This last month has been a crazy one. Every morning I go to the infirmary to visit Eric, who is unfortunately still in a coma. I don't know if he'll ever wake up, but I don't think I'm ready to let go yet.
Then I go to lunch with Sam which is nice after the emotional mornings I usually have.
After lunch, Sam and I meet up with Four, Tris, and Lauren to talk about the faction. It took some convincing, but we have become the leaders of Dauntless.
The other factions quickly found out what happened on that chaotic day. I met up with all the faction leaders and once they found out the truth they were all on board.
We've been working hard to get this faction back to its crazy normal self again. I would say we are pretty close.
After work, I go back to Eric and tell him all about it. It doesn't feel right to not have him lead this faction but by telling him about it, I still feel like he's somehow apart of it.
I stay at the infirmary until the kind lady at the desk tells me she's locking up which is usually around 10 o'clock.
After that, I usually go to Sam's apartment for the night.
Sam and I have been spending a lot of time together. Not because we were set up to or because we had to, but because we genuinely wanted to. We supported each other through the tough times.
I spent a lot of nights at his place because I didn't like being alone anymore and I didn't like to leave him alone after hearing about his suicidal thoughts.
Currently, I'm back in my apartment, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, clutching the little stick in my hand, balling my eyes out.
It's positive.
But Sam and I haven't done anything yet, how could this be? It's been over a month since I was last with Eric. I guess it had to be his?
I'm supposed to be getting ready for Anna's wedding. I asked Sam to be my date and of course he said yes.
Sam should be here any minute and all that's done is my hair. I don't know why I decided to take the test now. I haven't had my period in two months so I thought maybe I should take it.
I don't want Sam to find out like this though. I throw away the pregnancy test and attempt to dry my eyes with a nearby towel.
While I'm putting on mascara a knock comes at the door.
"Come in!" I yell.
I hear the door open and Sam appears at the bathroom entrance. I look away from the mirror to look at him. He's dressed in black jeans and a nice maroon button up. His hair is gelled to the side. For shoes he has on the new pair of black dress shoes that he bought when we went shopping for today.
"Well you look nice," I stare with a big smile.
"Thank you," he says with a goofy smile and does a turn for me. He steps in and stands next to me as I go back to doing my makeup.
"You okay?" He asks. "You look like you've been crying."
I put on my best fake smile, "Yeah, I just had a moment."
He hums an understanding response.
Once my makeup is on I shoo Sam out of the bathroom so I can put on my dress.
It's a beautiful but simple, knee legnth, maroon dress that accented my figure well. My straightened gray hair was parted on the left side and came all the way down to my chest.
I stepped out of the bathroom and did a little twirl for him as he sat on my bed, gawking at me.
I can't help but blush. His eyes roamed my whole body and I knew what he was thinking.
I walked into my closet to pull on my beige wedges.
Sam held his arm out for me to grab onto and we made our way to the wedding.
"You look beautiful," he whispers in my ear.
"Thanks," I blush and smile awkwardly.
"So this is that one friend you were crying about that one day when I met you, huh?" He asks as we walk up to the venue.
"Yup," I purse my lips.
"You guys made up?"
"Eh, not really. We've both moved on but we haven't spoken about all that."
We take our seats and chat amongst ourselves until the song starts to play and everyone rises. Sam and I follow suit.
My eyes catch Anna in a beautiful white mermaid dress. Her hair was braided and pulled into a cute bun. Her makeup was simple, except it's not going to hold up very well with all the tears..
My gaze followed hers to see Jake at the end of the aisle dressed in a classic black suit. His lips spread wide across his face and he looked like he was tearing up too.
It was a nice, classic ceremony. They read their vows and said their "I Do's". They sealed their love with a big kiss and then they we off. I clapped along with everyone else as I watched the happy couple dance back down the aisle.
Sam and I take our time walking back to the apartment. We decided neither of us wanted to stay for the reception, which is fine because I've had this whole pregnant thing on my mind.
I guess I should tell Sam, but I should go to the doctor first. And what about Eric? Our kid is going to grow up without his real dad.
"I'm gonna go to the infirmary, but I will see you later," I turn to him as we approach my apartment.
"Okay, I'll see you tonight," he kisses my cheek.
"Yup," I start to open the door. "Oh and thanks for going with me to the wedding."
