Dedicated to : @allie_mckay for the amazing cover!
A/N: Please leave feedback on this chapter as well as vote and the same for ALL my other stories. I really don't care if you tell me you weren't feeling it, because then I'll just try and figure out what you like. All feedback and opinions are welcomed, and I ask for honesty. The new cover was made by @allie_mckay ! Beautiful, isn't it?
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OMINISCENT
Calvin was filled with nerves as he paced the hotel lobby, waiting for Desiree to come down. After twenty minutes he began to doubt himself. Maybe she wasn't interested. Maybe he came off too strong. Maybe he wasn't strong enough. He was so caught up in her actually not pushing him away; he didn't pay much attention to what he said. It flowed from him like a waterfall. Now he though he shouldn't of wasted his breath, but he was glad to lose the oxygen.
One minute turned to two and three, three to four. He started to go back upstairs when she merged in his view. His heart fluttered at the sight of her in gray yoga pants and a green shirt phrased' You Make Me Smile'. The outfit was dual usable, either pajamas or outside. Calvin told her to dress comfortable, as they would be moving a lot in these two hours they were miraculously allowed together. Of course, Carter, the security guard, still hovered out of their sight. As she came closer, the wind blew from the door opening, and he smelled the Strawberry Shampoo radiating form her flowing hair. She didn't have that on earlier, he noted.
"Sorry," Desiree said, her voice still in its minimal tone from earlier. She was completely uncomfortable right now, and Calvincould tell. She hadn't been alone with the opposite sex in years, so this was new to her. Even now, she can't honestly tell what made her get ready and come, but in the back of her head a little voice was telling her she would regret not coming. Still, an even bigger one told her she would. "Leslie gave me hell."
"Keisha did it to me too. You don't mind walking a few blocks, do you?"
She shook her head slowly. "Not at all."
The walk was quiet. Anyone from the outside would think they were simply two strangers coincidentally going to the same place. But CJanticipated this. He knew she would be uncomfortable, and that it would take something for her to relax. This is why he knew as soon as they entered the dance studio, she would smile.
And she did.
She marveled at the wooden floor and walls covered in mirrors. The floor shined and smelled of fresh wax, and the air conditioner blew a consistent breeze, never allowing the outside humidity to become unbearable. Desiree loved the idea, as she hadn't danced freely in days. It was pure torture for her, because she hated choreography. She was built on raw emotions, and choreography took away are that freedom to express herself in that moment. But how did he know that, she wondered? Desiree looked at him, her eyes already asking the question her mouth wouldn't form.
"I remember you saying how dancing was your relief." Calvin answered the silent question, making his way to the stereo. "And I think we've all been doing a little too much lately."
A delicate beat made its way through the speakers before transforming into a movable wave that echoed off the walls. She instantly recognized the song as How to Love. Her body began to involuntarily move to the raspy sound of Wayne's voice. She was in her own world, free of worries and nightmares.
Calvin watched in awe. He never saw someone move so freely. He could tell she wasn't even thinking as she danced. It was coming straight from her soul. And it told a story. A story of a girl who had been hurt multiple times, but enjoyed it while it lasted. She had given them her all, and they sucked her dry like a leech until nothing was left but a disgruntled memory and little trust. He could tell something she couldn’t; She wanted to love, but didn't know how.
The song went off, and with it so did Desiree's old self. She discovered something in that short time. She discovered she was going against a scripture she held dear.
Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
This entire time, she was holding onto pain. She was subconsciously using her past as a crutch, not fully forgiving, and not willing to move on. Instead of giving equal chances, she took every past grievance and held it to the unknown.
She had to free herself form his hold. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she refused to let him have a grasp of her life from behind bars. Even if he did take a nonrefundable part of her.
She had to move on.
"Are you going to dance with me, or make me circle you?"
They sat in a seat under a heater near the back wall of Baskin Robbins. Neither of them should even be I bulging in such sweets this late with not one, but two performances tomorrow. A radio at ten, show at three, and another shortly after at seven. But they didn't care. Desiree's walls had finally crashed down enough to where they could laugh and joke and actually hold a conversation longer than a few sentences.
