Assalam o Aliakum!
How are you beautiful peaople 😊😊😊😊😊😊
Previously....
"Don't worry I'll handle it. She is not feeling well. Everything's gonna be fine soon" I said while hugging her again hearing her sob against my chest.
"Bhai theek ho jayen. Aap ko aisy nahi dekha jata. Please Hussain get well soon."
With that she left. She left us forever. Us ki nayi duniya k liay. Nayi zindagi ki shurwaat kay liay.
Again sad waali reading :(
Now read furthur...
Continue...
Chapter # 24 "Dear Diary Keep My Secret"
Hoor Malik's POV
I was not able to control myself any more thats why I came back home. I nevet wanted to ruin anyone's mood but I did. I ruined his mood.
Apni ikloti behn ki shaadi k liay na jaany kiya kiya socha hoga Hussain nay kiya kiya armaan hon gay un k lekin mai ny sub barbaad ker diya. I am not good.
I don't know when rukhsati happened when all of them came back home but I was so numb to even move a bit. Shaheer was lying near me on the bed. He was sleeping peacefully.
Hareem bhabi didn't came to check his son as she beleives me blindly in his son's matter. I take care of him very well.
I glanced at him and an unknowing sad smile came to my lips. He was looking really adorable while sleeping. His mouth slightly open and I can hear his breathing sound.
Covering him up with the quilt I got up and came out in the balcony. Fresh cool breeze welcomed me but I was more cold from inside. It felt like I am frozen from inside.
Sitting on the cold floor I felt coldness take over me.
But I don't care as if I am not alive. Yeh mai khud kay saath kiya ker rahi hoon akhir. Sub kuch mere haath mai hai phir bhi apna bura chahti hoon mai. Kiyun asa ker rahi hoon mai apny he saath kiyun akhir kiyun.
I questioned myself but got no answer from my heart like even my heart is upset with me.
I hate myself too.
Opening the pen cap and adjusting it at the back I opened the diary's random page. I ever thought that people waste time in writing diary. I never liked writing before but don't know why I want to share my feelings with some one.
Its the time I realize why people use to write diary.
"Unka koi raaz daar jo nahi hota. Koi to ho jis kay saath apna dukh apna dard apna gham banta ja saky. Lekin koi bhi nahi hota to waahid diary hoti hai jis say sub kuch keh ker apna dukh banta ja sakta hai. Apna bojh halka kiya ja sakta hai"
I don't know what to write now but I have. I have to write the tears away. I felt my throat dried and thats the time when two un knowing tears slipped from my eyes.
No!
Please don't make me weak. I am strong enough to bear this pain like I did ten years back.
Yup ten years back I faced the same time same pain.
Wiping my tears off my cheeks I started writing. The story that started ten years back. The time I bear very sware pain at the age of only thirteen years.
Dear Diary!
I have never imagined of writing my pain away. I never imagined of writing a diary but some accidents happens in life that changes your views completely. So as I am going through the pain the accident.
You think I am mad na? Yup thats me. I am mad I am really a mad girl. I was before he came into my life.
I was a very care free girl. A naughty kind of girl. A girl that only knows about the bright side of life the colorful life. But then that day came into my life. The day I met Hussain 10 years back for the last time.
I was happy and not so reserved kind of girl. Don't know why but in my heart I ever felt a soft corner for Hussain. When ever he use to visit our place I use to sit in my room's window and just gawk at him whole time. I never tried to came in front of him and not even tried to talk to him because of the shy nature of me.
Its not that I was a very talkative girl yes I use to stay reserved but only with strangers. But this stranger named Hussain Asif was something else. He was may be 24 or 25 years old that time and I was only 13 years old. Shery bhai and Hussain were in New York that time for some business deal thats why they use to visit our place more often in that complete year.
I use to talk with shery bhai when ever he came alone otherwise I locked my self in the room and use to gawk at him the whole time he stays. Mom Dad use to take evening tea in the lawn thats why it was easy for me. I never knew why I like to see him.
Mujhe kabhi nahi pata laga kay mai aisa kiyun kerti hoon.
I stay still for hours when ever he came and kept on gawking his face, his every movement and his every feature.
Mujhe hifz tha un ka eik eik naksh. Un ki aankhein, un k gaal, un ki darhi, in k honth, un k haathon ki harkaat, unki awaz, un ka chalna, un ka bolna or sub say zaida achi to un ki hasi thi. Jub jub unho nay hans ker koi baat ki hai mujhe aisa laga kay mere dil ko kuch hua hai.
