Tobias's POV
My alarm blares in my ear, and I jump up. I rub my eyes and slowly walk into my bathroom. I get into the shower, turn the hot water on, and let it cascade down my body to get my to wake up.
I didn't sleep very well last night. I was plagued with nightmares about losing Tris. I've been having them a lot lately, and they're really troubling me. I hate them. They really get to me.
I get out of the shower, dry off, and throw on some jeans and a black muscle shirt. I dry my hair, mess it up some, and slip on my black Converse. I grab my phone and my backpack and walk downstairs to the kitchen. I sit down at the counter, and Dad hands me a plate with bacon and eggs. I start eating it while staring off into space.
"Hello? Earth to Tobias," Justin says while snapping his fingers in front of my face.
"What?"
"What's wrong with you?" he asks.
"Oh. Umm. I've been having nightmares lately. And I'm starting to have anxiety about moving to California," I answer.
"It's going to be ok, buddy," he says. "You'll have Tris. The two of you can take on anything together."
"Yeah. I know. It just feels like there is something gnawing at me, and I don't know what it is. It's something important too; I just can't figure it out. I don't know. It's probably nothing, man," I say and put my plate in the sink. "I gotta get to school. See you later."
"See ya."
I grab my car keys, walk out to my car, and start driving to school. I park, get out, and walk to my locker. I gather up all of the stuff that I need and make my way to Tris's locker. Tris will brighten up my day. She always does. She always puts a smile on my face. I find her finishing up at her locker. I walk up to her and gently wrap my arms her waist. She turns around to look at me.
"Hey, bumble bee," I say while smiling. What can I say. I just can't help smiling when I'm around her.
"Hey, Tobias," she says, and I kiss her.
"Are you still hurting?" She nods her head.
"Yeah." I nod my head too and gently hug her.
She told me yesterday that she's been having cramps, so I've been very careful.
"So today is our last day," I say.
"Yeah. It is."
"Are you excited to leave this place?" I ask.
"I don't know," she admits. "I mean yes, I want to get out of high school. But I'm not really ready to leave this building and Chicago. Everything happened here. This place holds the most valuables pieces of my life."
"I know what you mean. This place holds the best and worst pieces of my life. Not only will this place be special because it's my hometown, it will be special because this is where I met you. And you changed my life. I'm glad you moved here. I'm glad I met you," I say.
I gently place my forehead on hers, and I see a few tears fall down her face. I kiss away each one of them.
"Why are you crying?"
"I don't know," she answers. "Tobias, what if I'm not ready? What if I'm not ready to face the world?"
"Tris," I say. "You're ready. You've always been ready. Everything that has happened to you has prepared you for this. You don't have to worry about facing the world. The world has to worry about facing you." She laughs.
"That line is always used," she replies.
"It's always used because it's true. You are strong. And brave. And intelligent," I say. "You'll be fine. You'll be more than fine." I wipe away the tears that are still on her cheeks. The bell rings, and we automatically both sigh. I don't want to leave my precious angel's side.
"I love you, bumble bee," I whisper in her ear. "See you later."
"I love you." She kisses me. "See you." She gives me a small wave, and I watch her walk off. Then I quickly make my way to class. I sit down in my seat just as the final bell rings.
Why won't this stupid bad feeling just go away?
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The bell rings, and I gather up all of my stuff then walk to the cafeteria. I get my lunch from the lunch line, sit down at the table, and start eating. Tris sits down beside me, kisses my cheek, and starts eating her food.
"I can't believe that this is our last day of school," Zeke says.
"We're going to be free at last!" Uriah exclaims for the whole cafeteria to hear. I even hear a few chuckles.
"I'm actually going to miss this place. My teachers. My classes. Especially my advanced honors class," Will adds in, and we all laugh at him. That sounds just like him.
"I'm going to miss my fashion class," Christina says.
"I'm going to miss the National Honors Society," Marlene says.
"I'm going to miss the medical club," Shauna replies.
