Back to life without Jack. Back to my place. Back in the seat of another nondescript car.
I took a peek at the driver's eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. Unfamiliar.
My limbs yearned to stretch and I rubbed the back of my neck looking out the window.
Dawn. Darkness gave way to light, but it had a tainted glow coating the world in fiery colors.
Only a few hours left for me to get ready for work.
I wondered if I'd bump into Henry at all that morning. Maybe as he cleared out of the apartment below me. Maybe in the street. Maybe never. Jack had certainly re-assigned him.
Another glance at my driver. Could this blond guy in his forties be my new bodyguard?
He was bound to give me one of those looks. Ah, like the one he's throwing at me right now.
'Who are you?' It spelled out.
I shrugged. 'No idea.'
Heavy lids closed and secluded me to darkness. My mind jumped from thought to thought, like a kid jumping puddles. Jack. Donnie. Water trickling down my naked body.
Jack wrapped a large towel around me. "Donnie said that you'd complain about him eventually," he observed amused.
We had just stepped out of the shower. His hair dripped on my hand as I cupped his cheek.
"I'm not complaining, I'm telling you that I can't trust him. And maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't trust him so much either."
Jack's smile crumbled and his gaze turned cold.
Darkness swallowed memories and my eyes snapped open. Sometimes silence was my damn friend. I should have kept my mouth shut.
The car took a sharp turn and we entered a dimly lit parking lot.
So this guy was not going to be my new bodyguard. We were making a switch for the second time since I'd left the hotel.
The car stopped a few feet away from the elevator.
"Top floor," he said plainly.
"Thanks," I mumbled and got out.
A grunt rumbled in my throat as I forced my weary body to walk up to the elevator doors.
Ding! I stepped inside and pressed the button.
Switching cars was smart in case anyone followed. I wondered if Jack moved around like this. Probably.
Ding! The top floor was less cluttered and in open air. Sunrise colors stained the sky in long bloody slashes. There was hardly any wind and the frosty air chased away my sleepy state.
This next driver was surely my new bodyguard. He'd be all business and no fun and I'd resent the guy-
Henry stood beside a red Ford. A smile settled on his face while he opened the backseat car door.
My brain lit up in a tornado of notions and conclusions. The backseat and not the front — it meant that Henry was putting some much needed distance between us. Maybe he found my perverted tastes repulsive. Maybe he didn't want to sit near me because he had gotten a belting of his own from Jack. Maybe I shouldn't have cared so much about what Henry thought or what he did.
As I approached, details became sharper and what I had first believed to be a strange shadow, was now clearly a red mark bruising the corner of his mouth.
"Sir," Henry greeted me with that crooked smile of his, skewed worse by his swollen lip.
"Soldier. What happened there?" I asked knowing the answer.
My hands fumbled for a cigarette in my coat pocket.
"Mr.Fox."
"Did he change your assignment orders?"
"One added. I'm not supposed to touch you."
I sat in the backseat but kept my legs out of the car as I placed a cig between my lips.
My fucking lighter played hide and seek and I sucked at that game.
Tick. Henry had knelt in front of me, holding up a flame for my cigarette.
I leaned forward and puffed bringing the amber tip to life.
"Thank you," I said exhaling the smoke upwards.
"My pleasure, sir."
Henry put away the lighter and remained knelt before me with eyes wandering over my body.
"I'm not wearing the harness underneath all these clothes. In case that's what you're trying to figure out," I said smirking.
The hell with it. I wasn't going to pretend Henry hadn't seen me like that. And I wasn't going to play dumb.
Besides, Henry's flushed cheeks and flustered demeanor amused me too much.
His earnest gaze fixed on mine and he spoke with a frown, "No, sir. What I'm trying to figure out is: why do you let him do that to you?"
I smoked my ciggy pondering the question. Why, oh, why... How could I explain it?
"There's no 'one answer'. Plenty of reasons."
Henry's brows shot up expecting I went on.
"I can show you, but you might not like it."
With a look to the side, his face furrowed in deep thought.
Twirls of smoke floated between us, and I blew at them disturbing those wrinkly patterns — but only for a moment.
"Show me," Henry finally said.
He'll hate my guts after this. I decided and grinned.
My foot stomped the cigarette and I reached out a hand to his cheek.
The stubble coating his jaw tingled my palm as I caressed, careful not to prod at the scathed corner of his mouth. I wanted to kiss that bruise but that would have been bad.
My fingertips trailed down along his neck in smooth, tender strokes. That was bad as well.
But it felt good to be a little bad.
"Do you like my touch?" I asked meeting his glazed twinkling stare.
"Yes."
"Yes, sir," I corrected him by pressing on the 'sir'.
The way his eyes widened and the slight gasp escaping his lips made my blood rush.
"Yes, sir. I like it very much. Sir."
A sweet hot sensation awakened in my loins.
I ran my thumb on my tongue, smearing it with spit, then aimed it at Henry's lips. My own mouth parted and he took the hint opening up for my thumb to enter. Henry tasted my saliva then sucked shyly, keeping his gaze low.
