HARRY'S POV.
I yawn as I pull my keys out of my pocket to open the front door. Recording this album has been completely draining, long hours of focus and creativity mixed with the intense emotional reflection and outpouring has almost been too much to handle.
Once the lyrics and music started coming out of me in California I couldn't shut them off and the complete detox of mind and body turned out to be exactly what I needed. I started to see things more clearly and was able focus on them, I saw her more clearly.
My mouth flies open as I walk into the house and look across the living room that looks like a war zone.
The cushions have been unzipped and flung around the room, the coffee table is upside down and the couches have been tipped over. The TV has been taken off the wall and rests on the floor next to the entire sound system which has been unplugged and dismantled.
I'm so tired that the sight makes me a kind of pissed off but as Liv stands up and wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, I can tell how flustered and disheartened she is by not having found what she is looking for.
She desperately doesn't want to believe that any one of our friends would betray me and although I don't either, the reality of the situation is pretty clear. I bite my lip to stop myself from smiling at how cute she looks, all red faced and cranky and I don't know if I have the heart to tell her that this is all a little crazy.
"I know, I know but I have to make sure!" She huffs, reading my mind.
"Hey, I didn't say anything," I hold my hands up in innocence, letting the smile take over my face.
Her brow creases and when she pouts I'm sure I can feel my insides start to melt. I walk over to her, the distance all of a sudden too much to handle, and link my arms around her waist.
"You're very cute when you're mad," I grin and almost laugh when the creases in between her brows and the top of her nose get deeper.
"This isn't funny, Harry," she stomps her foot and I almost lose it, only just keeping it together to not make her think I don't take her seriously.
"I know, darling," I say, kissing her crinkled nose, "tell me where to start."
She looks around surveying the area. "I'll start on the records, you go through the book shelf."
I give her a mock salute and I can't resist swatting her on the arse for her demanding little tone.
I start taking my books off the shelf one by one and fanning through the pages before putting it back in its place.
"What are we looking for anyway?" I ask, looking over my shoulder to where Liv is holding her finger to her lips in a silent "shhh". I roll my eyes at her and she raises her eyebrows and purses her lips to give me a scolding look that nearly makes me walk over and fuck her right here on the floor, hidden camera or not.
I raise a single eyebrow at her in warning and I swear I see her shiver.
Slide out, fan pages, push back in. I've been through two shelves of books and my patience is starting to wear very thin. I'm tired and as much as I wish it wasn't true, someone has betrayed me, betrayed us, and it's time we face the facts.
I hear Liv huff as she finishes sifting through the third box of vinyls.
"Maybe you're right." She says sadly.
I'm just about to tell her I told you so when something catches my eye.
There's a book on my shelf that doesn't belong to me and as I read the title on the spine I know exactly whose it is.
"I give up, Harry. I guess I was just being naive. There's obviously no hid-" I hear her start and I race over and push her gently into the wall, one hand covering her mouth and my other pressed onto the wall behind her.
I lean in and whisper into her ear, "I found it."
Her eyes widen for a split second in understanding but then something else flashes across her face.
My body cages her to the wall and I can feel the warm breath from her nose shorten against my hand which is still covering her mouth.
Holy fuck this is turning her on.
I watch her lips as I slide my hand away slowly, the tips of my fingers lingering on her mouth now reddened from my grip.
I look back into her eyes, her pupils are dilated and she's moving them between looking into mine and staring at my mouth. I lick my lips instinctively and see her throat move to swallow.
She stops breathing as I run my index finger down the centre of her mouth, catching on her bottom lip and I want to suck on it so badly my lips tingle at the thought.
My eyes are fixated on her mouth as she draws her bottom lip in between her teeth and away from my finger only to replace it with her soft pink tongue.
I lean harder into the wall and push the tip of my finger slowly into her intoxicating mouth. My dick hardens against the rigid fabric of my jeans when she sucks as I start to pull my hand away.
We are both panting with lust and need and I drag my hand down her chin and my fingers wrap around her throat. I only put the slightest bit of pressure on it to see how she will react.
I try to stop the groan from escaping my lips when I notice her squeezing her thighs together. I'm really not sure how much longer I can take not being with her.
"After these three months are over, you better be ready for me baby, or you're going to completely ruin me." I whisper into the thin air between us and I remove my hand to put my forehead against hers and catch my breath.
She nods eagerly and I wonder if she's ready now.
She puts her hands on my chest and pushes me gently away from the wall, our minds coming back to the urgent issue we were dealing with before we got sidetracked.
I hold my finger up as a command for her to wait and I walk back over to find the out of place book on the shelf.
I pull out the "Spiritual Guide to Now" and I immediately see the tiny black square microphone with a wire stuck to the spine. I rip it off and hold it up to show Liv, slightly relieved it's not a camera and drop it to the floor, crushing the heel of my boot into it twice.
Before I can be satisfied I walk quickly to the bathroom and watch it flush down the toilet.
I am glancing over the book shelf again to make sure it was the only one before I feel Liv's arms wrap around my waist and her head push between my shoulders.
"Is it the right time to say 'I told you so?'" She mumbles and I finally let out a sigh of relief and laugh.