I felt my heart skips a beat every time he smiles or when he laughs it makes difficult for me to breathe calmly. I never knew that feel was love.
I use to came in front of me and never greeted him to which I got the title of "kitni bad tameez larki hai yeh." I use to talk corrections argue with him. We never talked smoothly but we ever had arguement when ever we talked and I end up locking myself in my room and again sitting in the window.
Mom use to say "yeh kiya tum Hussai Hussain kerti rehti ho? Bhai bulaya kero bohat bara hai Hussain tum say." I completely dis agree with her. Why should I call him bhai. Did my mom gave birth to him? No so why should I call him bhai.
He use to visit our place every weekend and I kept on waiting for him and for the weekend so badly but whenever he came we had an arguement due to mom. She ever told me " beta mehmaanon kay saath aisy nahi kerty aa ker salaam kerty hein." So I tried to be nice and came to greet them both.
I greet shery bhai saying " Salaam shery bhai" he smiled and nodded his head in reply so do I smiled back. Turning towards Hussain I felty heart jumped in my throat as he was starring me. I blinked my eyes to get back to normal but he kept on starring me and I felt sudden confusion building up in me.
I felt my heart shaking inside so as my hands and legs were. I tried to speak but couldn't help myself as his stares were not helping me at all. "Salaam Hussain.." Spitting it out with my trembling tongue I was done greeting him for the first time ever but what he did next was enough to bestified me.
"Tumhyn to salaam bhi nahi kerna ata bad tameez larki asy kerty hein salaam?" I just glanced at him blankly at my insult. Thankfully mom is not near. Warna woh bhi mujhe he sunati kay bara hai bhai bola kero izzat diya kero etc.
I admit he is elder but there is not only the way to respect elder is to call him bhai. I do respect him but in another way. I came back in my room locking the door behind me. I respect him I truly respect him but The way no one knew even I never knew it before he left me forever.
Kabhi baat ho he nahi paayi un say theek say k Un k waapis chaly jany ka waqt bhi ho gaya. Pata he nahi laga kesy eik saal guzar gaya.
I still remeber the day he was leaving me.
Woh mujhe chor ker chalay gaye mujh say bohat door kabhi waapis na aane k liay magar jo kuch unho nay kaha woh mujhe ab tak yaad hai or mai kabhi bhi nahi bhoolon gi.
Tears rapidly flowing from my eyes wetting the diary pages but who cares. Its my own hell created by me so why am I crying when it hurts. But isin't it enough now. Ten years full of pain and hurt. Ten years full of hate that I did to myself.
Kaash hum mily he na hoty. Kaash tum mujhe mily he na hoty Hussain. Kaash...
I never knew love hurts. But it hurts and it hurts a lot more then expectations. I heard a knock at the door and I quickly jump at the bed lying on it and keeping a hand over Shaheer chest. I acted like I am sleeping and heard Hareem bhabi saying "Oh to dono so rahay hein woh bhi peacefully wala."
When I heard shery bhai's " let them sleep together. Warna Shaheer bhi uth jaye ga or Hoor bhi. Just place this milk bottle on the table for the time needed. Come lets go begum. Don't disturb them let them sleep."
With that they left the room locking it behind and I got up suddenly wipping my tears.
Fresh started welling up in my eyes which I didn't even tried to stop. I let them flow letting my heart lighten up.
Agar mai aaj na royi to shayad mar he jaoon gi. Thak chuki hoon is bojh ko 10 saal say utha ker. Ab mai sukoon chahti hoon. Lekin sukoon to mujhe zindagi bhar nahi mily ga.
Getting up from the bed I locked the door so no one came inside. Then again came sitting on the bed.
I started writing once again. The pain out from me the pain I am suffering from 10 years. The pain he gave me leaving me in New York.
The day he came visiting our place last time before leaving to Houston. He was sitting with mom dad enjoying with his famous drink "tea". I never drank tea before but after knowing his love with tea I started drinking tea and I came to know that tea is an addiction to which I became addicted soon.
I was sitting in my window so no one can notice me. I was also enjoying my tea watching him smilling, laughing, and chatting happily. Shery bhai didn't came that day so I didn't bother to came out from the room but I wanted to see him closely.
Pata nahi kiyun asa lag raha tha kay Hussain mujh say door ja rahay hein mai un say kabhi bhi mil nahi paaon gi. Quickly getting up from there I ran downstairs. I was panting badly and my glasses fell off slipping from my nose crashing on the floor.
