I HAD STAYED NESTLED INTO SEBASTIAN'S SIDE ALL NIGHT.
I ended up falling asleep beside Sebastian as I watched him sleep. Guilt made me stay by his side all night. Somehow I had rolled over sometime in the middle of the night, and ended up with half of my body draped on top of him. He stirs slightly beneath me and my eyes flutter open. I rise my head, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment. His brown eyes stare down at me with amusement.
"You're awake." I mutter gently, beginning to adjust myself off of him but he grabs my thigh to keep it in place.
He shrugs slightly, a smirk on his lips. "Yeah I felt drool seeping through my shirt."
"Whoops." I wipe my mouth which makes him burst out laughing. I playfully slap his chest. "Jerk."
Sebastian pushes a strand of my hair back, taking a moment to analyze my features. "I'm sorry if I scared you off earlier. If you don't feel—"
I crash my lips onto his, effectively making him shut up. It didn't take long for him to respond to my kiss, his hands lacing at the back of my neck as he pulls me slightly closer to him. We break apart for a breath. "I hope that answers your question," I say sort of breathlessly.
"So we are friends?" His signature sheepish smile back on his lips, as he draws my face just centimeters from his. "With benefits?"
"You are such a jerk." I laugh as I lean in to kiss him again.
Sebastian was what I needed.
I didn't know exactly what I needed was but I knew that he was it. He had to be. He made me forget about everything within the seconds that I was around him. About the death that awaited us outside the camp walls. About my father and the Ark. About Bellamy Blake.
Nobody said feelings came right away. Feelings could come later, right now I enjoyed his company and what he offered me and that's all that mattered. Sebastian is someone I could love and right now that was enough.
We stayed in each other's arms for a while before I sighed heavily. Realizing that reality awaited us outside his tent. Sebastian plays with my curls, whispering, "I know what you're thinking. We need to go outside. Survive another day."
I sink into his chest. "I don't want to."
"Then don't. Let's stay in. Maybe we could go for a walk later away from everyone."
I turn to look at his face. There was no amusement or hint of teasing in his sharp features. He was serious about his offer. To just forget the camp and escape for a while. How was he so carefree? As tempting as it was, I already felt guilty enough for spending hours in this tent this morning. I smile at him after a moment before sitting up. "I have to go. Who else is going to catch dinner for everybody?"
He places his hand on the curvature of my jaw. "I think they'll manage without you for one day, Katherine." He pulls me lightly back down to his chest.
Isn't this what I wanted from him? To forget?
I sink into his embrace again. Maybe he was right. I didn't need to take care of everything. Someone else could take my place in the hunt today.
"Hey, Sebastian. I was wondering if you could help out— Oh gosh, sorry I didn't know you had company!" I look up at whoever had walked into the tent just then. Monty blinks in confusion a few times. "Kat?"
I sigh, turning to face Sebastian with a pout. "Wow, looks like you're the one that's needed instead of me."
He kisses the top of my head gently. "Don't get too jealous."
"Actually," Monty interjectes awkwardly. "I think Miller was looking for you, Kat."
"What happened?"
"You're the only person with any knowledge about Hydra Station..." Monty pauses before continuing, seeming to choose his next words carefully. "We need your expertise in that department to help us purify the water."
I stand up, mock saluting Monty to help ease the tension. I give him a small smile, letting him know that everything was okay and nothing he said triggered me. I throw a quick wink at Sebastian before ducking out of the tent to find Miller.
Hydra Station was where my mother was from. She grew up to be one of leading civil engineers in the station. Growing up not knowing much about my mother beside the fact that she was from Hydra Station led me to constantly want to be around Hydra Station. It was the only connection I had to her. I spent most of my nights there learning from Gail, the head engineer, about the water and the purification process on the Ark.
Gail would tell me stories about my mom while we worked. She was the only one that ever really talked about my mom. Since everyone else was practically banned and acted like her name was cursed. But to Gail. The short, spunky redhead loved to tell me about my mom's quirks. What made her laugh. What made her cry. Spending time on Hydra Station was one of my favorite memories from the Ark.
"Kane!" Miller shouts, waving me over to him from the edge of the camp. There a large container of water at his feet. He shakes his head, smiling widely at me, as I approach. "You really took your sweet ass time, huh?"
"I don't run, Miller." I say as I come to a stop in front of him. "If you see me running you better run too because something is definitely chasing me."
The bronze skinned boy laughs. Miller leans down to pat the side of the plastic container. "Well, what do we do then commander?"
Miller and I start working right away. He follows my instructions to the T, occasionally throwing me some sass when he felt that I was being too bossy. Overall, we worked well together. He was also easy to talk to. While we worked, we got to know each other fairly well.
Miller was in the middle of telling me about his boyfriend back on the Ark. "Ben is great. I'm just really lucky to have him. Honestly, when we first got sent down here I thought I was never going to see him again. Am I doing this right?"—he uses a rock to beat down on the metal rod how I told him— "and now I'm stuck making all these calls to parents of the kids who've dead and I haven't even had time to talk to Ben or my dad. I'm not complaining. I know they deserve to know but it also gets mentally taxing, ya know? And I just really want to talk to my dad or Ben."
