OMG! I just realized that I accidentally deleted the last chapter. I will tel you what basically what happened. Basically Liz finds out that Hanna got into an accident. She becomes frustrated when se can't see Hanna She ends up letting all her anger out on Jax and and starts yelling at him. They get into a huge argument. She tells him that things are complicated when he asks what she wants from the realtionship. She doesn't know, so he leaves. She ends up calling Alex once Jax is gone, and yeah. That's basically what happened in the chapter that I deleted.
I AM SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I sit in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, silently waiting for Alex to show up. I feel selfish for even thinking about my relationships, when my best friend is probably undergoing surgery. As much as I want to stop thinking about Jax and Alex, I can't. The thought of them always creeps back into my mind, but in a way I'm glad they are my distraction. I need one right now. Because I know that if I keep my mind focused on Hanna, I would be a crying, blubbering mess.
I'm playing with my hair, when I hear footsteps approaching me. I look up expecting Alex, but it's not him. Instead there is a short man with graying hair and a white doctor's coat walking over to me. My stomach turns into knots as he gets closer to me. His footsteps seem louder than what they are, at least to me.
In one quick motion, he pulls out a clip board and calls out my name.
"I'm here." I say, standing up.
"Do you know Hanna Roberts?' he asks me.
I nod. I become anxious, because I can't read his emotionless face. I'm just praying that whatever he has to say, isn't bad news.
"You may want to sit down for this." he says, motioning to the seat that I was just previously sitting in.
Alex's POV
I walk into the hospital, immediately finding my way to the familiar waiting room. I hate going to hospitals. Brings back to many memories of my brother, the last person I want to think about. I walk along the long corridors. The white walls making me feel sick. Why did I offer to meet Liz? Oh that's right, I can't stop thinking about her. I can't get her short brown hair and bright blue eyes out of my head. I can't stop replaying the moment we kissed for the first time in my mind. I can't stay away from her. She's different and amazing and I can't figure out why.
I finally reach the waiting room. I don't know what I was expecting to see, but what I see right now isn't what I imagined. Liz is on the floor, her face in her hands. I can't see her face and her upper body, because a doctor is crouched down beside her. He is rubbing her back, soothing her. There is no doubt, that, unfortunately, her friend died.
I slowly walk over to her, wondering what I am going to say to her. The doctor sees me, and steps back, letting me take over. He nods at me before walking away. I take his place and kneel down beside her. I wrap my arms around her and bring her into a hug.
"Why?" she cries into my chest.
"I don't know." I answer her, rocking her back and forth in my ams.
"I just don't understand." she sobs. I can feel her tears soaking through my shirt. I hate seeing her like this. I wish I could take the tears off her face and make her smile again.
"It should've been me." she says quietly. I barely hear her.
I pull her away from me, but I still hold her shoulders. I look into her blue eyes, that are reddening from her tears. "Don't ever say that. You deserve a life more than anything else. There are too many people that will miss you. I will miss you." I tell her.
She looks down, and shakes her head. I would kill to know what she is thinking about, but that's not important. I just need to know she is okay.
"It's going to be alright. Trust me. I lost my brother, I can help you through this." I say, bringing her into a hug again.
As I pull her in, I feel her shiver. It wasn't a cold shiver, it was as if she was scared. But I had no idea what she could be scared of right now. I don't dwell on it too much longer, intead I put all my focus back on her once again.
She pulls out the hug and looks at me. Her face is red and tears stain her cheeks, but she isn't crying as hard as she was before.
"Thank you." she says, grabbing my hand.
"You're welcome. Anything for a friend." I say with a weak smile. I wish she knew how bad I want to be more than just friends with her.
She gives me a faint smile and squeezes my hand. I can't look her in the eyes, because I know what I'll do, I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to kiss her. I won't be the guy that ruins things for her. As much as I want to be with her, I know that it will end badly. I am in college and she is finishing high school. She lives here and I go to school in California. I just wouldn't work out, and the last thing I want to do is break her heart.
I feel her touch my chin, lifting my face up. "Why aren't you looking at me?" she asks.
I sigh before looking away again and I answering her, "Because if I look at you. I will kiss you. And if I kiss you, I'll ruin your realationship with your boyfriend." I tell her honestly.
