The Song Left Unstarted (Gerard Way)

Chapter 27 - Eulogy.

Last Chapter ahh!!! (Though, half of it has already been written by Gerard) I'm really sad actually, since this is my first fic and I never thought I would actually write it. This isn't my best writing, and I'm sure you guys can tell that I'm not a very good writer, but thanks for sticking around and reading my story. I might post an epilogue right after, the tomorrow, but thank you.

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May 19, 2012.

"So, this is it, huh? Our last show." 

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground. A sigh escaped Frank's mouth. It was a few minutes until we had to enter the stage, usually we would be warming up, stretching; but today, we were all sat down, deep in conversation.

"Does it really have to end though?" he paused, "and why?

"Because I'm breaking my promise." I simply stated.

Mikey and Ray both raise their eyebrows, there was confusion in all of their faces. Though Frank, our most passionate member had a mix of anger. I don't blame him. 

"We've done so much good already with the band. 11 years, that's pretty long; imagine all the lives we've saved, the messages we've to-"

"But we can say more! We can save more!" Frank yells, interrupting.

"But what if I don't want to anymore, what if I want to do something else. What if I'm meant to do something else now." I say, looking up at Frank.

Frank looks up and meets my gaze. "But you can't...." He says, his voice soft. 

The rest of the band are quiet, deep in their thoughts. The whole conversation had mainly been with Frank and I, the rest just listened. They didn't have anything to say, because I was right. We struggled with our last album, why? Because we didn't have a message, and for that record, we fought hard to find one. We were running out of ways to help people.

'Fine," I sighed, "maybe I'm wrong. Just give me time, I'll decide after this show if I'm happy or not. Maybe I'm just missing the thrill of the show." 

They nod, and soon we take our cue to head on to the stage.

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I was right, this was our last show.

Before it, I found myself pacing around the big black curtain that leads to the stage.  I am usually not nervous before a show but today, I am. I was certainly filled with angry butterflies most of the time. This is different- a strange anxiety jetting through me that I can only imagine is the sixth sense one feels before their last moments alive. My pupils have zeroed-out and I have ceased blinking. My body temperature is cold, and heart rate fast. 

The show is… good. Not great, not bad, just good. 

I am acting. I never act on stage.

Even when it appears that I am, even when I’m hamming it up or delivering a soliloquy. Suddenly, I have become highly self-aware, almost as if waking from a dream. I began to move faster, more frantic, reckless- trying to shake it off- but all it began to create was silence. The amps, the cheers, all began to fade. 

The audience cheers, song after song. I find myself smiling after each of them, remembering the fact that some of the songs were old. 12 years, but we still make a difference. 12 years but they still remember every lyric to our songs. 12 years and they're still opening their hearts to listen.

Halfway across the setlist, I truly begin to understand that this is, our last show. The last time I'll ever be able to connect with so many people. The last time I get to hear song lyrics, my own lyrics, being sung back to me. The last time I'll ever be able to play with my four brothers, my best friends. The fact saddens me, but I know it's the right thing to do. Everyone deserves to be happy.

I look to my right to see Frank, our life-filled guitarist, though, today he isn't jumping around stage. He remained to his side the entire time, walking around a few but still, staying on his side. That was rare. The smile on his face was fake too, it was forced. He knew something that the audience didn't, and that broke his heart; and mine too.

I look next to my little brother, Mikey. He'd always been the shy one. Even on stage, he'd be quiet, no mic, no vocals, no nothing. He'd just play, and have the time of his life. And today, he was doing exactly that. It was as if he knew nothing, as if he still had hope. 

Ray on the otherhand, was different. He put his heart and soul in every performance, and in this one, you could definitley see it. He had a smile on his face as he strummed his instrument, and during his solos, he put every amount of energy. Every amount of talent that he had in him. 

Soon, it had come down to our last song. The song would be the best goodbye to the band. A euglogy even. This song had always been my favorite, the band's, and the fan's. 

I put every energy I have left to this last song. This was the last ever show that we would play, so this had to be the best, even if I was acting. Through the screaming of the fans, I hear a little voice. It wasn't yelling or screaming, so I easily ignore it. I go through the song, but it was still there. 

As we hit the second chorus, the voice could not be ignored. The voice was familiar and I knew exactly who it was, I could never forget this voice. It had been whispering in my ear since the starting of the performance. It repeated five words, plain and simple. The voice was kind, as it clearly stated what it wanted to say to me.

What it said is between me and the voice. 

I continue on, trying to give my best performance. I did find my eyes watering, though I was not happy, I was still sad that this was ending. Performing was the only thing I knew how to do, and it this was a big risk.

It came down to our last chorus, and I sang with all my heart. Along side with my brothers, we gave the crowd, and ourselves the best ending to a start.

"So Long and Goodnight" I sang, into the mic.

So Long my Killjoys. I will miss you all.

"So Long and Goodnight." 

So long, Jay. I swear, I'll keep my promise. 

I take one last look at the crowd, and look up. I mouth the words "Thank you", and leave the stage. 

The song that had been left unstarted, truly was the starting to something beautiful, but like all things, there must be an end. And though I hate ending like this, it sure as hell, started with an alright scene.