I'm finally convinced by at least five people to return to classes on Thursday. They couldn't have picked a worse day – it's Japanese first, and Sasuke's in my class. I arrive as late as possible, hiding out of sight of the classroom and slipping in just as the bell rings. I sit down at my own desk, right next to Sasuke's, steadfastly looking away, my heart beating like a war drum.
"Where've you been?" asks a condescending voice.
I glare at Sasuke. He's regarding me with icy eyes. They scare me – I hate that look. It's one I rarely see, even more rarely directed towards me.
"If you miss any more classes your grades will drop beyond salvation," he says, his tone utterly flat.
I take a deep breath and do my best not to rocket out of my chair and punch him. Kyuubi's already roaring for blood; I can imagine him, ears pulled back flat, hackles raised, fur on end. Enunciating every word, I snarl, "We're not on speaking terms."
If I could leak Kyuubi's aura through my eyes, through my pores, even from my saliva, I would do it right now. I'd poison Sasuke, I'd stab him, I'd do whatever it takes to see him dead. But he just looks at me with that unknowable stare. There's something about those eyes that I can't read. I've come to know Sasuke's eyes like my own heart, and despite his usual distance I can generally figure out what he's thinking. But the look he's giving me now – it's not that he's blocking me off, it's as though he's taking the offensive, attacking me so that I don't even want to try reading him.
"Fine."
That's all he says before turning looks back to the board to take notes. Whispers explode around the room like land mines. I feel every pair of female eyes, and many male ones, fix on us. No – on me and on Sasuke. There's no "us" anymore – not one that I'll acknowledge, anyway.
I sink further down onto my desk, folding my arms and resting my chin on them, feeling distinctly like something's missing. And it is. The absence of my necklace is like losing the anchor that weighed me down. I've become so accustomed to its presence, the feel of the fine chain around my neck, the pendant warm against my skin or, if I'm hovering above Sasuke, dangling, pulling me closer to him. Now I'm drifting away from the dock, lost in a stormy, turbulent ocean with no land in sight. Sasuke was my land, my port, and I've got nowhere to call home anymore.
The minute the bell rings, people swarm towards me and Sasuke. He ignores them all and pushes through the crowd, even though they're trying their hardest to bombard him with questions. It's with irritation on his face that he finally makes it out of the room and disappears. The ones who haven't followed him snap back to me.
"Naruto-kun, what's going on?" someone asks, fear in her voice.
"Why are you two acting like this?"
"Where's your necklace?"
At this question, everyone who hadn't noticed my missing pendant suddenly does. I scowl and slam my textbook shut.
"I'm gonna be late for class," I snap. Kyuubi adds a snarl for good measure, and the circle of people closest to me backs away a little, almost as though they could hear him. No one stops me from leaving.
I hear footsteps hurrying to catch up with me as I stalk down the hall, then Sai appears by my side. I manage to at least slow down a little for him.
"Rumours are going to fly," he says quietly.
"Let them. I don't give a shit about what the school says; it's got nothing to do with the truth."
"What is the truth, then?"
"You know it already."
"I want to hear it from you."
"What, so you can watch me suffer?" This reminds me of what someone said in the GSA. A kid who was closeted came out to the whole room that he was gay, then went on to say it never gets easier – every time you have to tell someone, you go through the same stress, the same uncertainty, never knowing how they'll react. Only now I'm not being judged for my orientation; I fear no disgust or hatred. It's just hard to have to say it again and again, like telling people someone has passed away. Because deep down inside you never stop hoping, wishing, maybe only dreaming that it's not true.
I hear a quiet exhalation from beside me, then Sai touches a hand to my shoulder. "Alright. I understand."
"Thanks, Sai."
He nods. "Be strong, Naruto," he says softly, then takes a different path to his own class.
I manage to avoid questioning peers by taking lunch in my room and holing up there during spare period, and leaking Kyuubi's aura whenever I have to be in the crowd. This continues in my last class, English, where Sasuke is also sitting beside me. Of course, when we were together we chose adjacent seats on purpose, but now that's gone and backfired. It doesn't seem to matter much, though, because we ignore each other easily. By the end of the day the talk everywhere is that Sasuke and I have broken up. No one knows for sure: none of my friends will confirm it to anyone else, and for this subtle protection of my privacy I'm eternally grateful. If people are going to know, I want it to be on my terms. I'm not about to stand up and give a speech or anything like that, but in a few days I think I might be ready to answer yes if someone asks. For now, I stick to the demon aura and people generally stay away. Kyuubi, despite all things, is enjoying himself.