Her hands move, so that now they hold my cheeks. "This is going to be hard."
"I know, but we are going to have to make it work." I point out.
"Yeah, but when all you want to do is smash lips with another guy that's not your boyfriend is a very hard thing to do." she says.
"My knees hurt." I say, not really responding to the words she just said.
I stand up first and pull her up after. Her crying has stopped, but I can tell that she is still sad. I don't know what I can do to make her smile again, but now, it's my number one priorty. Mission "Make Liz Happy" is a go.
She slides into one of the chairs, and I take the one next to her. I can hear her stomach growling. I look over at her, and she has a weird look on her face. Like she's embarrased that she's hungry.
"Do you want me to get you something to eat?" I ask, with a small chuckle.
"Please." she says quietly.
"I'll be right back." I say with a smile. I stand up and start walking away. I don't know why I look over my shoulder, but I do. I have no idea why I thought she would just leave, and I smile when I see that she didn't.
As I walk to the hospital cafeteria, I think of all the ways to make her smile again. It had to be something good, something she will remember. I promise myself that no matter what happens between us, I never will make her cry. I will only make her smile and laugh. That's what she deserves and that is what she is going to recieve.
Liz's POV
I watch him walk away. I wish he knew how happy I am to see him. But he can't see it, because I can't bring myself to smile. At least a true and genuine smile. When the doctor told me, everything in me stopped working. It took me a second to process his words. It was like I was waiting for me to wake up from this horrible dream, but that moment never came. Reality hit me, right in the stomach.
The tears wouldn't stop flowing and flowing. I felt sorry for the doctor that had to comfort me, even though he barely knew me. It wasn't his job to console their patient's friends. His job was to keep people alive, which he failed to do in Hanna's case.
I can't believe she is gone. Gone forever. My witty, smart-mouthed Hanna is gone. I can feel a warm tear all down my face as I think about all the times we had together. All the phone calls and girl talks we shared. I just wish that we had met sooner. I wish she wouldn't have been too afraid to talk to me, and I wish that I never put up that wall, shutting people out. I wish I knew what I was missing out on during all those silent three years in high school. But wishing unortunately wasn't going to change anything. It would just give me pointless hope and trick me into believing she is still here with me, but the truth is she isn't. And I had no idea how I'm going to deal with that.
I lean back into the chair and close my eyes. I know that my eyes are swelling by all the crying I've been doing. I close them tightly, trying my best to block out everything. I want to sleep, but I know that is not going to happen. I know I have many sleepless nights ahead of me.
I hear someone clear their throat, and I slowly open one eye. I expect Alex, with a tray full of food, but instead I see Jax.
"Hi." he says quietly.
"Hey." I say awkwardly. I have no idea what to say to him.
"Liz, we need to talk....again." he tells me.
"I think we've talked enough. Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Hanna is dead." I say, looking away from him.
"What?!" he says. "And you're just telling me this."
He grabs my shoulder and turns me around so that now I am facing him. I know that I should have called him, but he was the last thing on my mind. At the time.
"I'm sorry." I apologize.
"I know you are." he states.
"What does that mean?" I ask, trying to sound leveled.
"That I know, you know you should have called me, and that you are genuinely sorry." he tells me.
"Oh."
"I can't belive she is gone." he says, placing his face in his hands.
"Me neither." I say, tracing small circles on his back. I can feel him tense from my touch, but he soon relaxes.
"Liz, I want to be with you. I want to have what we used to have, I want to be happy again. With you." he admits out of nowhere.
"I know, and I want that too. But everything is just so complicated right now. But let's try to make it work." I say, not really relaizing what I'm saying. I quickly and silenty ask myself if I am doing the right thing right now.
"Good." he smiles.
That's when I hear Alex's familiar footsteps walking over to me. I completely forgot he was here. I need to prepare myself for this awkwardness.
Jax looks up before I do, I keep my head down, trying to figure out what to say.
"I'm back." I hear Alex say.
I look up at him, and surprisingly he as smile at on his face. "Hi."
"Who is this?" Jax asks me.
"This is Alex." I say slowly.
Alex holds out his hand, waiting or Jax to shake it. Jax just stares at his hand and sends Alex a hard glare.
