Chapter 3
A lot of things made me realize that every person had different perspective towards the people revolves around them, or whatever that keep them doing what they are seeing to make things as it is because that's what they believe.
I informed my afternoon appointment to cancel my interview, iyon 'yong private company kaya no chance of winning na doon dahil mas mataas ang standards nila. Some people usually say, hindi na talaga ako papasa sa company's dahil minsan, hinahanap nila ang experience, but I believe, skills and abilities are far more needed to become an asset in a company. Hindi ko lang makita kung bakit gano'n.
On my disappointment, or out of luck, napunta na lang ako sa isang fast food chain.
Nagdadalawang isip pa ako na pumila sa counter, may mga nakapila din naman, nag-aalangan lang din ako, hindi ako sanay. Nakigaya na lang din naman ako, pumila ako, tumingin tingin naman ako sa menu board.
Nang turn ko naman na kunin ang order ko ay nakipagtitigan lang ako sa staff na kaharap ko.
"Good day Ma'am, what's your order?" panimula naman nito.
"Ahm..." tinuro ko naman iyong order ko, saka inuulit naman niya iyon.
"Wala na po ba Ma'am?" tanong ulit nito sa akin. I shook my head, and then she repeated my order. "Dine in po diba?"
Napakunot noo naman ako, "'pag sinabing dine in, dito kakainin diba?"
Tumango naman ito sa akin, "yes, ma'am." I give her a nod at pinaglalagay naman niya sa tray ang mga inorder ko. "Enjoy your meal, Ma'am!"
Pagka-angat ko naman ng tray ay naghanap ako ng mauupuan ko pero wala namang akong makitang bakante. Lahat okupado. Mayamaya lamang ay biglang may sumanggi sa akin dahilan para mabitawan ko iyong hawak kong tray. Mabilis naman akong napaupo para linisin iyong kumalat sa sahig. Yung softdrinks at rice meal ko. Napatingin naman ako sa lalaking bumangga sa akin pero tuloy tuloy lang din siyang lumabas ng store.
Agad namang may lumapit na cleaning crew para linisin iyong kalat na ginawa ko. Napansin ko naman ang tingin ng mga tao sa akin. Sa mga tingin pa lang nila, nakukuha ko na kaagad iyong gusto nilang sabihin. Mga pangungutya, 'yong iba nga natatawa pa. Deep inside, durog na durog na ako sa sobrang hiya.
Sinabi ng crew na papalitan nila iyong order ko, hindi ko alam kung babayaran ko ba ulit pero hindi na daw. Ipina-take out ko na lamang iyong order ko saka dali daling lumabas ng store. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako. Pinagpawisan din ako ng todo. Hindi ko naman akalain na may mangyayaring gano'n.
Kaya ayokong lumabas ng bahay eh, something will always happen, good or bad. Yung iba, hinahayaan na lang pero hindi ko kayang gawin iyon eh. Super stress ang araw na 'to. Bakit ba naisipan kong lumabas ng bahay ngayon at maghanap ng trabaho?
Eria suggested that I could take home based jobs pero ang paano ma-e-enhance ang social engagement ko kung kaharap ko lamang ang computer? Ayokong mabuhay ng gano'n. This anxiety were slowly killing me and I don't know what would be the turn out of it at the end.
I search my phone on my purse but the one that makes me panic was my wallet. Hinalughog ko na ang laman ng purse ko pero wala na doon ang wallet ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali dahil doon ako kumuha ng pambayad sa cashier. How did that happen...
Shit.
Ang galing nga naman oh, iyong lalaking bumunggo sa akin kanina. It is intended and he stole my wallet. Mabuti na lang ay wala doon ang important cards ko at mga points card lang ang laman no'n but the bills, wala na akong budget at pamasahe ko? I got nothing.
Mukhang maglalakad pa ako nito. Hay, buhay.
But I got no choice, either to walk home or call them. Them means my parents. The only people who thinks I'm not crazy.
I scroll the contacts and immediately dial it.
"Look who's calling, hello dear..." it's my Mom. "How's your day? Why did you call, anything happened?"
I smirked, "actually yes, something happened." with that tone, maybe she's alarmed by now. "My wallet has been stolen and I don't know how can I get home, I had no money right now. Can you please pick me up?"
"That's unfortunate honey, where are you right now? Your brother can pick you up back to your home, he's free right now."
"Mom, maybe, I can stay at the house for few days? Is that okay?" I asked.
A silence, maybe two to five seconds. Or she was confused that I got to ask of staying at the house. I just missed them, that's one of the reason. And also, I needed an allowance for a week. I could borrow some from them.
"Sure, honey, of course, you can, text me your place right now, so your brother will be there, okay?"
"Okay Mom, later..."
I hang up the call and texted where I am right now. I also texted Eria that I'm not staying at home. She'll understand that, or it is a good thing for her because of her boyfriend.
An hour later, my brother pick me up. He laughed when he knew that I got robbed. He's five year older than me, and that's how he treated me. I'm not against to it because most of my brothers and sisters, he got the most widely spread of social interactions. Maybe, many too mention girlfriends.
"What's the point of going back home, Ley?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes, "why do you care?"
"Cause you're my sister and I care for you."
"You don't really care," I smirked. "It was your idea to keep me out of the house, to stand on my own feet, you don't want your freak sister to be in the same roof."
"Honestly, I really do but I don't get why you are so like that. Afraid and like a puppy."
"And what does that mean?" I asked.
"You don't wanna know." He grin.
On our way home, tahimik lang ako. He still keep on asking me but he got nod and shake of head as a response. When we got home, I immediately jump out of his car, Mom greeted us but my brother didn't even bother.
"What's the problem with Lexus?" she asked.
I shrugged off my shoulder, "I don't know."
"Oh, I miss you..." I got grip by her hugged. Namiss ko rin naman ito, I've been staying in the apartment for months at minsan lang ako makauwi dito but this past few weeks ay tiniis kong hindi umuwi para lang mapatunayan na kaya ko ang sarili ko.
And I'm here, perfect.
"Do you want anything to eat? Or to pamper yourself?"
I shook my head, "I need a... job."
Medyo nagulat pa siya sa sinabi ko but I know she understand that. "we'll talk about that when your father got home."
I go straight to my room and change my clothes. I sat on my bed, it is perfectly stuffed. The room is clean, it is like they were assured that I'm coming back home any moment. Well, I'm not sure about that but if this things doesn't won't work, this will be again my home.
Mayamaya lang din ay may pumasok sa kwarto ko, it's my brother Lexus.
"You know Leanne, I'm not trying to feel yourself guilty among the things happened to you but I was helping you, I get a lot of friends by doing that..."
"Not interested..." that's was my only response, and then he left the room.
Some people are trying to keep themselves aware of what's happening but the thing is, they got nothing. For months—I mean, in my life, I've been trying express myself out but something is blocking my way for it to show. I was just like a string that later might be broken if someone goes through on and on.
Everything around me is real and so I keep reminding myself, that everything around me, is the people who love me. Love, maybe, the way to get me out of my shell. Or wrong, as always.
Later that night, some unknown number message me, saying...
Hey, I got your name, Leanne.
And the whole night, I was awake, keep thinking who texted me. Who would that be?