"It was my pleasure," he grins and slightly tilts his head as if he was bowing.
I smile and step into my apartment. I change into a pair of soft short shorts and a sweatshirt. I head down to the infirmary and the lady smiles at me, "He's still back there."
"Actually I'm here for me. I think I'm pregnant," I mumble nervously.
"Oh okay sweety, just sign in and take any open bed back there. I'll send the nurse in," she explains.
I take the clipboard and write my name, date, and time down then take a seat on the open bed next to Eric.
"Okay Sophia," the nurse says coming to my side. She holds her face close to the clipboard but lifts it up to look at me. "You think you're pregnant?"
"Yeah," I nod. "I uh, I took the test and it came back positive."
"Ok so I'll just do a quick ultrasound," she turns and grabs a bottle and pulls over the machine.
"What's an ultrasound?" I ask scooting away from the machine.
"First time through this?" She nods her head to herself like she confirmed it herself by watching my behaviour.
I nod biting my lip.
"I'm just going to rub this cream on your stomach and rub this," she holds up a little device. "Over the cream and a picture of your stomach will appear on that screen," she points to a TV looking thing to my right.
I nod relaxed now. "Before that though, is there any way we could just push this bed closer to his? I would like to hold his hand?" I ask pointing to Eric.
"Ahh, the father?" She asks.
I nod sadly.
"Well sure," she says. I help her push the hospital bed over to his and take his hand in mine. It felt better now, I didn't feel as nervous.
"Okay here we go," the nurse starts to rub the cream on my stomach. It was a blue gel that was super cold. She then took the device and rolled it across my stomach.
"Look," she points to the screen. "There it is. You are indeed pregnant my dear."
I squeeze Eric's hand tighter as tears come to my eyes. This time I think they are tears of joy.
"Looks like you are roughly 7 weeks along," she says. My jaw drops. How could I have gone that long and not known?
I watch the little bean on the screen through teary eyes before she pulls the device away.
"Oh my God," I cry. "I'm gonna have a baby?"
The nurse nods and I look back at Eric.
"We're gonna have a baby Eric," I smile at him. I feel another cold object swipe across my stomach. The nurse is cleaning off the gel. Once it's gone I move Eric's hand to my stomach. "Feel that, Eric? That's our child."
"So you should come in once a month to get a monthly check up just to make sure it's all going well. If you have any questions or concerns just come back in, okay?" I nod.
"Thank you," I tell her.
"No problem," she says and walks away.
I sit there for a couple minutes with Eric's hand on my stomach.
After awhile I head back to Sam's. Maybe I should tell him now since I'm almost 8 weeks along.
"Hey Sam!" I call out walking in.
"In here!" He calls from the bedroom.
I walk into his bedroom and then into his bathroom where he's leaning close to the mirror to shave his stubble.
"How was it?" He asks like usual.
"It was fine," I hop up to the counter. "We need to talk," I say getting serious.
"Uh oh. That's never a good thing," he looks over at me through the corner of his eye.
"I mean, it's not too bad either," I shrug.
"Ok, I'm listening," he continues to shave.
"No, I need your full attention. I'll just wait til you're done."
"This is pretty serious huh?" He starts to wipe off the shaving cream.
"No. I mean yes, but you can finish shaving," I stop him from completely wiping it.
"No it's fine."
"Now you have a half shaved beard," I laugh at him.
"Eh, whatever," he shrugs.
"Please just finish. I don't know how long this might take," I plead.
"You sure?" I nod and hum. "Okay," he sighs. I watch him silently while he finishes shaving the right side of his beard.
He splashes water on his face and dries off. Then he moves in front of me, standing between my legs.
"Alright, what do you want to tell me?" he looks at me intently.
I look down at his hands that he placed on the counter between my legs. I grabbed them and played with his fingers.
I could feel my eyebrows draw together many times. I was at a loss of words, I didn't know how to say this.
"I," I blow out a frustrated sigh, "I am uh, I'm pregnant."
I look up from his hands and to his face to see his reaction.
His eyebrows are drawn up in surprise. His bottom lips is barely parted from his top. His eyes read surprise but that's as far as I can tell. I don't know if he's happy or not.
"With Eric's?" He asks keeping the same expression. Still no hint of anything else.
"Mhm," I nod.
"Well that's great news!" Sam finally breaks into a grin. He pulls me into a hug. "I'm happy for you. That means you'll still have a part of him with you if he doesn't wake up."