"Jax, stop being so rude!" I exclaim.
"I don't care. This is the guy thats making everything so complicated." he spits out.
I send Alex an apoligetic look. I had to apoligize, even if I had to do it silently silently. He just sends me a small smile and begins to talk,
"Look, bro, I don't mean to complicate things. I understand that Liz is yours and I promise I won't get in the way of that." Alex says.
"I wish I could belive you. But I can see the way you look at her. You want her almost as much as I do. And that's not happening, so why don't you just fuck off?" Jax says, standing up. His stands up and I can see the anger pouring out of him. Jax is a little shorter than Alex, but he has more of a muscular build than Alex. The last thing they need to do is fight.
"Calm down, man." Alex tells Jax.
'Don't tell me what to do." Jax orders through gritted teeth. I needed to stop this before it got any worse.
"Alex, thanks for the food. But I think it'd be best if you leave. I'll walk you to your car." I tell him.
"That's fine." he turns his atttention to Jax. "You need to work on your anger, man." he smiles and pushes the tray to Jax.
Not a good move.
The tray falls to the floor and before I can even do anything, Jax's fist is in the air. Only centimeters away from Alex's face. I have no idea what to do when I hear his fist hit Alex's face. Alex barely stumbles backward before he comes running into Jax. He pushes Jax into the chairs and a lamp comes crashing down from a nearby table. I scream over and over again but it doesn't work. Alex repeatedly punches Jax in his side. I try to grab his arms, so that I can stop him, but he is too stong. He pushes me out his way, and Jax finds this as an oppurtunity to take advantage of Alex. He pushes Alex off of him. Alex stumbles backwards and Jax takes slow and steady steps towards him. They both put up their fist, ready to fight. I need to stop this. Now.
Right as Jax lifts up his fist to punch Alex again, I step in between the two guys.
"STOP!" I yell at both of them.
I push Jax away and turn to do the same thing to Alex. This is really the last thing I need right now.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?! This is the last thing right now. My best friend just fucking died and you bastards decide to fight. This is really unbelievable. You guys are unbeliveable. I was so stupid to even think that this could have worked. I can't be friends with you. And I definately can't be your girlfriend." I tell both of the boys. I try so hard not to cry, and I can tell that my attempts are slowly failing.
"You don't mean that?" both of them say.
"Yes, I do. Don't you dare tell me how I feel, because right now, you guys can never be able to understand how I feel. How would you be able to understand how it feels to know that whatever you do, someone is going to get hurt." my voice breaks when I finsish. I try to swallow back the tears, but there is no point.
I cover my face with my hands, not wanting them to see me cry.
"Liz, I'm so sorry." I hear Alex say.
"Don't come near her." I hear an angry Jax say.
"Dude, can't you see that she doesn't want to talk to you right now." Alex says.
I look up at these words, "You're both right, I don't want to talk to either one of you. So can you just leave me alone? Leave. I need some space. I will find a ride home. Just go home, and stay away from me right now. Both of you." I say angrily.
Someone says something, but I'm not listening. I am so angry right now, but behind all the anger is heartbreak and guilt and sadness, and all these other emotions. A lot of emotions that I don't want to deal with right now. I walk away from both of them. Not wanting them to see me cry anymore. I don't know where I'm going or where I'm going to go after this, I just don't want to see them. Once I feel like I'm far away from them, I fall to the floor and start crying.
I cry because Hanna. I cry because I keep letting down Jax, and hurtung him. I cry because I can't give Alex what he wants from me. I cry because I could have ruined things for my mother. I cry because I put Mary in such a bad position. Everything is my fault. I never wanted to press rewind as much as I do right now.
I stay there crying and sobbing against the wall for hours. Neither Jax or Alex come to me, and even though I told them that I didn't want to be near either one of them, I thought they would at least tried to look for me. I'm a girl and they should know by now that a girl doesn't always mean what she says. I open my phone, realizing that I need to find somone to pick me up. I find my contacts and sadly I only have 1 person out of my 5 contacts that could help me.
My mother.
I comtemplate if I should do this or not. I haven't talked to her in days, she probably won't even want to talk to me, but I call her anyways.
