Words: 5128
You gazed to the ceiling of the room, over thinking the things that haunted you for the past two years. The good ... the bad ... the heartbreaking. You never thought that making decisions was your way to go but here you laid on the bed, over thinking that again. Did you ever doubt your choice? Often, you choose in a single fast heartbeat, giving the one up for the other. Just as that second time. Two years ... that was wat had gone by, two years of over thinking, two years where you asked yourself always the same question. Would it be better to choose the one for the other? As a warrior you acted on commands, which you had done for years. You stood aside Harald and his brother through every battle. You loved them, the one more than the other. And they didn't ask you to choose, you just did, ending you up right here in a bed beside him. That was one choice, the other ... was a life of death choice. Clearly you were pregnant from after making that first choice but you choose to get rid of it, you poisoned yourself, getting that unborn child out of your system like it was hardly more than a goat you sacrificed. It was wrong, it didn't fit, it just wasn't right, not for you, not for him and even not for Harald. You hated making choices, those two had put you in a whole there was no crawling back from. Luckily that whole is precisely where you wanted to be.
'You're thinking again.' His husky morning voice pulled you out of your thoughts. He turned on his stomach, laying his hand on yours. You turned your eyes and looked at him, his brown hair laid unbraided and wild over his shoulders, you liked it that way.
'Somebody needs to do the thinking.' You teased. Harald tugged you closer and you did, resting your fingertips against his jawlines.
'Ivar asked us to come to Kattegat for a reason.'
'That crippled idiot is the least of my concern.'
'My brother?' He guessed. You choose Harald out of loyalty. He saved you once, you obeyed him. But it stung your heart to see leave knowing it would blacken his heart even more. You missed him, sharing a bed with Harald wasn't the same. 'We can count on him.' 'If you say so my king.' You obeyed. He touched your face before grabbing a hold of it, kissing you as passionate as he always did. If it just was ... but no, you choose King Harald Finehair.
'Ivar The Boneless, long time no see.' King Harald greeted Ivar when the both of you set foot in Kattegat. You jumped out of the boat, cloaked in black, a hand resting on the handle of your sword as you stayed foot aside Harald.
'King Harald.' Ivar smiled. It wasn't a meaningful smile and you just frowned your eyebrows on it. 'Y/n, still playing the stinky little dog I see.' Ivar greeted you.
'Dogs bite Ivar, be careful what you say to one.' You warned him with an almost polite smile.
'Trust me, she has the teeth.' Harald made a joke about it and he and Ivar started laughing. Last time you saw Ivar he was crawling around and using a chariot. Now he had some kind of metal legs, could move on crutches. Probably made him more dangerous than he already was, he wasn't a boy anymore that was for sure. 'Does anybody know of our arrival?' King Harald asked while he walked aside Ivar through the muddy street. You looked over your shoulder back to the docks, nobody but him was waiting, you didn't even sail under King Harald his banner. Ivar stopped, looking over his shoulder to you before he looked aside to Harald.
'If you mean your brother, no.'
'How is doing?'
'Picking the wrong side of the camp.' Ivar replied. Camp? Sides? What was he up to? You followed him into a little house not far of the docks. 'The dog should stay watch.' Ivar nodded to you. Harald laughed, looking over his shoulder to you as he shook his head.
'Y/n stays, you can trust her.' Harald defended you. You nodded, closing the door behind you.
'I don't trust love, you loved once. Isn't it.'
'And I choose loyalty over it, is there something else I need to explain to you other than the black eye you will have tomorrow morning?' You asked calm, slowly walking over to him. He amused himself with you, he prayed on you and you hated that about him, more now than two years ago. He grew smarter, but more arrogant, you didn't liked his attitude.
'Y/n.' You froze, pulling back on Harald his silent commanded.
