LAUREN POV
I hate this. Not knowing how Normani is or if someone has pulled her into the Dean's office. It's killing me. I want to see her, but I called off my session with her, and now I'm beginning to regret it. I don't know if she will want to see me this evening, or ever again if Melinda gets her way, but I miss her. I miss her so much. I know we have agreed to keep some distance between us for the time being, and yes, it was my idea, but I don't want to. I want to go to her place tonight and fall asleep in her warm bed with her arms wrapped around me. Yeah, like that is going to happen anytime soon.
Pulling myself from my own depressing thoughts, I grab my composition book and head off down to the music room. I need the piano today. It's definitely a piano kinda day. Smiling to myself, I pull my backpack up over my shoulder and disappear from the shitty world around me. Shitty because I have to live my life in secret, and shitty because of some stupid freaking policy. Fuck the policy. She's mine and that's that.
Reaching the room that is my only place of comfort right now, I push the door open and breathe a sigh of relief. God, it's like coming home. The smell of the wood surrounding me, I move further into the room and feel all of the anxiety and tension leave my body. If I can't have Normani, I'll have the next best thing.... My music. Running my fingers over the black and white keys, I feel a sense of calm run through my body. This is my only other love. Music and Normani. Those... coupled together? It's like the perfect life. If only it were that simple.
I'd spent most of the day worrying. I'd spent it wondering if I would see her this week, or this month. At one point, I'd even thought about breaking up with her. Not because I wanted to, no, but because I couldn't bare the heartache it would cause us both down the line. We shouldn't be together, I know that, but we are and it works so freaking well. Why would I want to change that? Truth is, I don't. I don't because she is all I've ever wanted...and more. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it, but when Melinda gets her way, and she will, I know the shit will hit the fan and we will both be left heartbroken.
Am I willing to accept the devastation that would come from continuing our relationship? Yes. A million times... yes. Why? Because I would die a thousand times to spend one more night with Normani. I truly would. She makes me feel things I've never felt before. She causes my breath to leave my body when I see her. How could I turn that down? How could I dismiss what we have and allow other people to win? Is it jealousy with Melinda? Is it sheer disgust? I don't know. I don't know, and right now... I don't care. She is the least of my worries. She may be the cause of my worries, but right now I'm worried about my girlfriend. My Normani. Whatever she is to me. I don't even know anymore.
Taking a seat behind the only thing that is real in my life right now, I run my fingers across the keys and close my eyes. This truly is the only other place I feel safe, other than in Normani's arms. Sometimes it's indescribable, but it just makes it so much better. I want her even when I'm with her. I miss her when I'm lay beside her. I crave her touch when I'm snuggled in her arms. She's intoxicating. A drug. One that I'd happily spend my life addicted to.
I can smell her. I can smell her and she's not even here. I've spent the last thirty minutes crying into my piano, and now I'm hallucinating. It's not right. None of this is right. I shouldn't have to sit crying about the woman I love. Not when she loves me back. I know this is the end for us. Melinda won't fall for the whole 'split' story, and I wouldn't expect her to. I also can't ask Normani to leave her job. I'd never do that. It wouldn't be fair to her. Her job is what brought us together. I just wish there was another way.
"Normani," I whisper as I continue to be assaulted by her intoxicating scent. God, I wish she was here. I need to feel her. I need something of her to grasp onto. It's the only thing keeping me alive right now. That's just how much I love her and cannot bear to be without her.
"Lauren." The sound of her voice causing me to snap my head up, I see her standing in the doorway. She's here. She actually came. Smiling, I motion for her to come inside.
"Hey." I stand and move towards her. Quickly realising that I cannot be near her, I stop myself on the spot and give her a sad smile. "You okay?"
"I guess." She shrugs.
"Did something happen?" My brow furrowing, my heart sinks into my stomach. "Oh God, they know, don't they?"
"Yeah." She sighs and runs her fingers through her gorgeous curly hair.