"Never thought I'd see the day when you'd use my powers purely for selfish reasons," he chuckles. "Maybe you're not as much of a goody-two-shoes as you seemed."
I close the door of my room behind me. "Am I not entitled to be a little selfish right now?"
"Perhaps, but if you're not careful people will go back to seeing you as the monster yourself, and then where will you be?"
This pulls me up short, but only for a second. I flop down onto my bed. "Why should I even care anymore? If it means they'll leave me alone, all the better."
Kyuubi won't stop laughing.
"I guess I was wrong to assume you were starting to warm up to me, then," I snap.
"Did I ever say I gave a damn?"
"No, but only because you're too chicken to admit it. You know as well as I do that we're not enemies anymore."
"So what if keeping you alive is in my best interests?" he says, but then the doorknob turns and Aoi walks in.
"Hey, Naruto. How are you feeling? How was getting back to classes?"
"Not as bad as expected, I guess," I reply. "Actually, sometimes I wonder if I'm not as sad as I think I should be. It's not that I'm not, it's just... I feel like I'm handling it so well. It's like I don't even care anymore. I've broken down for lesser things."
"Maybe you're getting stronger," he suggests. "You don't need to be able to plead insanity to validate your sorrow."
I have to smile. "I suppose so. Last weekend was cathartic enough. Anyway, I'm tired of drama."
He puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "That's it."
His cellphone goes off. He picks up his text, then turns to me. "Sakura wants you in the common room."
"Huh?" I frown and pull out my own phone, only to realize it's off. "Oh. Alright, thanks. You coming?"
He shakes his head. "You'll want some alone time. Anyway, I've got homework."
I nod my thanks and bid him goodbye before heading down. Sakura-chan and Aoi broke up on good terms a couple of months ago, apparently deciding they had more things in common as friends. They still hang out often, which I'm happy about. It almost makes me jealous, in a way – that's not an arrangement I could ever have with Sasuke. Casual isn't a word that could ever describe what's between us. With him, it's all or nothing.
When I see Sakura-chan by the door of the common room, the first thing she does is give me a big hug. Of course she was in some of my classes today, but I was so preoccupied I hardly even noticed her. Now as she holds me tightly, I feel something inside of me weaken, like a dam starting to leak. I squeeze her back, burying my face in her shoulder, holding back imminent tears, trying not to tremble.
"Let's go for a walk," she says quietly. I wordlessly follow her out.
I tell everything to Sakura-chan in a matter of minutes. In the time it's taken us to get off the school grounds, I've composed myself and gotten my emotions under control, and now it's easy to recount the story, next to Sakura-chan, walking along the river and looking at the trees awaiting spring, fuzzy with green buds. I say the whole thing without faltering once. I convey it as factually as I can, trying to show no bias. I don't know if I succeed, because to me, it's a fact that Sasuke is at fault. Whether the rest of the world thinks so I can't say. Sakura-chan, at least, agrees with me.
"That's very irresponsible of him," she says at once. "And completely thoughtless."
"Yep." There isn't much to say; despite my easy retelling, any discussion on the scene itself starts to drag me down. Sakura-chan senses this and lets it go.
"So what are you going to do now?" she asks.
I shrug. "What can I do? Ignore him. Hate him. He's too preoccupied with his wild goose chase; he's not about to change things."
"Then will you?"
"No," I say at once. Then I reconsider. "Not right now."
She hesitates, then nods once. That's all.
—
By the time we return after an easy dinner and several hours of just meandering in silence, the school's in an uproar. Someone spots us coming back to the grounds and within moments we're swarmed.
"Naruto-kun, where's Sasuke-kun?"
"Naruto-kun, what happened in Japanese class today?"
"Naruto-kun, why are you with a girl?"
"Back off!" I snap, temper flaring. "And what the fuck do you mean, why am I with a girl? I'm entitled to have friends!"
I retreat into myself, plunging deep down to grab Kyuubi's aura by the tail, and the air around me explodes with dark anger. Immediately everyone backs away except for Sakura-chan, who looks at me with fearful apprehension.
"Come on," I say to her. The crowd parts as though pushed back by the wrong side of a magnet. We walk briskly back to the dorm crossings, keeping everyone else at bay. Sakura-chan sticks as close as she can when I'm walking so irritably, and says nothing until I stop where we're to part ways. I sigh and turn to her.
"Sorry about all of this," I mutter. "I'm not having a great day."