"I'm going to miss the gym class," Zeke says. "We had really fun classes."
"I'm not going to miss anything here," Uriah chimes in. "Especially Mrs. Johnson. That woman needs to figure out what personal space is." We all laugh. That is true. She liked Uriah a little too much.
"Since this has become a sort of confessional, what are you going to miss, Tris?" Zeke asks, and I turn to hear her answer.
She looks at me, grabs my hand, and smiles at our friends.
"I'm going to miss all of you guys," she answers.
"We're going to miss you too," Christina says.
"But we'll still see each other," Will adds. "We won't lose touch."
"Of course," I say. We all stop talking, savoring this moment, and I squeeze Tris's hand. She looks at me with her smile and lays her head on my shoulder. I lay my head on hers and take a deep breath. I don't know if I'm ready to leave. I'm going to miss so much here.
The bell rings, and I throw away mine and Tris's trash. I make sure I grab Tris's hand first, and then we walk to music class together. We sit down in the front, as usual, and Tori walks in to start class.
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The bell rings, and Tris and I walk over to Tori who is sitting at her desk. We have to say goodbye to her. She's our favorite teacher here. She stands up and hugs Tris first.
"I'm going to miss you," she says. "Both of you. You two have been the best students that I have ever had. Please come back and visit."
"Don't worry. We will. And I'm going you too," Tris says, and then Tori hugs me.
"You behave," she says to me. "And good luck with your career. Just don't get conceited." I chuckle.
"I won't. I promise. And I'm going to miss you too, Tpri," I reply.
"Well. Bye, guys," she says, and Tris grabs my hand.
"Bye."
Tris makes us go to my locker first since it's closer to the music room than hers. I quickly pack up my stuff, trying to not hold her up, and then we walk to her locker. She packs up all of her stuff and turns to me.
"I gotta get home," she says and grabs my hand. I'm instantly filled with warmth.
"Oh. Ok," I say. I don't want her to leave me yet. "Well, bye. I love you."
"I love you too," she replies. "Bye." She reaches up to bring my head down to hers. I connect her lips to mine, and the satisfying fire fills my entire body.
We become one. We eventually pull apart, and we are now our two individual selves. We are no longer connected physically, but we are still connected mentally, emotionally. We smile at each other, enjoying the comfortable silence. But eventually, we have to break it. Unfortunately, I can't stand here all day and stare into my girlfriend's beautiful blue-grey eyes.
"Bye."
"Bye."
She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze, reassuring what I don't know, then she waves at me, and then she's gone.
I sigh a little then walk out to my car. I drive him and go up to my room. I fall down on my bed and start at the ceiling.
The bad feeling is still here. Why won't it go away? I don't want anything bad to happen. Nothing bad can happen. My life has been filled with bad things since I was young, and when Tris came, the bad things went away. My life was almost perfect. Tris is my good luck charm. She keeps the bad things away. So if she's staying with me, the bad things shouldn't come, right?
I don't know. I'm tired of thinking. My phone rings, snapping me out of my daze, and I pick it up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, bro."
"Oh. Hey, Zeke," I say. "What's up?"
"So," he starts. "I was wondering, since your house is the biggest, that maybe we could, I don't know, throw an end of year party at your house tonight?"
"Umm. Sure. I guess. When?" I ask.
"Oh. I don't know. In about 45 minutes."
"45 minutes?!" I exclaim.
"Yeah. So can we do it? Please!"
"Fine. I guess."
"Thanks," he says. "Love you, buddy."
"Love you, too."
I hang up and call Tris.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Tris," I say.
"Oh. Hey, Tobias," she says. "What's up?"
"Well. Zeke begged and begged me to do this, so there is going to be an end of school party tonight at my house. Are you coming?" I ask with evident hope in my voice.
"Oh. I'm sorry, Tobias. I can't," she replies, and I try not to sigh. "I promised my parents I would help them with this project they're doing tonight."
"Oh. Ok. I wish that you could come though," I say.