"Good boy," I said softly.
A shudder visibly ran through him and those hooded eyes fixed on me in wonder.
My smile became broader and I moved the thumb in and out of his mouth in a clear suggestive manner.
Henry proved to be quite hungry and licked my finger suckling intensely.
The image of his head between my legs, blowing me invaded my mind and I couldn't hold back a grin or my erection.
"Unbutton your shirt."
Complying, his fingers worked quickly and his torso became visible. Slight tufts of dark hair marked his chest, so I took my hand away from his mouth to feel over those hairs. My palm sneaked farther under layers of clothes and found his skin smooth and quite an erect nipple.
"Feels nice, doesn't it?" I asked him.
His red cheeks and intoxicated eyes answered first.
Then came his sweet honest reply, "Yes, sir. I love it."
"Give me your right hand."
He did and I pressed my lips to his palm. The funny bandaids on his fingers got a few pecks as well.
"Sir?" he whispered confounded.
My fingers pinched his nipple as I hushed him. Then I cupped his cheek. So damn titillating — the way he closed his eyes for a moment under my touch.
"Do you want me to touch you like this again in the future?"
Those hooded eyes stared at me, so clear and bright.
"Yes, sir," Henry admitted in his usual frank way.
"If you take your hand away from me, I will never touch you again." I nibbled at Henry's palm heel. "Understood?"
He frowned but nodded.
My nips gradually became gnaws. And the gnaws prolonged into a sustained, anguishing bite. All the while, I looked sideways at Henry attentively observing his reactions.
He gasped and then gawked in disbelief as I became crueler. Wincing in pain, he turned his head and buried his face in my hand. His lips kissed it as he huffed his hot breath against my skin. So fucking cute.
A moment of respite as I unclenched my teeth. And then I resumed, ruthless and without limit. Henry's hand flinched, reflex taking over but with a grunt, he kept it in place. To say that I was impressed, would have been an understatement.
I licked over the mark and studied it for a second. Grooves in his palm, crimson and deep. I even punctured his skin in one spot. My tongue licked again. The subtle copper taste I recognized made me grin.
"Why didn't you take back your hand, Henry?" I asked bemused.
His mouth kissed my thumb before he turned his head to face me again. That drunk gaze said it all.
"This feeling's unfair," he grumbled and lunged forward, hiding his face in my lap as his arms wrapped around my waist. "I'm sorry."
"For?" I asked unsettled as my heart boomed in my chest.
"For everything. I don't know." He moved his hand, studying the bite mark while his head was still on my lap.
My fingers itched to touch Henry's hair, but that would have been too much encouragement. I hadn't expected him to be so enthralled. I had actually hoped he'd find it reason enough to grow wary of me.
"Are you admiring the damage?"
His hand closed into a fist and then opened. "Yes, sir."
"How do you like it?" I asked thinking about how much I loved the marks Jack left on my body.
Henry sat up and looked me in the eye with a slight smile on his lips. "I can't decide, sir," came his blunt answer punctuated by a shrug.
"You're so screwed." I grinned shaking my head.
"You have no idea." His gaze lowered with a veneer of sadness.
Setting boundaries when it came to Henry was desirable, but I was enjoying this too much. My hard-on pressed against my pants and sent porn pictures over my eyes. Henry sucking me off. His tongue soaked in my semen. And my hands exploring the mysteries of his body.
I'm such a fucking whore.
"I love Jack." The words spilled out of me and my feelings became all the more real.
I want you Henry, to play with, to feed my vanity with. And maybe even to hurt Jack a little for casting me out of his world. But it's Jack I really want and need.
My fingers ran through Henry's short hair and he looked back at me.
"I love Jack," I repeated in softer tones. "Remember that and next time you'll take your hand away before I bite it."
His fingers caught my wrist and set the back of my hand on his thigh. As if issuing a challenge, Henry stared into my eyes. Gently he placed his right hand into my palm.
"It's yours to do with as you please," he quavered.
"Oh, you don't want to be playing this game with a pervert like me." I grinned.
The blush on his cheeks and glimmer in his averting eyes were quite inviting.
"You're lucky I'm exhausted." I turned pulling my feet into the car. "The only place I want your hand right now is on the wheel, driving me home."
Toying with Henry had its charm, but it had to stop. Boundaries, Mr.Finley. Set boundaries.
I lied down in the backseat as the car rocked me in its flight.
The city roused from its slumber. The rumble of engines, the high pitched car horns, and the low pitched murmurs told of the life unfolding outside.
It lulled me into a stupor.
Jack's cold gaze returned to mind and I shuddered remembering his words.
"Donnie's my only friend and family, Mr.Finley. If I can't trust him then..." Jack stepped away from me shaking his head.
Me. Trust me instead. I was dying to say it.
Jack retrieved a towel for himself, dried up his skin, and got dressed under my alarmed stare.
"I'm sorry. But I can't change my dislike of Donnie-"
"I get it. You two have never really gotten along. That's fine. You don't need to be buddy-buddies with him but at least be civil."
Jack's tie swooshed as he flung it over his shoulder.
