All Yours
04 | Are you feeling alright?
Once I'd woken up from my nap after taking different medications to cure me of my cold I woke up feeling slightly better, I was unsure if the boys were still downstairs with Antoine but I assumed they were as I could hear faint voices downstairs. I sat up in my bed quickly fixing my hair putting it in a bun, I dragged myself out of bed deciding I needed to eat before taking any more medications.
I made my way downstairs seeing the boys in the living room playing some sort of game on the television, it involved guns and violence and that's all I knew. I popped my head in through the door greeting them whilst they played the so called game.
"Hey guys." I said, they all looked at me briefly before getting back to the game.
Antoine turned to me, "Are you feeling alright?" He asked, I quickly nodded my head and placed a kiss on his cheek before leaving to get myself something to eat.
I always loved the way Antoine made sure if I was feeling alright, in his own little way it meant a lot to me. He always knew how I never shared my emotions which was always a big problem so he's always tried not to pressure me which I absolutely loved, it made me feel secure and I knew he was asking with genuine intent from the bottom of his heart.
"Hey." I heard a voice enter the kitchen, I turned around seeing Fernando walking towards me.
"Hey." I said, I was in the middle of heating up some soup for me to eat.
"You feeling any better?"
"I still feel pretty shitty, but I'll just keep resting and taking medicine." I said, I had my eyes on the pot as I was stirring the soup.
"This is what happens when you don't wear enough layers." He chuckled, I looked at him seeing the small crinkle in his eyes whenever he smiled.
"Next time I promise I will." I said, he shook his head as if he knew the promise would be broken instantly, that honestly I was only saying that for the sake of it.
"Of course you will." He said, I looked at him and starting laughing. He laughed along with me until Antoine walked in heading straight towards me wrapping his arm around my waist almost marking his territory.
I smiled awkwardly and sensed how Antoine was trying to make Fernando jealous, I left the stove heading over to the cupboard for a bowl. I was used to this behaviour from Antoine, so much so that he'd probably never noticed he acts like this around Fernando. I poured myself some soup and sat down at the kitchen table whilst they both came and joined me, was it really awkward or was I just letting myself think it is?
I got up grabbing my medication before sitting back down again, Fernando had a weird look about him as he had his gaze set on Antoine who was looking at me talking about something I wasn't even listening to.
"Excuse me." Fernando said getting up and leaving the kitchen, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit upset he'd left the table. I was actually enjoying his company, what is wrong with me? I have a boyfriend.
"You don't seem hungry." Antoine said, I was really just moving my spoon all about the plate and I'd only had a few spoons.
"I'm really not but I have to eat to take my medicine."
"You know I love you right?" Antoine said, I looked up at him unexpectedly. Where had this come from?
"Of course..."
"You would tell me if there's something going on with you wouldn't you?"
"Of course I would, why?"
"No reason, and of course I would tell you if anything was happening with me." He was starting to worry me.
"Is there something going on with you?" I asked slightly curious, he was acting a bit strange.
"No there isn't, I love you okay?" He said and leaned over placing his lips on mine, that really didn't reassure me whatsoever. Antoine had a tendency to ask me these type of questions because I knew deep down he was scared I'd leave him.
💡
The next morning I woke up feeling slightly better, I didn't have much planned for the day and was honestly hoping to stay in bed the whole day with Antoine. My phone buzzed on the bedside table, a text from Sofia to get the house, I groaned not wanting to leave the house but if Sofia was texting I knew it was important. I got out of bed quickly dressing myself, Antoine had left to go get some food for us so I called him telling him I would be at Diego's house.
A quick drive and I made it to her front door where she greeted me with open arms, I walked into the house as she guided me into the living room where Diego was sat almost as if he was waiting for me to get there. This was strange, Diego was never present during conversations between Sofia and I.
I sat down beside Sofia and waited for one of them to say anything, I watched as it seemed like they were battling it out on who starts first. I waited what seemed like hours before Diego finally broke the silence surrounding us.
"I need to talk to you." I jerked my head forwards at him telling him to continue, I was only wondering where this was going.
"It's about Fernando." He said, I instantly felt a huge pressure in my chest. I had no idea where this was going, in what direction I didn't know.
"I know you two have history and the fact Antoine is so civil with him is beyond me really—" He paused a moment leaning forward, "Fernando's been talking to me Amelia, I know everything."
"What do you mean you know everything?" I only prayed Sofia hadn't told him how unsure I was about my feelings towards him.
"I know he's still madly in love with you." It was as if I couldn't breathe anymore, I had no idea. I only assumed he was trying to make nice with me for the sake of Antoine and the team.
"What?" I said speechless at this point, "Wait you really had no idea?" Sofia added, I shook my head at her. Was I supposed to know? I hadn't seen him since we broke up.
"I hadn't seen him in months how was I supposed to know?"
"He came to me one night telling me how he made a mistake breaking up with you and how much he loves you."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, only knowing this information has made my head worse. I could barely think straight now, heck if you asked me the date I wouldn't be able to tell you.
"I thought you should know Amelia, don't think I'm telling you this to try and make you leave Antoine." Diego said, I know he was telling me because it's what he thought was best but I couldn't possibly process this information.
"I can't handle this." I said shaking my head slightly, he smiled at me apologetically as I stood up thanking him for telling me.
Sofia got up and walked me to the door, I stepped outside facing her. I didn't even know where to begin, I shouldn't care about Fernando anymore should I? I can't help but think about him and everything that happened between us, it's impossible for me to just forget a whole year worth of a relationship. There was real feelings involved, real passion, real everything. I was able to be myself around him, although I can with Antoine it's just different.
"Sofia this is officially too much." I said letting out a sigh.
"I know, I know but Amelia you need to figure things out and from this decide what you want to do."
"You keep saying that but what's that supposed to mean?" I said starting to get frustrated, I know I shouldn't take it out on her she's only trying to help but I'm reaching my breaking point.
"If I figure out I still love Fernando what I am supposed to do? Drop everything to try work things out with him? That will break Antoine." I said, she shook her head at me placing her hands on my shoulders.
"We'll cross that bridge when we reach it, right now just work out how you feel." She said, I nodded my head at her slowly as she wrapped her arms around me pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back enjoying the feeling of some sort of security with her.
"Call me, text me or run to my house when you figure things out." She said pulling away from me, I nodded my head at her.
As I walked away, I sat in my car for a while thinking about how differently my life would be right now if I'd just stayed with Fernando, if I had fought to stay with him. Was there much I could do? I could've fought, in the moments Fernando was breaking up with me I couldn't help but think Antoine caused all of this, and I felt nothing but anger towards Antoine but I realised I was also in love with him. There was no way I could be angry at him when he told me he still loved me, before I drove home I thought once again how dumb this truly is. Why am I beating myself up about this?