+i highly recommend you to listen "i blame on you by taeyeon" in reading this chapter – i'll tell you when to listen bub!
a week has passed after i decided to finally accept taehyung's proposal. i couldn't call it "offer" as it would only make me feel a pang of guilt and regret, eventually.
so far, everything was going smoothly.
for a week, taehyung has been taking me into a couple of dates – from the playful one which is going to an amusement park to the fancy one which is going to a classy restaurant.
the funny thing is, when we came to that restaurant, we eventually ended up walking out of the place even before we could take an order — holy unicorns, it was so suffocating being surrounded with highclass people when me and taehyung is a combination of alien and endorphin.
a small smile crept up on my lips as i remembered how we laughed our ass off on that day, taehyung wanted to impress me only to end up looking awkward sitting on such a fine restaurant with me.
taehyung was slowly trying to make me smile and surely, i couldn't hide the fact that he was making me extremely happy. he was on his way to my heart . . . i guess?
"what are you smiling at?" my train of thoughts popped into thin bubbles as i heard taehyung's deep voice so close to my ear as he whispered playfully.
we were on our way to my home, walking like we were on moon. another day has passed for our eighth date and i can't deny how my heart was slowly starting to open up for him.
taehyung wasn't hard to love . . . and i can guarantee that he would be able to snatch my heart in no time.
"jagi?" he hummed once more as he finally caught my attention.
our eyes met and i felt his grip on our linked hands, tighten. "tell me, jagi. i wanna know what's inside your mind, you're smiling so beautifully" a small blush crept up on my cheeks as i could't help the sudden pace of my heart when his face suddenly leaned dangerously close.
ever since our casual meetings, i was starting to realize how drop dead gorgeous and handsome taehyung is. all this time, i couldn't and wouldn't even spare the chance to look how beautiful of a specimen this boy is because i was so occupied with the liar all along.
taehyung was like a real time prince – brown orbs that were always staring right through my soul and i couldn't help but get drown on it. his lips were two mounts of pink, soft and luscious skin and it would never fail to give me the sparks whenever it touched my face. his nose was a perfect point and everything else about him was just perfect.
but what i like the most in him is his big and caring heart – he was so sensitive about me and would always make sure i was okay.
how did i even manage to blind him and make him love me?
"jagi?" pulling me out of my trance once more, i didn't realize i was only staring directly at his face. i couldn't help but smile tenderly as i lift my hand and carressed his cheek.
"i'm just happy because of you, taetae" i softly spoke and i meant it.
taehyung's presence were enough to make my mind and heart occupied with nothing but happiness and thoughts about him.
he treasures me a lot and i'd ve lying if i said that i don't feel loved, cause i sure am feeling lots of love given to me.
taehyung's eyes softens as i saw the usual tint of pink paint his cheeks and eventually showing his signature box smile. "really? that's a great thing, jagi" he murmured before nuzzling his face on my neck.
i couldn't help but giggle at his cuteness. "i know and i like the feeling too" i mumbled and even before i know it, we were already infront of my house.
a frown curved on my lips, i didn't want the day to end yet. "hey, don't pout like that jagi"
my eyes met with his once more, "but i don't want to go home just yet, i want to spend more time with you . . ." i whined
he giggled and it sent chills on me, "so am i, but we'd be both dead meat if you don't get your pretty ass in that door before the clock stroke 6:30pm"
right, dads and their curfews.
"but —" i was just about to protest once more before he suddenly leaned and let our lips momentarily touch.
the very first time our lips touched after seven dates.
dumbfounded, the moment his lips pulled away my eyes were wide as a fish's and i swear my cheeks were as red as a pimple.
"don't worry jagi. i'll meet you tomorrow again, same time" he mumbled, eyes looking anywhere but mine as he hid the way his voice staggered and the furious reddening of his cheeks.
my heart fluttered, "o—okay"
a smile was plastered on my face as i entered the house, i couldn't help but feel giddy and excited. it's been so long ever since i felt this high feeling like i'm on cloud nine.
"dad! i'm home!" i cheered as i pull off my shoes.
eyebrows creasing, my eyes landed on an unfamiliar pair of shoes that was neatly placed on the far end corner of the racks.
we have a visitor? who might it be?
"dad? do we have a —" lips coming into a halt, even before i could have finished my statement i saw the radiant brown locks of my father as he came rushing towards me before pulling my hand. "welcome home darling and come with me! i have someone i want you to meet!" the man greeted me with enthusiasm and i couldn't help but giggle.
"calm your tits pa!" the man just quirked his eyebrows on me before an even brighter smile painted my lips as i saw how happy father looked. i wonder who it might be, i bet he's a good person to make this father happy. this was the first time since forever ever since i saw dad like this.
i hope i'd get along with that person.
suddenly halting, i almost tripped but managed to balance myself. "pa! i almost tripped, be careful. i don't want any of us hurt!" i managed to rant before father broke into a laugh as my eyes were still laced on the older. "sorry bub, i was just excited i really wanted you to meet this man."
i giggled once more as i noticed that he was whisper-yelling, "why are you whispering?"
"shh. keep it low!" he muttered, as we softly walked through the kitchen. i followed dad's gaze and i saw a rather familiar back but i brushed the thought away as i saw the difference in the hair color – it was blonde.
it would be impossible and why am i even thinking about him?
"i wanted to surprise him, i wanted him to be shocked of how beautiful my daughter is. i'm shipping you two!" he continued to whisper on my ear as he rambled and i couldn't help but find him adorable. "really? ship dad?"