"No worries," she says lightly, in an attempt to cheer me up. She reaches out and hugs me. "Don't get yourself too down, okay? Even without me, there are tons of people who'll listen if you need to talk."
"Yeah. Thanks, Sakura-chan."
A few guys are hanging around at the door to the dorm building, but they scatter when I storm through. I meet no one in the hall, though a door snaps shut as I pass it. At my room I realize I don't have my keys, and Aoi's out. I swear under my breath and sit with my back to the door to wait. Two minutes later I get up again. I stalk back out, picking up speed, walking so fast I pass someone jogging, and burst into the school building practically running. When I reach the stairs I take them up three at a time and tumble out on the roof, gasping for air. I roll onto my back and stare at the darkening sky. It'd be just my luck if it started to rain, too.
"The hell are you doing, kit?" Kyuubi says. "You know, running is rarely a practical solution to human problems. How many times will you do it before you get it through your head?"
"Shut up," I pant. "At least I'm not... gonna do something stupid... this time."
"Yeah, right. When Sasuke told you he was gay for you, you got hypothermia. When he mentioned something about sex and it wasn't a joke, you fled into a city you know nothing about. When he tried to touch you when you weren't ready, you kissed some random strangers at a club, plus your best friend, who you know he practically wants to kill. Now you've gone and dumped him; I wouldn't be surprised if you swam across the sea to China and stabbed yourself with a sword or something like that."
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not gonna stab myself, unless it's to get rid of your annoying voice."
Kyuubi laughs. But there's something about the tone of it that tells me he's relieved I'm in high enough spirits to be making jokes.
—
Drama class first thing next morning means having to deal with Blue. I'm not looking forward to it at all. Drama's a place where everyone is friends (mostly), because acting is one thing that brings people together like nothing else. A lot of comedic things happen, which puts everyone in a good mood, which naturally makes them enjoy being around each other. In this way, my drama class becomes a group of friends and our sessions more like hanging out, which is great. I can even manage to ignore Blue a lot of the time. People in drama aren't afraid of voicing their opinions – and are often charismatic and have a brilliantly convincing vocabulary and style to do it with – and enough people manage to sort of get it through Blue's hormone-fogged brain that hitting on everyone who exists isn't a good way to make friends or even acquaintances. But I have yet to find out what he's going to do about the rumour that Sasuke and I aren't together anymore.
I try to sneak into class in the morning without being noticed by him, but Ken spots me and calls me over loudly, attracting Blue's attention. I groan and quickly go sit with Ken in a circle of people, leaving no room for Blue.
"Hey, Naruto," says Emi. "How are you feeling?"
"Better than expected," I mumble, "but still not that great, I guess. At least it's something of a miracle that I have the will to wake up in the morning."
"Don't worry," says Ken quietly, noticing where I keep glancing. "We'll take care of Katsumi for you. Today's definitely not a good day for stuff like that."
I nod. "Thanks, guys."
I stand up, walking over to the window, and sit on the sill. I hear footsteps, then raised voices calling Blue over to the group I just left. They very insistently add him to their circle, distracting him, though I can tell by what he's saying that he wants to come to the window where I am. I never thought I'd see the day when a group of people who aren't incredibly close to me would stick up for me like that. Just a year and a half ago, people would have turned away and avoided me. Now I wonder if anyone even remembers the demon fox. Then I remember that I've been leaking his aura for the past 24 hours.
I know the teachers are usually on top of school gossip even if they don't take part in it, but when the drama teacher hands out a tragedy for the next unit and I see my role, I can't help wondering if she's done it on purpose. I'm given the part of an angry teenager whose best friend has betrayed him by avoiding him after taking the girl he'd said he wanted. So the last part is a little off, but it's eerily coincidental, seeing as how Sasuke's chosen his brother over me. I'm in a group with Ken and Emi and some other friends, and thankfully not Blue. For the next while we drill our parts, practicing alone and together. Drama's the only place I really feel I can get away from all the, well, drama in real life. Here I'm an actor – no: I'm a prince, a slave, an android, a reaper. I'm anything but myself, and it's a relief.
—
Weeks go by. The school dance club starts up again the week after the one I cancelled; everyone seems really happy that I'm back and offers words of comfort. I'm grateful, but I wish those words helped more than they do. I find that dancing is a good way to burn off my feelings – anger, sorrow, pain: it all flows out of my body when I get moving. I can forget myself in a good song, in helping people learn the only thing that brings me passion anymore. Even if I don't necessarily feel happy, at least I'm satisfied.