"Yeah. Me too."
"Well. I love you, bumble bee."
"I love you too, Tobias," she says. "No matter what?"
"No matter what."
"Bye," she says, her voice a little shaky.
"Bye." Then she hangs up.
I sigh as I put my phone down on my bed. I get up and walk downstairs. I tell Dad that I'm throwing a party with nothing illegal and then recruit Justin to help me to get everything set up.
After 45 minutes, there are tons of people flooding into my house. Justin starts playing the music, and I just walk around trying to find the gang. After about ten minutes of searching, I finally find them.
"Hey, guys. Having fun?" I ask.
"Yeah. It's amazing!" Uriah exclaims.
"I can't believe you did all of this in 45 minutes," Will says.
"And thanks, bro. For doing this," Zeke says and hugs me.
"No problem."
"Hey, Four," Christina says, and I turn to her.
"Yeah?"
"Tris told us to give you this letter," she replies and hands me an envelope.
"Ok. I'll read it later," I say.
"Actually. You might want to read it now," Marlene says.
"It's ok. I'll just read it after the party."
"Four. Trust us when we say this. You need to read that letter now," Shauna says.
"Fine. Ok. I'll go read it," I reply and walk upstairs to my room.
I lock my door, so no one barges in while I'm reading this, and sit down at my desk. I turn my desk lamp on, take the letter out of the envelope, and start reading.
Dear Tobias,
I have to start this letter off by saying that I love you so so much. I love you more than you love Dauntless cake. I love you more than oxygen. No. Wait. You are my oxygen. It feels like I'm suffocating without you. I need you to survive. Which makes the rest of this letter even harder to write.
Before I go into what's been happening these last few weeks and the decisions that I have been forced to make, I have to make sure that you understand something very important. I need you to understand that what I'm about to tell you is not your fault. At all. So don't even start to think that it is. All of it is me. It's my fault.
First things first. The easiest of the news to deliver. I went for a walk in the tunnel of trees one day, trying to clear my head. While I was there I started singing a song that I wrote. (It's the other piece of paper in the envelope.) A guy from a record label heard me sing, and he offered me a record deal. Whether or not I accepted this offer will come in later.
Now on to one of the harder parts of the news. You still remember our Prom night, right? It was one of the best nights of my life. Ok. I just need to come out and say it. Well, write it. So. Here it goes. I'm pregnant. With your child. I don't know if we are going to have a daughter or a son; all I know is that I'm going to be a mother. And you're going to be a father.
I know that the last part of the news was probably hard to take in, but here's some more. On Prom night, you asked me to move to California with you, and I said yes. I was so excited to go because I love you and I want to be with you. But I just can't. I know that I already said yes, so it pains me to tell you no now. Tobias. My love. I'm not going to California with you.
Here is where I will answer two of your possible questions in one sentence. The reason why I'm not going to California is because I accepted the record deal. And for me to accept it, I had to be willing to move to New York. So that's where I'm going. I'm moving to New York to follow my dream. Isn't that what you want for me? Please keep this question in your mind when I'm gone.
I am so sorry, Tobias. For putting all of this stuff on you. I'm also sorry for not telling you in person. You're free to call me a coward because that's what I am. I didn't have the guts to face you. I really do love you, but this is what has to be done.
That's all of the news. Well, except for one little piece of information. I'm leaving today. I'm sorry for the suddenness, but I couldn't give you the chance to try and change my mind. I'm sorry. I really am. I love you, and I'm going to miss you so much.
Xoxo.
Sincerely,
Your bumble bee
She's pregnant?! She's leaving?! Today?! I have to stop her!
I quickly wipe away all of the tears on my face and race out of my room downstairs. I fly past everybody and out the door. I don't even stop to get into my car. I just keep running to Tris's house. I have to stop her.
I finally get to Tris's house and stop in the middle of the road. Did I mention that it's pouring down rain? I find Tris beside her car, and she opens the door.
"Tris!"
She turns around and looks at me.