I turn around to face her, pushing her hair back and looking into her eyes.
"What would I do without you? My little guardian angel."
She grins before frowning. "I don't understand who would have planted it?"
"Mmm, I know exactly who did it. That's Adriana's book." I tell her and she gasps.
"What? Are you sure, Harry? Why would she do that?"
I groan and run my hands over my face. I push the couch up the right way and take her hand to sit down on it with me.
"Ok, you're scaring me." She says hesitantly as she takes a seat.
"So, after you came to New York, I told Adriana about us, not everything, but most of it." I brace myself for the disappointment.
"Ok, I wish you would've spoken to Xander or someone instead but I understand." She says calmly and I wonder how it is that she seems to accept all my flaws without question. "But what does that have to do with her spying on us and feeding it to the press?"
"Well, after spending so much time together we became friends and I kinda fu- I slept with her...a few times...actually, a lot." I run my hand through my hair.
"At the end of the tour she told me she had feelings for me and she thought I did too." I watch distress take over Liv's face and it makes me feel physically sick.
"Oh God, Harry. Do you?" She whispers, pulling her hands away from mine and holding her arms across her chest as a subconscious act of self protection.
"What?" My face screws up in confusion and I move closer to her on the couch, I put my hands on her hips and look at her devastated face. "No! Of course not Liv, I love you and I told her that, so many times. I guess that's why she started making up negative shit about you. How could you think that I would feel anything for her?"
"Harry! Because you were sleeping with her, repeatedly, for months. Someone you know, who was spending every hour of every day with you for five months, who got to say good night to you every night and hear your sleepy voice every morning, who travelled with you and knows everything about your life." She says matter of factly and gets off the couch to pace in a circle. "And you have the audacity to be shocked when she falls in love with you!" She huffs, exasperated.
I jump up to face her and take her hands in mine.
"No please Liv, it was just sex I don't have any feelings for her!" I cringe the second I hear the words come out of my mouth, the exact words Dan had used and I see her wince and take in a shaky breath.
I desperately want a drink and I realise the truth, the pain of having hurt her is a trigger and the fear of losing her is one too.
"Liv," I say calmly, sitting back down and clearly taking her by surprise.
"I fucked up and this time it put your life in the spotlight and compromised your privacy and I'm sorry. But I'm trying to change. I have changed. I'm working on it so hard and you know that. I love you, Olivia, and I've never been in love before and the fact I can't have you makes me seek the sensations elsewhere.. as dull, shitty, unsatisfying substitutes. I know it's fucked up and it's not healthy. It's not your fault and I'm fixing it."
She takes a deep breath and sits down, too far away for my liking but at least she's sitting.
"Shit, you're right Harry. I'm such an arsehole. I'm sorry, you haven't done anything wrong. You weren't to know she would be vindictive and I know you are trying to deal with everything and I'm so proud of you for it." She says softly and I almost laugh at how she can still be so supportive when my issues cause her so much pain directly.
"This is all my fault, I pushed you too far. I let the shitty thing that Dan did to me affect you too and I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm terrified of being hurt and that shouldn't be your issue to deal with. It's mine."
"Sex doesn't mean anything because I'm not in love with them, Liv. It's only you, it's only ever going to be you. And once you let me in, I'm not going to let you go. No amount of drugs or booze or women could even come close to tempting me. I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
I wish she could see inside my head and my heart, just for a minute, and I know that's all it would take for her to see the depth of my love for her and how much of her trust she can safely give me.
"Liv, I know it doesn't seem like it but I'm scared too. I'm scared I'm just the exciting rockstar phase you're going through before you meet another Craig in IT. I'm scared you will get tired of me being away all the time. I'm scared you will get sick of the press constantly spreading lies or the photographers following us or the women always desperate for my attention." I take a deep breath when I see her do the same.
"I'm scared it took Dan fucking up for you to see me because you loved him more than you will ever love me. I'm scared I can't live without you yet all I do is drive you away. I'm scared you'll never fully trust me and I'm scared you'll never actually be ready."
She shakes her head and I take the opportunity to move closer to her.
"No, you're not a phase, Harry, I love you.. like this, at home or with our friends. I know your job comes with a whole truck load of things most people don't have to deal with and makes every situation feel more extreme, but you're worth it. I couldn't see anyone else when I was with Dan because that's who I am. I'm devoted and loyal and I made a promise to him that meant everything to me. But now, I couldn't be more grateful that he broke that promise because he saved me from a lifetime of being with the wrong man. I would have seen you Harry, I don't think we could have ignored this forever."
I take her hands in mine when she looks down at them.
"My trust was broken Harry but it's not permanent. And I know I will be ready...because I'm ready now."
I groan at her confession and squeeze my eyes shut at the frustration of my awful timing.
"It's ok," she assures me, rubbing her thumbs over my hands.
"Liv, I know you always said you couldn't ask this of me but I'm more selfish than you. I'm not asking you, I'm begging you, to wait for me."
She kicks her converse trainers off and climbs onto my lap, wrapping her legs around my back and I feel a moan vibrate in the back of my throat at the ecstasy of her body being pushed into mine.
"You didn't have to ask." She says into my neck and I hold her until my arms ache.