The countdown to war now stood at three days, tonight would be the big formal feast. So many memories of my last one here seemed to overlap the day, but that Tamara seemed so weak to me now. I had agreed again to wear a kimono; it would be the first time in women's clothes since I returned.
Once again it was lovely to be surrounded by a group of fussing women, I had spent far too long in the company of men. Shinshoni nearly made me cry when she produced a whole set of hairpieces that matched my silver blonde hair, it also brought home to me just how long I had been here, seeing the amount of regrowth that was showing.
The kimono had been specially made for me, that tailor man in the armoury must have given her my measurements. This time however, walking would be a breeze as I intended to wear my trainers. No one would notice under the long swathes of silk and linen.
Like the time before, my breath was taken as the kimono and all the layers were folded out in front of me. And this time tears at its sheer intricacy and beauty couldn't help but come.
For some reason they all seemed delighted as I cried. Shinshoni hugged me fiercely, her own eyes damp.
"I have missed you Lady Tamara."
What a strange thing to say.
The kimono was a dazzling, heavily embroidered white, with a series of trims and borders having a dark blue sheen, it shimmered as I moved, almost looking like the feathered wings of a bird around my body. A long train at the back added to the effect and it had an elaborate obi instead of sashes, a brand new fashion here. The obi carried the Takeda Emblem as did its long tail down my back, its darker colour a shadow to my hair and it felt heavy and strange, more like my armour.
I think because it was the first time in so long I had worn women's clothing, along with the fact this outfit was so incredibly beautiful, I actually felt elegant.
I felt like a proper Princess.
The instant that word surfaced, my chest knifed me again with a cold fire metal agony and I dropped down sharply to the seat near me, clutching my chest, barely able to breathe.
There was a female flurry of rising panic around me, it only gradually subsided as I was finally able to convince them I would be alright. A still distraught Shinshoni offered me a large sake, and I stared at it for a while, still fighting with the echoes of the knife fire, my right hand trying to hold my heart.
My body was quite keen to feel its warming threads push back some of the pain, but my mind used my mouth to ask a different question.
"Do you have one of those nasty tasting restoratives around somewhere?"
Almost as soon as I had gasped the last syllable hands holding small flasks of varying designs were thrust forcefully towards me from all directions at once.
"Hahaha.." I laughed, before having to return to the pain, "I might have known."
I took the nearest and downed it and they all broke into relieved laughter at the sight of my twisted face.
"Gah!" I sputtered, "Can't you make this vile stuff taste any better?"
"If we did we would drink it all the time." Shinshoni smiled.
That was fair.
The restorative's effect was swift, I could finally breathe, and stand steady without much more than a dull ache in my chest. By the time Shinshoni and the posse decided everything was back in order I felt alert, my heart rate steady and strong, and as we started out towards the Hall, I shoved all memory of the event into one of the last dark corners in my mind.
I actually rippled the air as I entered, the outfit sent rainbows and sparkles out around me. The retainer's voice announced me clearly as 'Lady Takeda Swift Tamara." Which in the moment rang some faint alarm bells somewhere way at the back of my head, but Shinshoni touched my arm and I jumped back to the Hall.
Unlike the last time, I felt wonderful, the silence at my entrance didn't phase me in the slightest, but this time however, instead of watching me walk the Hall, Lord Shingen came immediately from the dais, his swift stride meeting me just inside the doors. I was quick to bow as he did, and he looked me up and down, appearing to be struggling to find words to say.
"These guys go really strange around women wearing fancy dressing gowns" A dry voice rattled in my head.
"Lady Tamara." He said, finally.
"My Lord Shingen." I returned, smiling into his eyes.
It was only when uncomfortable shifting noises reached my ears I worked out we had been simply standing staring at each other for more than a second or two. Lord Shingen appeared not to notice, he felt like he was trying to drown my eyes in amber. He finally blinked when murmurs started, quickly regained his composure and offered an arm. Oddly I found I had to slow my step to his as we walked slowly together to the dais, a quick glance up at his profile only showed me his fixed line of sight. I raised an eyebrow at him in silent question, but he didn't so much as register it.
I made sure I didn't so much as glance at Lord Yukimura, although his smile reached out me, I could see from the corner of my eye the familiar shape of ... him. I hastily brought my attention back to the dais.
My trainers made walking so easy I felt like I was able to glide the length of the Hall, this time I felt elegant as the stares and whispers just slipped over me. I squeezed Lord Shingen's arm and he placed his other over mine, and the gesture wasn't lost on some of the generals close to the dais. I was aware that many of the men here had never even pictured me in a kimono, or maybe they had, the random thought almost made me giggle.
Shinshoni laid my katana at the edge of the dais on the same cushion it rested on that night so long ago. As we stood in front of all those faces, all those men, Lord Kenshin's words chose that moment to haunt me:
"How many men, good men, brave men have met their end because of you"
A wave of dizziness made me sway, but it seemed only Lord Shingen noticed, his grip tightened as I steadied myself and he looked down at me:
"Lady Tamara?" He whispered.
I couldn't meet his gaze initially, but I knew I would have to before others noticed. I tried to look happy back up to him.
"I'm fine, really." I whispered back, "Just hungry." At that his face broke out into a proper grin. A few voices, and then many broke the silence in the Hall.
"Fast like the wind,
Silent like a forest,
Intrusive like the Fire,
Immobile like a mountain"
The Takeda Clan Bishie pounded the ceiling and walls.
Then Lord Shingen added his own voice:
"Under Heaven and Earth I alone am feared."
