Chapter Five
*Six months later*
Suffolk England
The stiff bodice squeezed my rib cage while the petticoats hung heavy on my hips. No amount of tugging and pulling helped alleviate the uncomfortable feeling of not breathing.
"Stop fussing, Joselyn," Mother said sternly, watching from the wing-backed chair across the room.
"I shall stop fussing once I can breathe." I winced as the housemaid yanked the strings tighter. The table in front of me helped steady my balance and kept me from falling over with each painful tug.
"I'm sorry, Madame," the young girl mumbled.
"Not your fault."
"The dress is not meant to make breathing easy. It is meant to give you a smaller waist and a higher bosom."
"Yes, that is just what I want," I replied, tugging at the skirts again.
How else do you expect to attract a respectable husband?"
I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. If only you knew what I really had to do.
"Mother, I am eighteen-years-old. I am not thinking about marriage at the moment, not to mention it would be nice to have a man who appreciated me for my mind and wisdom. I have plenty of time to worry about the nonsense of marriage later."
"You should. I was married and..."
I cut her off before she could finish. "And pregnant with me by time you were eighteen. Yes. You have reminded me daily since I returned."
I am an assassin! I kill people, mother! Husbands and children will not be my life. Get used to it.
"Yes. Well, you should be engaged by now at least. Everyone else's daughters of marriageable age are engaged or married. Imagine how your father must feel when he goes to court. Why do you think we sent you to France for so long?" She shook her head shamefully.
"Honestly, mother, I find it hard to believe everyone in King Cassius's court whispers about the Duke of Suffolk's unwed daughter."
"You are one of the most eligible women in all of England. Do you honestly think people do not speak of it?" She pushed the maid out of the way and pulled the ribbon on the back of the bodice tighter.
"Oh, for heaven's sake! I believe it is as tight as it will get!"
"Hush now, Joselyn. The bodice can always be a little tighter."
The even heavier gown was lowered over my head, resting at just the right spot on the hips to cause a terrible pinching sensation. The image staring back at me from the long mirror looked pitiful and sad. I scarcely recognized myself. My usual messy curls were intricately twisted and entwined with a long string of pearls. The dark blue gown had a mock train that extended just a short way behind me. The edges were trimmed in dark red velvet and the sleeves turned back reveling the black silk lining. The low-cut squared neckline showed quite a bit more of my bosom than I liked. Turning to the creaking lid on golden hinges, my mother stared at the assortment within the ivory chest with wonder in her eyes. She perused it as the housemaid held on tightly. She decided on a rather simple yet beautiful necklace that she and my father had made for my grand return to court. She clasped the pearl necklace with a ruby pendant around my neck with ease. The cold jewels sat heavily on my chest.
"You look lovely, Joselyn." Mother's smile spread across her face as she examined the work standing in front of her.
"Thank you." I looked past her at the heavily embellished green and red drapes that hung from my window.
A loud rapping from the door was a welcome reprieve from the awkwardness in my chamber.
"Enter," I commanded.
"Madame, your carriage is ready." Our coachman wrung his cap in his hands.
"Good. Let's go, Joselyn."
"Yes, mother," I mumbled, sliding my feet into the soft satin slippers that Queen Claude of France had sent for my birthday. I missed France more than I thought I would.
"Lady Joselyn?" The coachman stepped in front of me. The click of mother's shoes echoed along the walls as she walked briskly to the front door.
"Yes?"
"A letter arrived just a short while ago. It was urgent, and I was told only you are to view the contents. Ma'am, the castle's messenger delivered it directly to me," he whispered, barely loud enough even for me to hear.
I took the folded parchment and turned it over. I sighed heavily at the seal. "Please let my mother know I shall be along shortly, I forgot something in my chambers."
"Of course, Madame. Is everything alright?"
"Perfectly fine, Henry. Thank you."
"Yes, Madame." The man bowed low and shuffled to the front door.
Once inside my room I shut the door and headed for the chest I brought back from France. Pulling out the various books, I reached in for a large, folded piece of leather. Running my hand over a few of the cool steel daggers' I pulled out the two smallest. My heart sped up while searching for something to conceal them on my person. The only thing that seemed appropriate was the bed linen. Kneeling, I tore off two long, thin strips. I tucked the torn edges back under hoping nobody would notice until it was time to wash. Tying the strips tightly to my thighs, the steel daggers slid in and rested against my flushed skin. Quickly putting everything away, I picked up the hem of skirts and ran to the drive. Taking the hand of Henry, I stepped into the awaiting carriage. There was so much red velvet.
"Why did father get this awful thing?" I crinkled my nose.
"It's the latest fashion out of France. You of all people should appreciate it."
