I haven't heard from Andrei for almost the whole day, 2 texts lang nareceive ko from him. First one was a reply pa nga from my good morning text, without emoji pa siya and then the next one was before lunch sabi niya lang kumain ako.
"Ano bang problema niya?" tanong ko sa sarili ko na agad ko din namang sinagot na baka busy lang.
"Hoy atingst, bakit nakakunot nanaman noo mo!?" puna ni May, oo nga pala kasama ko si May at Julia kakaisip ko kung anong problema ni Andrei o kung meron man kanina pa ako lutang.
Nilapag ko ang tinidor ko and that's when I noticed na tapos na pala silang kumain at ako na lang ang inaantay nila.
"Baka Andrei problem yan, kanina pa check ng check ng phone eh." sabat naman ni Julia sinundan niya pa ng sobrang OA na "Walang Forever!" kaya inirapan ko siya.
"Wag po bitter please." biro ko, naghigh five kami ni May pagkatapos.
"May ginawa ka ba na baka naoffend yung tao? Or baka nagkagalit kayo di mo lang maalala?" tanong ni May sakin, napaisip ako. Could this be about what happened last night? Pero sabi niya okay lang. We even joked after, hindi hindi it's not that.
"Well, something happened last night pero napagusapan naman namin yun eh. He said we're good." paliwanag ko but both of them insisted na ikwento ko kung anong nangyari so I did.
"Hinatid niya ako kagabi sa bahay, when I was about to go in my Dad went out with the trash. Nakita niya ako with Andrei. I panicked. When Papa asked me who he was, sabi ko classmate ko." explain ko.
"Not ever a friend, ang sinabi ko. Classmate! It's a good thing he said it was okay, naintindihan naman daw niya." when I ended, nakanganga lang sakin si May at Julia.
"What?!" I asked in a high tone because they're giving me weird looks.
"Teh, nahurt mo naman ata yung feelings ni Koya." May finally broke her silence.
"No, nagsorry naman ako sa kanya last night before we both fell asleep eh. Sabi niya it's okay." paliwanag ko.
"Pero. Ewan ko baka nga hindi yun ang dahilan baka busy lang siya." May said but with a reluctant face.
"Bakla nararamdaman mo bang masyado siyang busy for you?" out of the blue na tanong ni Julia. I frowned before answering.
"No. Hinatid niya pa nga ako last night so he has time for me. Why'd you ask?" confident na sagot ko.
"Wala lang. Kasi yang mga lalaking yan sa kagustuhang hindi makasakit ng mga marurupok na tulad natin hindi na lang nila idiretso. Sasabihin kailangan magfocus sa studies/career pero ang totoo may ifofocus na ibang babae. Kaya kapag yang Andrei na yan sinabihan ka ng ganun ay tsugiin mo! Hampasin mo ng bola sa mukha bago mo siya talikuran!"
"Tignan natin kung makapagfocus pa siya!" dagdag pa ni Julia.
Nagkatinginan kami ni May pagtapos ng galit na galit na statement ni Julia.
"Okay, si Andrei pa ba pinaguusapan natin dito?" tanong ni May, mukha namang natauhan si Julia kaya tumikhim siya.
"Just saying.."
The conversation then shifted to Julia's sudden outburst, I tried my best to listen to them but I am so bothered by Andrei's cold treatment. Siguro nga I'm overthinking it kasalanan niya din because he spoiled me. Sanay ako na almost every minute magkatext kami, he'd call me to check kung kumain na ako kapag di kami magkasabay but now wala pa din.
I checked my phone again, wala.
"Busy lang siya Ernestine, kalma." I said consoling myself.
Julia had to go dahil may volleyball training siya, kaya ako na lang at si May ang naiwan.
"Wag ka na magisip, Tin. Mahal ka nun!" May tried to comfort me.
Mahal? Pero walang pakialam sakin. Tss. Okay, I'm starting to get irritated. Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko and texted Jollo.
To: Jollo Go
Hi Jollo, you with Drei?
I only waited for about 6 minutes then I received a reply from Jollo.
From: Jollo Go
Yup, techtite. Why?
"Techtite!! Wow sobrang busy." I exclaimed.