"Yeah," I smile. "But I think it's about time we've talked about us."
He draws his lips into a line. "Yeah."
"You know how I feel about you, I've said it before. But I don't think I'm ready to move on from Eric yet," I shake my head.
"I know," he whispers. "But I would wait forever for you."
"I know. Trust me, I'll be ready one day," I wrap my hands around his neck while his are placed on my thighs. I sniff in a little bit and swallow down some tears, "I don't think Eric is going to wake up. I've tried to have hope, but it hasn't worked. At some point I'm going to have to let him go. My child is never going to get the chance to meet it's real father."
Sam moves his hands along my legs soothingly.
I take a deep breath in before continuing. "This baby cannot grow up without a father figure though. I went through that for half of my childhood, I will not let my own kid do that."
He nods understanding.
"If you'd like to, I'd love it if you would maybe consider helping me raise my child?" I smile shyly at him.
A big grin grows on his face. "You know I don't know a single thing about parenting?" He says with a slight chuckle.
"Neither do I," I chuckle with him. "Is that a yes?"
"Of course," he brings me in for a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I would never let you do this on your own."
"This is why I love you," I say.
He pulls back and places a hand over my stomach. "I'm gonna be a step dad," he repeats to himself, surprised but happy.
"Even though you're the 'step dad', you can call yourself dad. It's okay," I giggle at him.
"You sure? I guess he'll find out sooner or later that I'm not their real dad but, you sure?" He asks nervously.
"Yes I'm sure," I giggle at him again. It was cute to see him nervous and excited.
"I'm gonna be a dad," he repeats rubbing and talking to my stomach. "You hear that little one?"
He looks back up to me and at my lips. Sam has done a great job at respecting my wish to stay just friends for now but in this moment of joy, I had to make a move.
I leaned down and kissed him. Just a short one because we both broke into a smile against the others lips.
"Sorry, I just had to," I pulled away blushing.
"That's okay. I know I'm pretty irresistible," he pats his chest and then puts his hands up.
"Okay, I wouldn't go that far," I roll my eyes and push past him. "I'm hungry."
~~2 & 1/2 Months Later~~
"Feel that Eric?" I asked with his held over my stomach but I was yet again left with no response, just like every other day. "He's kicking."
I just came in for my monthly check up and found out my baby's gender.
It's a boy!
I haven't told Sam yet. I wanted Eric to know first. I also wanted him to feel the baby kick too.
I grabbed onto his hand tightly and leaned my head against it as I rested them upright.
All of a sudden there was a pressure on my hand. His hand squeezed mine.
My head lifts up with big eyes.
But he let go just as fast as he grabbed it. I didn't have time to react or say anything. I was too shocked to think anything.
As soon as he let go of my hand beeping started to ring throughout the room. Panic swarmed me as a nurse came running at my side. She felt his forehead and then his pulse within a matter of seconds.
"Ma'am you need to leave," she says worriedly. "Anna!" She yells over her shoulder. "Stacy go get Anna! We have an emergency!"
I jump to my feet. "No! What's happening?!"
"Ma'am you need to go," the nurse demands again.
"No please! Is he going to be okay?!" I scream and cry. "No! Eric! Eric please! Don't leave me!" I tapped his cheek lightly. I gave him a quick and panicked kiss. "Eric," I cried.
Someone started to slowly drag me away. I yanked away from them with another scream. "NO! Eric no! I love you!" My bloody screams were ugly and I could feel my throat ache.
I stroked his front hair pieces over his hairline. "Please save him! Please!" I dragged out the last 'please' to each hyperventilated breath.
"Ma'am please," the nurse begged one last time. What looked to be the doctor walked up and started demanding tools left and right. I watched through blurry eyes for a few seconds until someone finally was strong enough to rip me away.
"When can I see him? What are they gonna do? Is he going to be okay?" I ask the desk lady that grabbed me. She slowly guided me out the door but I kept looking back. Who knows if I'll see him again.
"I don't know. This is obviously unexpected. Maybe come back tomorrow," we had reached the door. "Or if you come back later I'll let you in, Sophia." She winks at me. I have come here so often in the last 3 months that I have come to know and like Grace, the desk lady, pretty well.
"Can I just wait here?" I ask desperately, still crying.