It takes a long time for the fervour about all the rumours to die down. I don't know why anyone else even cares. I wish they wouldn't – it's not about them, it's not their business, and it's the kind of thing that makes everyone want to talk to me. And that's the last thing I want right now: company. People try to appear sympathetic or pitying, but I ignore them. I push the curious away. Several people – a few girls and even a couple of guys – ask me out, but I reject them vehemently.
I'm starting to hate people. I snap at anyone who bothers me, glare at anyone I catch even glancing my way. I duck my head and hunch my shoulders and walk briskly wherever I go, and Kyuubi's aura is so thick around me I swear when I look in the mirror I can see phantom-like long ears and a tail in a shroud of dark red. When I ask about it, Kyuubi just laughs at me. So I stop asking. I talk to him when I'm alone, and sometimes when I'm in public too, muttering darkly about how fucking stupid everyone is and not bothering to care what people think I am. Within days everyone avoids me, giving me a wide berth when they walk around me, whispering to each other about how I'm a monster when they think I'm out of earshot. They don't know that not only is my hearing already better than theirs, but I've recently become much more attuned to Kyuubi and it's amplifying my senses further. The only drawback to this is that I can smell the garbage dumpsters outside the cafeteria, but it's no big deal since I eat in my room all the time now anyway.
Mostly I spend my time alone. I find myself wandering into the empty gym and dancing for hours, tireless, continuously perfecting my routines. I take Takeshi's music and develop choreography, group routines with each person doing something different – all on my own. I've got all the time in the world, really, so my routine count skyrockets. I keep myself busy, dancing full-on when I have nothing else to do, feeling the movements in my body or humming along to the songs when I'm stuck in class or somewhere else. Introverted isn't a word I usually associate with myself, but I really haven't been wanting company since Sasuke and I broke up. The only reason I tolerate the name twins is because they understand what I'm going through better than anyone else could. Besides, they wouldn't leave me alone even if I protested, so I figure it's better to let them do as they like.
Shiroi breaks off frequently to spend time with Sasuke. I can't be mad at him for it, because it's partly to cover up the fact that he comes back full of information about what Sasuke's up to. Shiroi becomes Sasuke's confidant – and my double-agent. I'm sure Sasuke wouldn't normally even think of divulging this much information to someone – he never told me stuff like this, and if he knew Shiroi and I hung out a lot he would be a lot more careful about what he said, I'm sure – but Shiroi and I stay distant in public unless he's with Takeshi. Actually, in public I tend to stick to myself more than anything, and only Takeshi ever has the courage to sift through Kyuubi's aura. Kiba and Sai have attempted to reach me a couple of times, but I was pretty hostile towards them and they didn't try again. Same for Sakura-chan, and even Aoi doesn't talk to me much now. I don't know what it is that makes Takeshi persevere. I ignore him, I push him away, I even try to scare him off, but nothing deters him. And in the end, I appreciate it more than anything.
Takeshi gives me all the music he's ever made, telling me that Shiroi sometimes talks about music therapy. The songs aren't necessarily all ideal for distracting me; some of them are outright depressing, but at least they let me embrace the feelings I usually suppress, and despite their darker tone I force myself to listen to them, to vent my emotions, to purge. For the others, I create dance routines to the songs I can and sing along to the ones I can't. When Takeshi catches me one day he convinces me to sing his newest song; it takes me some time to learn it and my voice is nowhere near as good as his, but he records it and tweaks it where I'm out of tune and adds his own voice as harmony, and the end product is pretty neat. It's oddly satisfying to be part of the production of the music, although hearing myself singing the song I'm dancing to is strange in a way. Still, I seem to become unable to dance to some songs without singing along at the same time, which leaves me utterly out of breath and singing fairly badly by the end of it. But something about it just makes it so I can't stop singing, even when my lungs ache, and as I continue to train I'm pretty sure I get better at it.
As soon as Shiroi finds out what Sasuke is doing, he comes to report to me and Takeshi. We gather at the tree at the back of the grounds.
"He's tracking down his brother," he says, without beating around the bush. "Uchiha Itachi. A murderer, part of the gang called Akatsuki."
"I knew that much," I say. "I didn't tell you guys because, well, it's personal. Even if I hate his guts right now."
Takeshi doesn't know anything, so we fill him in – about the murder of Sasuke's parents, about his own kidnapping. I tell the name twins about the time I found the shrine Sasuke had made for his parents when he was little. I tell them everything I know, because they're entitled to this kind of information. And if Sasuke has a problem with it, we can fight. I don't care.
