Waking up was slow and delicious - I took a luxurious series of stretches under the bedding keeping my eyes shut, just enjoying the warm embrace of the fabric around me.
I opened my eyes and gasped.
This was not my room.
I wriggled deeper under the covers and hastily pulled the rest up around my face.
Where was I??
No, really, WHERE WAS I??
An unmistakable deep chuckle from the other side of the room made me go cold.
I slowly turned my head and my stomach did a backflip.
OH MY FRIGGIN GOD.
I was in Lord Shingen's chambers.
I was in Lord Shingen's bed.
He wouldn't have. Would he?
I shrunk down deeper in the covers.
He had his back to me, pouring water from the sound of it, but as he turned towards me I inadvertently saw a lot more of Lord Shingen that I have ever wanted to - his robe was only loosely tied.
I disappeared into the bedding, then another fact surfaced, I was fairly certain I was fully dressed the last time I remembered.
I only had a robe on now.
OH MY FRIGGIN, FREAKIN GOD...
What the fecking fuck? ...
OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't want to show my face, it was on fire.
Another deep chuckle came from the other side of the bedding, and I clutched it tighter over my head.
OH MY FECKING GOD.
I felt him sit next to me, and another rush of hot blush rose as I remembered he was known for sleeping in the nude.
"Argghh" I gurgled.
Now I heard him laughing, and something in me turned cross. With a flush I couldn't stop, I pulled the bedding from my face, still keeping it under my chin. He was properly laughing at my discomfort, his shoulders shaking so much his robe fell of one.
At the sight of his bare shoulder and arm I flung the covers back over my head.
"Lady Tamara." He was still laughing at me.
"What?" I said crossly from under the covers.
"Please, look at me." I slowly just let my eyes show and he threatened to set off again, but my eyes flashed a warning and he just smiled instead. He leant in closer and I shrank away, then he whispered with a smirk still on his lips.
"I didn't do anything, even I prefer my partners to be conscious to begin with."
ARRRGGGH!!
...
EEEWWW!"
I threw myself under the bedding again with all sorts of pictures in my head.
"Where I come from we have a name for men like you"
My muffled voice was sent from the safety of the covers. Again he laughed heartily, as if my comment was more of a compliment.
"Lord Shingen?"
"Yes Lady Tamara?"
"What happened to my clothes?"
There was a brief pause, so I peeked again to see him looking away to another part of the room, as he swung his head back I dived back under.
"I had to make you more comfortable..."
"You... you... undressed me?" I wished a giant hole would open up under the floor below me and I could disappear.
"Would you prefer the memory of one of the retainers having done it?" There was still a smile in his voice.
The fact that I had no memory of it at all let alone a new one wasn't helping.
"No! ...But that means ..." My voice wobbled under the bedding.
"You have an incredible body Lady Tamara."
"AARGHH!" I wanted to die from embarrassment; I would never be able to look at Lord Shingen again.
"I have never seen such..." He searched for a word, "...definition on a woman's body before, it is very ...." He paused again.
Now I was starting to get really cross, if anyone was going to see my body I would like to know about it first. I yanked the covers from my head and glared at him.
"What? My body is WHAT?" I shouted. He leant forwards again with a suspicious glint in his eyes.
"Desirable." He only just got back out of my way as I freed an arm to hit him.
His next question I was not expecting.
"What do you think about sex Lady Tamara?"
"Come again? What?" I wasn't entirely certain I had heard him correctly.
I sat up clutching everything around me that I could, my robe, my knees and as much bedding as my hands would hold. I couldn't look at him; I just couldn't, particularly as his robe threatened to fall from his body at any moment. He offered me a cup, but there was no way I was letting go of anything. He leant around me, putting it on the floor, chuckling again as I drew the bedding tighter.
With a perfectly straight face he asked the question again.
"What do you think about sex?"
I narrowed my eyes, wary of some sort of trap. Shingen tilted his head, looking at me and when I didn't offer an answer he carried on.
"Do you see it as some holy, sacred thing or just something physical, or somewhere in between?"
I couldn't believe my ears, this was a peculiar turn of conversation, which from the sound of his voice was like simply discussing the weather.
I only offered silence and he continued.
I really, really wished he hadn't.
"Do you enjoy the touch of a woman as well as men? "
(Oh my God, please floor, just swallow me now).
"I only ask because you seem happier recently in allowing my daughter to touch you."
"STOP!!"
I shouted from my knees, banging my head in time with the words.
"JUST STOP, STOP, STOP!!"
I raised my head to see he had a quizzical expression on his face, along with a faint smile.
"Okay." I took a deep breath, "I - and I can't believe I'm saying this - " I took another, "Yes, sex is something that can be just physical, but I personally prefer it to be special, meaningful." I took another breath from my babbling, "It's not something I've done on a regular day to day basis just for fun."
"Really?" Lord Shingen seemed genuinely bemused. He sat back thinking to himself and took a swig of water. I dreaded what question he would come up with next, while at the same time a few of my own came to mind.
"Lord Shingen?"
"Hmmnn ... yes?" He turned from his thoughts back to me.
"You don't really make much difference between men or women for ... sex ... do you?" I kept his gaze this time, as I wanted to read his eyes.
"Attraction has no gender to me." He stated bluntly, "But then I am used to taking what I want."
"Taking?"
"You mean you have never decided you wanted a man and used something of yourself to seduce them?"
Several less than savoury memories of my past sprung to mind and I dropped my head to my knees.
"Ah, so you DO understand me a little."
I sighed, I really wished I knew where this conversation was heading and it would reach its destination.
"Lady Tamara." I raised my head to see Lord Shingen looking seriously at me.
"You must know that you are not well."
I was thrown off balance again, and reminded that not only was Shingen powerful, but also a very clever man. I tried to throw some defenses up, but it was difficult in the situation.
"Sex can be a useful medicine you know."
"WHAT?"
My heart thumped as the rest of me went cold, I instinctively turned my head with the question, but saw only honesty in his features.
"You're serious aren't you?" I managed.
"Perfectly" He replied.
For some stupid reason my brain decided to say: 'Take two of these and see how you are in the morning.' I heard a giggle escape me before I could stop it. Lord Shingen looked confused, but I didn't seem to be able to stop giggling, then laughing at the thought of 'Doctor Shingen' and his prescription for my condition.
"I'm sorry ... I ... I'm ..." I lost it again.
"Is the idea so ridiculous to you?"
"No, no, it's not that ..." I looked up at his white robe and that was it - Doctor Shingen - I couldn't breathe as tears started to run down my face and my sides were killing me.
"It has been so long since I saw you laugh Lady Tamara, for whatever the reason, I am glad to see it." He said kindly
I started to get a grip and reached for the cup of water. It did feel good to laugh, until the two words in my mind came back to haunt me.
Saizo
... Princess
I sighed as my laughter left me and stared into the cup.
"I think I'm losing my mind." I said to the water, "My heart is dead and now my mind." I continued to stare at a shaky reflection of myself.
"Lord Shingen."
Yes Lady Tamara?"
"Help me."
Whilst I sat there, Shingen got up and started to dress, "I will be riding out to visit Fuefuki, I have meetings with the Village Elders later this evening, ride with me, it will give you the chance to see a little more of Kai Province."
I just nodded at my cup.
"Firstly however, you will make a formal apology to Lord Yukimura - I will expect you in the Main Hall as soon as you are ready." And with that he was gone.