"Wait, why are you the only one making those calls?" My eyes draw inward. I focus on my own task, not meeting Millers' eyes.
"Because Bellamy asked me to. It sucks. He's just avoiding Jaha. So he's making me do all of it."
I roll my eyes and scoff. "He's going to have to face the consequences sooner or later."
"I think he's choosing later." Miller raises an eyebrow and gives me a pointed look. "Also, your dad has been asking for you every single day."
I place the final piece of support on our contraption and dust off my hands dramatically. "We're done!" I announce with overt enthusiasm. I stand up from my position and start to grab the large of container.
Miller shoot to my side in an instant, knowing very well that I am not capable of lifting the container filled with water by myself. He immediately grabs the other side of canister but continues to stare at me expectantly.
"Kat," He says again, his tone more forceful.
"What?" I sigh.
We both manage to tilt the container enough to get some water to trickle through our makeshift purifier. The water starts to trickle downward, settling at the bottom of a metal tray.
"Now we wait," I say and turn to leave.
"I still have some calls to make today." Miller jogs up next to me. I stare straight ahead, not meeting his eyes. My mouth was beginning to feel dry. Miller continues, "Kane is undoubtedly going to ask me again to speak with you. What should I say?"
From the corner of my eye, I notice Bellamy Blake making his way towards us. My heart felt like it was being constricted in my chest. My hand instinctively reaches up to touch the cool metal dogtag hanging from my neck.
"Miller, you can tell him that I do not want to speak with him. Simple as that," I bite.
Bellamy had now reached us, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He looks at me with both of eyebrows raised, surprised at the tone of my voice towards Miller, who just gives me a solemn nod before turning towards the dropship.
I look at Bellamy in annoyance. "What?"
"You should talk to Kane."
"You should talk to Jaha." I snort, walking away from him in no particular direction.
I decide to check in on Monty, Jasper, and Sebastian whose booming laughter could be heard from outside of their working tent. I walk in, half expecting to see a messy. But a wide genuine smile spreads at the sight before me. Monty was in the process of making more of his infamous moonshine. The smell inside the tent alone was probably enough to get anyone intoxicated.
Jasper shoots me a cheerful smile before holding a handheld water canister at me. I shake my head, "no thanks."
"Oh, come on, Kane!" Sebastian bolsters. "Loosen up a little."
I raise my eyebrow at him. "I thought I already showed you my way of loosening up."
Monty coughs, the moonshine he was testing sprays out of his mouth. Jasper puffs out his cheeks to keep his own laughter contained. The boys give me an amused look before punching Sebastian in the shoulder and saying, "dude."
I roll my eyes. "I can see that I'm not needed here. Just wanted to check in on you guys."
"Where are you going to go?" Jasper asks, taking a sip of the moonshine.
"Someone has to catch dinner." I shrug, before walking out of the tent.
I grab my knives and my backpack before heading out of the gate. Sterling gives me a salute as I walk out and I give him one back.
I take my time hunting, not wandering too far into the woods, knowing that the grounders could be lurking, but enjoying the solitude. This was dangerous. Especially since we still had our prisoner. And I had no doubt they would love to make it even and take one of us prisoner as well.
But the woods were peaceful. And I found it comforting considering the chaotic last few days. My goal was to bring back food for the camp but I will relish in this moment as long as I could.
3 years ago...
File: Amara Kane
The computer file came up instantly.
With sweaty palms, I dragged the mouse over the digital folder. This was it. Everything I wanted to know was sitting inside of a few pixels on the LED screen. So, why was I suddenly so afraid to find out the truth? I hesitated, staring at my mother's name, feeling a sense of dread wash over me.
I swallowed hard against the lump forming in my throat and clicked down on the mouse. The file opened instantly. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but there was no lag to prepare for what I would find inside.
The first page was standard personal information— her maiden name, birth date, parents, station. My breath caught in my throat at my mother's picture. This was the first time I had seen her face. My father had never showed me a picture of her before. My grandmother and others who had known my mother had only commented on how much she looked like me.
I spent a good portion of my childhood staring into the mirror trying to imagine how she looked like, and now I was able to finally put a face to the name. My mother had my same moss green almond eyes. And her smile was bright and wide in the picture on file. I never would have been able to imagine her like this.
Tears pooled in my eyes, "Mom."
As much as I wanted to admire her forever there was no time to waste. I would have to commit her face to memory.
I blinked away the tears and continued to search through her file. Her entire life was documented in the Ark system and it took every bit of strength I had not to take my time to get to know her. I skipped over the standard files, her marriage certificate, her medical records, her employment records. Finally, the last folder in her profile was unnamed, there was simply a blank folder.
I clicked the folder and an mp4 voice recording titled "black box Exodus Charlie" popped up.
My stomach twisted at what that meant. These were my mother's final moments.
There was loud hissing and buzzing for the first ten seconds of the audio. "Marcus, if you're hearing this—"
I felt goosebumps raise on my arms at the sound of her voice.