Hinatak ko si May palabas ng cafeteria, di ko na tinapos ang pagkain dahil wala na din akong gana. Pinapakalma ako ni May dahil baka may school project palang ginagawa sa Techtite tapos ang oa ko. Baka daw mapahiya pa ako kaya when we got there I composed myself, sabi ko titingnan ko kung anong pinagkakaabalahan niya, baka nga naman busy sa school.
Benefit of the doubt.
Through the glass panel nakita kong tumatawa si Andrei kasama ibang teammates niya. Ngayon, I highly doubt they're doing school works. Uminit nanaman ang ulo ko sa inis, kung ano ano na inisip ko tapos naglalaro lang pala siya dito. Eto yung pinagkakabusyhan niya! I am now starting a war inside me.
Pagkapasok ko agad akong nakita ni Jollo, sunod sunod na "Hi Tin." ang narinig ko, dinaanan ko lang sila saka dumiretso sa pwesto ni Andrei. Kasama kong pumasok si May pero may nakita ata siyang kilala kaya iniwan niya muna ako.
"Andrei." seryosong tawag ko sa kanya. His teammates went back to what they are doing, kahit halata namamang pinakikiramdaman nila kami.
"Uy, hi Ernestine. Tapos na class mo?" Edi wow. Ano to magtropa?
"Ay, hello Andrei. Oo tapos na." balik ko sa kanya na sobrang sarcastic. My jaw tensed from irritation.
Mukhang tinablan naman siya because he stopped playing and turned to me. We stared at each other for few seconds, he looked apologetic but it ain't effective.
You just pissed me off big time, Andrei Caracut.
Sa irita ko sa kanya nagwalk out ako. I could sense some concerned glances and those who are just nosy when I passed through them. I knew that Andrei went out of the computer shop with me, hinahabol niya ako.
"Sorry." I heard him say in a low voice. Ngayon magsosorry siya? After niya ko deadmahin? Tss.
It's a good thing na hindi hinawakan ni Andrei ang kamay ko to stop me, maraming estudyante sa paligid and I think almost everyone in the University knows that we are something. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad pagkalabas ng Techtite.
"Akala ko ba okay tayo?" simula ko. I crossed my arms hugging myself.
"Okay naman tayo ah." After hearing him, I clenched my fist. Chill ka lang Tin, there's so many spectators. Paulit ulit kong sabi sa sarili ko.
"Ah... okay."
I didn't have to think twice, I knew that I want to get out of there. Ayokong makita si Andrei dahil bwisit na bwisit ako sa kanya. Bakit di niya ko diretsahin kung anong problema niya? Tss.
Whatever happened to being honest? Paano kami magkakaintindihan kung di niya naman sasabihin kung anong nangyayari?!
"Ernestine, where are you going?" he asked when I turned my back at him ready to walk away.
"Somewhere." I answered without even giving him a glance.
I don't want to talk to you right now, Andrei. I thought.
"Okay nga tayo kasi." pilit niya. I clenched my fists ever tighter and made a deep breath before turning to him.
"Magusap na lang tayo ulit kapag parehas na tayo ng definition ng 'okay tayo'." and then I left him mouth hanging. Hindi niya na ako sinubukang habulin dahil alam niyang mainit ang ulo ko at obviously wala din siya sa mood.
I hailed a cab, wala ako sa mood makipagsiksikan sa LRT ngayon dahil baka sumabog lang ako sa inis kapag may bumangga sakin.
Papasakay palang ako ng taxi nung maramdaman kong nagvibrate ang phone ko. It was May.
From: May Luna
Huy, anong nangyari? Okay ka lang? Asan ka?
Agad akong nagreply,
To: May Luna
I'm okay. Sorry had to leave. Will call you once I'm home. Thanks!
Nakarating na ko sa bahay namin pero hindi pa rin nagtetext si Andrei, which made me so mad and hurt at the same time. Ihahagis ko na sana sa higaan yung phone ko nang biglang nagpop out yung number niya.
Andrei Caracute calling...
Sinagot ko yun but I reminded myself that I'll give him a cold shoulder.
It was dead air when I answered his call, hindi din siya nagsasalita. Wala akong ibang marinig kundi hininga namin, baka nasa dorm na siya.
"Nakauwi ka na?" he broke the silence at dahil sabi ko hindi ako magsasalita I huffed as response.
