Captured by Love

16

It was such a good decision to ditch class today and go with Ate Cyd and Ate Kim, I'm so sorry parentals I promise one time lang to hehe, sobrang saya nila kasama. Natraffic kami papunta dun sa lugar na sinabi ni Ate Cyd pero no dull moment naman.

Tawang tawa ako kapag naghaharutan si Ate Cyd at Ate Kim, hindi makabawi si Ate Kim dahil nagdadrive siya.

"Ikaw talaga magdrive pauwi." naiiling iling pero nakangiting banta ni Ate Kim kay Ate Cyd.

Narating at nakapagpark na kami sa wakas, hirap makahanap ng area for parking ang dami kasing tao. Siguro almost 30 minutes kaming nagpaikot-ikot bago nakahanap ng pwesto.

"Ang sungit!" yumakap si Ate Cyd kay Ate Kim from the side as if she'll lift her. "Thanks for driving Kimmy!" paglalambing nito, Ate Kim shook her head and smiled.

"Sus! Galing mang-uto." inakbayan nito si Ate Cyd, nakakapit pa din sa bewang niya ang huli.

Naghanap muna kami ng mauupuan, ang daming tao kaya baka wala kaming mapwestuhan. Sobrang nakakagutom sa lugar na to, ang daming food!

"Here. Ate Cyd! Ate Kim!" mabilis na nahagip ng mata ko ang isang table na vina-vacate na. Pumwesto agad ako dun pagkatayo nung mga nakaupo at tinawag ang mga kasama ko.

"Ang galing ah." ngiti ni Ate Kim sakin pero hindi pa siya umuupo, si Ate Cyd umupo agad.

"I'll stay here na lang po, you can buy food na." I told them.

Umiling si Ate Cyd sakin, "Kimmy ah yung sinabi ko sayo, bili mo ko nun ah?" tumango lang si Ate Kim saka umalis.

"So ano bang nangyari?" Ate Cyd faced me and I told her what's happening.

Hiyang hiya ako sa magiging reaction ni Ate Cyd, "So there. It's so complicated." I finished my long story.

"Wow. I didn't peg Andrei to be a playboy, parang behave nga yun eh." naiiling na salita ni Ate Cyd.

"Pero wait, di niyo napaguusapan? I mean, yung kayo. Bakit siya ganun sayo?" tanong niya. I shook my head.

That was my biggest mistake, hinayaan ko kasi. Dapat nung una palang tinanong ko na. "I was... kinda.. scared, Ate Cyd." pag-amin ko.

"Tsk." Ate Cyd patted my head as if telling me that it's alright, tao ka lang.

"People are so complicated ano? We want something more but we're so afraid to take risks." seryosong sabi ni Ate Cyd.

"We're so afraid to ask." she added.

"I don't blame you for being scared, Tin. Mahirap kasi na baka kapag nagtanong ka hindi mo pala gugustuhin ang sagot. Or baka kasi alam mo na ang sagot sa itatanong mo. You don't want to sacrifice whatever you have right now, kasi baka nga naman mawala."

"How are we going to move forward if we're too weak to take a step?" tanong niya.

"But then again, I know. Nakakatakot." I saw worry in Ate Cyd's eyes, bigla ay napaisip ako kung may pinagdadaanan din ba siya pero bago ko pa natanong dumating na si Ate Kim.

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Hinatid ako nila Ate Cyd sa bahay. I was so shy but they said it was on the way naman daw so hindi na tumutol pa. The whole time I left my phone off, ayaw ko munang magisip.

"This is me po." I announced when I saw our gate, hininto ni Ate Kim ang sasakyan para makababa ako.

"Salamat po Ate Kim at Ate Cyd." bumeso ako sa kanila.

"No problem. Sa uulitin ah." sabi ni Ate Cyd.

I opened the car's door para makababa but what Ate Kim said stopped me, "Si Andrei ba yun?"

Agad akong napatingin sa labas at nakita ko nga siyang nag-aantay sakin sa labas ng gate namin. Ate Cyd shot me a knowing smile and nodded, "Go na Tin." I smiled weakly at her and Ate Kim.

"Thanks po ulit." tuluyan na akong bumaba and I could see from my peripheral vision that Andrei became alert when he saw me getting out the car.

Binaba pa ni Ate Kim ang bintana ng kotse habang inaantras ang sasakyan, kumaway ako sa kanila.

Hinatid tanaw ko ang sasakyan nila paalis, nanatiling nakatayo. Sinusubukan kong hindi tingnan si Andrei but I know I have to face him.

"Ernestine." I heard him, tingin ko mas malapit na siya sakin ngayon.

Slowly, hinarap ko siya. Andrei looked relieved to see me. "Di ka macontact, akala ko kung ano nangyari sayo." he said to me.

"Sorry, sumama ako kanila Ate Cyd." I answered, impassive.

"Nagcut class ka." it was not a question, tumango ako to answer him.

He bit his lower lip and brushed his hair with his hand, "Okay ka lang?" tanong niya ulit.

"Yeah." sagot ko ulit.

Everything is just so awkward. 

We stood there for I-dont-know-how-long seconds facing each other but not talking. Pabaling baling si Andrei, ako naman nakatingin lang sa kawalan.

I want him to go. I want him to leave me alone kasi hindi ako handa sa kung ano mang pwede niyang sabihin sakin. Kasi hindi ako handa sa pwede kong gawin para sa kanya. My thoughts brought me back to my conversion with May few weeks ago, when she asked me if was happy.

"Alam kong mali na sabihin kong oo, masaya ako pero yung ang totoo eh. Masaya ako."

"That's reality for you Tin. Mapapalaya tayo ng katotohanan pero hindi natin maiiwasan na may masaktan."

"I told myself many times already that what I'm doing is not right. I'm such a plaster saint. Imagine, inaway ko ang bestfriend ko because she succumb to love. She fell in love with my, now, exboyfriend pero eto ako falling for someone else's boyfriend."

"Erne-" "Drei, pagod nako can we continue our talk tomorrow?" putol ko sa kanya, I didn't even wait for him to answer I took a step forward and he stopped me.

"Pagbukas ba magtatanong ka na?" he asked while holding my arm. Suddenly, I felt there's a lump in my throat that I need to swallow.

"Kapag bukas ba hahayaan mo na kong ipaliwanag sayo?" pag-uulit niya while I remained silent.

"Ernestine." binitawan niya ang kamay ko.

"Ernestine." he called my name again, this time he sounded frustrated. Then I felt his rough and cold hands against my cheeks.

Andrei made me face him. Unconsciously, a tear fell from my eye he was fast to wipe that away. His breathing became rigid and I could feel his face getting closer to mine.

Closer.

Close.

"Andre-" BEEP! Parehas kaming napatakbo sa gilid at yumuko ng biglang may bumusina samin. Nasa daan pa nga pala kami.

"Shit." I heard him curse, tumingin ako sa kanya at we both ended up laughing. Magmomoment na nga lang kami dito sa kalsada, saang movie ba kasi kinuha ni Andrei yun?

Naisip pa ako sa itsura namin kanina, hahalikan ba niya ako? And that thought made me bit my lower lip.