I stopped counting the days. Why? Because it didn't matter. Day twelve felt like day thirty to me, it all felt the same.
Rise early in the morning, hunt at noon and travel when daylight's still good. It was a system, one where I lost the sense of reality and focused on surviving. Everything was starting to disappear. I also noticed that they were kinder to me; it seemed easier for them to let me in. It probably had to do with the fact that I knew their life stories, good and bad (but mostly bad).
It was the early evening, the time when we'd start to move. Sabine was ranting about something and anyone lucky to escape ran ahead to the leaders.
"Who knows if this Moon Goddess is real, right? It could all be a hoax, some exaggerated bullshit that just makes everyone overreact," Sabine rambled, "Lies, I tell you."
Milo was by her side, arguing with her like he always did.
"Come on, Bean, it could be real. I mean, there had to be someone to create werewolves." He tried to reason with her but I'd learned that Sabine never changed her mind once it was set. It was pointless to argue with her. I wish I knew what I believed in.
"When are reincarnations ever real? This is the real world, no such thing."
"Although, it wouldn't explain why there have been less wolves finding their mates." Milo tousled his thick hair so that some of it covered his scar.
"How do you know?" I asked, my face feeling the burn of the cold. "That there have been less wolves finding their mates?" I clarified.
"You're supposed to find your mate young. It's better to have pups and extend the line that way. Anything older than twenty-five is rare," Milo explained patiently, "But in my pack, about half of us didn't have mates. There were some who were thirty, forty or even fifty and hadn't found them. It never used to be like that. The average age you found your mate a hundred years ago was eighteen. Think about it. Know any wolves who don't have mates?"
I wracked my brain for any wolves who hadn't found their mates. Landon was mateless. . . So was Archer and Zack. What about Drake? And Conrad? None of them had mates but they were still young.
But there must be a reason why, right? There had to be some logical explanation as to why many of them were single.
Wait, what about the rogues? I looked at Sabine and Milo, who looked determined to look ahead.
My ears were shocked to hear their true stories of how they became rogues. It was heart-wrenching, so sad that I wanted to cry. All of their stories were intertwined with the notion of having a mate; all ending in tragedy.
Was that why they held a grudge against Cassie?
"I blame it on the so-called Moon Goddess." Sabine sputtered, like she was reading my mind.
"Why?" I asked in an uncharacteristically high voice.
Milo walked infront of us, "If you couldn't tell already, she hates that bitch."
"Like you don't." She scoffed hotly.
"I hate the Moon Goddess, too, but not as much as you."
"Because she gave me a terrible pack. Because she gave me a no-show mate." For some reason, I felt guilty. Like it was somehow my fault they suffered. "I was the black sheep, well, wolf, in my pack. I didn't fit in because I wasn't apart of their pack." Her tone was laced with utter disgust and hatred for her former pack.
I connected with her, I felt with her, "I never really fit in, either,"
Sabine and Milo looked at me skeptically.
"You? Aren't you the Moon Goddess's sister? Of course you'd fit in, just like the rest of them." Sabine put air quotes around "Moon Goddess".
"No, they don't even glance at me. My sister's the one that's interesting." I zigzagged through the tall trees, stepping over roots and branches.
"I find that hard to believe."
"It's true, she's better at everything," I didn't want to sound whiny but it felt so good to speak, "She has more boyfriends than I have fingers and toes."
"Damn." Milo added.
"So the Moon Goddess is a slut." Sabine laughed without humor and I flinched at the insult.
"She's not a slut, she just. . . has a lot of friends who are guys." I felt bad about speaking behind Cassie's back, but it was the truth.
Sabine muttered, "That's one way to put it."
"But it's not just boys, my parents adore her. No matter how high my grades are, no matter how hard I try, I'm never the favorite in their eyes. She always gets what she wants and she doesn't even have to try. It's a terrible feeling, like I'm screaming but nobody hears me, and I don't know how long I can take it." I stopped there, realizing how whiny I sounded.
"Wow. . . and here I thought you were some cheap, snobby knock-off," Sabine looked at me, really looked at me, "But I guess it doesn't matter where you come from, everyone has problems," She shrugged and we kept walking, footprints in the snow. Somehow, Ever knows exactly when it's going to snow so it covers our tracks. Before we left, she had looked up at the clouds and predicted that it would snow in the evening.
"I don't belong anywhere and that's what hurts. Everyone belongs somewhere. Even though you guys left your packs, you still belong here. But I don't." I shook my head.
Sabine looped her arm with mine, something I wouldn't expect her to do. She didn't seem like the touchy-feely type; she was the I'll-cut-your-hand-off-if-you-touch-me type.
"What the hell are you talking about? You're one of us now," She had always seemed like some ferocious tiger but right now, she couldn't be more aggressive than a tamed house cat.
I took a pause to absorb her words. Did she truly mean that?
"Really?"
"Really really. I mean, you know our deepest, darkest secrets and still you look at us like we're normal." Milo smiled at me, trying to make me see his perspective.
"Anyone would." I argued.
"Not anyone," Sabine objected vehemently, her eyes glowing amber, "Before I met Ever, I was alone. No one would help me or even look at me when I showed them my scars."
Milo admitted, "I could barely look at them." That earned a smack in the head from Sabine.
"You're horrible," I joked.
"What I'm trying to say is that not a lot of people would stick around to help a rogue. We're sort of the loners."
"Proud loners." I corrected, looking at our twined arms.
Just then, Milo started running, urging us to quicken our pace, "Hurry up or we'll be left behind!"
.•*•.
I cupped my hands together and bent down by the cold water, sipping quickly. My throat was dry from the crisp air and I needed something to soothe it.
"Maddy," I turned my head, looking over my shoulder to see Ever, "What are you doing?"
"Just drinking some water, why?" I stood up from my crouched position, wondering what she wanted.
"We need everyone at the fire." With that, I followed the intimidating leader back to our camp. We'd just arrived after the longest journey I'd experienced, which lasted beyond sunset and way into the night.
All of the rogues were sitting on the snow, leaning back on their palms and staring at the stars. Once they saw me, all of the rogues sat up and straightened their backs. They were all there, staring at me knowingly, like they knew what was going to happen.
"Maddy, I know the past few weeks have been difficult to adjust," Ever began, "But you've impressed us."
"Woo!" Sabine hollered.
"What I'm about to say is going to ask a lot from you." Ever looked for confirmation among the rogues.
"Okay," I said nervously, playing with the ends of my braid.
What were they going to make me do? Was this some sort of human sacrifice?
"Our way of inducting new pack members is different from traditional packs."
"Inducting?" I asked out loud. Were they asking me to be apart of their pack? Was that even possible?
"Maddy, you're one of us. You've learned our ways, learned our stories and learned your place. Everyone agrees. . . will you accept?" Ever asked and the circle was quiet.
But there was no decision.
"I can't say no, can I?" I smiled, breaking the silence.
Ever smiled back, a rare smile I never thought I'd see, "Then you accept?"
"Yes." I nodded and the rogues howled.
"Congratulations, you're one of us," Ever and the others clapped and made some noise. I didn't know what it was like to have a family that could see me, it was beautiful.
All my life, I'd been waiting to be apart of something. To be useful, to belong.
This is it. . .
Good luck.
I flinched and looked around frantically, wondering if I'd been hearing things. I met North's eyes, which widened when they stared into my own.
You can hear my voice? She asked in a hushed voice, but still as urgent.
I was as dumbstruck as her.
Wait-
What was happening to me?
Hola! So who's excited for season 13 of Grey's Anatomy this week?! 🙋🙋