"Tobias," she says. "What are you doing?"
"I came for you," I say, trying to keep my voice from breaking. "I love you, Tris. Please. Don't leave us. Don't leave me. I need you. Please." I know I'm saying the same things over. But I don't care. I need her to stay.
"I'm sorry, Tobias. You don't understand. I have to leave. I have to do this," she tries to explain. No.
"No," I say, voicing my thoughts. "You don't. You don't have to leave me. I will give up my record deal and move to New York with you, so you can pursue your dream. I will do anything. Please!"
"No. I'm not going to let you do that. And I have to do this. I have to go to New York. And you have to go to California. I have to leave. I'm sorry. I really am," she says.
"Tris. Please. Don't," I beg with tears streaming down my face.
"Tobias," she says, sounding exhausted. "Don't make this harder than it already is."
"No," I say once again. "I'm going to make this hard because I can't lose you again. I can't." I'm right in front of her now. She touches my cheek, I place my hand on top of hers, savoring her touch. Savoring our connection.
"I'm sorry," she says and places a soft kiss on my lips. Then she squeezes my hand. "I love you, Tobias. I really do."
She steps away from me and wipes away her own tears. Or raindrops. It's hard to tell.
"Goodbye." She then gets in her car and drives off, breaking my heart into a million pieces.
I watch as she goes, and when she's out of sight, I collapse on the grass and start sobbing. I look up and see Natalie standing on the porch. She looks at me with a sad look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she says, but it sounds like a whisper in the rain. She gives me a pitiful smile and walks back inside.
I pull myself together enough to stand up, and I start walking home. The tears keep streaming down my face, mixing with the rain. I can't stop them, and that's the reason why I'm still crying by the time I get home. I walk inside and take in the crowd. Suddenly, the music stops, and every single head looks at me. Now, every senior in the school is seeing me cry with tears streaming down my face. And the thing is. I don't care. This is nothing compared to what just happened.
Zeke walks up to me with a worried expression written all over his face.
"Buddy, what's wrong?" he asks. With those words, the tears come faster.
"Just get out. Please," I say, my voice shaking.
"What? Buddy. You can talk to us."
"I said get out!" I exclaim. He walks out with a pained expression. I'll apologize later.
"EVERYBODY! GET OUT!" I yell, and a sob escapes my mouth.
I run over to the stairs and collapse against them. I start crying right there in front of everyone. They all leave, but not before staring at me. I know what they're thinking. The popular boy is crying. He is broken. How did this happen? Once everyone is gone, I crawl up the steps to my room. I crawl onto my bed and start sobbing into my pillow.
I hear the door open, but I don't look up. Not yet. After about 20 minutes, I finally stop crying. I sit up to find Dad and Justin standing at the door.
"What happened?" Dad asks.
"Where do I begin?" I say. "First of all, Tris is pregnant. With my child. Dad, I'm going to be a father. But that's not the thing that's getting me. I would have loved and cared for that kid, but I can't. Because Tris is leaving me. She has left me. She just left to go to New York. I mean I'm happy for her because she got a record deal, but she's leaving. And she won't let me come with her. I lost her again, Dad. I don't know if I can handle that again."
"Tobias. You got through it last time," Dad says.
"Yeah. What's different now?" Justin asks.
"I barely got through it last time. I almost killed myself. And do you want to know what's different? I actually had Tris by my side the last time. This time she's gone," I explain.
"It's going to be ok," Justin says.
"Can you guys just leave me alone for a little while?" I ask. "I just need some time to think." They nod their heads and leave my room.
I change into some sweatpants and find one of Tris's sweatshirts that she left here one day. I look at the song, and my heart breaks even more. She has known that she was leaving for awhile. I cut the lights off and crawl under my covers. I hug Tris's sweatshirt to my chest, inhale the sweet scent, and close my eyes.
I can't believe this happened.
I can't believe she's gone.
I can't believe that I'm going to be a father.
Goodbye, bumble bee.