'Sit.' Ivar smiled, like you were a dog, and your hand flew right out, kicking him right at his face. He lost his balance on his crutches, lucky for him there was a table that saved the day. He was laughing, loud, amused while he strokes his own cheek and turned back to you. 'I like you.' He praised your fierce outburst. You stepped a little back, leaning against the wall while Harald took a seat aside Ivar. 'You still want to become king of all Norway?' Ivar asked him. Your eyes trailed towards your king. He didn't talked about it in the two years that passed, yes, he had conquered a lot. But after his last attempted to take over Kattegat he didn't tried it anymore, certainly not with not by his side.
'Why are you asking Ivar?' Harald asked.
'There is somebody in Kattegat out for your title, your lands, giving there is one brother here there is already enough information changed around.' Ivar began. Your eyes widened, looking aside to Harald who just stayed his calm self. 'Lagertha wants to punish you for what you did two years ago. She is planning on tearing you apart off course,' he felt silent while chuckling looking aside to you. 'after tearing you apart.' He followed.
'My brother is in on this?' Harald asked. You could see from the frown in his forehead he wasn't pleased. But you really didn't trust the snake sitting on the other end of the table.
'He followed Björn over the Mediterranean sea, is here already for two whole years. You never showed up, so, if you ask me loyalty shifted.' Ivar looked in between the two of you. Harald looked aside him to you and you just shook your head. wouldn't betray his brother, he just wouldn't. But two years ... you only wanted to believe it wasn't true, maybe Ivar was right. 'I can help you.' Ivar offered.
'For which price?' You asked. Ivar looked over to you, a dark slick smile spreading over his lips.
'Killing Lagertha.' He answered, looking back to Harald. 'There is a feast tonight in the great hall, I invite you, both.'
'To do what?' You almost interrupted him, changing a look with Harald before you pulled out of the matter giving that you weren't in any place to give demands.
'So you believe what I say is true. Ask it Lagertha, ask , ask everybody, they will be so surprised, I'm already looking forward to the looks on their faces when we walk in.' He said, amused. You looked down to the ground, not knowing what to think. If Lagertha was planning on striking Harald you needed to be ready but where you ready to face ? Would you really believe he was siding with Lagertha on taking over his brothers kingdom? You swallowed, looking back up in the blue eyes that made Ivar so terrifying. 'What do you both say?' He asked with that smug grin. This was his little game, a game you wanted to know the outcome from. On which side stood that crippled bastard, what was it that he wanted? Looking at him wouldn't make a different, you needed to confront with it.
The people didn't look at you while you walked through Kattegat. Without Harald at your side nobody really recognized you except for you being a warrior, a fighter, you radiated that through the environment. Harald had enough to talk over with Ivar and you trusted the little sanity your king had so you went looking for that other saint of a brother. After two years you didn't know how he would reacted, he wasn't angry when he left you but it wasn't pleasant either. He didn't knew about your pregnancy, even Harald didn't know, you kept a lot from those brothers in the past two years and you weren't sure where to start. You found him on a place that was familiar, the blacksmith. Giving what Ivar told not much earlier you didn't know how much changed over the years. Seeing him standing there, with his back towards you brought those feelings all back again. You wanted to know how he was doing, you wanted to see him again but for over two years faith kept the both of you apart. You leaned against the doorframe, looking in the ways he handled that axe.
'.' You sounded secure, as always but on the inside you were feeling so weak on the moment. He froze before he looked over his shoulder, his blond hair as usual covering half of his sight. When he spotted you his dark eyes hold on to yours. 'You gonna use that axe against me?' You asked with a little nod to the weapon he held on to so tightly.
'Y/n?' You kicked him right out his balance by showing up. He turned around, your eyes slowed down to the axe, would he use it? On you? How much could a man change? 'My brother?'
'I wouldn't be here without him.' You answered. He walked over, long slow steps while his eyes scouted your body, looking for changes he wouldn't find. When he stood still before you, you looked up to his face, slowly breathing out for you held it the whole distant he walked over.
'I didn't saw you for two years, now you are showing up here,' he lifted his hand, pushing that axe against your chest. 'I waited for you and you never showed up.'
