"Chris . . . even if there were no one in my life right now . . let's pretend Jordyn didn't exist . . the two of us couldn't be together . . no in this life . . it's just not possible"
"And why not?"
"C'mon, Chris . . the whole school would make fun of us . . we would never hear the end of it"
"Michael . . I wouldn't give a damn about them . . to hell with everybody who doesn't agree with what I feel for you . . to hell with them!"
"But it doesn't matter anyway, Chris . . I'm not in love with you . . and we will never be together . . so . . why bother?" Michael says, getting up from the grass. I remain seated just for a little while longer. Michael wants to leave . . I know it . . but he doesn't . . he's standing there, doing something on his phone.
"What are you waiting for?" I ask him. He looks down at me. "I'm waiting for you . . let's go home . . it's getting cold, Chris"
"Naa . . I'll stay out here . . I'm kinda liking the chilly air . . you go ahead . . I'll see you at school tomorrow"
"You sure?" Michael asks.
"Yea . . I'll be fine"
Michael gives me a half-smile and walks away. I lay down on the grass and close my eyes. Michael words made me feel good but at the same time they crushed my heart. Hearing him say that we will never be together breaks my heart . . I know he likes Jordyn . . and I want to be happy for him but . . I just can't.
I care about him too much.
"Chris!"
I open my eyes and sit up from the grass.
"Mike? I thought you went home"
"Come on, Chris . . get moving . . it's getting cold" I can't help but smile, grabbing my backpack and jacket. Michael walks me to my house. We give each other our famous best friend handshake.
"See you tomorrow, Chris"
"See you tomorrow, Mike"
~ Michael's point of view ~
I just walked Chris home. I'm now headed to my house. I didn't want to leave Chris at the park all by himself. Not that he can't take care of himself . . I just didn't feel ok leaving him there by himself. I walk inside. Mom is cooking up a storm.
"Hi, baby"
"Hey, mom . . ."
. . . . .
"Are you ok, Michael?"
"I'm fine . ."
I throw my backpack on the couch and take a seat in front of the TV. Some girly talkshow is on . . I close my eyes and lean back on the couch. "How was school?" Mom asks.
"Good . . ."
"Are you in trouble at school? . . what's that look on your face?"
"Mom, I'm not in trouble at school . . I'm just . . never mind, ok?"
She closes the fridge and walks over to me. She takes a seat next to me and gives me a big, wet kiss on my cheek. "C'mon, sugarface . . talk to your momma . . what's bothering you?"
"Nothing is bothering me, ok?"
"Are you having girl troubles?" She asks, pinching me in my stomach.
"No"
"What's the matter, baby? . . is everything ok with Chris and you?"
. . . . .
. . . . .
"Mom . . can I ask you something? . . but you have to promise me you won't freak out, because it doesn't mean anything . . ok? . . what I'm about to tell you doesn't mean a thing, ok?"
"Pour your heart out, honey" She says, waiting impatiently for me to tell her my problem. I kinda feel the need to let her know about the thing with Chris . . if there's someone I can really talk to, it's my mother.
I just hope she won't make a big deal out of it.
"Mom . . . promise me you won't freak out"
"Honey, I won't freak out . . will you please just tell me?"
. . . . .
"Mom . . Chris and I . . we . . kinda kissed each other"
She gasps. "You two kissed? . . like . . a real kiss??"
"Yea . . and umm . . I kinda . . I don't know . . I'm not in love with him, ok?! . . don't get me wrong . . I don't love him or whatever . . but . . I'm feeling kinda weird around him"
"You're feeling weird around him? . . what do you mean?"
"I don't know . . I . . I feel weird around him . . like, different . . it's so weird now when we're hanging out, you know? . . I like him . . he's my best friend . . and at the same time I kinda care about him more than I should . . you know what I mean?"
"Awww . . I think that you're developing feelings for Chris, honey"
"NO! . . no, I'm not, mom! . . now please erase that through out of your mind, ok?!"
"Honey! . . you just admitted it! . . you care about him more than you should . . in my book that means someone is developing feelings . . and that's ok, you hear me? . . it's perfectly ok if you feel that way"
"No, mom! . . it's not perfectly ok! . . I'm a guy . . he's a guy . . it's not possible! and by the way, I do not WANT to be with Chris . . I'm with Jordyn . . I'm with her!"
"Honey . . . are you with Jordyn because you wanna be with her . . or are you with Jordyn because you don't want people to suspect about you and Chris?"
"THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON WITH CHRIS AND I . . ok??"
"Ok, honey . . . I believe you . . . but think about what I just said, ok? . . at the end of the day, you're the only person who knows what's really going on . . don't lie to yourself . . it will only make you crazy"
. . . . .
"Believe me, mom . . I'm already going crazy"
. . . . .
"When you kissed Chris . . what did you feel, honey?"
"I don't know . . how should I know??"
"Well . . what did you feel? . . how did it feel, kissing Chris?"
"Mom . . this is too freakin' weird . . I can't talk to you about this"
"Come on, honey . . you already started . . we might as well finish this conversation. . I'm sure it will make you feel a lot better if you told me"
"Mom . . I don't know, ok? . . the kisses just happen out of nowhere . . I'm not feeling anything when kissing him . . it just happens . . I don't know how to feel about it and that's my problem . . why don't I know?"
"You're confused, honey . . ."
