WARNINGS: suicidal, (No death) cutting, self harm, depression (As titled) slightly graphic (Possibly, didn't re-read it) these are trigger warnings, if you are not okay with this kind of stuff, do not read.
You had known the boys for a bit over a year now, you had been in a relationship like thing with Murphy for about a month. You didn't really know *what* you guys where, you two had kissed and said you had feeling for each other, but you weren't sure if he actually *Wanted* a relationship.
You had had depression badly for over three years; you had self harm scars up your wrists and arms. You had been taken to the hospital over it about twice, the boys knew you had this and they always did everything in their power to help you out and make you better but it never lasted that long.
Right now you sat at your table, the only light on was the kitchen light, you had about a full pack of deer's (About twelve) That sat on the table, completely empty and another one in your hand from a knew pack that you started on.
You legs where propped up on your seat and you took another couple gulps of the alcohol.
You where almost completely drunk, thinking over your whole life.
When you got really bad you would usually drink any form of alcohol you could find.
You emptied another two beers and you got waves of even more sadness from time to time when you were like this.
You heard your phone ring slightly in the background but didn't move, just took another sip of your beer.
Eventually the ringing stopped but started up again in another minute, by this time; you had finished the beer and started on a new one.
By the fifth time you heard your phone ring as soon as it stopped on the forth, you finally got up to go get it, tripping over nothing from time to time, your beer still in your hand.
You sat on your bed for a minute and answered the phone.
"Y/n, y/n what the hell happened are ya okay??" You could hear Murphy's panic.
"I don't really know Murph." You say, slurring your words slightly.
"Y/n have you been drinking again?" He asked you worriedly.
"(What's going on?? Is she okay??)" You could hear Connors voice mildly.
"Yeah Murph, I'm up to uh....i lost count..." You say, trying to remember how many drinks you had had.
"Okay y/n, where coming over, don't do anythin' rash alright?" he said and you could hear Connor obviously trying to grab the phone from him.
"Alright." You slurred, taking another swig.
"Ya gotta promise me." He said.
"Yeah yeah yeah, I promise." You say and hear him hang up.
You stumble back into the kitchen after finishing yet another beer, soon you moved on to whisky, taking it in almost cup full's at a time.
Soon, you heard Connor and Murphy run into the room to see you drunk to high hell and a glass that was filled with whisky in your hand.
Immediately once they where over to you Connor gently took the glass from your hand, both their stomach dropping at the scene. You, where totally drunk, there where at least sixteen empty beer bottles scattered across the table, it looked like one or two had fallen and broke on the floor, a now one quarter gone of a new whisky bottle next to you, it looked like hell in there.
"Heey" You say with a sad, tired smile on your face.
"Y/n what happened to ya?" Murphy asked worriedly as Connor closed the bottle of whisky.
"Rough day" You said, your face turning to a sad look, you felt and looked empty.
"What happened lass?" Connor asked you, kneeling down on you right and putting a hand on your leg.
"Uh, nothin' really, I just-I don't know.." You said with small breaths.
Murphy gave a small look at Connor before saying, "Is there anything' we could do tha' you know could help?"
You node your head no and bring your attention to your knees.
"Common, let's get ya to yer room." Murphy said and Connor stayed behind to clean up the huge mess you had going on.
Murphy lifted you up carefully and brought you to your room, your hands moving to the back of his neck.
He laid you down carefully and sat on the bed next to you.
"Ya need to change." He told you, seeing that you had some kind of liquid on it, also that you had jeans and such on still.
Murphy lifted you up carefully and went to your closest and picked out some comfortable clothes for you to sleep.
He came back over to you a few seconds later and put down the cloths he had picked out for you.
He took your hands carefully and put them up, telling you to hold them up for him.
He carefully lifted your wet shirt over your head and off your arms, talking to you quietly and calmly, helping you through your worser depression, he had learned how to help you out of the worst of it like you where at the moment.
He unfolded the nice loose shirt he got for you and put it on you, talking to you quietly, making you smile slightly every now and then.
He slipped on the shirt and carefully got your legs hanging over the side of the bed, laying you on your back he unbuckled your belt, carefully pulling your jeans off you and slipped on the pajama bottoms he had gotten out of your closet before helping you lay back down.
He crawled on the side of the bed next to you and laid down with you, cuddling you up in his arms and calmly stroking your hair as you cried slightly.
He let you cry for a few, knowing that it didn't help to keep it in.
After about fifteen minutes of you crying softly and him just cuddling you and stroking your hair softly, telling you it would be okay, you calmed down.
Connor came into the room after he finished cleaning up the mess, opening the door quietly and saw Murphy already had you under control, telling you small things to make you feel a bit better, the boys always could cheer you up somehow, even if it didn't last long, it still helped you ti feel like you where worth something, to know that someone cared about you.
Connor and Murphy would always stay the night at your house when you would cut or drink, making sure you never felt lonely or could hurt yourself, sometimes one or both of them would stay up all night, just because you couldn't sleep, they always kept you company when you needed it, telling you small stories or whatever it felt you needed to hear to help you through your extra rough patches.
At the moment, they where saving up all they could to try and find someone to help you with it, they didn't tell you though, for now they were there to help you.
