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Jayla
I am a grenade. Silent, hidden, unnoticed. But when the time comes when triggered or exposed.. Just like other grenades, I will explode. And for sure a lot of people will be affected and hurt because of my outburst .
I know myself very well.. That's why i distance myself to other people. I build walls for myself. I don't want to hurt them. They're too good for me. A monster a bomb, doesn't deserve anybody.
Nobody deserves to die, get hurt or be in hell with me. Especially Reid. He's too good. I don't deserve him.
Ayokong mangyari kay Reid ang nangyari sakanya
He's like the Beauty and i'm the Beast. I am under the spell na ako mismo ang gumawa.. And that spell is depression, anxiety at insecurities .
Kaya kailangan kong lumayo sa kanya, habang maaga pa. Di nya deserve ang maging kaibigan ko. Nobody deserves to be with me.
"Anak? " biglang pumasok si Mama sa kwarto ko. Ilang araw na din ang lumipas nang makauwi kami galing sa hospital.
Tumingin lang ako sa direksyon nya without saying a thing.
"Galing dito si Reid. Sinabi kong wala ka dito at umuwi ka sa rest house natin sa probinsya para mag unwind" Sabi nya sakin habang nakaupo sa tabi ko at hinaplos haplos ang buhok ko.
I just smiled at her.
"Bakit mo ba sya iniiwasan anak? Mukhang mabait naman ang batang iyon." tanong nya.
Umiling lang ako. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.
"Pero sige. Kung yan ang gusto mo. " she smiled at me tapos nagpaalam na at magluluto pa daw sya.
Humiga ako sa kama ko at tumingin lang sa ceiling. May nakita nanaman akong hook. I'm tempted to put a rope on that hook and hang myself.
But.. I don't want to hurt him.
Ugh what? Kailan pa ako nagkaroon ng pakialam sa feelings ng iba?
Ngayon lang.
My demons. Even my demons.. Admire him?
No what. Never.
"Huy!"
"What the--Reid?" Bigla akong napatalon sa kama nang mapansin kong may nakatayo sa harapan ko.
"Tsk. Hindi takot sa kamatayan pero takot sa multo" He said in a mocking tone.
"So? Pake mo?" I shot back. "And what are you doing here? In my room? At 3 am?"
"Nagteleport ako. Tsk. Inabot pa ako ng madaling araw. Akalain mo yun? May traffic pala sa clouds?" Sagot nya, halatang nagyayabang.
"Ah talaga?" I rolled my eyes.
"Oo, talaga" sagot nya habang nakasmik.
"Urgh! Yung seryoso!" Hinampas ko sya sa braso at tumawa naman sya.
"Ang cliché nito, i know pero.. Ito lang kasi ang alam kong paraan" sabi nya habang nakayuko na parang nahihiya.
"Okay.. Spill it" i told him
"Sobrang gasgas na talaga nito pero.. "
"Urgh. Wala akong pakialam kung masyadong uso o mainstream yang paraan mo ng pagbreak in dito sa kwarto ko. Sabihin mo na" i said and gave him a c'mon reid naiinip na ako look.
"Ah eh kasi ano hahaha" hindi pa nga nya naikikwento ay tawa na sya ng tawa. "Ano kasi talaga.. May buhok na nakalugay dun sa baba kaya yun, ginamit ko para makaakyat dito" mas lumakas pa ang tawa nya.
Eh? Ang corny.
"Ito na ba yung part na tatawa ako sa joke mo? Ito na ba? I shot back in a mocking tone.
"Grabe ka. Di ka talaga marunong sumuporta sa kaibigan mo" reklamo nya habang nakapout.
"Ewan ko sayo" i just rolled my eyes.
"Anyways, aking kaibigan.. Bat mo ko iniiwasan?" Tanong nya ng patula.
Then it hit me again.
Nobody deserves to die, get hurt or be in hell with me. Especially Reid. He's too good. I don't deserve him.
"Umuwi ka na." I said in a cold tone.
"Woah! Si Baymax ba yan? Akin na lang pleaaaase!" He said, ignoring what i said.
Hinigit ko ang stuff toy kong Baymax.
"I said, umuwi ka na."
"Hmm.. Ayaw mong i hug ko si Baymax? Oh sige ikaw nala--"
"Reid.. Umuwi ka na." I half screamed.
Biglang naging seryoso ang expression nya.
