A/N- I'm pretty sure you can tell that it's going to be Gerard's POV from now on.
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It's been a week since the funeral.
A week since I last saw Jade.
And I miss her like hell.
The two weeks without her have been hard, and for the first time in a long time, I drank. I also had got some antidepressants to help too, but I can't say they help; but they're supposed to, and I'd like to believe they do. I have to be careful taking them though, the chemicals mixed with the alcohol they won't be good. Sometimes it really messed with my head. Plus, I have my work to go to, they gave the two weeks off; but now it's the starting of September, and that means I have to go.
I get off my bed, rubbing my temples, I have a terrible headache. I stretch and yawn, and make my way to the bathroom. As always, I look like shit; my hair greasy from not showering in a while, the bags under my eyes were darker, and my skin looked frail and pale; but not as pale as Jade's, her skin, they were so pale, I couldn't get over it. It was, terrifying. Seeing that I had woken up early, I hop into the shower. The cold water wakes me up instantly, and I quickly wash my hair. When I finish, I leave the bathroom and get changed. Even though I work at a cartoon company, I try dressing the best that I can, just to impress my boss. I start putting on my shirt, staring at the painting that was hung above the wall besides my bed. Seeing the two birds made me smile, the jay had hints of red feathers, and the crow was jet black. I loved it so much, and if anything happened to it, I would be crushed. It was so beautiful, and six years of staring won't ever change that.
A sigh escapes my mouth as I leave my room, and as always I microwave some leftovers and walk to my TV to watch it. Being that it was 7 am in the morning, it's playing the news. I instantly notice the lady on the screen, she was newscaster that had talked about Jade. I turn the TV on instantly, and eat my breakfast in silence. When I finish my cold sandwich, I take out an orange colored bottle, pop off the white cap and take out two white pills. I pop them in my mouth, and grab my bag.
I take a deep breathe, swallow my pills, and walk out the door.
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My apartment happens to be on the opposite side of the city, so to get my work place; I have to take a ferry. It sucks, but I don't make a lot of money, and the apartments on that side of the city were expensive, I couldn't afford that. The thing about the ferry was, there were so many tourists that went on them, not matter what time of the day it was. Some days, I love it; but today is not that day. I couldn't help but be annoyed with all the people pointing at all the buildings in awe. "They're just buildings," I would mutter. Soon, I had enough and I take out my CD player and jam my earbuds in my ears. I sit at the front of the ferry, right in front of the exit doors. I take out my sketch book and start drawing. The ferry was going fairly slow today.
We were almost at the city when people started screaming. I didn't hear it at first, but when I looked up, I saw everyone pointing, with their mouths open. At first, I thought people were just talking about more buildings, but the look in their eyes told me different. Confused, I take out my earphones, and the sounds of scream replaced my music. I put my hands over my ears, it was so loud. I turn around to what they were looking at, and right when I turn, I see it.
I see the World Trade Center collapse.
And I swear,
I swear on my life
I saw bodies falling down with it.
The ferry didn't stop, it just kept on going. I could do nothing but stare. My mouth open, eyes wide; I couldn't move. It was terrifying, not only did I see a building collapse, but I saw innocent lives falling down with it. I couldn't breathe.And in that moment, the only thing I could think about, was Jade. A part of me was glad that she wasn't here to see that, but another part wanted to call her phone and tell her. I was scared, I had never been so scared in my life. Everyone on the ferry was out of breath, we were all staring at the smoke coming off from the top of the tower. A few people were crying, and a few people were hugging their families. All I could do was stare, the sketch book that was in my hand was now on the floor. I remained like that until we got off the ferry.
And when we got off,
It was hell.
And that was all I remember from that day.
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One month later.
It's been a month after the whole World Trade Center incident.
And two months since she died.
I know that I had promised her that I wouldn't fail her, but I feel like I did. I don't feel anything anymore, I don't see the point in living. My job sucks, everyday is a chore. My life fucking sucks, I want to fucking die. I was already dead inside anyway.
Sometimes I blame her.
I blame her for leaving me in this cruel, sick, disgusting, dark world that I am forced to live in.
Sometimes I feel as if she's forcing me to live here.
But then I remember that it's my fault that she got killed. It's my fault that she got run over by a car. It's my fault that she got to leave.
My head hurts like hell, I've been drinking, more and more. My boss has even realized that I'm drunk most of the time at work, and because of that he told me to take a week rest. It was a Thursday afternoon, and I was lying on my bed, surrounded with beer cans, and bottles of pills. And yes, I got more; my therapist hooked me up on more pills. I now know they don't help, they just numb my brain; but they do make me forget sometimes, they make me forget about everything. I don't have a lot of friends, so no one really cares about how I'm doing. The only person that notices me all drugged up is my boss.
I hear my phone ring, I groan and get up to get it.
I answer it without checking who it is; everytime someone calls, I think it's Jade, but the voice on the other end of the phone told me otherwise.
"Gerard?" I hear a familiar voice.
"Hey, Mikey." I say, greeting my brother.
"How are you?"
"I'm okay." I answer back. He's been calling everyday for the past month. He thinks that the whole 9/11 incident is the reason why I'm like this, but really it's not. It's because of Jade, the 9/11 did play a little part, though.
"You sure? Mom's worried?" He asks.
"I'm fine," I pause, "hey Mikey, are you happy with what you're doing?"
He doesn't answer for a while. "I guess..."
"Oh, okay." I say disappointed, "Um I gotta go, bye." And I hang up.
I wasn't happy with my job anymore, and I knew Jade wouldn't be happy with that. That was the last thing she said to me, and I promised that I would do so. I promised her that I would do something that made me happy. Something about Mikey calling made me remember something, it made me remember something that I always wanted to do; I've tried a couple of times pursuing it, but it never worked. This time, I need it to work, I was now ready; I knew that it was time.
Instead of putting my phone away, I go through my contacts and call someone I haven't talked to in a long time. I hoped he was ready, I hoped he would be on board.
I waited for him to pick up, and when he did, I quickly said.
"Hey Ray, are you happy with what you're doing?"
"Gerard? Hey, long time no see." The voice on the other end says.
"Yeah, we'll catch up later, but answer my question first."
"Um, okay? What was the question again?" Ray asked, confusion in his voice.
"Are you happy with what you're doing?" I repeated.
There was a pause.
"With my job?.....no." He answers, with unsurity.
"Do you want to be in a band with me?"
Another pause.
"Are you ready?"
I nod, "Yes, I'm ready."
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Sorry this chapter was total crap, I didn't know how to write it.
But I guess you can kinda see how the story is going to go like.
Right?
I hope so, and I hope it'll be interesting for you guys.
Very excited, woOpe.