"i want you to beclose the boy! he's a good specimen"
i snorted, "dad, just so you know i have taehyu—"
"i like this boy better than tae, to be honest"
"dad!" cheeks flaring, i couldn't help but hit the oldie continuously. i mean how could he just say that so nonchalantly? i've been on a couple of dates with tae and now he comes shipping me with a stranger? "yah! you rude girl, stop hitting your father!"
"no, you oldie is such a big tease!"
"yah! i'm your father, stop it. i swear sto –"
"sir?" both of us were frozen on the spot as soon as another voice echoed inside the room. at the sound, dad immediately gazed on the other side while i felt stoic and my breathing suddenly became ragged. no, oh my god, don't tell me.
why? this must be a joke, right?
"haine?" i noticed father looking at me once more, a bright smile contorted into his face. i tried to return the gesture but the moment his mouth opened once more, i didn't know if i should hate or go insane at the next words that came out of his mouth.
"this is jeon jeongguk, he's the boy who's been helping me and you!"
it was enough to make me feel so vulnerable and i wanted to run away at that instant.
;
i'm not okay.
i wanted to lock myself up inside my room and escape this suffocating place.
i've been silent all the time. father and jeongguk would never stop talking and i just sat between them, silent as we ate dinner. father didn't want to let jeongguk go, not until he was able to eat. i know i looked awkward, always facing the floor and avoiding looking at his face.
i'm afraid that if i looked at his face, i'd break down and all of the feelings i wanted to scream would erupt like an uncontrollable volcano.
i couldn't find the words, couldn't speak as if all the words in the world ceased to exist. i tried my best to look unnoticed and interested but i can't. i wasn't ready, i'm just starting to mend myself to pieces and this happens.
of all time, of all places . . . why, just why now?
i was just starting to become happy and why? why must everything must always come down and collapse? i was so happy, i was just starting to love tae's accompany and now . . . now, why must i see him once more. why must he come in my sight right now? why can't he leave me alone?
"haine?" i heard father's voice lull me as i felt his hand caress my back, "are you okay, hon?" my eyes met with the tired and worried orbs of my father. i'm not okay, i wanted to scream it to him. i wanted father to know that the one person he's been shipping me is the same person who's giving me this unbearable pain.
i wanted him to know so bad but instead i spoke, "i'm fine dad, just a little tired"
soon enough, the dinner ended and i couldn't even be more than happy to finally be able to breathe. i saw father stood up and i stayed. i collected the plates, spoon and fork, i was just about to pick up the cutlery when someone beat me to it.
+play the song
"i'll help" wanting to protest and thinking that it was father, i carelessly looked up only to came face to face with him.
no, just go away.
i looked down, trying my best to focus on my breathing and to stop the impending tears to drop. "no, i can do this myself" i snatched the plates before placing them to the sink and start to wash the plates one by one. just go away, i beg you.
he snatched the plate that i was holding, "no, i am indebted to your father. i have to help you" why? just why are you doing this. i just wanted you to leave me alone, i wanted you gone. i don't want to see you anymore. i'm so suffocated by the pain you've been giving me – non stop.
i just want to feel happy and when you're right beside me, all i could think off is the fact that you're not and was never mine.
"please, just let me be and go home." i choked as i couldn't stop the tears anymore before snatching them again to his hands.
"no, why won't you just let me –" i've had enough
"no! you listen to me! i want you out of this house, right now!" i broke the word to him as i faced him, my eyes dripping with hot and hungry tears. i couldn't help myself anymore.
i saw the shock and a glint in his eyes that i couldn't understand. i pushed his body away from me when he tried to hold me again, but he wouldn't even stumble.
"haine –" i punched him over and over before he held my soaked hands but that didn't stop me from thrashing away from his grasp.
"why are you even here!? of all people, of all time! why? why must you always show up when i'm just starting to mend myself?! i'm just starting to walk and move on, only a week has passed and you're right here infront of me acting as if you never hurt me!"
". . ." his brown orbs just continued to stare back at me and i didn't know if it was only me but i saw the slow reddening of his eyes.
"i hate you! every time i see you, only heartbreak and pain would always erupt in my heart!you're acting as if me seeing you together with eunha is not a big deal at all! i hate you so much that i don't want to see your face! you made me a fool! you hurt me and i want you gone! you played with my heart as if it was only a piece of toy! i hate you!" i screamed on top of my lungs as the tears dripped continuously. our eyes were still in contact and i saw a single tear slip from one of his eyes.
don't fool me.
". . ."
i punched his chest over and over, "why did you have to play with my heart?! i loved you, i gave you my all and all you ever repaid me is pain!" i mumbled, legs shaking terribly and betrayed me as i slowly met the cold hard floor.
". . ." i shivered and sobbed continuously noticing that our hands were still connected. why? why won't you let my hand go, why won't you do anything.
"why won't you say . . . anything?" i mumbled as my eyes were focused on the floor, so afraid to look up.
". . ."
"you hurt me so much and even if i'm with tae, you're all i could ever think off. even how much you hurt me and i'm so tired of this pain, i can't stop loving you" i murmured before pushing his hand away from our contact.
my tears wouldn't stop from falling even how much i wiped them away, they won't stop, my body shook every now and then. i wanted him to leave so bad, i just let him see the miserable side of me. he saw the miserable side of choi haine all because of a simple heartbreak.
so pathetic. you are so pathetic choi haine.
"i'm sorry . . . lov – haine" a sorry will never be enough.
". . ."
". . ."
"you're selfish, jeon"
"please . . . hate me forever" eyes widening and dumbfounded, at the mention of those words my eyes slowly trailed its way to meet his face. when i did, only the conflicting expression in his face came into my view – a forced smile as his eyes were almost about to tear up.
what are you implying to me?