"Red velvet interior is awful. We do not always have to follow what they do." I rested my chin in my hands and stared out the window.
Mother arched her eyebrows at me and folded her hands in her lap. "That is surprising coming from you."
"Just because I spent almost my entire life in the French court does not mean I agree with all of their fashion choices."
"You're wearing their shoes." She stared at the slippers on my feet.
"That also does not mean I hate all of their choices. These shoes are rather nice. They are a great deal more comfortable than the awful dress you insisted the seamstresses make. Moreover, mother, Queen Claude sent them. Wouldn't it be rude of me to be unappreciative of her gift?"
"You look radiant in it. Blue is your color, my dear." She chose not to answer about the French queen.
She may have envied the close bond Queen Claude and I had formed over the years I spent in her court. It was her own fault though. Claude was nurturing and loving. I missed her hugs most of all and her advice. She always had great advice for me.
"Perhaps."
The dress was a beautiful shade of blue with ruby enhancements around the squared chest. I would not have put up such a fuss if I could breathe adequately. People's obsession with such heavy material boggled my mind. There were times I missed being a child so much. Mother and Father left me home quite a bit and my governess was more lenient with the garb I ran about in. The assassin clothing assigned to me had been made of soft silks and linen, enabling us to move freely when needed. That was the preferred clothing. The carriage bumped along as we headed toward Hampton Court. King Cassius had recently returned from a trip abroad and decided to throw some sort of party. He always threw parties from my understanding. He did not seem to change from when we were children. He had to be the center of attention. My parents figured this would be an excellent time to have me announced to the court. If the king had been married, I'm sure they would have passed me along as a lady-in-waiting. Fortunately for them, our king was still a bachelor.
"You will be most welcomed." Mother stared out the window. The sun nearly set, casting beautiful rays of purple and orange across the sky.
"I'm sure."
"The Duke of Somerset was inquiring about your well-being."
"Lovely," I replied, keeping my own eyes trained out the window.
"His son is a very handsome man," Mother continued.
"I don't doubt it."
"He is the third cousin to the king."
"That is absolutely fascinating."
"Why do you fight us?" She finally looked at me. Her grey-green eyes soft but her expression hardened. "We only want your happiness."
Many thoughts went through my mind that needed to be said. Instead, I pursed my lips into a tight, thin line. The only thing that could have made the day fine would have been a bit of care and concern covering my mother's face. All I could see though was a woman who wanted to marry her daughter off to the highest bidder. "I feel like a horse at auction. I'm nothing more than a pawn for you and father to sell-off. In this case the king. What would give you higher standing in the kingdom than your daughter being queen?"
"That is not true, sweetheart. We only want the best for you."
"I suppose, mother."
"I promise we will find you a decent husband." She grasped my hand with her gloved one. "It's not too late for you! A woman's greatest goal in life is to provide as many children to her husband as she can."
I cringed. While her greatest accomplishment was providing children, I wanted more. I would have more. She had not held my hand in such a long time. A mother's love escaped me since the day I departed from the French court. Queen Claude had been more of a motherly figure than this woman had been in my entire life. She was the one who recommended me to the Guild. She urged me to use my skills. She assured me that they would assign me to King Cassius She promised I would come home.
"I don't understand why I can't fall in love and find my own husband." I pulled my hand out of her grasp and rolled my eyes.
"That's just not how things are done so get used to it, young lady."
Her skewed perception of reality was disturbing. The woman seemed to live in a happy bubble where women bore children, they grew, the parents married them off, and then their social status improved. A vicious cycle that would never end. I grew silent and watched the horizon. A large structure appeared in the distance lit up by torches and candles. It cast foreboding shadows about the surrounding area. It felt more like being drug to the tower than to a ball.
"Don't look so despondent, Joselyn."
"I'm trying not to, mother. Is father already there?" I asked watching as we turned onto the long drive toward the castle's front entrance.
"He is."
"Am I to be introduced at court tonight?" I continued to ask as the processional of carriages we encountered made their way to the front door.
"You are. The king is anxious to see you."
"The king? Why would he be anxious to see me?" My interest was slightly piqued despite the fact I knew why he wanted to see me. I knew why I was summoned.
Mother still didn't know that it was his command that brought me home. His advisors convinced her it would be wise to request my withdrawal from France and put at the English court now that I am of age. She also doesn't know that we've already seen each other a few times. Despite Cassius already being a man of twenty, he remained every bit the sweet boy I knew all those years ago.
"You are of noble blood, Joselyn. It would be perfectly reasonable he would see you as a possible bride."
I put my hand to my lips to stifle the laugh or sob that threatened to escape. "Mother, don't be so ludicrous. Me? The queen of England?"
