"And though she be but little, she is fierce." - William Shakespeare
L O U I S
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration, swallowing the lump in my throat as yet another nurse shot me a curious glance. It seemed like hours since I'd been told anything about Tellie. Niall was sitting in the chair next to me, impatiently drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, which only made this all more tense.
"What if she's dead...?" I asked quietly. I could hardly say the words, but it's the only thing I was thinking of.
"She's not dead." Niall replied abruptly. "They'd tell you if she was dead..."
"I can't live with my self if she dies..." I muttered shaking my head. "God I feel terrible knowing this is my fault in the first place..."
"It's not your fault Tellie made a mistake."
"I asked her why she cut..."
"What'd she say?"
"She said it was 'cause of me..."
"Louis she was pissed off that we found her trying to cut, she probably didn't mean it."
I nodded, even though I didn't believe him at all. I knew Tellie like the back of my hand, she was full on serious about every word she said.
"Mr Tomlinson?"
I automatically got to my feet waiting as the doctor walked towards me.
"Tell me you have some information on my daughter." I snapped instantly.
"Don't mind him he's been a bit on edge..." Niall said getting to his feet as well.
"I do actually have some information for you. I'm Dr Wilson, and-"
"Is she alive?" I cut in. "I need to know that my daughter is alive."
"She's alive and well. We managed to stop the bleeding, but she has suffered a lot of blood loss and will need to stay here for about a couple of nights. Your lucky we were able to treat it, if say the bleeding was undiscovered for even a minute more theres nothing we could've done." Dr Wilson beamed. "But theres also one other thing."
Oh fuck...
I bit my lip. "What is it?"
"I'm sure you're aware of the cuts on her wrists..."
"Yes."
"We discovered one of those cuts on her right arm has an infection, which she'll have to take some antibiotics or something for. But I'll go more into that with you later. She's still asleep, but when you're ready room 302 on the next floor up."
"Okay, thank you."
"See," Niall started as I headed towards the elevator. "She's alive."
"You heard him. One minute later and she would've died." I replied dully.
"Thank me. If I hadn't have gotten you then she would've just out a bandaid on and said it was nothing."
"Why were you even in there?"
"She started screaming."
I didn't reply this time, I just went into the elevator Niall with me, my mind racing.
One more minute and I would've lost Tellie...
"Arizona's got cancer." Niall muttered. "Found out last week while we were in London... Leukaemia. They think they can cure it but chances are..."
"Are you serious?" I asked. ,
"Yeah, now to make matters worse Chantelle's pregnant and is freaking out more then she should."
"You guys are having another baby?"
"Yeah. We're hoping its only one this time."
I chuckled quietly. "With your luck, never. So... What are you guys doing about Arizona...?"
"Anything and everything possible to try and get rid of the cancer." Niall replied as they elevator doors opened. Niall looked like if we stayed on topic any longer he'd break down or something. So I just nodded.
I almost felt guilty, my daughter nearly killed herself and Niall's was only eight and he had already been told chances are she won't live.
"They put her in the children's ward..." Niall muttered slightly laughing. "Oh Tellie's gonna hate that."
"Why?"
"'Cause she's a teenager. Don't you remember that big thing she went about in march about how once she's thirteen she doesn't want to be treated like a kid? She had a whole list of stuff."
"Oh, um yeah I remember..."
I didn't. I couldn't recall anything Tellie had ever said that was remotely related to what Niall was saying.
"Do you want me to come in?" Niall asked.
"I don't care, come in if you want." I replied, not even hesitating to walk into room 302.
I sighed as I went over to the bed in the middle of the room. I put my hand on Tellie's pale forehead, shaking my head as I looked to her wrist.
"She'll be okay." Niall chimed in. "This time next year it'll be like the whole cutting thing never happened."
"No it won't..." I muttered. "She's always gonna have scars on her wrist, and I'm not going to just forget walking in on her trying to cut herself. It's never gonna be like it never happened..."
"But you know what I mean." Niall replied. "She'll get through it and it'll just all seem...you know."
I nodded, watching as Tellie turned in her sleep.
"This is my fault..." I muttered. "I should've been there for her..."
I drummed my fingers along the arm of the chair next to Tellie's bed. Four in the morning and I hadn't left the room. Niall had left an hour ago, as much as he said he wanted to stay, he really didn't. And with Chantelle calling him every two seconds...
"Daddy...?"
I looked towards Tellie, relief washing over me.