My eye sight was really weak that time and I use to put them on all the time. But I didn't care much for them so I slowly walked towards the door standing there as I had a clear view of Hussain from there and I can hear him too clearly.
He was laughing at something. I felt myself lost in his laugh and in his voice. His face expressions all happy and he looking the most important sight for me.
When I heard him saying " Aunty yeh Hoor kis per chali gai hai. Aap to itni pyaari hein or aap ka mizaaj bhi itna acha hai to yeh karaila kis per chala gaya hai?"
Did he just called me karaila? Am I that bad and ill mannered but I never did anything to him.
"Ab aap khud dekh layn kay woh mujh say kitni bad tameezi say baat kerti hai. Hala kay kitna bara hoon mai us say. Or mou per glasses he apny mou say baray lagaye rakhti hai. Kon karay ga aap ki beti say shaadi." What he just said.
He clearly said that I am ugly and I am not eligible to marry any one. Am I that ugly. I felt tears in my eyes. I am not able for him.
Kiya mai Hussain k kaabil nahi hoon? Yeh mai nay kiya keh diya. Mai kiyun asa keh rahi hoon.
"Ge aunty bus aaj raat ki he flight hai Houston ki. Pata nahi ab kab chakar lagy ga yahan ka." He said those words which make my world upside down.
With that I heard a crash sound and I looked at the direction. The cup I was holding was now hugging the floor and turned into several pieces. I was exactly the same at this time.
Every one was starring at me with wide eyes and a tears slipped down from my left eye confirming that I am hurt. I am hurt badly by Hussains words.
I ran into my room and locked it behind me sitting on the floor I cried as much as I possibly could cry. I cried my heart out. Don't know those tears were for the words he spoke for me. Or those tears I shedd was for Hussain leaving me alone.
Those words still haunt me in my dreams and pierced my heart making my heart bleed with pain. The pain given by the most loveable person of my life.
That day I cried my heart out and never cried after that day but I promised myself to give my best to studies to fulfill my dad's dream. I stayed in my room for two days with out eating not even drinking water. I just cried these two day.
Mom came to my room several times with dad. They were worried for me and mom kept on sayin " Hoor beta open the door look Hussain was just kidding meri jaan."
But I neither opened the door nor talked to them all I did was cried more bitterly when ever I heard his name. But I came back to normal.
I was not the same Hoor which I use too in past. I was completely changed. I wore my glasses and view myself in the mirror checking myself out.
Theek he to kaha tha Hussain nay mujh sat bhala kon shaadi kery ga. Mai to bilkul bhi achi nahi hoon. I am just an ugly girl with bad manners.
Coming out from my room I directly went to school not talking with any one. Thats when I came to my normal life but from outside.
My inner world was still burning. Even its been a complete year he left.
One day I saw my class fellow checking her social networking website. I saw him there. I saw Hussain there. He was looking amazingly handsome with his killer looks. But what his picture doing in my friends mobile.
I was curious to know when she started telling me " Oh Hoor have you seeb Hussain. Look he is looking so hot in this shervani. I use to stalk him since two years. He is the most handsome guy I have ever seen. You know dhoombros uploaded their psa show's video. Must watch it."
I kept quiet and came back home. This was the first time in my life I demanded for a mobile from baba and he just nodded and the next day I got my mobile.
I simply created my facebook account and searched for him. There I got to know that he is a famous youtuber. The heart throb Hussain Asif. Girls used to droll over him and he being the attitude king broke so many hearts.
I watched his all videos and don't know for how much time I repeated his old videos and pause it some where to have a zooming view of his face. Don't know why but I feel my heart at peace doing so.
I texted him a hundred times but got no response ever. So I stopped trying to contact him directly. As I was using a fake name id named "Hoorain". Our names together. Sounds good together. Why I did this I never knew it before.
In those ten years I watched his all videos round about millions of times. Still I never knew why I am doing this but it was all love.
And here I am again standing alone having that same pain covering me. I am again left alone but this time by my own choice.
Hussain you need to move on now. I am nit the one paired for you even I am not paired for any one.
But that night. Why that night came into my life to break me more...
To be continued.....
So guysssss how was the chapter? Liked it? Any favourite scene? Pain and hurt ka mixture ...
*Wipping my tears*
Yeah I cried while writing this chapter and sorry If I made you guys cry. But ....
I love you lotsssss :* :* :*
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