"Mom?" I whisper into the phone.
"Yes, are you okay?" she ask me in a worried tone.
"I'm fine....I guess. Can you come pick me up?' I ask her.
"Where are you?'
"Methodists Hospital." I answer.
"What are you doing there?" she inquires.
"I'll explain everything when you get here." I tell her.
"Okay,but it'll be about a 45 minute wait though." she states.
"That's fine." I say into the phone.
"I love you." she says unexpectedly.
"I-..Um, I love you too." I stutter.
I hang up the phone after that, I can't lie and say that I'm not a little schocked at her words. I thought she would hate me. I said some pretty bad things when I last saw her. How could she forgive me? So many question run through my mind, that I start getting a headache. I slowly bring my body up and start walking down the hospital hallways. The walls are blank and the tiles are white. It's cold in here, and I shudder from the coldness. It feels like death in here, and I needed to leave now. When I pass the waiting room, I slowly peek around the corner, I don't want to have an encounter with either one of those boys. Glady I don't see either one of them, and make my way out to the waiting room and make it to the hospital's main doors in no time.
I expect a cold breeze and the smell of pine trees, but instead the air is bitter and cigarrette smoke fills the air. I look over and see a young woman sitting on bench, smoking. I look for any other place to sit, but I don't see any other seats around. But instead of standing, I plop down on the same bench as her. She gives me a weird look, but I don't move. I don't have the energy to.
"What's wrong with you? " she asks me. She has a strong New York accent, and I wonder what she doing down here in Texas.
"My best friend just died and I have two guys fighting over me." I tell her.
"Well sorry about ya friend, but what are ya moping around for when you have two guys fighting over you? Unless they're ugly, you need to be telling everyone in the whole entire world you're a hot bitch." she says, taking a drag from her cigarrette.
"I wish I could do that." I sigh.
"What's stoppin' you?" she asks turning to me.
"I don't know." I say, tilting my head back.
Out of nowhere, she stands up on the bench and starts to scream and yell into the sky, cigarrette in hand, "I'M A HOT BITCH!"
"C'mon it's fun. We ain't doin' anything wrong." she smiles at me. Her teeth are crooked and yellow from her smoking I guess, but I take the hand she is holding out for me. I stand up on the bench beside her and we both chant, "I'M A HOT BITCH!!!!"
We do it over and over again. I do it until my throat hurts and she stops when I do. "Feel better, princess?" she asks me.
"So much better." I say with a small smile.
"You're a weird one." she chuckles.
"Thanks. I try." I joke.
"That's cool." she says, she finishes the cigarrette she has in her hand and then pulls out another one.
"Want one?" she asks me. I can tell she knew I was staring at her intently.
"No, I'm good." I say quietly.
"Ah, c'mon. It won't do ya any harm if you do it one time." she says lighting it.
"Okay." I say giving in.
She passes me the nicotine filled stick. The first time I inhale and endure a painful coughing fit. But after many quick lessons from her, I get it down. I was actually sorta enjoying this, but a part of me felt guitly. I mean here I am smoking a cigarrette with s starnger while my best friend is dead and the two most imporatnt guys to me are probably worried sick about me. But do I really care about Alex and Jax right now? I really don't know. I just know that whatever I'm doing right now, is making all the tension in me fall away.
As I'm taking another drag I see my mom's car pulling up. "There's my mom." I say standing up.
"Cool. I'll see you around." the woman says to me.
"Yeah, maybe..." I say trying to remember her name, but then realize she never told me her name.
"Nikki." she says, holding out her hand.
"Liz." I smile at her. "Thanks." I tell her.
"No problem." she tells me.
I start walking away when I hear her say something, "Don't forget, you're a HOT BITCH." she yells.
I laugh and slide into my mother's car. My mom has a weird look on her ace, but I dissmiss it.
"Who was that?" she ask me.
"Nikki." I answer.
"Why did she call you a hot bitch?" she ask me another question.
"Um duh, because I am one." I say seriously. Starting to belive the words I screamed over and over again.
My mom doesn't ask anymore question after that.
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So yet again another chapter for my amazing readers. Thanks you for reading, and don't forget to vote and comment!
Love you guys, Reagan and Meagan xoxo