There was a huge roar until Lord Shingen raised his hand for quiet, and he guided me to sit next to him.
There were a couple of speeches and roars in return, but I couldn't really seem to focus. On the outside I could feel I was smiling, whilst on the inside I felt thoroughly peculiar, the wonderful aromas of food arriving into the Hall was just what I needed, and my senses leapt over my mental state. I sternly reminded myself I would have to still appear lady like and not look like a horse at a trough, and I vaguely heard myself giggle at the image.
From behind me Shinshoni produced a cup, as sake began to flow around the Hall,
"It' sweet sake." She whispered, "It has little alcohol"
I was grateful and nodded my thanks.
As everyone settled to eat, the murmurings of relaxed conversation was only broken by hearty slaps and cheers as comrades downed their sake. Lord Shingen left the dais and moved through his retainers and generals, and as I looked at his tray he had hardly touched his food. I was still absolutely determined not to look to my left and so I was surprised to see Lord Yukimura sweep into my vision.
Even sitting on the dais he was a tall, commanding frame in his own right; he looked every inch the Great General he was in formal dress. Until that is I found his face, his boyish features and great blue eyes, a slight sake flush already in his cheeks. His eyes danced over me and his smile sent me real affection as he bowed low to me, making me a feel thoroughly uncomfortable.
"Lord Yukimura, stop it, it's just me under all this you know."
His face turned almost beetroot coloured - God only knows what image I had just put in his head and I felt a pang of guilt for putting the picture there.
"Lady Tamara!" He gasped, unable to look at me.
I genuinely laughed, it was such a strange sound in my ears at first didn't realise it was me. I felt my eyes smiling too as he finally met my gaze.
"You look positively handsome." I said, hoping it would help. It only seemed to make him more unbalanced.
I laughed heartily again and found it felt good somewhere inside me to do it. The jewels in my hairpieces tinkling slightly as I did. He offered a hand saying:
"Your troop commander would be delighted if you went to speak with him."
This was a new turn of events, I thought I would be able to sit and eat like last time.
"Certainly Lord Yukimura." My voice answered automatically, and as I rose he caught a glimpse of the trainers on my feet.
"Aaah ... your shoes!" I looked and then shrugged.
"Sshh, don't you dare." I warned him with a smile, and he helped me from the dais, grinning broadly in return and promising to keep my secret.
I had no idea if Saizo was still there, but it gave me confidence knowing my back was to him if he was. Lord Yukimura and I moved through various groups, his father only making us both blush as he remarked upon what a wonderful couple we made.
"I'm sorry Lady Tamara, he's ..." Yukimura offered.
"Mine was always the same." I nodded sagely and smiled, which thankfully took some of the glow from his face.
We both laughed and continued to another group, our arms linked. As we crossed the Hall we met up with Lord Shingen again. He turned as we approached and I was immediately wrapped in his aura like a lasso, it held me to his eyes and the entire Hall disappeared around me, all I could see was his towering presence.
He took his great hands in mine, I wasn't aware of anything else but him as he held me captured in his eyes. No words were spoken as we faced each other, I felt wrapped in total silence. Somewhere my consciousness registered he was pulling me towards him...
A commotion of hooves and shouting from the courtyard outside shattered the silence I stood in, and Lord Shingen tore his eyes away to the doors, frowning as he became alert.
He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close, I could feel his body change, as his heart rate grew stronger in his chest, it pounded in my ears. Two flushed dirt covered riders burst into the Hall and I felt Lord Shingen's arms tighten around me, holding me to him as they strode towards us.
"Milord!" One gasped, "They have changed tactical course and ride in force already." Still clinging me to him, Shingen turned and swept his gaze around the now stunned Hall.
"Ready yourselves, we leave at first light." His voice rumbled around the Hall, in my ears and through my chest. He looked down at me, his tone softer.
"Come with me Lady Tamara, I would speak with you first."
He swept me almost off my feet as we left, a cacophony of orders and men's voices readying at short notice in our wake.
I thought we would be heading for his council room, but he was heading towards his private chambers. I knew he must have a thousand things on his mind, so I stayed quiet in his firm embrace.
As the door slid shut, he seemed unwilling to set me free. With one hand he toyed with the ornaments in my hair as he spoke.
"You still ride with us to war?"
"Yes, Lord Shingen, my every wish is to bring honour to the Takeda Clan."
He winced slightly at my formality as his hand grazed my cheek.
"You do not have to do this Lady Tamara." I went to pull away, but his strength kept me to him.
"Yes I do." I dropped my eyes as I spoke. He cupped my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him.
"You know I can not protect you when it comes to being in the field." I held his gaze as fiercely as I could.
"I'm not asking you to." I was bold, and impressed myself.
He sighed, his look resolute, he slipped his hand under the collar of my kimono, softly running his hand along my neck and to my shoulder. Despite the thrill it gave my skin I stood firm and kept his gaze.
"Let me do this." I said quietly. He slowly removed his hand and for the first time I saw a new accent in his eyes.
"I see you have chosen your path," He leant in even closer. "And you are right about one thing Lady Tamara." Before I could ask what Lord Shingen stole a kiss from me, it was passionate, almost desperate on some level. He broke away and turned me to the door as I swirled in total confusion.
"I have never met another Tiger before."
The door shut behind me with a click.
I was only given the briefest of moments to recover when several of his generals swept along the verandah.
Snapping back to the present I needed to find Shinshoni to get all this finery off me, and with a cursory nod to the approaching generals; I strode off to find her.