You never can know what death feels like, 'cause obviously no one lives to tell you what it felt like. But as I stood two steps away from death, it felt pretty damn good to me.
I already could hear what they would all say when the coroner said my death was suicide.
"No."
"That can't be."
"There must be some mistake."
When they also talked about the cuts on my wrist.
"I don't believe it."
"Impossible."
"Never."
The words of disbelief and total shock. The screams of knowing I was dead, the tears that would for sure fill their eyes. I could already see the shock on their faces, the pain, the hurt. But they would all learn to live with it in time. They'd learn to live with the pain 'til it turns to numbness and only remember small things about me, maybe my hair, maybe my eyes. Maybe they'd find the box hidden under my bed and remember me by that and all the stuff it contained. But either way, they live happily without me. Sooner or later.
I knew another thing for fact, besides that. The media would take a huge bite at it, posting different theory's on why I jumped off a cliff to kill myself, why I willing left my family, my friends, my life. Their theories would be wrong, no one would ever know why I would kill myself, no one but me. But i would be dead. So no one would ever truely know. And it would puzzle them to their death.
I could already read the headlines that would soon be everywhere. The Internet, newspapers, Instagram, Facebook, twitter. 'SUICIDE OFF CLIFFS IN DOVER' It would make my death more painful for everyone, but there was no way to avoid it.
I took a deep breath as I stared at the edge of the cliff, as soon as I took two more steps I would die. None of them will ever understand why I did this, they never understood the cutting or any of that so why would this be any different?
Everyones faces flashed through my mind as I looked at the sharp rocks and water waiting below.
Would they learn to live with it?
Yes. They would.
I let out another deep breath before taking, those last two steps to my death...