"Yea, I am . . . I really, really like Jordyn . . but when I'm with her, all I think about is Chris . . and when I'm with Chris, all I think about is Jordyn"
"Honey, you developed a crush on your best friend . . that's perfectly alright, don't feel weird about it . . and most importantly, don't feel ashamed by it . . if kissing Chris feels right, go for it . . if it doesn't feel right, then don't do it. You must listen to your stomach . . your stomach usually tells you if the moment feels right or wrong"
"My stomach feels nothing . . and that's the problem, mom"
"You have to wait and see, baby . . you don't have to figure this out today . . you have all the time in the world to think about your feelings . . just make sure you never do something that you don't wanna do, ok?"
"Mom . . my problem is that I wanna do it"
"You wanna do what, baby?"
"I'm not saying I like it when he kisses me . . but I definitely don't mind . . I pretend to hate it when he does it . . because I don't want him to know that I like it . . or else he'd do it all the time"
"Chris really likes you, huh?"
"Yea . ."
"And you like him too, don't you?"
"I don't know, mom . . I really want to be with Jordyn . . but when I'm with her I feel bad for Chris . . it's just so complicated, you know? . . I wish he never kissed me in the first place . . then I wouldn't be in this mess"
My phone starts ringing. It's Chris:
"Hello?"
"Hey Mike . . I just saw that I had your wallet in my backpack . . remember? you gave it to me when we were at the park with Enrico! . . I'll be right over"
"Ok, thanks!"
I quickly shove my phone in my jeans pocket and walk outside. I close the door behind me and walk down the driveway. There's Chris already . . we stop in front of each other . . Then he grabs me by my arm and pulls me behind a huge tree. It's pitch dark out here.
"I hope you don't mind" Chris whispers. Next thing I know his lips are on mine. I gasp softly. He pushes me up against the huge tree, gently biting me into my neck. "I'm sorry, Michael . . I didn't mean to do this . . here . . here you go . . here's your wallet"
I put the wallet in my jeans pocket. "Thanks . . thanks for bringing over"
"You're welcome . . good night, Michael"
"Good night"
. . . . .
Chris was just about to leave . . but I grab him by his shirt and pull him back to me.
"Michael? . . what are you doing?"
"I don't even know what the hell I'm doing" I say, grabbing his face and kissing him. I can feel Chris' heart starting to race . . and I believe my heart is racing just as fast as his right now.
"Michael, you're driving me crazy" He gently pushes me away. "Come to my house . . my parents aren't home . . in five minutes . . ok?"
I bite my bottom lip. "Umm . . ok" I watch him run off. I slowly walk over to Chris' house. I'm taking my time. I wonder why he wants me to wait five minutes. I walk inside and make my way upstairs to his room.
He turned off all the lights . . the only light is coming from two candles burning on this desk . . a red one and a yellow one. Chris lays down on the bed. "Come here, Michael" I slowly move closer to him. We lay down next to each other. I notice that he sprayed cologne on himself.
"My heart is about to jump right out of my chest" Chris says.
I smile.
"Why is that?"
"Because of you, dumbass . . what the hell is going on with me? I'm absolutely crazy about you" He slowly gets on top of me and starts kissing me. "Wrap your arms around me, Michael . . please"
I wrap my arms around his neck.
"Chris . . please promise me that this will stay between us . . no one at school can ever find out, ok? . . please, promise me that"
"I promise . . . and do you promise that you won't hold back your feelings for me anymore?" I swallow nervously. "I can't promise you that, Chris . . I am with Jordyn . . I really like her"
"Ok . . not in public . . but when we're together . . like this . . will you show your feelings? will you keep kissing me like this?"
"Ok . . I can do that . ."
"Promise me . . promise me you won't keep pushing me away from you . . can you promise me that, Michael?"
"Ok . . ok, I promise"
"Thank you . . . this makes me feel really good, Michael . . I really appreciate it" I give him a smile. "Me too . . makes me feel good, too" Chris gives me a smirk. "Can I go down there?"
. . . . .
"Excuse me?"
"Can I go down there and do stuff to ya?" Chris asks. I swallow nervously. "That depends . . what kind of stuff are you talking about?"
"Stuff I can do with my hand . . or my mouth"
"Chris . . I don't know . . I'm taking this step by step, I don't know if I'm comfortable with you doing stuff down there" Next thing I know Chris pulls down my pants and wraps his hand around my dick.
"Chris . . . ."
"I'll be careful"
He takes my dick into his mouth. I can't help but let out a weird squeal. This is so damn awkward. I never had a guy do this to me before. Fuck. I don't even know what to think right now . . let alone what to feel. This is so incredibly weird.
He circles his tongue around the tip and then takes it halfway into his mouth. Fuck. What the hell is he doing to me? . . I hate him so much for doing this.
. . . but I kinda like it, too.
"Are you enjoy this?" Chris asks.
I refuse to say a word . . what a dumb question . . of course I'm enjoying it. I'm about to come . . he's doing it so very well . . fuck . . I'm about to explode.
"Chris . . you . . you better stop now . ."
"Why?"
"Chris . . I'm serious . . you better stop now"
"I can't . . I'm really enjoying this"
Next thing I know, I squirt my juice right into his mouth. I can tell that he didn't see it coming at all. He's got some of it on the sides of his mouth, some of it on his chin . . and the rest of it all in his mouth. He grabs a tissue and spits it all out.
"I'm sorry about that, Chris . . . but in my defense, I warned you" He gets up and leaves the bedroom. Now I feel bad. I hope he's not mad at me. He comes back a minute later with a freshly brushed teeth and a mint.
"Chris, are you angry at me?"
He starts laughing. "No, of course I'm not angry . . I was just a little surprised by it . . it kinda hurt my throat"
"Sorry . . ."
"It's alright . . I enjoyed it . . did you enjoy it, too?"
I laugh. "Well, I came . . didn't I?"
We both laugh.
Suddenly my phone starts ringing . . it's Jordyn.
Fuck.
To be continued . . .