"He hasn't chosen a wife yet. It is possible you could be the one he wants."
"You have high hopes, Mother."
"If you carry yourself well and act like a lady of your station there is no reason why he would not consider you." She pursed her lips into a thin line and held her head high.
There is a very good reason why he wouldn't choose me. There's a good reason why I'll be a maid forever.
I sighed and let my head rest against the side of the carriage. I wanted nothing more than to go back to our own manor. My large, intricately carved bed, white linen, and soft pillows called to me. My nightdress was also a great deal more comfortable than the wretched bodice I wore beneath the heavy gown. We came to a stop in front of two large, beautiful doors.
"Are you ready, daughter?"
"As ready as I will ever be." I held out my hand for one of the butlers to help me out of the carriage.
As we stepped down, my eyes gazed up at the mighty castle. Everything looked as it had the last time we were there together. It had been nearly twelve years since my feet touched ground at the mighty Hampton Court. Cassius's father used it as his primary residence while he still lived. Cassius did the same now that he was older. The views were simply stunning.
I followed close behind my mother as she entered the grand estate. We were led down a long corridor to another set of beautifully carved doors. A man dressed in a deep red coat, black doublet, and white hose stood at the door. His face seemed to be of a statue. Unwavering and no show of emotion.
"Please wait here. I shall announce your arrival to the king," the steward said.
"Thank you." Mother turned her attention back to me, straightening the bodice out and pinching my cheeks.
She bit her lip and narrowed her eyes, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind my ear and centered the ruby on my necklace.
"Stop fussing, mother."
"I just want you to look presentable for the king." She sighed heavily and shook her head.
"I'm sure I look fine. Cassius will have to be happy with what I am."
"He is no longer Cassius. He is King Cassius! You must remember he is no longer the little prince you played with as a child."
"He would be a friend still if you and father had not sent me away to France." Butterflies seemed to take flight in my stomach as my heart thumped in my chest.
"Enough, Joselyn. I will tolerate your sass for only so long. I am your mother, you will obey me."
My nostrils flared as the door creaked open.
"The king will accept you now." The steward's seriousness made me uneasy. He looked as though he had no idea how to smile.
I followed close behind Mother and the steward as we were taken through the main reception area. Other nobles milled about. A few leaned in close to whisper as they watched us. I could feel my neck flush, heat running to my cheeks.
"Your majesty, my I present to you Duchess Anne of Suffolk and Lady Joselyn."
"Ladies! Welcome to court." The king stood and bowed low to us. I stared in amazement at the man. He was most definitely not the Cassius I remembered. His once soft blue eyes were now soul-piercing orbs of sapphire. His messy brown hair gave way to tousled waves of sandy color. The jacket he wore hugged tightly to his body and his breeches accentuated the wonderful muscles of his legs.
Remembering myself, I quickly dipped into a curtsy and bowed my head to him. I cast my eyes downward hoping he did not see the crimson that was surely on my cheeks.
"Rise, ladies!"
"Thank you, your majesty," Mother replied as she straightened herself out. "It is lovely to see you again."
Keeping my eyes downcast, I stood slowly and straightened my back.
"Lady Joselyn, it has been entirely too long." He descended the few short stairs from his throne to the floor to stand before me with a smile spread across his beautiful face.
I was caught off guard. This was most unlike a king. They did not descend their throne to greet. Especially not a mere lady. Or what the court thought was a mere lady.
"It has your majesty. I am glad to see you well." My glance rose a bit to meet his gaze. My breath hitched, and I was hypnotized.
"You have turned into quite a beautiful woman."
"I thank you for the compliment. You have also turned into a very handsome man." I smiled lightly as he extended his hand toward me. "Not at all like the small boy who threw mud at me."
Mother let out an audible groan. The king, though, let out a mighty chuckle.
"Would you honor me with a dance? I promise not to throw mud."
I looked around the room and noticed a few of the men's jaws drop. Were they surprised that the king was dancing? Surely, he danced many times before.
I placed my hand on top of his. "If your majesty wishes to dance who am I to refuse?"
"I do believe that I am the envy of court."
"When aren't you, my lord? Surely all these men would love to be king," I said as we passed the many people.
"That is not what I speak of, Joselyn. Any of these men would be happy to switch me places, simply to have the pleasure of your dance."
I was left speechless. My face grew hot and my heart sped up.
No, Joselyn! You mustn't. He is your charge!
"Majesty, you flatter me so."
He led me through to the reception area. Music had started, and a few other people made their way toward the center of the room. I took up my position along with the other ladies as the king stood in line with the men. All eyes were on us while we twirled about.