She sighs, "I think it'd be better if you went home. Go eat something, get off your feet for a little bit. I promise if you come back tonight I will let you in and tell you how it went, okay?"
I nod hesitantly.
"Okay sweetheart. I'll see you later," she gives me a gentle shove out the door. It was okay though because we both knew I wouldn't have moved if she didn't.
I forced myself to take baby steps back to Sam's. I had to stop every once in a while to lean against the wall for support and to let myself breathe for a minute.
I let myself in and see Sam in the kitchen cooking.
"Hey Soph," he stops as soon as he sees my face. "Sophia you look like you've just seen a ghost, what's wrong?" He hurries over to me and grabs my shoulders. His eyes roam over me and inspects me for any signs.
"It's Eric," I say breathlessly. "Something went wrong and now. Now they are trying to save him." I lean my head against his chest as he engulfs me into a hug.
"Oh my gosh," he says surprised. "Do they know what went wrong?"
"No," I shake my head. "But Grace said I could come back tonight and she'll let me in to tell me what happened."
"Can I come with you?" He asks.
Without a thought I respond, "Sure." I didn't want to go through this alone.
He rubbed circles on my back for a minute as I calmed down. "I made dinner if you're hungry," He says.
After going through what I just did, I feel nauseous but with the baby inside of me I am starving.
"I made your favorite right now: chicken with rice and broccoli."
"Thanks," I say as happy as possible. I'm lucky to have Sam with me. I guess Eric was right, it is nice to have someone to fall back on.
"So besides the whole thing with Eric, how did the check up go? Everything still healthy?" He asks while I make a plate of food.
"I found out the gender," I attempt to sound as happy as possible.
"You don't sound too happy about it. Is it not what you wanted?"
"No it's just hard to be excited right now," I shrug keeping my eyes down.
He nods empathetically.
"So what's the gender?" He asks anxiously. "No wait I wanna guess." He closes his eyes thinking about it for a second. "Is it a boy?" His eyes shoot open.
I nod with a grin.
"It's a boy!" He repeats with joy. "We're gonna have a son!" He picks me up and spins me around.
I let out a giggle as I watch him jump for joy. He sets me down and pulls me in for a kiss. After a moment I remember Eric and push Sam back slightly.
"Not now," I say with a hand on his chest. It wasn't weird for us to kiss. We have done that a couple times in moments of happiness like now, but it was different for me now.
"Right, sorry," he scratches behind his ear awkwardly. "What exactly happened?" Curiosity laced in his voice.
"I was letting him feel the baby kick and I told him it was a boy. His hand all of a sudden squeezed mine but then he let go," I lift my shoulders, clueless. "Then his machine started to beep. I had about 10 seconds to say goodbye before I was pulled away."
"That's crazy," Sam shakes his head in disbelief.
I nod in agreement. We ate quickly and quietly but then I realized I still have time to burn before I can head back. I grab the parenting book I was reading and did my best to focus on it.
In the hour and a half I was reading I barely read two pages. But once the clock struck 10, I grabbed Sam and did my best to run down to the infirmary.
I knocked on the door quickly with my left since my right was occupied with Sam's hand.
I bounced on the balls of my feet anxiously waiting for Grace to come.
Grace appears with a sad smile and immediately my stomach sinks. She unlocks the door and lets us in.
"So? How is he?" I ask, bracing myself for the worst.
She doesn't say anything, she just waves her hand at us to follow her. She walks to the back where he lays in his bed as always, but this time was different. He had more machines hooked up. There's an oxygen mask over his mouth.
"What happened?" I cover my mouth with my hand.
"They don't know. They did a lot of testing and searching but have no clue what went wrong. Now he's on life support. But we can't keep him here forever," she says.
I nod, knowing what she meant. At some point I'm going to have to let him go.
"They don't know what went wrong?" Sam asks in disbelief again.
"No," she shakes her head. "Do you know anything? What happened when it all started?" Grace turns to me.
I shake my head and shrug with tear filled eyes. "Eric just, let go."
Man, that was depressing. I think there is going to be one more chapter until the Epilogue. I know, I know. So sad. I hope you guys are okay with this kind of ending. For some reason it only felt right to do it this way. Sorry if you don't like all the Sam and Sophia moments. BTW the picture is Sam, he's played by Wyatt Nash. Please continue to vote, comment, and share! Thanks!