'I wasn't sure if you still wanted to see me.' You admitted, pulling your eyes away from the axe to look back up to him.
'Why? Because you choose wrong?' He ask. You felt the axe slowly following your body down until it hang at his side again. 'I thought,' He brought his hand up, knuckles stroking your cheek before he rested them in at your neck. You closed your eyes under the feeling. 'that I forgot you. I mean, what is so different about you?' You opened your eyes again only to see him pull up the corner of his mouth a little. 'But you show up here and,' he felt silence, closing in his face on yours. 'Did you miss me?' He asked, lips hardly away from yours. You looked at them before looking him right back in the eyes. You didn't answer with words, you laid your hand against his jaw and kissed him. He pushed you against the wall while you wrapped your arm around him, clenching yourself to him, his taste, his smell. You missed this man, you loved him and it took you two years to realize that. 'Join me in bed.' He whispered against your cheek. You tilted your neck to give him the freedom, hardly thinking about the true purpose you were here.
'I can't sleep with the enemy.'
'Who told you that?' He asked, pulling back a little to look you in the eyes.
'Ivar.' You reacted. He chuckled, caressing your face with his rough hands.
'I'm not your enemy, I could never fight the woman I love.' He admitted. For the first time he said that out loud, he confessed his love for you out loud. You looked in his dark eyes and nodded, like you agreed with something of you own. 'I knew you would come back one day, let me have you maybe if it is just for this moment.' He stroke your cheeks and you opened your lips to his again.
You closed your eyes on the soft stroke going down over your naked back, fingertips trailing figures over it before he kissed your shoulder blade. 'How much did you enjoy that?' He asked, his beard tickling against yours skin. You smiled dreamy before you turned around on your back and looked up to.
'Like I want to do it all over again.' You confessed. His hand stroke over your stomach to your tight before he kissed you again. You stroke your fingers through his blond hair, enjoying the attention he gave you. As rough as could be, this showed a whole other side of him. He broke the kiss, placed his lips on your chest, playing your breast with his mouth leaving you with a moan again. 'What do I tell Harald?' You asked, arching your back to get away from his lips. He stopped moving his lips over your stomach and looked up to you. 'Are you a treat for him?' You asked.
'Are you gonna kill me when I am?' He asked your right back, kissing the inside of your tight. You closed your eyes, letting your breath slowly out.
'If you keep doing that,' you broke your words in a moan when he kissed you on that warm sensitive spot between your legs. He chuckled by your lack of words, blowing his breath down on you. ',' you begged, not knowing for what you begged to begin with.
'Lagertha made a deal with me, we take wat is Harald's and she makes me a king.'
'What?' You lifted your head to look at him. He signed, pulling his body away to crawl up between your legs. He pressed his weight and naked chest down on yours and you didn't even mind.
'I can't get my brother killed, he is still my brother. This deal guaranties his life.' He explained. You studied his face and nodded, appreciating the little effort he took to keep Harald safe.
'And Ivar?' You asked. looked down to a strand of your hands he captured between his fingers.
'He plays his own games.'
'Your brother is in a vulnerable position. And with that comes my safety to. If tonight Lagertha makes a treat I'm caught right in the middle.' You explained, a fingertip stroking the tattoo on his face.
'You don't need to be afraid from Lagertha, it is Ivar you need to be careful from.' He warned you, trying to push his body away from yours but you clenched your knees against his waist. He gave you a warning look you only accepted with a small grin.
'I still trust you, don't make me regret it.' You warned him. He placed his lips against yours and you kissed him passionate.
'Go back to your loyalty Y/n.' He whispered before he stood up. You looked how he covered is naked body with clothes again, repeating every word you changed with each other. What if this was just a game?
