You can Johnny my Knoxville Anyday (Johnny Knoxville Love story)

Chapter 22

"Miranda" someone said from outside my door. "Who is it?" I called. "Novak" he said. "Oh come on in" I said back. I didn't bother to put my stuff away, he already knew. He looked somber when he walked in. "What's wrong with you?" I asked. "Are you seriously asking that" he said while giving me the look. I groaned and put my stuff away and put it in my underwear drawer. "You can't give me that look when you do it too" I huffed. "You'd think that be smarter after what happened before" he said as he laid down on my bed next to me. "And you'd think that you'd be smart enough to quit after what happened to me" I threw back at him. He sighed and looked at me. "I'll quit if you quit" he said simply. My jaw dropped, but I quickly shut it. I shook my head. "Let me finish off this bag first, it'd be a waste" I sighed. "You're not gonna quit" he said after a few minutes of silenc. "How do you know that?" I asked. "Because you're already making up excuses. You're just gonna keep doing that, until someone finds out" he said. "You're smarter then you look" I smiled. He couldn't help but smile back at me. "And just to let you know I'm sober right now" I confessed. "I know. We all know when you're fucked up" he said back. I nodded my head and looked at him. "Thanks for not telling Bam" I thanked him. "Just be safe" he said before walking out. I sighed and went and got my stuff out of my drawer. Before I stuck the needle in I said sorry to myself, but it was directed towards everyone I love. I was crying and I knew that I was hurting myself, but I still did it anyways. The only person I could think about was Johnny and how he would react if he knew what I was doing. That just made me cry harder, but once the drugs were in my system all my worries and guilt disappeared. I felt happy, but it wasn't real happiness. Real happiness was when I was with Johnny. Just seeing him made me smile. I felt like a teenager again when I was with him. I haven't told him, but I think I love him. I know we've only been together for a couple weeks, but I feel like I've know him my whole life. Well technically I've known him longer then I've actually known him and I've been in love with him since the moment I saw him. All I wanted was Johnny. I wanted him to be here, to hold me, to love me, to kiss me, to laugh with me, to laugh at me, I wanted his southern drawl and his signature aviators. I wanted him to cuddle me when I'm cold and pick me up when I'm being lazy. I wonder if he's feeling the same way. No, he's with his daughter. His daughter, my son. Oh god my son, Trevor. My baby, my everything. I felt so alone without him. I needed out. I walked into the bathroom and grabbed one of Bam's disposable razors. I took it apart and slowly dragged the blade across my wrist as I sat in the empty bath tub. I did this until I finally felt relieved. I hid the razor with my drugs and pulled on a hoodie. Bam would kill me if he knew I did that. I walked downstairs, still high and plopped down on the couch. "M have you been crying?" Bam asked softly as he sat down next to me and cradled my face in his hand. I nodded my head slowly. "I just miss Johnny" I said quietly. Bam smiled a little at me. "Murr it's only been two hours" he chuckled. "Two hours too long" I groaned. He laughed and bit his lip. "Well this was supposed to be a surprise, but I think you need the boost so I'm going to tell you. Johnny's birthday is coming up so in two weeks we're going to his place for a huge party. He wanted to surprise you, but I'm a little shit" he laughed as he said the last part. My whole face lit up. "Thank you Bam for telling me!!" I yelled as I hugged him tightly. "Yah, yah you're welcome. Now stop being so bummed out"