"Right, so a few weeks ago Sasuke got a letter from Itachi," says Shiroi. "I read it. It was a nasty piece of work."
I nod. "It said some shit about how Itachi's been more or less in plain sight all this time and Sasuke's never noticed because he's been too busy being happy with me. Itachi basically pinpointed me as a weakness to Sasuke, and Sasuke's always been big on revenge. I think... I think Itachi's the single person who has the most sway on Sasuke in the entire world."
"Even more than you?" says Takeshi, surprised.
"Evidently, since Sasuke chose to pursue him instead of stay with me." I frown, then turn to Shiroi. "So, then what?"
Shiroi continues, "Sasuke showed me what Itachi sent him to. It was this website, just white with standard black text, and the only thing it said was instructions on how to find the clues to where Itachi was hiding. Sasuke showed me. He had to go to a site, search something, and click the sixth result. Then from there he had to look for something like the 43rd word in the eighth paragraph of text or something like that, and search for that word on another website and look for the 109th word from there... Well, it went on and on, and eventually he collected enough words to form a message that sent him somewhere in the city, little shops and dark alleyways and stuff like that, where there would be another piece of paper telling him the address to another website with new instructions, like an extravagant scavenger hunt."
I try to process all of this. I would have given up immediately, but Sasuke never would – especially not when it was a chance to catch Itachi.
"It was really detailed work, but had no intellectual challenge whatsoever," Shiroi goes on. "Sasuke was pretty pissed off. Said Itachi was mocking him by giving him such a mundane task. He told me he got pissed at you, Naruto, when you interrupted him, because he lost count and had to go back several steps, and he only had a few hours left to figure it out and it was the final step. Of course, Sasuke's the kind of person who keeps tabs on stuff like this, so he didn't have to start way back at the beginning. He figured it out and got to the place three hours before the deadline, only to find that Itachi left another message. Long story short, it was a false trail."
"Ouch," says Takeshi. "He must've been pretty ticked off after that."
"Yeah. But now Itachi's left some actual tangible hints, and Sasuke thinks it's not a hoax anymore. The clues are more enigmatic and take days to figure out, but it's the kind of thing Sasuke's intellect is up for."
"But does Sasuke even know what he's going to do once he finds Itachi?" I say, exasperated. "For all we know, Itachi's got a gun and is gonna blow Sasuke's brains out the minute they set eyes on each other. Is Sasuke planning to bring in the police force or something? Itachi's got him completely at his mercy. Why does Sasuke think chasing him like this is going to accomplish anything?"
Takeshi just shrugs, and Shiroi says, "Your guess is as good as mine."
"But you're the psychology whiz," I say, almost pleading now. "You've figured out so much about Sasuke just from this."
"You've known him for much longer," he replies patiently, "and you've got an intuition I'd do anything to have. Unless it's that he's blinded by the slightest hope, the smallest first step – I've got nothing."
I frown and bite my lip, staring down at my feet, because I'm afraid it's exactly that.
Despite Shiroi's information, I don't bother to talk to Sasuke again. I was the one who said we wouldn't be talking anymore, and I'm not about to revoke that. I don't know why I care whether or not he's off on his wild goose chase; he's already proven he doesn't care about me, so why should I be any different? When class seating plans change, I move to the back corner of the class whenever I can, and Sasuke makes a point of sitting right at the front. I'm perfectly fine with this arrangement; it means minimal amounts of having to see his stupid face or hear his annoying voice.
—
Almost every year, the school takes a series of field trips around the end of March to go see the cherry blossom trees as they announce the coming of spring. They divide the school up into sections so that the gardens where we go don't have hundreds of students swarming all at once, and as third years our class's trip is one of the first. Last year we didn't go and I can't remember why, but this year when we go the only thing I can think of is the missed opportunity to see these stunningly beautiful sakura flowers with Sasuke. There's something enchanting about how instead of green, all is white and pink, and the petals swirl about in the warm spring breezes, landing in people's bags, covering the ground in a velvety carpet. It's about the number one most romantic thing you could do in Japan; everyone else is walking through the gardens and cuddling up with loved ones, and here I am alone, sitting under a tree with my head hidden in my arms as petals pile up on my head and do nothing to cover up my regret.
Footsteps muffled by the soft petals approach. I peek out to see Takeshi's and Shiroi's shoes. Then they sit on either side of me.
"Don't you want to walk around?" asks Shiroi. "The gardens are beautiful."
"Mmh," I grunt.
A hand brushes the petals off my head, then one of my shoulders. Takeshi asks, "Was this... a special time for you last year?"