Harald and Ivar walked that great hall in and everybody was still within second, stunned, shocked, that Harald Finehair stood there unannounced. You walked behind them, eyes resting on Lagertha who changed a quick look with one of her shield maidens. 'King Harald.' She greeted him, surprised, before letting her gaze slide to Ivar. Your eyes went for who had a woman in his lap and by the looks of it they had a pretty good connection, what only regret your dessicion of ending up in his bed earlier, even worse ... you started doubting every word he spoke. Björn sat aside him and stood up as soon as he saw King Harald and Ivar. 'Ivar, what game you want to play now?' Lagertha asked him. didn't stood up, he looked at his brother from this distance.
'Nothing, me and King Harald have some business.' He stated.
'And you thought to share those businesses with us all?' Björn asked curious.
'It came to my attention you want something that is mine?' Harald asked straight ahead. You felt tensed, not knowing from with corner the hit would come. just sat there with his woman, Ivar you didn't trust, Lagertha and Björn cooking up their own plans. You came eyes to short.
'Ivar told you.' Lagertha smiled, giving the crippled son of Ragnar a sharp look.
'He needs to know an army is coming for him, brother against brother.'
'And you will back him up?' Björn asked. There came a dark smiled on Ivar his lips while he looked in between the son and his mother.
'Off course you do, all you want is to defeat me.' Lagertha pointed to herself. Your hands clenched a little around your sword, ready to draw it when necessary.
'Is it true?' Harald asked, he wasn't looking to Lagertha, but to his own brother and you followed that look. You didn't told Harald you saw , or the fact that you slept with him. pushed the woman from his lap and stood up, throwing his piece of chicken on the plate before stroking his hand over his mouth.
'It is true.' nodded, standing still before his brother. 'I made a deal with the queen.'
'What deal?' Harald asked. frowned his eyes, changing a fast look with you.
'You attacked Kattegat once, my home, for that you weren't punished properly. has proven himself to be a trusted warrior in the battles that had passed. And for that he need to be rewarded, with a title.'
'You want what is mine?' Harald asked angry.
'What was ours!' shouted. Your eyes drifted to Ivar who shoveled away, sitting down with that satisfying grin on his face, this was what he wanted all the time. Placing Harald against his brother so war would be unvendable.
'I thought there wasn't bad blood between us, we always shared everything.' Harald began, looking over his shoulder to you. 'We are brothers, we stick together.'
'And you didn't recall on me for over two years.'
'Is that what is bothering you dear brother?' Harald asked almost sarcastic. 'If you want a fight brother, you have it.' He went further, walking aside over to Lagertha who immediately got shield off by her shield maidens. 'You better pray for your gods queen because if my men come there is no place to hide.' He warned her before turning around and walking outside. didn't looked at you while he walked by, he was praying his own brother.
'Y/n.' You froze in your steps to following the brothers. You turned around and looked to Lagertha. 'It isn't coming to a war if Harald gives his position up.' She advised you.
'And which King listens to a cowardly queen like you. There can only one team win, whatever deal you made with , one brother will die in the end of it.' Ivar said in between.
'And why are you all this interested Ivar, we all know you only act out of selflessness.' Lagertha said right back. Ivar liked his lips, leaning a little forward.
'Seeing you die will be my greatest victory dear queen.' He said low voice. You looked from Lagertha to Ivar and back, swallowing the coming war ahead.
'Choose wise.' Lagertha informed you. 'Loyalty is worth much these days.' She followed, giving you a small nod before you turned around and walked out. It took you a while to find those two idiots and when you did one head a major head wound and was beating the crap out of his brother.
'!' You yelled. Harald took that little distraction to push his brother away and slip away from the wall, kicking his brother right in his stomach. They both drew their swords and you ran right in between them. 'What are you both doing?' You yelled, turning from Harald to . 'Don't you see what is happening?' You looked back to Harald. 'You are fighting each other, for what cause? had to make that deal, or you would lose your head.'
'I would fight.'
'Don't be such an idiot!' You shouted angry, turning your gaze back to . 'He wants you to make this mistake, to start this war.' You said to the both of them. 'If you don't see it you are more stupid than I thought.' You followed, looking from the one to the other.