After spending an hour and a half dancing in the studio, they stopped at the joint to get some ice cream. Since it was near midnight, no one else was here to witness their strange hand gestures and odd stories.
"So, I never considered myself average." Desiree concluded her story. "I was, forced to grow up earlier than usual, so while I had a childhood, I had more responsibility."
"Like what?" Calvin questioned.
"Like, my neighborhood was rough, but my Mom worked two jobs so I stayed in the house alone a lot. And I cleaned, and cooked, and woke myself up in the morning, and did my homework...I just, did what I had to do."
"I get what you saying'. My Dad worked a lot, so I had my little brother a lot of the time. Getting myself ready, him ready. Making sure he did his homework, I did mine. It made us observe more."
"Exactly." Desiree responded, smiling. "But...it was nice to see and learn. Like, I didn't make so many mistakes some of my friends did. And I didn't go as deep as I could have."
"Huh?" CJ had no idea what she meant by the last statement. He knew they weren't having the casual first date conversation of "Likes and Dislikes", but to him, that statement alluded so much more than it should have. Maybe it was how soft her voice turned, and how she looked down as she said it.
Noticing his suspicion, Desiree looked back at him and bit her lip. "Topic change..." She was no where near ready to tell him a miniscule piece of information pertaining to her past, and what made her as cold as she was. It was something she ran away from for so long; looking back ached her heart- literally. Her arms began to itch where the fading scars were at the mere though passing by. "Reese's Ice Cream? Really?"
Calvin didn't persist in the conversation, simply going with the new flow. "You never tried it?" She shook her head. Her main flavors were Cookie Dough and Rocky Road, anywhere beyond that line was forgotten. "Well," He scooped a spoon of his ice cream and held it to her. "Try it now."
She scrunched her face up in mock disgust. "Wasn't that in your mouth?"
He frowned at her. "What are we in Kindergarten?"
She smiled. "I liked kindergarten. Nap time was boss."
"You actually slept?"
It was the only time I could sleep, Desiree mentally notes. But said, "Uh-Hum."
He shook his head, remembering the previous events. "You're not getting away from this."
"What if it’s nasty?"
"Spit it in the napkin."
"That's disgusting."
"We can sit here and stalk forever."
"Well, technically we have twenty minutes before we need to be back in the hotel."
CJ frowned again, causing Desiree to sigh. "Fine." She moved her hand behind her head and held it there with a hand. Leaning forward, she hesitated for a second before eating the ice cream. Craig watched her tentatively, waiting for her response. Desiree swallowed it, looking at him blankly before smiling. "It's 'iight."
He smiled, already knowing she loved it and just didn't want to admit it. "I never noticed your accent before now."
"What accent?"
"Its like, real drawn out, the vowels." Desiree shrugged; it was something a lot of people told her.
Minutes later Calvin and Desiree were back at the hotel. Carter went in the room to give them a few minutes of privacy as they said goodnight.
"You know," Desiree said. "I was doubting whether coming was a good idea or not, but I'm glad I did."
"I'm glad you did too."
Desiree lightly stood on her toes, rocking back and forth. She didn't know what to do. Walk away? Or say something else? Sensing this, CJ took the time to step towards her. Finding the courage, he attempted to kiss her on the cheek again, but she pushed him back. He frowned, and she could see she hurt him again.
Sighing, she said, “CJ-"
"No," He interrupted her. "I completely understand."
"No, you don't." She all but yelled. She wasn't mad at him, she was mad at herself for what she had to do. "Tonight was amazing, you are amazing. But, Calvin, I'm broken. Literally, breaking. Some things happened to me, that you may think you can guess but you can't. I....I don't want to go into something where I know I can't give my all. You deserve better than that." She fought the tears brimming her eyes. He was nothing but...beautiful in her eyes- inside and out. He was rare, one of a kind, and he wanted her. She couldn't fathom why.
'He looked her in her eyes, and the intensity made her fear looking away. “If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.... But any time you ever need a friend, I'll just be me. I'll be a friend when you need it and a boyfriend when you want that. Just know I'm here." He started to walk away.
That one tear streamed like a lone river, and she quickly wiped it away before grabbing his arms. Before he even fully turned around, she already placed herself in his arms. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her. They stood in silence, neither needing to state what was known.
He made her weak.