I sat there.
That's all I could do.
Sit there.
Did I hear her right?
Did those words come out right?
Maybe she didn't mean to say that?
"What"? The words fumbled off my lips but I'm not sure how cause it felt as if my throat was clogged.
Ally just starred at me and they way she had the faintest grin on her face..
Like this.. was funny?
"Will its.. its not that big of a deal. I'll help you, we can figure this out. You'll be okay" She squeezed my hand and smiled.
She actually smiled
"What? Are you.. are you crazy"? I pulled away from her quicker than I could finish my sentence.
I couldn't believe she thought this was okay? My best fucking friend was happy that my life was.. over.
"I can't... I can't..." I tried to find the right words but I couldn't piece anything together in my head.
This was NOT real.
This was NOT happening.
"What am I gonna do"? My reaction was to ball, cry, scream, yell. Kick. Pull my fucking IV out and let myself bleed all over the white tile floor.
But I didn't.
I didn't because that's what my life had become. My life had become a sad story of abuse, neglect, death, happiness, heart break.. happiness, and heart break again. It was a roller coaster, I was a roller coaster.
And I was sick of it.
No more feeling sorry for myself.
No more poor miss Willow right.
No more.
"I don't... I don't know Will but you just need to breathe because I'm right here with you"
It hit me then too, the only people I could ever count on in my life was penny and Al.
I couldn't count on Shawn.
He ran off before I had even fully woken up from the mental breakdown I'd had.
He ran off..
And I don't know why I keep expecting more from him.
He was Shawn Mendes.
And he was never going to change.
"Miss Right, I'm glad to see you're awake and feeling good"
Suddenly a tall blonde with a hospital coat entered the room. I pulled myself up high on the bed.
Smiling back.
"You are feeling good that is"?
I nodded.
Unsure if that was true but it would be.
"Glad to hear it. Miss Right, you suffered from dehydration and lack of nutrients, the fetus.."
"Baby" I interrupted her and I shocked myself.
I didn't even think before speaking.
I just did.
"Of course" She proceeded.
"The baby is taking all of your nutrients and vitamins and that is why we provide expecting mothers with pre-natal vitamins to help regulate that"
Excepting mothers...
"Now, before I carry on. Is there anything you would like me to address? You do have choices.."
Her voice seemed to drop to a quieter tone.
All eyes fell on me.
I starred at my chewed up nails, fiddling with my thumbs in a circle like motion.
"I've already made my choice."
I spoke firmly and Ally's eyes darted me like a bullet, her eyes began to well.
"Will no.."
She looked scared, terrified.
"I'm keeping this baby"
My best friends face softened and she turned her frown into a smile.
I didn't know if I was making the best choice but I didn't need it to be.
I didn't need anyone making this choice for me either.
I didn't need guidance or a slap in the face.
And I didn't need Shawn.