'Who?' Harald asked confused.
'Ivar.' answered, shoving his sword back in his belt. You breathed out, relieved that at least one of them was the smarter man. Your eyes trailed to the people that were looking.
'Let's take this to another place.' You said a little calmer. Harald only nodded, starting walking and you turned around to . 'You don't even start.' You warned him, remembering his woman sitting there on his lap. chuckled but did nothing more than that while following.
You stood aside who sat while you cleaned out the wound he had on his head while Harald was passing around. You hardly said anything, being rather harsh in your cleaning. 'Y/n, I know you are mad but,' started.
'Mad is an understatement, you took advantage of me . You took me into your bed for information only for me to see you with another woman on your lap afterwards. Are you married somewhere in between?' You interrupted him angry.
'No.' He answered with a little amusement in his eyes. He loved to see you angry and frustrated like that.
'I was pregnant, I found out just after you left with Björn.' You began. Harald stopped passing around and turned around to you.
'You were pregnant?' He asked shocked. You looked down to , throwing the fabrics you were cleaning his wound with to the ground before walking away.
'I poisoned myself to get rid of it.' You followed, looking to the wall before you.
'Why?' asked. You slowly turned around, tears setting in the corner of your eyes.
'Because I didn't know how mad you would be.' You answered honestly. Those days were the most insecure in your life. You never felt so weak and vulnerable as then and those emotions started to flow back all at once.
'And why didn't you told me?' Harald asked carefully.
'I didn't wanted to bother you with my personal troubles.' You whispered. You closed your eyes and looked up to the ceilings. 'I didn't want to change anything, you were ruling and you followed Björn, I didn't want to change that.'
'Y/n.' started, getting up from his seat. 'You killed,'
'I kill all the time.' You warned Harald. He backed out the instant your voice raised just a little. cupped your face and you looked up to him.
'There is more to life than only killing, I would have come back in a heartbeat for you.'
'And there you have it. You are born to rule, the both of you. You are fearless, you have still battles to win. Don't fight wars among yourselves, stick together. Like brothers.' You looked to Harald before you laid your hands around his wrists. 'It wasn't my time to be a mother, not with the both of you separated.' You ended what little speech you were trying to give.
'You shouldn't have done that.' said before letting his hands slip away from your face.
'I know, but it's to late.' You stated, pushing yourself away from the wall. 'Ivar is playing the both of you, you know that right?'
'Maybe, but Lagertha isn't.' Harald reacted. You nodded, placing your body on the table while sat himself down on the chair. Harald touched his bruised face and you pulled your eyebrow up. 'He kicks hard.' He just pointed towards his brother.
'Ivar wants somebody to place against Lagertha, he can't do it on his own, he is using you Harald.' You pointed to Harald. 'And Lagertha wants to punish you.'
'She made me a deal. You live but I become the King.' filled in on what you said.
' does this to safe your life, if you didn't notice.' You forced a smile on your face while saying that.
'I'm not gonna give up my crown. I rather side with Ivar, kill Lagertha and then I'm the king.' Harald spread his arms and you looked down to on the same time he looked up to you.
'You know Ivar will kill you just as easily afterwards.'
'You don't like him do you?' Harald laughed.
'No, I want to kick that little brat his ass.' You muttered for your own.
'Why don't you just go back home, give this up?' asked his brother. You rested your head between your hands, tired from the journey, the drama, everything. Maybe they should just go back home, you would follow. But it wasn't something for Harald to just give up.
'I still want to become King of all Norway.'
'You won't get that title brother, not with the Ragnarssons around.' signed.
'Ivar is my best change on getting that title.'
'And he will take it from right underneath you nose. Side with Lagertha, back her up against Ivar and maybe, in good faith you can be still king of whatever you have now.' You suggested, pushing yourself from the table. The brothers changed looks between each other while you walked over to the little bed there was. You took of your belt, you weapons and you just felt those brothers watching at you. You dropped down on the bed, listening to the conversation that the two brothers had until you fell asleep.
