This chapter is dedicated to my sister, Lavi. Thank you for all your motivation and encouragement :)
Also, thanks a lot @elmothing @DimaEatsApples and @ALIFEYA for your positive comments :)
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I switched off the T.V., setting the remote on the side table.
Nothing good came on it anyway.
Lying on my back, I retraced the pattern on the ceiling with my eyes.
It had been two days since the incident on the bridge and for these past two days I hadn't been able to think of anything else but that. Every time I closed my eyes, I got flashes of his face, distraught and distressed. Thinking about it made my heart break itself into millions of pieces. My complete weekend was spent on thinking of various scenarios and reasons that could have prompted him to take his own life.
I need a break from this, I thought
I gathered my hair in a pony tail and left my bed. I needed something to distract my mind.
I padded through the corridor, my bare feet sagging slightly in the plush carpeting. My footsteps made the only noise in the otherwise silent house. The hallway was dimly lit while all the other rooms remained in pitch darkness. I hurried down the staircase and into the kitchen.
I switched on the lights and the darkness evaded from the area. Everything in the kitchen was in silver and shiny. My mother used to renovate it every 2-3 years to keep up with the modern trends. Infact, she had an unhealthy obsession of changing and replacing every single object of the house, from the door mat to the complete exterior of the house. If you were revisiting my house after a couple of years, I could guarantee you that you would not have been able to find anything familiar from your last visit.
But everything changed 3 years ago. Now, it seemed as if time had stopped for the house, keeping it frozen in the past. The curtains remained same, the furniture and the decorations remained same. Everything except my family remained the same.
Sighing, I opened the door of the refrigerator and reaching for the ice cabinet, I took one of the ice trays. I twisted the tray making all the ice cubes in it to pop out. Munching the ice cubes one at a time, I let my mind to wander back to the events of Friday night.
I didn't know what to do.
Should I tell someone about it or talk to Daniel about this first? But even if I choose to tell someone then who would it be? I kept asking myself.
I decided that I wasn't going to mention any of this to Seb until I had talked to Daniel.
I felt my guilt wash over me when I thought of our short conversation at the party. He clearly looked sad when he asked that why I never talked to him. But instead of being nice to him, I told him that I didn't care about him.
Can anyone please do the task of smacking me in the head?
Another wave of guilt knocked me over as I realized how I had never tried to know about Daniel even though he had been in my class for years. The only thing I knew about him was that he was Liam's step brother.
My mind filled up with possible emotions his family members would have felt if he had jumped in the river. Flashbacks from my own past made my chest ache and tears to dwell up in my eyes but I flicked them away.
No, I couldn't let that to happen to another family. I had to do something. I had to save Daniel from whatever demons that were tormenting him. I had to save him.
A sharp pain jolted through my brain, signalling me that I had eaten way more ice cubes than I should have. Looking down at the tray made me realize that I had finished almost all of the cubes of the tray leaving just two slots still filled.
I knew that I should stop taking ice cubes like they were M&M's. I didn't even know anyone with such a strange habit. It all started with me trying to get my mind off my other addictions but eventually it became one itself. Crushing the hard cubes between my teeth made me relax whenever I was tense.
The clock ticking above the refrigerator told me that I still had 2 hours before I had to start getting ready for school, so I dragged my tired body back to my bed.
At school all of my classes went away without me paying much attention to them. Meanwhile, I wasn't able to find Daniel anywhere. He never came to the cafeteria during lunch either.
I don't think I had ever been so anxious to see anyone else before in my life. I asked some of the guys whom I knew hung out with Daniel about him but found nothing. Nobody had seen him that day.
I went to the basketball practice after school was over hoping that my luck would work and I would be able to find Daniel there. I went to my usual spot at the stands while my eyes roamed around the Gymnasium to locate Daniel.
Soon, the practice started with everyone taking there positions. Sebastian gave me a sweet smile like he did every day. I mimicked his gesture but not very convincingly.
I squirmed in the wooden seat thinking of all the reasons why Daniel wasn't there. I had forbidden my mind to think that Daniel had tried to harm himself again. In my mind I kept chanting that he was safe and he was just a little late for some ordinary reason.
The tall figure of Daniel came running through the gymnasium door letting me out of my misery. His dark hair was dishevelled. His eyes looked red, probably from the lack of sleep while his skin was a shade paler than usual. In a nutshell, he looked like a mess.