"Bat ka galit? Dahil ba dun sa joke ko? Osige na nga ano kasi inakyat ko yung puno dyan tapos tumalon ako papuntang terrace. Oh aya--"
"Hindi yun. Basta. Umuwi ka na. At wag ka nang bumalik dito" i said while staring at the floor. Sorry reid.
"Why are you pushing me away?" He asked while staring straight into my eyes.
Those perfect big brown eyes..
I looked away. Nahihypnotize ako. "I don't want us to be friends. " i said looking around to avoid his gaze.
"Why?" He asked
"Wala lang. Ayoko. Ayoko sayo" See? Hindi pa nga tayo nagiging sobrang lapit sa isa't-isa nasasaktan na kita.
"Bakit nga? "
"Wala nga."
"Jayla Gei.. Okay ka lang? " he cupped my cheeks.
"I'm fine" i said, still avoiding his eyes.
Save me..
He held my chin at inangat ito para magkatinginan kami. His eyes were locked on mine.
Those eyes are my sweetest downfall
"Tell me.. " he demanded.
I sighed in defeat. Okay sasabihin ko na. I surrender.
"I'm a toxic person Reid. Baka malason ka" I said, unsure of what did i just said.
"Malason?" His brows furrowed.
"Malason.. Masaktan. Ayoko. You're too good for me. Since i was young it seems like i have a gun with me.. And i shot a hole through everybody's heart . Ayoko lang na masaktan ka." I said habang pinipigilan tumulo ang luha ko.
"I tried so hard to push away people. So i built walls, i isolated myself on my own made bubble.. Para hindi lang sila masaktan.. Because that's where I'm good at.. Leaving scars and wounds at everybody's heart. "
"So please.. "
"No" he said. "I want to be your friend."
"Pero kasi.. "
"You know what, My favorite book once thought me that you don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you.." He paused for awhile then smiled at me. "I like my choices. It's my pleasure to be hurt by you Jayla Gei."
I'm out of words. Speechless. Flattered .
"Oh my god. I cannot! Feeling ko sobrang Augustus Waters na ng dating ko! Wooo!" He yelled joyfully while throwing his fist in the air. "Kasing gwapo ko na ba sya? Ha? Ha?" Tinulak tulak nya pa ng mahina ang braso ko.
Umiling lang ako at nanatiling tahimik.
I like my choices. It's my pleasure to be hurt by you Jayla Gei.
Urgh. What are you doing Reid?
Bigla nya akong inakbayan. "Gusto ko lang malaman mo na i mean everything i said awhile ago Jayla Gei. I don't really mind being hurt by you" he said while flashing his genuine smile at me.
"Okay?" he added.
Tumango lang ako. Tiningnan nya ako habang nakataas ang isang kilay as a response sa tango.
"Ano?" I asked.
"Ugh! Di mo ba talaga nabasa ang The Fault In Our Stars?" Tanong nya sabay kamot ng ulo.
Umiling ako.
"Ugh. Tsk.. " umiling din sya. Bakit ba kasi? May malaking issue ba tong lalaking toh sa mga taong di nagbabasa ng TFIOS. "Dapat kasi pag nagsabi ako ng Okay.. Sumagot ka din ng Okay.. Because Okay is our Always Hazel Grace. "
"Bwiset" bigla akong natawa. Hindi lang tawa, humahalakhak pa. "Ang corny mo!"
Bigla namang nag-iba ang ekspresyon nya. Para syang nakalunok ng ilaw dahil sa ngiti nya.
"Bwiset? Bwiset is our Always.." He told me while grinning from ear to ear.
"Ewan ko sayo.." I said while rolling my eyes.
"Bwiset?"
I rolled my eyes again.
"Huy!" Tinapik nya ulit ako. "Isang bwiset naman oh."
"Ayoko nga. Umuwi ka na" i said while rolling my eyes again. Wow i got a new hubby.
"Papalabasin mo na ako sa outside world Big Sister? "
"Oo. Layas" i demanded while laughing.
"Eh ayoko. Baka rape-in ako dyan sa labas" reklamo nya.
"Walang mangrirape sayo dyan sa labas Augustus Waters wanna be. Asa ka pa"
His phone suddenly buzzed.
"Oh, sinusundo na pala ako ni Mama" sabi nya habang ang lapad ng ngiti.
"Mama's boy" i teased.
"Whatever" he shot back. "Good night Reid" i said.
"Good night Jayla Gei"
Lalabas na sana sya ng pinto nang biglang..
"Reid!"
"Oh?"
"Bwiset." I said with a smile.
And for the first time ever, i slept with a smile on my face.
___
Mag-uupdate ako mamaya. Thank you po.