The Song Left Unstarted (Gerard Way)

Chapter 15 - Doubt

Gerard's POV

What was I thinking? How could I have doubted my love for Jade? I love her, I do; and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Why did I get so scared? Yea, the future is pretty scary; but we all have to deal with it. I feel so stupid. I want to apologize, but to what? I never told her, and I won't. She would be hurt, she's too fragile. 

And she knows about the razors too.

I should've checked the toilet once more. 

How dumb am I?

Very.

She hasn't said anything about it yet, and waiting is killing me. Is she mad about it? Or is she glad that I did it? I prefer the latter. She seems worried though, my attitude must have scared her. Smoking out at 5 am was something I have never done before, but it helped; I needed a time to think. I am glad that she came out to talk to me though, she cleared my mind. I was glad to hear that I wasn't the only one who was scared for the future; but she had one thing in mind, that I could never of thought of.

Revenge.

The concept of revenge, I haven't thought of it in a while; during high school that was all I could think of. And how smart that idea was too. Yea, everyone wants to become famous, but for what reason? For Jade getting famous won't be hard; for me, I don't think it will be possible. But I want to see the look on all their faces when I get big, and when they don't. We are so alike, sometimes it hurts.

"Gerard?"

"Yea?" I answered.

"You hungry?"

"I guess."

I open my eyes, and I look around. Jade is getting of the bed, the pictures that we had took earlier moving around. She nudges my shoulder.

"Let's go somewhere, Gee."

I groan, "But I'm so tirreeddd." I haven't slept in a while. 

She sighs, 

"When's the last time you slept?"

Wow, she like read my mind or something.

"Um....since we came here."

Another sigh. 

"Oh. Fine, I'll go out and get something for us. Just don't complain, and go to sleep." 

I nod, and watch her grab her wallet. She walks around the room, to look for something. She finds a hair tie, and uses it to put her hair into a low messy bun. She looked cute; who am I kidding, she always looks cute. She walks to the door, and looks back. I smile at her, and she does the same. 

"Just don't go through my stuff again, okay?"

And then she walks out.

Shit. 

Was she mad about it? She said it so plainly. Does she want me to explain? Should I? My mind is filled with never ending questions. I still am not sure if I regret the whole thing. Should I?

Should I tell her?

Should I apologize?

Should I -

I fell asleep.

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Jade's POV

"Just don't go through my stuff again, okay?"

Did I regret saying that? Nope. He knows that I know now, and he's been waiting for me to mention it; I could tell. I walk out of the room, it around noon and my stomach was growling. I walk downstairs, and see my mom and dad watching TV.