Audrey
It was Thursday. I had only twenty-four hours to decide whether I should or shouldn't go to the fireworks festival with Joon Soo. Was this just another help out Audrey thing? Or was he trying to make this a date?
"Hye Ri," I started after I got out of the shower.
"Audrey," she said back.
"Does it mean anything in Korea if a guy asks to take you to the fireworks festival?"
"Depends. Is it just the two of you or are you going with friends?"
"Just the two."
"Then it definitely means something. Why?... Oh my gosh, did Joon Soo ask you?"
I nodded.
"He definitely likes you!"
"Well I'm not going then."
"Why?"
"I don't want to lead him on."
"You don't like him? Why? He's really cute. I mean, he is annoying, but you hang out with him so I guess you don't find that a problem."
"What good would it do? I'd rather just stay friends."
"Did you come here to start fresh? To have experiences? Why not try this?"
"Because nothing lasts. And say this does, say we end up dating, what happens when the year ends? I have to go back to Hoju. It won't work."
Hye Ri fell silent.
"I just have to think of a good excuse. I don't want to hurt him or lose him as a friend."
"Audrey, as much as I hate the guy, I know he is nice. Who still wants to be friends with someone when they don't text them for half a week? Give him a chance. Don't block everyone out because you had one bad relationship."
"It's not just that relationship."
"You've had more than one?"
"There's also my parents. I saw what happened to their marriage. Every couple has a honeymoon period where everything is nice and then love disappears and we stay with each other out of necessity or laziness to find someone new. Or because you have children."
"Audrey..."
"I know what I'm doing."
Hye Ri was adamant that taking me to the fireworks festival meant Joon Soo liked me. If that were the case then he'd try getting close to me whilst we were there. What if he touched me again like at the cinema? What if he won a prize for me? Even worse... what if he confessed? I shook my head. I can't think about these things. I can't think about Joon Soo. Thinking about him would only develop this sudden interest. Damn my hormones. Damn my inability to contain my emotions. Damn Joon Soo and his overwhelming kindness, smouldering brown eyes, and heart-piercing smile. I could not go with him. I need an excuse though. He knows my essay is finished. I can't lie to him, so I need something true to hang onto.
*
"So what are we doing this weekend?" I asked Adam.
"Anything you want, my love," he replied.
"Could we go see a movie?"
"What movie to you want to see?"
"Um... A romantic one."
Adam sighed. "You always want to see a romantic movie."
"Okay. Never mind. We won't go."
"No, no. What did you have in mind?"
"Nothing. I don't know. Just a romantic movie."
A couple of days had passed when suddenly I got a call from Adam.
"What's up?"
"What are you doing tonight?"
"Staring at my ceiling."
"How about you come over instead?"
"Okay. Will you pick me up?"
"I was going to do it anyway."
I walked into his living room of his parents' house. It was back when he still lived at home. The lights were dimmed. A pizza sat on the coffee table. The sofa was prepared with pillows and a blanket. Adam had gotten out his parents' projector and the start screen for Mulan was on the wall.
"Is this all for me?" I asked him.
He nodded. "You said you wanted a romantic movie so I thought I'd one-up it with romantic Disney movies and pizza. I thought you also might enjoy this more seeing as you can relax and there's no creepers sitting next to you."
"Where are your parents?"
"They are at a friend's for drinks and a barbeque tonight. They said they will be back around midnight so we have the place to ourselves."
"Do they know I'm here?"
"Yes, they said you're welcome over."
"Oh Adam!" I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around him. "You're so romantic!" I cooed. "I'll tell all our friends at school."
"Oh please don't."
I giggled. "Don't worry, I won't tell them how soft you are."
He pulled me back, gazing intently into my eyes. "I love you Audrey Jones. Do you know that?"
"And I love you."
He pressed his lips lightly on my forehead.
It's how all relationships start. They're nice and sweet. You think you couldn't have anyone better. I wonder when it was that Adam woke up and was horrified by the sight of me sleeping next to him. When did he get bored of me?
*
It was Friday. It was my last chance to think of an excuse to give to Joon Soo. I wanted to keep hanging out with him, but it was time we stopped being alone together. In future there would have to be other people around. That way he couldn't give me mixed signals. That way my stomach wouldn't squirm with butterflies every time I see him. That way every time his skin touched mine my heart wouldn't threaten to combust.
I had ducked out of the dorm at around seven to make a grocery run for my dinner. I was in the mood for ramen. There was a small store that sold ramen on campus but they were overpriced, so I had to catch the bus to one station over where a convenience store was.
Walking into the store, I was greeted by the shop assistant who asked if I needed help finding anything. I asked her for the direction of the ramen to save myself some time.
I browsed the many types of ramen when the doorbell rang, announcing another customer.
"Annyeonghaseyo," the shop assistant said.
I heard footsteps coming near my aisle and I looked up to see that they were coming straight for the ramen.
"Oh!" I said, pointing at the customer.
The guy looked up at me, and raised his eyebrows slightly.
"Motorbike guy!"
"Suitcase girl!"
I gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I forgot your name."
"Suk Do Yun. What was yours again?"
"I don't think I ever told you. It's Jones Audrey."
"Jeonsoo Eodaree?"
"Close enough. How've you been?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I've been good. You?"
"Much better than when we met."
"That's good. You seemed to have been having a pretty bad day."
"You seemed to be having a worse one," I said, remembering his hostile attitude.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, my parents make me like that. They gave me another lecture for not having the best grades and dating around too much."
"Ah, so it was like that."
"Yeah..."
I turned to look back at the ramen. "Which ramen flavour do you think is the best?"
"Depends if you like the heat and what cooking utensils you have."
"I have a little stove and a pot. And I can handle quite spicy but not really spicy."