I sigh. "The opposite. We never came out to see the cherry blossoms."
A silence, then: "I see." And from the tone of his voice, I can tell he does understand. The chance I missed last year, and this new one I won't have. Won't ever have again.
"You don't have to stay here," I tell them.
"We'd like to keep you company," says Shiroi.
"You could be out there walking through the gardens like everyone else. You could be together. It's romantic."
"We can come back on our own another time if we want. But we wouldn't leave you here alone. Come with us?"
I shake my head.
"Then we stay here."
"This is a plot to get me to go, isn't it?"
"Why would you think that?" says Takeshi, but I can hear the smile in his voice.
I sigh and slowly stand up, brushing petals off of myself. "Fine."
So we walk around. There are various other flowers and plants in the gardens, but most of them are covered up by the massive amounts of petals. We eventually catch up to where most of the other people are, chattering and laughing and having a great time. It makes me feel immensely alone.
"Shiroi."
I look up – then freeze, my breath catching. Sasuke ignores me completely, looking at Shiroi instead. He's wearing clothes I've never seen before, monochromatic skinny jeans and a dark grey vest unbuttoned over a baby blue t-shirt. A plaid black and white scarf hangs around his neck. I can't decide whether I want to kiss him or punch his lights out. Takeshi saves me having to choose by putting his hand on my back and steering me away. I notice Sasuke's eyes flash, though he's still not looking our way – but I know he noticed.
"Naruto?" says Takeshi. I turn to see him looking at me with concern.
"I'm alright," I reply, but my tone of voice is fooling no one. I sigh. "No, I'm not."
The hand on my back slides a little farther along, clutching my shoulder comfortingly. I glance back at the place where Sasuke appeared, but he and Shiroi are gone now, talking about something. I wonder what it is. It's so strange, not knowing what Sasuke's thinking, what he's doing. I've been with him nearly twenty-four hours a day since the day we got together, and to lose him like this... it's like losing a part of myself. Like finding that a piece of my mind is going off in a different direction, keeping secrets from this part of me. I never really realized how truly inseparable we were, not in the sense that we couldn't be apart – because obviously we are now – but in the sense that we were as one. Even when he wasn't talking, I could usually get a sense of his feelings, even sometimes his thoughts, by looking at his facial expression or studying his eyes. We never hid anything from each other. And then suddenly Sasuke had to go and have this massive secret and split the seam between us, creating a gaping chasm.
Shiroi eventually sends a text to Takeshi saying he probably won't get back to us, so we roam the gardens until our group is called back to the buses to return to the school. There we meet him, and he says something in Takeshi's ear, glancing at me. I frown as they exchange whispers, feeling left out – feeling lonely. It strikes a wound in my heart, and I grit my teeth and turn away, climbing onto the bus. I hear Takeshi call out in alarm, "Naruto, wait!" But I ignore him, finding an empty seat and turning resolutely to stare out the window. Just as the bus starts up, he slides in next to me, putting a hand over mine, but I pull away from his touch. He tries again, and I give up resisting.
"Naruto, I'm sorry, we didn't mean to—"
"Save it," I mutter, still watching the stream of students still getting onto the bus. I spot Sasuke among them and avert my eyes, my throat burning.
"Listen," says Takeshi. "Shiroi and I had an idea. We – we noticed how lonely you feel—"
"Very astute," I say tersely, then wince, because that's a word I learned from Sasuke.
He forges on all the same. "Shiroi was talking with Sasuke, right? He said Sasuke never stops talking about you. Even if it's only to complain, but—"
My heart jumps, and I whip around to face Takeshi for the first time. His eyes are sparkling with an urgent eagerness. As the bus begins to move, he leans in so he can speak in hushed tones over the roar of the engine. I can see all his lashes from this close.
"So Shiroi said something about making Sasuke realize what he's missing, and I had an idea – why not show him what you're going through? Sasuke chose his brother over you. So I thought, maybe you should choose someone over him."
"What do you mean, choose?" I say. "I have no revenge to carry out, unless it's to string Sasuke up by his guts. And I doubt he'd get the message if I started beating up, say, Blue." This sparks something in my mind. "But he might if I..."
"Do the opposite," Takeshi says, finishing my sentence for me. "Not with Blue, of course. Someone you know and trust. Someone who doesn't mind."
"Who'd you two think of, then?" I ask, because Takeshi's eyes tell me he's not done talking. But he says nothing, just looks at me meaningfully. His hand is still covering mine, warm, reassuring. And then I understand.