When you waked up there was only looking at you. 'Don't you have a woman to go to?' You muttered, forcing your body out of the bed.
'Yes, she sits right there.' He pointed right at you.
'.'
'Y/n,' he interrupted you. 'You didn't told me you were pregnant when I left for nothing.' He started.
'I wasn't planning on telling.' You whispered, looking down to your own fingers, counting them and counting them again.
'Would you do it again?' asked. You looked up to him, quickly shaking your head before burying your head in your hands again. Why made this topic you so insecure? Why were you so afraid of talking about that?
'I couldn't do it again.' You whispered into your own hands. walked over, pulling you up against his body.
'I will solve this with Lagertha, we go home, you marry me.'
'What?' You asked confused.
'Marry me, If you say no I will force you.' He warned you with a rather tender voice. He grabbed your underarms pulling them against his chest. 'I couldn't stop thinking about you last two years, I had other woman but they weren't you. I look like my brother and his princess two years ago.' That last part made you chuckle for a moment, leaning against chest you looked up to him. 'I only have better taste.' He followed with that smug grin before lowering his head. You closed your eyes and kissed him while you had the change. 'Yes?'
'What you want .' You whispered. He grabbed your chin and looked studied your face.
'Say yes.' He asked you again.
'Yes.' You agreed.
'Good,' he pecked your lips. 'let's go to Lagertha.' He followed. You grabbed your weapons and followed him outside to the great hall.
'What is the plan?' You asked on the way.
'Using our charm to get Harald behind Lagertha and against Ivar.'
'Does he know?' You asked, nodded.
'I saw a lot to conquer on my journeys last two years. We can become more than we are now.' He promised you. Just as you arrived at the great hall that cripple tried to walk on those stairs. He saw the both of you and started to laugh.
'Y/n, I know dogs weren't that obedience to their owners. They smell something better and spurt to the other side.' He spotted.
'And what are you Ivar, the dog with only two legs to stand on?'
'Don't you dear talk to me like that.' He hissed. You walked the stairs on and turned around to him.
'Next time you want to set two brothers against each other, do it with your own brothers.' You said softly to him. His blue eyes just pierced through yours, his gaze following your body rather hungry.
'I don't know what to do with you, kill you or love you.'
'You can't have her.' came in between.
'What, the both of you share her already, what does it change, if I,' he felt silent, looking all cocky fort and back, almost innocent. 'join to.'
'You really want that black eye do you.' You lashed back, turning around and walking into the great hall. Harald was already there an Lagertha sat on her throne.
', glad for you to join us.' She greeted him with a smile. She didn't greet you, she hardly even looked. 'I heard from King Harald that you are going back home.' She went further.
'Yes, I have more pressing matters home.' said in on such a polite way while giving you a fast look.
'I discussed the other matter and I'm willing on offering this last change.' She went further, looking aside to Harald who just bow. You narrowed your eyes a little, looking from her to King Harald. What was wrong there? You looked over your shoulder to Ivar who sat in the corner, peeling his eyes over all of you. 'You can go now.' Lagertha waved you out. You looked aside to who tilted his head a little to his brother. King Harald just nodded and walked out, the both of you followed them.
'In so far loyalty.' Ivar hissed from out of the corner of the great hall to Harald.
'Nice doing business Ivar The Boneless.' He nodded. Ivar smiled and something about that bothered you to. You didn't say a thing until you were enough out of distance.
'What's going on my king?' You asked him politely.
'Sometimes you need to make a deal with the enemy to fortune out of it.' He smiled to you. chuckled and you just looked aside to the both of them.
'What did you both do?'
'Nothing Y/n, nothing we brothers can't handle.' smiled. You waited on the dock while Harald went over to one of the men working on the boats. threw his arms around you and snuggled his nose in your hair, behind your ear. 'You're mine, for always.' He whispered. You closed your eyes on the feeling and nodded. You were his, for always.