the cheek and she poked her tongue out at Envy when it happened.
"But you two are just so cute."
He blushes, "Shut up you."
I laugh again, "Please, you love me."
This time he laughs, "Maybe but I won't say anything on the count Envy would kill me."
"That's probably true, dude's got issues."
We laugh at our banter and I hope that he feels a little better, just as our laughter dies down Stag comes in. He seems surprised to the fact Logan's down here and that the both of us are laughing.
"Hey, did I miss a joke?" he asks raising an eyebrow.
"Nah, just having a little fun, right Lo?" I say giving a look at him.
"Yep," He says glancing at Stag.
"OK, anyway Kitten we've talked about your problem and we're going to try giving you animal blood. It should satisfy your vampire side while still keeping your wolf side calm."
"Alright that sounds good, are you going to go out and get it?"
"Yeah, I like hunting so I thought why not. It's not like I have anything else to do since school doesn't start for another hour. So I'm going to head out now, I'll be back soon with your drink." He winks at me and starts to leave.
"Wait!" Logan bursts out, "Um, let me go with you."
Stag looks shocked, "Are you sure?"
Logan looks to me and I give a small nod of encouragement, "Yeah, your fine with it right?"
"Yes, of course. It's just I never thought you'd offer to come. It makes me happy, alright let's go." He smiles widely.
"See you later Alex."
I give a little wave as they leave me alone, again. It probably won't take them long to get it so it doesn't surprise me when Scalia comes in and locks the door. After all, I was waiting for this talk.
"Alex." She says dipping her head at me.
"Scalia," I reply watching her closely.
She sits in the chair Logan just vacated and smiles at me, but her smile feels wrong, forced or fake.
"I want to talk to you, Alex."
"I figured."
"I think you need to tell Envy to leave you alone. You're just not right for each other."
"But your right for him?" I ask staring her down, she smiles wider.
"I'm not saying no, now am I. But you do know that he's so much better than you are."
"I'm aware of that, but in the end we're mates, that's not something you control."
"Well, I happen to know a spell that I could teach you that will sever your bond with each other."
"Why would I do that? Besides you should be talking to Envy, he's the one who's coming onto me."
"Yes but that's only because his brain is clouded by this so called mate bond. He'd never agree to it but if you care about him you'd do it."
"You still haven't told me why."
"It's obvious isn't it, he's an Alpha, he's strong, fit, and fierce, not to mention hot... when you're nothing but a play-at-being-an-Omega. You're pathetic compared to him, you'd only drag him down and get in the way. Plus you're a hybrid, not just any hybrid either, you shouldn't exist, it's all very simple. You shouldn't have been born, as simple as that."
"You don't know anything about me," I say feeling a tightening in my chest and a pain in my head.
"I know enough, you may be smart but when the consequences come you'll be a mess. Even last night you almost attacked your best friend over a tiny drop of blood, what type of person would do that?"
"Shut up."
"Why should I, you know I'm right?"
"I said shut up."
"What? You can't handle the truth?"
"Please."
"Look, even now your nothing but a pathetic excuse for any species. You should have died when you were a child just like we thought you did."
"I said shut up!" I yell.
The bars start to bend as I clench my fist, it only makes her smirk at me.
"See you can't control yourself and you said you don't have a wolf so you don't have the instincts so it only makes it so much easier for you to hurt him. For you to hurt anyone."
I get up and slam into the bars at an unnatural speed and snap, "What do you know!"
"Oh but I know a lot. You want me to prove it."
She gives me a sad little smile which seems wrong after the smirks she's been giving me and she pulls out a pin. She pricks her finger and holds her finger just out of my reach, I feel the bloodlust and start to bend the bars under my hands, my nails length and the bars are about to snap. But I won't let her have her way, I bring my hand up to my face and bite hard into the part between my thumb and wrist. I keep biting down feeling my blood drip from my hand and have it fill my mouth. She looks shocked.
"I guess you're a bit different than I imaged. I don't hate you, something I doubt you know, I just have a lot to deal with. I also don't want Envy to get hurt, he was a good friend to me." She looks down rubbing her finger on some cloth.
I remove my hand and let it fall to my side still dripping blood, "I don't want to hurt him either."
"Do you love him?"
"I, I don't think I'm capable of love."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I can't, I have trouble feeling emotions."
"What do you mean? Is it like you don't feel them or you don't recognise when you have them?"
"I..., ever since I could remember I haven't felt anything other than like this emptiness."
"Really. I would have never guessed. Well since you've shown you have at least a small amount of control I guess, I won't push between you and Envy but...,"
"I know alright. I don't want to push him away but at the same time I do."
She sighs, "I know you probably don't like me especially after everything I just did and said to you but if you need to talk to someone who isn't in the pack, we can have a private training session and we can talk then."
"Thanks, Scalia, do you think next time we're alone we could talk about my Dad?"
"Your Dad?"
"Yeah, I just think I had a dream and want to know a bit more about his coven or something, maybe even about the Council," I say rubbing the back of my head.
"No problem, I want us to be friends, you can ask me anything."
I smile, "Thank you."
'What are you hiding Scalia?'