"Hey baby girl," I murmured. "You okay darlin'?"
"What happened...?" Tellie mumbled. She looked from me to her wrist, then around the room as if trying to figure out where she was.
"Don't you remember Tells?"
"I remember you yelled at me, 'cause I tried to cut. Then I went to bed and had a nightmare and then Niall was there and I was bleeding then... I can't remember... Where am i...?"
I sighed. "At the hospital Tells. You cut to deep darling."
"W-W-W-I-But..." Tellie stuttered her face growing pale.
"It's okay. You just can't cut again baby girl." I replied stroking her hair. "You can't okay. You're lucky, if Niall hasn't noticed you were bleeding you would've died..."
"I didn't want..."
"I know. You've never wanted to kill yourself."
Tellie nodded, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry..."
"Just don't do it anymore Tells." I muttered kissing her forehead. She never gave me an answer.
*
"You have to talk to me about it." I snapped. "Tellie twice you have tried to cut yourself in the past month and once you almost killed yourself, so don't think you can't tell me anything." She didn't look at me. She kept her eyes down and was still as pale as before in the hospital bed.
"I don't want to..." She mumbled.
"Tellie I get it. You don't want to talk about it but I need to know what happened. You need to tell me why you constantly keep doing this. If you think I'm going to stand by and watch you kill yourself your wrong." I seethed. "So just...just tell me."
"It was stuff it doesn't matter." She muttered. "You wouldn't care anyway..."
"Tellie-"
"I'm sleeping." She cut in. "So you can leave..."
"Tellie-"
"I nearly killed myself I'm tired."
How could she say it with such ease now? Before she was terrified that she'd nearly killed herself and now it was her excuse. It was ridiculous. Especially when I chocked on the words myself.
"You know I'm just trying to help you right?" I asked, and she exhaled deeply, burying her head in the pillow and speaking softly.
"Are you really?" She whispered. "Or do you think you're helping me, but really helping yourself?"
T E L L I E
It only just occurred to me, if I was to jump from the roof as I planned, would I care? Would I ever really care? If I jumped now would anyone care? No. Probably not.
"T.J-"
I automatically snapped my laptop shut, looking up as Zayn entered the dull hospital room.
"Hi." I said pulling my laptop closer to me.
"Just thought I'd come see you before we had to go to the venue." Zayn replied sitting on one of the chairs in the room. "How you doing?"
"Okay. But hospital really sucks..."
"Thought you'd say that. So, I brought you maccas, 'cause the doctor said you had to eat something."
"Thank you."
Zayn handed me a brown McDonald's bag, drumming his fingers on his thigh before biting his lip.
"So, what have you been doing around here?" Zayn asked. "You've been stuck here for two days."
"I was writing my English assessment. I have to email it to my teacher by next week." I shrugged.
"What's your assessment about?"
"I have to write a story about survival."
"So what's yours about?"
I bit my lip. "A girl... Who's..."
"Cutting." Zayn finished. I nodded, awkwardly holding my laptop.
"It's easy to write about stuff you know... Is Harry still pissed at me?"
"He was never pissed at you. He's just... Harry knew a girl who cut and lets say he attended her funeral."
"Oh... So he thinks I'll kill myself...?"
"Tells, sorry to be straight foreword with you. But the other night you nearly did."
"I know..."
"Well, I've gotta go. Eat something, if you don't your dad agreed to making you eat hospital food." Zayn said kissing my cheek before getting to his feet.
"Okay. When do I get out of here?"
"Two more days love. It's only two more days."
I watched as Zayn left, shutting the door behind him.
Two days...
Dear diary,
Tomorrow they're "releasing" me from this damn hospital. Usually someone's in the room with me besides at night.
Harry's the only one who hasn't actually entered the room. I don't even think he's been in the hospital...
Zach, Corey and Jessie have been texting me non-stop, and Ive gotten to the stage were I'm ignoring them... Zach's the only one who knows why I'm in hospital (besides dad, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Niall)
For the first time Zach actually called me and said to stop cutting. :/ :)
Tomorrow I'm out if here <3 :)
YEEEEW
-TT
(A/N
SORRY IT'S SHORT
I HAD TO CHANGE POV'S TO ACTUALLY MAKE IT WORTH WHILE POSTING THIS
NOT MUCH WAS HAPPENING IN LOUIS' POV...
ANYWAY
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OH AND WHO'S POV DO U GUYS THINK THE PROLOGUE WAS IN? ;)
-P