"Well... This one is quite nice." He picked a packet off the shelf and handed it to me.
"I will take your word for it." I began walking towards the registers.
"Wait a minute."
I turned around.
"Can I ask you for a favour?"
"Of course. I owe you one."
"You're quite fluent in Hangukeo, aren't you?"
"I suppose so. Why?"
"Would you be good at translating between Hangukeo and English."
"Yes... why?"
"Well, I'm studying business and I have an English class as a core class this semester. It has to do with international trade and such. I'm not very good at English. I didn't really listen when they taught us in school so I'm quite behind now. I was wondering if you could tutor me in it?"
"Yeah, sure. How often will you need me to tutor you and when?"
"Well, probably at least once a week. My first assignment is in a couple of weeks."
"You left it until late."
"Well everyone in my class doesn't like me... And you're the only other person I know who can speak English well."
"Okay. When shall we do our first lesson?"
"Well I have to work at my halmeoni's store during the day tomorrow, but I'm free in the evening if you are?"
Tomorrow evening. There it is. My excuse. Brilliant! "Yeah, tomorrow evening sounds great," I said. "Where would you like to study?"
"Maybe at a café nearby or something. There's one around here. I'll shout you a coffee as payment."
"Okay. Sounds good. What time?"
"Six?"
"I'll see you then."
I purchased my ramen and headed home.
*
I was laying on my bed when I pulled out my phone, opening my messages with Joon Soo.
I won't be able to make it tomorrow night. A friend has an assignment due and they've asked me to help tutor them in English.
Suddenly my phone started ringing.
"Yeoboseyo?"
"Kim Hye Ri is pretty much fluent in English. Why won't you really come?"
"I have more friends than Hye Ri, you know."
"I don't need to write any essays."
"Not you either."
"Who?"
"There's this person. I ran into them just before when buying ramen and they asked for my help seeing as I'm the only fluent English speaker they know. I admit, we don't know each other well but... would you deny me the chance to make a new friend?" I was being mean now and I knew it. I couldn't guilt trip him about something that was my problem. But it was all I knew how to do. I needed some space from him to clear my head, to make myself realise I didn't like Park Joon Soo.
"Okay."
"I'm really sorry. I really wanted to go but they need my help. Maybe some other time?"
"Fireworks festivals aren't that frequent. I wanted to show you Korean culture some more. I knew this would be one of the only chances you have to see one."
There weren't any underlying intentions. Joon Soo just wanted me to see the festival. He was being friend. And I was silly again. But regardless, I knew being alone with him in a place that made me happy would only make me more likely to fall for him. Joon Soo was such a nice guy. I couldn't risk my chances. And I had already promised Suk Do Yun. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"It's okay... but you owe me. You have to agree the next time I insist you do something with me, okay?"
I felt really bad about what I had done so I knew I had to agree. "Okay."
"Promise?"
"I promise." I just hope that it's a while away. I can't handle you stirring my heart anymore, Joon Soo.
"Good. I have to go have dinner, now. My eomma is calling me. Talk later, okay?"
"Okay."
He hung up.
I laid down on my bed. I felt horrible for letting Joon Soo down over my stupid suspicions. And I think, somehow, his true intentions were making me fall for him more than the idea of him liking me. I had to avoid him.
*
My phone started ringing. Adam, it read. I answered straight away. "Why haven't I heard from you since yesterday? It's been over twenty-four hours."
"Gosh, I called to talk to you and you just yell at me straight away? What type of greeting is that?"
I took a deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry. What's up?"
"How are you?"
"Stressed. My parents are fighting again."
"They should just split up."
"But I don't want them to."
"It's not about you, Audrey. It's about what's best for them. If they aren't happy together then they shouldn't stay together out of obligation."
"Yeah..."
"Anyway, I was calling to tell you I can't make the movies tonight."
"Why?"
"A guy from one of my classes is having a party and he invited me last night."
"Where were you last night?"
"Having some beers with some mates."
"Okay... Did you want me to come?"
"No. I'll be right."
Tears started to well up in my eyes. What was going on? Adam always took me along to parties. "Adam... are we okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Then why can't I come?"
He sighed. "Why do I have to take you everywhere I go? Can't I have my own life sometimes, Audrey? I've given every waking moment to you the past two years. Give me some space."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, starting to feel small. "I didn't mean to burden you."
"Burden? Don't put words in my mouth."
"I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you, Audrey, but if you keep trying to make me out as some bad guy then I will be mad."
"Okay. Just please stop shouting at me. I just... I just miss you is all. We normally always hang out and I got worried something happened when you didn't call."
"Well sometimes I need to have a life of my own."
The tears were spilling out of my eyes. "Well if it's so bad being with me, then why don't you break up with me, huh?"
"Are you seriously going to be one of those girls who pull that card? That's it, I've had enough of this. Talk to you when you're sane." And he hung up.
That was our first fight. I still remember it vividly in my head. I wish that girl who stood up to Adam stook around. But for some reason she disappeared.
*
The driveway lit up outside my window.
"See you Adam! Thanks for the great night," a woman's voice said.
Don't think about it, I told myself. Don't assume. You'll only work yourself up. He's a jerk but he wouldn't cheat on me... right?
The door open and Adam started stripping himself of his clothes.
"Hi honey," I said, rolling over in bed.
"You're still up?" he asked.
"Just got into bed."
He climbed in next to me.
"You going to brush your teeth?"
"Don't feel like it."
"At least have a shower. You stink."
"Don't want to."
He pulled me close to him. "I'm tired," he grumbled into my neck.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me. "Then go to sleep."
"Mmm..." Suddenly his hands starting roaming my body. He started touching me everywhere.
My eyes started to water. Why couldn't he just go to sleep holding me for one night? I rolled over and he moved on top of me.
_______
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