This upcoming week is going to be horrible. I have the week off because my gpa & mom & Josh & Lance are all going on a cruise to Mexico & I was SUPPOSED to go to New Mexico to visit a friend, but of course with my stupid hospital bill for my cardio echo exam I didn't have enough money to buy ANY kind of transportation ticket for yesterday, so I'm stuck here in San D, with Thomas & my lack of friends to do stuff with and all my depression. This was supposed to be my out, my way to clear my head & let go of everything that's holding me back.So I'm forced to stay here in my messy, claustrophobic apartment & cry my eyes out.
On Thursday night I seriously SOBBED before meeting while I was in the shower. And to top it all off Thomas looked freaking the hottest I've ever seen him. Ever. And I just had to sit there & watch. And I want so badly to just talk to him! So he can help me through all this keep my head & so that I can see how he's doing & help him & comfort him if he needs it. He text me the other day when I sent him something on purpose accidentally & said that he feels like no one likes him & they'll him even less after everything. I hate it whenever he feels like that & I wanted to reassure him that no one knows & so they all don't hate him & I still feel the same way about him & always will. Ugh.
And I still can't believe that I'm not two states away right now. No matter WHAT, now I'm gonna' be hauling butt to go to New York with Bre in April. [Never happened. Still haven't been to NY.] I HAVE to get of here. FAST. All I asked for was a week vacation! Why was it so hard to get that!? Ugh!! And I know exactly why it didn't work out: I had to pay for both Paloma & I's ticket to DisneyLand that one month & I used some of my travel money, which turned out to be exactly how much I was short to buy a ticket. So now I'm SO determined to not spend money on stupid things that require me 'borrowing' from myself. But I'll let you know how things go this week.
I was supposed to go up to Lake Elsinore today so David could teach me how to drive a stick on his car, but it would've been just us 2 & I don't need to be alone in a car with boy right now. So that didn't work out. And Bre text me to say she went to the ER last night & spent the night & all of today in the hospital with a mild case of pneumonia & asthma attack. So tomorrow I'll swing by her house & drop off an It's A Boy balloon for her hehe. I still owe her for that lol. [When I went to get my cardio echo, Bre bought be an 'It's a Girl!' balloon & everyone in the hospital thought I was prego.]