"Cohen, you're late!" the coach shouted walking towards Daniel.
I felt an irritation growing in me towards the coach because of his way of talking to Daniel when he obviously wasn't in a good state.
"Sorry coach, won't happen again." Daniel's voice came out so tired and weak that it was almost frightening.
Daniel ran across the wooden court to take his position. He tried to focus in the game, never letting his eyes to drift off, not even once. I could tell that he was aware of my presence but was choosing to ignore it. However, my eyes never left him, following his every move, his every action.
As the usual blow of whistle marked the end of the practice, I rushed towards the court to talk to Daniel which I knew was going to be a tough job considering that he was trying to avoid me.
The moment I reached the bench where Daniel was packing his bag, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my waist from behind and turned me towards a smiling Sebastian.
"Hey you," he said softly and engulfed me in one of his infamous tight hugs while his friends shook their heads at him.
If it would have been any other day, I would have smiled at him and said something sweet to him but at that moment my mind was too busy to do so. My eyes were still fixed on Daniel, not letting him out of my sight and then for the first time in the day Daniel looked at me, however he still didn't allow any emotion to appear on his face.
I hurriedly excused myself away from Sebastian, telling him that I had something important to do and that I would meet up with him later. I knew that I couldn't walk up to Daniel and talk to him in front of everybody without raising suspicion so I decided to follow him to the parking lot.
No one else was there in the lot when we walked out of the school building so I quickened my pace to catch up with Daniel.
"Daniel!" I called out to the guy striding through the parking lot. When he didn't stop, I tried again.
Realizing that I was not going to leave him alone so easily, he turned to look at me while a sigh escaped his lips.
"What?"
Again, no emotion.
"Can we talk?" my voice came out way more hesitant than I liked.
Faint sounds of people talking and coming out towards the lot grabbed my attention. Daniel tried to take advantage of my distraction by rushing towards his car but I stopped him, blocking his way. I had to talk to him or else my thoughts were going to eat me up.
"No, you can't go. We need to talk, now," I told him with much more strength in my voice than before.
Shutting his eyes closed, he breathed out another sigh while pinching the tip of his nose.
"Fine, come with me." He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and towed me away from the direction of the voices.
Passing through the back gates of the school compound, Daniel led me through an area surrounded with several tiny shrubs. I knew the place very well. I had been there thousands of time. However, the last of those times was around 3 years back.
As the images from my memory told me, the shrubs reduced to reach to sort of a clearing. A humongous tree provided shade to the grass covered ground below it.
My heart broke as I looked at the familiar old swing made of a wooden plank and ropes which now hung from just one side. The rope on the other side was ripped probably because of its age.
Nostalgia occupied my mind as I relived all the peaceful moments that I had spent sitting on the swing.
Why did he have to choose this place?
I looked up to him to find him already looking at me. I shuffled my feet with nervousness because of his direct gaze.
"So what did you want to talk about?" Daniel asked in a levelled tone.
Okay, this was going to be difficult.
"You know what it is that I wanna talk about." I looked back into his indifferent eyes and waited for his reaction. When none came, I decided to get straight to the point.
"The bridge. I want to talk about the bridge. You were going to jump from there, weren’t you? What were you even thinking?" I tried my level best to keep my tone calm so as not to agitate him.
"That’s exactly what it is. I was drunk, alright? I wasn't thinking," he replied immediately. Almost too immediately.
"You realize we are talking about you trying to take your own life, right? That is not something that you just randomly do when you are drunk."
A sense of irritation settled in my mind and was growing rapidly because he wasn't even ready to acknowledge that something was drastically wrong about the whole situation.
Daniel looked at the ground while grinding his left incisors together.
"Well that is the truth. I was drunk. Take it or leave it, your choice."
"I am not letting this go so easily, Daniel," I informed him.
His eyes shut themselves close before finding their way to mine.
"So what do you want me to do? And more importantly, why the fuck do you even care?" I could feel his irritation towards me in his voice.
A little pang of guilt hit me as his words reminded me what I had said to him at the party.
'Cause I don't give a damn about an ass like you, that's why.'
"I don't know why I care but I do. Do you expect me to just forget all of this and carry all with my life knowing that you might harm yourself again? No, I am too involved now. I will make sure that you're safe from yourself," I ranted in a single breath.
"Well then I guess you'll just be wasting your time," he said in such a low voice that it was barely audible.
And then he left. Just like the last time.
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