I clenched my jaw until my teeth hurt. Our eyes fixed in a staring match - it was bound to get ugly and bloody.
"Donnie's my right-hand man and he's been there for me."
Unlike me, the dweeb who has abandoned you.
"Sleeping with Mira. Was that Donnie being there for you?" I couldn't stop my tongue from wagging.
He scoffed at me. "Where the fuck did you hear that? That never happened."
Like a punch in the gut, and I nearly keeled over. Jack, you can't be this blind, can you?
"You'd believe anything, anything that snake tells you." The words hissed out of me without consent.
"Snake? You don't know what you're talking about, Mr.Finley. How many times has Donnie saved me? You've no idea how much I owe him. But you go around punching and taunting him at Billy's funeral of all places, like a fucking jerk. And why? Because he's not your lap dog."
What? Of course, Donnie had told his side of things any way he had damn-well pleased.
"You're right. I've no idea." My voice oozed sarcasm.
I threw my towel at Jack.
He tossed it back at me. "Stop it," Jack warned.
"You're stuck in Donnie's little web of lies, stupid!"
"Mind your words and remember your place!" Jack growled the words dowsing them in such booming anger as I'd never witnessed before.
The hair on my body perked up. Somehow I had taken a couple of steps back. A grunt left me as my back hit the cold surface of the shower cabin.
Remember my place. Donnie makes sure I don't forget it. My place is not beside you. I'm not your right hand. I'm not even your left hand. I'm some thing you use. Not just in play, but in actuality. That's my place. I'm your whore and nothing more.
I picked up the towel and rubbed my arms and legs - anything not to look at Jack.
"Shit," Jack's voice softened. "That came out wrong."
Waves of nausea hit me as I drowned in inconsolable thoughts.
Jack's apologetic tone filled the bathroom. But I had no desire to listen.
I pulled up my pants and buttoned them while rough hands incessantly sought to touch me.
"Fuck off," I said at some point.
"Steve!" My name shot from Jack's lips and snapped me out of it.
"What?" I barked peering up at him.
That green stare glimmered intensely as he spoke, "I didn't mean it like that."
I let him hold my face in his large hands.
"You really have no idea. And you have to keep out of things that you don't understand."
"Right." Things like your entire life. "Then help me understand," I demanded.
He sighed, and his thumb rubbed my cheek. "It's not that easy. What happened at the funeral — do you think that's never happened before?"
"Huh?"
Warm lips pecked my forehead as fingers tenderly ran through my overgrown hair.
"You've toyed with Donnie in the past," Jack spoke lowly close to my ear.
"Hah, I've done what?" the question slipped out in astonishment.
Those strong arms embraced me tightly and rough palms caressed my back without pause.
"Don't worry. Your memories will come back."
"Help me. Tell me what happened," I pleaded and swallowed a sob.
"I don't know everything — only my side of things. It might confuse you even more..."
"Right," I uttered, staring blankly at the bathroom door.
I grappled with the new bulk of information about young Steve. Had I been a bully? Did I deserve the way Donnie treated me? And how could I be with Jack when he was constantly pushing me away?
"In time, you'll remember and even if you won't — I love you. I'll always love you."
Words. Words that I wanted to take but couldn't. The moment I touched them, they turned to sand and slipped between my fingers.
"Mr.Finley," he pleaded speaking my name.
Mr.Finley. Mr.Finley wants to be part of your world but can't. The moment he steps over the line, you push him back.
"You're leaving with Donnie, aren't you?"
His arms loosened around me and Jack lifted his head from my shoulder.
"Yes." He studied my face with a frown.
I smiled cocking my head to the side. "One last kiss before you go then..."
Our mouths parted in a deep sweet kiss. Not for long. Not nearly enough.
Then Jack was standing by the door about to close it behind him.
Tap-tap-tap. His fingers nervously drummed on the door frame.
I should have said 'I love you.' I should have begged for him to stay a while longer. I should have asked when we'd see each other again.
I shouldn't have been so spiteful.
In the end, none of us had said anything. The only sound resonating inside the bathroom had been the door closing behind Jack when he had left.
The car slowed down and Henry parked it in one swift maneuver.
"Sir?"
With the back of my hand, I wiped my silly tears away and only then sat up.
"Thank you, Henry. That will be all for today."
I rushed to get out of the car. A cigarette hung from between my lips as I walked in the cold December morning, shivering annoyed because I sucked at playing hide and seek — with my lighter, with my memories, and with my damn lover too.
****Author's Note****
Since the holidays are approaching I'll be updating less. Instead of twice a week, we'll have once a week updates. Mondays.
So next Friday there will be no update. And until further notice, Kairos-Blood will be updated only on Mondays.
I hope you guys are OK with this. Well, let me know your thoughts if you feel like it.
Also, let me know your thoughts on the story as well. I do love to hear from you. Don't hold back because you don't want to offend or some strange thing like that. I value all feedback and try to understand how you guys are seeing this story and the characters in it. Especially since I know that Kairos is not an entirely conventional love story. o.o
Cheers!