"Fuck," I mutter. It's all I have to give right now. I've never been so terrified in my life. She's come to break up with me. She's leaving Miami and I'll never see her again. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not." She simply states and takes my hand in her own. "Come on. Let's go home, Lauren."
"Where even is home?" I scoff and she pulls me into a strong embrace.
"Wherever you want it to be." She smiles as she rests her head in the crook of my neck. "My place or yours, beautiful?"
"What?" I'm totally confused right now.
"Where would you like to go? Your apartment? My house? You choose."
"I don't want to do this." I shake my head and pull out of her embrace. "I can't do this. Go home, Normani."
Moving away from her, I feel the loss of contact immediately. I've never felt so alone in all of my life. She's stood giving me a strange kind of smile and I'm totally thrown by her behaviour. "What?"
"I said... let's go home. What's the problem?" She smirks and I simply grab my backpack and move towards the door.
"The problem is that I'm not doing this. I can't and I won't let you leave. It's too hard. I don't care if it's forbidden and I don't care if it's 'against the rules'. Right now? I couldn't give a shit." My anger rising, I take a deep breath and continue to move towards the door. "I'll talk to you tomorrow or something, I just, I cannot do this right now. I just can't. I'm sorry. I love you, but I can't." Shaking my head, I move past her but she grabs my wrist and grips tight.
"Stop! Just stop, please?"
"Normani, I can't be here right now. They know, and now you are going to lose your job. You have no reason to be in Miami and I get that. I really do. Just please let me have one more day to take it all in. I know I'm going to lose you. I resigned myself to that fact on Saturday. We can pretend all we want but what's the point? It's only going to hurt so much more. I cannot take any more hurt. Not where you are concerned. I love you too much."
"Have you finished?" She gives me a knowing look and I stare at her. Her brown eyes staring straight into my soul.
"Finished what?"
"Your rant?" She laughs.
"My rant? Do you think this is funny?" How can this not bother her? How can she think that everyone knowing is funny?
"No, it's not funny." She moves closer to me and places her hands either side of my face. "Can we just go home?"
"Why are you not bothered? How are you even still on campus?" I question as I pull away from her and grab my rucksack.
"Because everything is okay." She shrugs and takes my hand in her own. "I'm not losing my job."
"Wait, what?" I stop her from pulling me across the room and she turns to face me.
"We have some things to discuss. You know, get our story straight and then everything will be okay. Everything is okay."
"What story?"
"Our story." She smiles. "The most beautiful story in the world."
...
Reaching Normani's front door, I could see that she was desperate to get inside. She had power walked the entire way home, and dragged me along behind her. I don't know what has gotten into her, but she seems... happy? I don't understand how she can be happy when we have both just been outed by that bitch. I'm not sure I've ever been so confused. Pulling me inside and slamming the door shut behind us, Normani throws her bag to the floor and guides me over to the couch. What the hell is going on? "Normani?"
"Mm?" She mumbles against my lips as she drags me down on top of her.
"I think we need to talk."
"We can talk later." She whispers as her lips trail down my neck and to that sweet spot that drives me insane. Stand your ground, Lauren.
Pulling back, I look into her eyes and see nothing but love and happiness. "No, we need to talk now."
"Why?" Get brow furrows and I give her a look.
"Why do you think? You have just told me that everything is okay, but we have been outed. How are you okay with all of this?"
Sitting up on her elbows, she gives me a smile and brushes a stray curl from her face. "Lauren, I have you on top of me, and I'm going to do very dirty things to you. You really want to do this now?" I can see the frustration on her face, but I need to know what is going on.
"Yeah, I do want to do this now," I state before climbing off of her. "As much as I want what you have just suggested, I think we should talk."
"Okay." She sighs and sits up beside me. "Everything is okay."
"But how?"
"Melinda came by my office earlier. Let's just say that she is very forward. I think we kinda knew that, though."