"Hey, yeah feelin' a bit better?" Connor asked softly as he entered the room.
You nodded your head slightly; you did feel a bit better.
Connor and Murphy cuddled you on both sides, cuddling you in their embrace; you fell asleep about twenty minutes of them talking quietly to you.
They fell asleep after talking quietly to each other; they were really truly worried about you.
You woke up, still in their embrace. Connor and Murphy where already awake, they were silent though, not wanting to wake you up until you where awake.
Murphy saw you open your eyes and smiled at you.
"Mornin' lass, feelin' better?" He asked you in a calm, roughish voice. It was obvious they hadn't been awake for too terribly wrong.
You nodded your head slightly and that's when you found the huge headache you had gotten from your hang over, closing you eyes tightly.
"Ya need some water" Connor said, getting up from the bed and walking to the kitchen to get you some water.
"Ya feelin' better 'bout life?" Murphy asked you with a small worried expression on his face.
"Y-yeah I guess a bit. Thank you, it means a lot to have you and Connor here for me." You whispered and he kissed your nose softly and you smiled slightly.
Connor arrived back into the room with a glass of water and a...Rag?
Murphy helped you sit up and Connor handed you the glass of water, it had a straw in it so you wouldn't have to move your head.
"Thanks" You say, giving him the best smile you could, it was small but he returned it. "'welcom." He said and you took a couple sips.
"I heard that a cold rag on yer face can help with stress and such and though' we could give'it a try.?" He said, unsure if you where okay with it.
"Okay. Thank you." You say and he softly takes the water from you when you finished as much as you would drink and put the wet rag softly on your forehead, wiping your face down softly while Murphy held you close to him, feeling the need to be closer to you, he was worried about losing you, same went for Connor.
The rag really did help. You felt much better.
"Do you feel well enough to get up or do you wanna stay in bed for the day?" Connor asked you after taking the rag away.
"I think I can get up, thank you guys." You say in just a bit higher than a whisper.
"Are ya sure?" Murphy asked you quietly.
"Yeah—I think." You said the last part in a quieter voice and more to yourself.
"When you're ready we'll help ya." Connor replied.
You shook your head slightly and closed your eyes for a moment before opening them again.
After a few minutes you where ready, Murphy and Connor helped you up carefully and you felt dizzy, blinking a couple times before it went away, you proceeded to attempt a step and, sure enough, you did it without falling over. You all walked out into the living room, the boys right by your side if anything where to happen, though nothing did.
After a couple hours of silence with occasional talking they had to leave, they told you to call them if you ever had the problem again.
You promised and they left.
Nothing happen until a while later, almost two weeks.
You where worse then the last time, your wrists bleeding violently, your sobs filling your house as you tried to get to the phone, you had promised Connor and Murphy that you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore.
Dialing their number into the phone and holding it up to your head, blood stained your cloths in a wet dark red here and there.
"hm?" You heard Connors voice.
"Aye shut tha fuck up I'm on the fuckin' phone!" You heard him barley call, probably to Murphy.
"Y/n what do ya need?" He asked you.
You're tried to not cry but it was no use, you broke into a worse sob.
"Y/n? y/n what happened?" you heard Connor say in a slight panic.
All you could manage was a sobbed 'I'm sorry'
"y/n h-hold on, were' comin' "You heard him say and he hung up the phone, grabbing his brother by the shirt and dragging him out of their apartment in a sprint.
"The' fucks goin' on?!" Murphy said, more than a little startled.
"She's cut her'self again." He said as they ran down the couple blocks at their fastest sprint.
You laid on your bedroom floor crying perfidiously, holding your bleeding wrist.
They nearly broke your door coming in, immediately going to the bedroom where they heard you crying, a small pocket knife near you, blood stained your cloths and face.
Murphy grabbed your wrist, immediately putting pressure on It as Connor ran to go get stuff to help it.
Murphy cuddled you in his lap as you cried, holding your wrist tightly, Connor came back in less than thirty seconds with all the shit he needed.
Thankfully, it wasn't deep enough to cut anything important, but it was still bad.
They put different things on your wrist, you not really paying attention, Murphy hugged you tightly, his arms wrapping around your neck, holding the back of your head as you cried into his chest.
Connor had your arm out, your wrist in his hands as he worked and bandaged it some, cleaning it up and getting it to stop bleeding.
After about fifteen minutes it had fully stopped, both of them cuddling you tightly as you cried, you felt horrible for breaking the promise, you felt sad and empty, feeling like things should be at an end, but not wanting to leave the boys, it was the worst feeling in the world.
After a while the boys decided you would not be let out of their site, not until they had enough money to get you better. They weren't going to find you dead in your house, they couldn't take that thought.
You stayed with the boys, sleeping in the bed with one of them at all times, your wrist healing up slowly, it would leave another scar, you could barley tell you had another cut scar though.
They took you out of the house a lot, knowing that you loved animals; they would take you to wherever they could find that had an animal, asking people if you could pet the dog when someone would occasionally walk down the street with one. They would make you dinner and cuddle up with you; soon, they had enough money to pay for someone to help you.
You still had depression but they were definitely helping you.