"I'm so sorry..." my mother continued, sobbing. The system failure alarm blared in the background. I gulped but continued to listen. "Please take care of our girl. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you do this. But, I had to. I forgive you for taking her from me—for not letting me take her with me to be saved. I know you were doing what you believed was right when you turned me in. I hope you know that I had to do this."
Tears ran silently down my cheek. The rumbling and static from the black box reverberated through my ears. "I love you, Marcus. Tell our Kitty Kat I love her too." Then a large explosion brought the tape to an end. My hand went reflectively up to my mouth to block the sob.
I stayed silently staring at the now black screen in front of me. A video note popped up next:
Amara Kane escaped on an Ark Exodus Ship Charlie before the guards could intercept her. Marcus Kane warned the guards of her plan to escape with their infant daughter at 05:00. Marcus Kane was able to take possession of their daughter before Amara Kane launched the ship at 05:12. In her haste to escape the guards and avoid execution, Amara launched prematurely. Engineers confirmed that the system failure and death of Amara Kane was due to the premature launch. See AK note.
A numbness consumed my body at that moment. All this time my father had been lying to me. He told me that my mother died while giving birth to me. The truth was that he had turned her in and he had caused her death.
I typed a few commands into the system.
I stood up from the chair, leaving the computer, and exiting out of the door without looking back. I didn't care if anyone saw me anymore.
The techs stood up abruptly, startled by my presence. I strolled into the hallway. Overhead through the loudspeakers the black box recording of my mother's ship echoed throughout the Ark.
Everyone would now know what my father did.
Guards were running towards me from the end of the corridor and I knew what was coming next. I held my hands up above my head, waiting for them to handcuff me. They were yelling, telling me my charges, that I was under arrest but I didn't really hear them. I just stared blankly ahead, focusing on my mother's final words blaring above me.
Present...
I managed to catch as many rabbits as I could possibly carry.
Sterling shoots me smile when he sees me returning from the distance. He shouts at someone down below to open the gates for me.
When I enter, I didn't expect for Bellamy to be storming towards me.
"Where the hell did you go?"
I sigh, exhausted and not in the mood to have him lecture me. I walk towards the smokehouse, passing him without bothering to stop and explain things to him. But Bellamy was persistent. He follows me, clearly annoyed that I was ignoring him. As always his long legs gave him an advantage and he quickly catches up to me. He places himself in front of me, preventing me from walking any further. I give him a bored look.
"I almost sent out a goddamn rescue party after you! Do you know that there are grounders out there? You can't just go off alone, Katherine."
"I just did."
Bellamy gives me an annoyed look. "You could've gotten hurt... or worse."
I roll my eyes."I know how to protect myself."
He shakes his head, his curls falling over his eyes. "Dammit I know you do but I—"
Before he could continue, Clarke comes jogging up to us. She looks between us, sensing that she was interrupting something, but she continues anyway. "Hey, Kat, I need a favor."
I turn to face my old friend, secretly thankful for her saving me from a Bellamy Blake lecture. "What's up, Clarke?"
"Do you mind talking to my mom for me? I figure if she hears from you it might make her stop asking to talk to me."
"Clarke—"
"Please, Kat."
I sigh and finally nod my head yes.
"Thank you." She whispers, relief flashing across her face.
I turn to Bellamy, handing him the rabbits I had caught. He takes them wordlessly, simply staring at me with a blank unreadable expression. Without another glance to neither one of them, I turn toward the dropship and walk away.
Raven was seated by the radio. She smiles at me as I walk in and hands me the headphone set. I sit down, placing the headphones on and waiting for Abby to come on the screen.
The screen blinks before Abby Griffin's face came on.
"Katherine," She says, a little surprised but nonetheless smiling sweetly at me.
I smile back, although it forced and didn't meet my eyes. "Hi, Abby."
"How are you?"
"Okay. I mean as okay as one could be when we're fighting to survive every day." I bite. I exhale immediately afterward. I didn't intend to sound so hostile. But I was tense again.
Abby looks down briefly and clears her throat. "How's Clarke?"
I bite my lip, holding back my snappy comments. "She's fine. I mean she's strong. A lot of people here look up to her. If it wasn't for her I don't think a lot of us would've made it. I know I wouldn't have."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, I've just gotten hurt a couple of times. No biggie."
Abby gives me a knowing look. "Katharine, when you were a kid you broke your wrist and you said that it was no biggie then too."
I smile halfheartedly at the memory.
"Katherine, your father would like to speak with you. If you want I could go get him right now..."
"No," I say forcefully. "I don't want to speak with him."
Abby sighs. "Take it from me. Nothing hurts more than having your child not speak to you."
"Try being stabbed," I mutter, but Abby didn't hear me.
"He's worried. I know how you must feel Katherine but if you knew—"
"Abby," I cut her off. "I came here as a favor to Clarke not to get a lecture from you. Clarke is fine, I am fine, we're both dealing considering the circumstances. Which is more than I can say for some of my friends. You and my father have to realize that you gave up the right to demand anything of us when you sent us down here to die. Goodbye, Abby."
Before she could say another word, I shut off the radio.