"Yeah" I laugh and run my fingers through my hair. "So, what did she say?"
"First she asked me to go to dinner with her. I shot that down right away. Then she mentioned you and said I hadn't broken it off. I didn't give her anything. I just told her it was none of her business. Then she brought up Dean Anderson."
"Oh." I sigh.
"So, I went to Dean Anderson myself." She shrugs and my eyes widen. "I took him my letter of resignation."
"What? Normani, what the hell have you done? You resigned?" Scoffing, I stand and pace the floor. "I don't believe this."
"Calm down." She tries to diffuse my impending Spanish rant. "Please, just listen to me."
"Fine. Let me hear all about the stupid decision you made!" I spit and stand with my hands on my hips. I seriously don't believe what is happening.
"I told him everything. About how we had been in a relationship since I took the job and how we were caught at the hotel. I even told him who it was that caught us. He, um, he kinda asked me to lie."
"What do you mean?" I furrow my brow and take a seat.
"He said that if we'd been dating since before I started at the university then everything was okay."
"So you said we'd been in a relationship since before?"
"Yeah, it was as if he was telling me to say it, even though he knew it wasn't the truth."
"He's not a bad guy." I smile. "I still didn't expect him to be okay with it, though."
"When he knew who I was dating, he just smiled. Said he knows you well."
"Yeah?" I smile. "My father has done a lot for the university." Oh god. The realisation hitting me square in the chest, I feel my heart beginning to pound.
"What's wrong?" Normani has clearly spotted the colour draining from my face, and she stares at me with complete confusion. "Lauren?"
"M-My father. Oh no." Shaking my head, I run my hand over my face and take a deep breath. "I think I'm going to be sick."
"What? What about your father?" This was supposed to be a happy evening, but the realisation that my father speaks to the Dean on a weekly basis, I know that it is only a matter of time before he turns up at my apartment. I don't say anything. I just sit in silence. I need a moment to take in what has just happened. Both the good and the bad.
"I, Uh-" Cutting myself off, I pull at my fingers and rest my head back against the couch. "Nothing."
"What is it, Lo?" She questions again. "This was supposed to be an amazing outcome. Did you not want us public? I thought you did."
"Normani." My tone a little harsh, she stands and moves into the kitchen.
"You never wanted us to be public, did you? Was I supposed to stay as your dirty little secret? Is that what you like about this? Us? The thrill? The thrill, but without the commitment?"
"What?" Standing from my seat, I follow her. "Don't be ridiculous. I want nothing more than to be public with you. I want to take you out to dinner and go to the movies and I don't want to have to do that out of town. It's just-"
"It's just what?"
"My family don't know about me. They don't know that I'm into women." I state and pull myself up on a stool.
"Oh." She drops her gaze and focuses on the cold marble between us. "Um, do you think it will be a problem?"
"I don't know. I guess we'll find out soon enough, though."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that stuff. I just, I couldn't understand why you weren't happy. I thought you would be thrilled."
"I am." Taking her hand in my own, I tighten my grip. "I want to be out there with you. I just didn't think about what else would come with that."
"I'm sorry. I should have spoken to you before I went to the Dean." She shakes her head and sighs. "I should have talked to you."
"No, you didn't expect him to be okay with it. You thought you were about to walk away from your job. That was your own decision. Don't feel bad." I give her a sad smile and run my thumb over her knuckles.
"Is this going to cause problems?"
"Probably." I give a sarcastic laugh. "But I can't help who I fall in love with, and my family will understand that."
"And if they don't?" She raises an eyebrow.
"Then it's their loss." Stepping down from the stool, I move back into the living room. "Come on. Let's sit for a while. We can sort this out when the time comes."
"Really?"
"Yes. I've just been given the okay to love my girlfriend openly, and right now, I just want to snuggle and hold you."
I don't know what is going to happen, but what difference does it make right now? Daddy doesn't know anything, so for now... we will just be.