Bumuntong hininga nanaman siya. I could feel he is frustrated too but now is not the time for me to be sensible. Kung sinabi niya sakin what's happening at kung anong gumugulo sa kanya whatever it was makikinig ako at iintindihin ko siya but he had to bitch out on me.
Tahimik nanaman. Nagiisip na tuloy ako kung ieend call ko na, lalo lang akong naiinis eh.
"I was really hurt." simula niya, I continued listening.
"Alam ko na wala ako sa lugar, I told myself dapat hindi ako malungkot and that I should understand that you're not ready to inform your family yet about me, us." he said and it finally got me. Ito pala talaga ang issue niya.
Last week I met his family. Sobrang warm nila and accommodating, para ngang hindi yun yung first time na nakilala ko yung mga kapatid niyang iba pati Mama at Papa niya. Everything went well. May pabaon pang yema cake at special puto na sobrang sarap talaga.
I remember telling him na kapag nagkaroon ng chance I'll introduce him kay Mama at Papa, pati sa mga kapatid ko but when the chance happened hindi ko naman ginawa. Hindi ko magawang sabihin sa kanya that I'm scared, meeting families. Ibig sabihin lang nun seryoso kami. Although seryoso ako sa kanya, hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa pamilya ko.
Shoud I go with, "Mom, Dad si Andrei po ka-exclusively dating ko." Ang labo nun di ba? We aren't official yet, hindi niya pa nga ako sinasabihan ng I love you at di ko pa rin nasasabi sa kanya yun. I have a feeling pero kailangan ko munang i-sure kung love na ba talaga ito.
"Pakiramdam ko kasi, hindi ako ganun ka importante sayo." my thoughts stopped after hearing him. But you are, I contest on my mind.
"I hope it doesn't sound like I'm pressuring you, hindi talaga. I want you to take your time, do it on your own pace kaya narealize ko mali ako for taking my frustrations out on you." paliwanag niya.
"I wanna be honest, alam kong hindi na lang kita gusto I know that it's already more than that. It's something that I want to tell you in person kasi special yun. Pakiramdam ko din naman na ganun ka din towards me kaya akala ko okay lang na ipakilala kita sa family ko tapos ako sayo." he continued without breathing.
"Pasensya ka na kung naupset kita. Naiinis din kasi ako sa sarili ko dahil kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na okay lang dapat makuntento muna ako sa kung anong meron tayo, I can't." I felt my cheeks getting wet, dun ko napansin na umiiyak na pala ako.
"You are so special to me, Ernestine Grace. I could tell you the cheesiest things that I could think of right now. Like how you inspire me to be better than I already am. How I love the sound of laughter lalo na kapag halos wala ka ng mata kapag tumatawa." I'm holding off my sobs while listening to him.
"Yung passion mo sa photography. I even find you so damn beautiful kahit nakanganga ka kapag sobrang focus mo sa isang bagay." Naiimagine ko siyang ngumingiti habang nagsasalita.
"I think I'm going crazy for you. I might be lost for words, kaya hiniram ko muna yung phrase sa kanta but it's sincere. That's how I feel about you. It's so crazy how I think of you when I wake up and when I go to sleep. How I look forward to times I'll spend with you when tomorrow comes, lahat yun." tumigil siya to catch his breath while I'm still crying because of the overwhelming speech he's giving.
"Kahit lagi akong inaasar ng mga kapatid at teammates ko kasi lagi akong nagiisip ng mga paraan para mapasaya ka lagi. I want you to know na gusto ko lagi tayong magkasama but I know that's just plain stupid at babatukan mo lang ako dahil sa sinabi kong yun, but it's true."
"And though, you ruined my plan to tell you this in person after the UAAP season I think it's just right to tell you this now..." I feel like my heart will explode from anticipation, pakiramdam ko lahat ng school bands nagtatambol sa loob ko at hindi ako makapagisip ng maayos. I'm scared that Andrei might be hearing my loud heartbeat.
"I love you." and he finally said it. Everything went blank, kung nasa movie kami eto na yung cue ng videographer na ipasok ang special effects. Slow motion, hearts and flowers everywhere with romantic music. Though, I'm only hearing my heavy breathing and his.
"I love you, Ernestine Grace." he repeated as if I didn't hear him the first time.
- Extra. Andrei and Tin's convo, after meeting his dad. Thanks for reading! :)