Broken, this fragile thing now
Liam ran into the bathroom, he slammed the cubicle door open and began to throw up into the porcelain toilet. He was sweating and shaking, finding out Jennifer was in hospital had thrown him over the edge. He began to cry, was this all his fault? Did she try to hurt herself because of him?
Liam closed his eyes as he panted, he leant his head against his arm on the toilet seat listening to the pounding of his heart. The door of the bathroom opened and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hoping he would be left alone. Liam was in so much pain, seeing the look in Harry’s eyes.
The way Niall looked straight through him and Zayn just ignored him completely. Liam knew it wouldn’t be long before they all knew what he had done. It was all a mistake, he repeated the mantra over and over in his head. Tears streamed down his face as he vomited again, coughing he wiped his mouth and sat up.
Pulling strands of toilet paper he dabbed his face and wiped his mouth, he tried calling Jennifer, over and over again but she didn’t answer. How badly was she injured? He wanted to tell himself it was an accident but the last time he saw her she was on her knee’s begging him not to leave.
Her words as she cried echoed like a haunting memory in his mind, ‘you’re all I have.’
“Liam?” Zayn’s voice filled the bathroom, it was full of hesitation.
Liam said nothing, he just buried his face in his hands.
“Liam, it’s me,” Zayn whispered.
Liam peeked through his hands and saw Zayn’s shoes at the door. “Go away,” he mumbled. “I don’t need anyone else to fucking yell at me today. I can’t handle it,” Liam sobbed.
“Liam, let me in. I’m not here to yell at you,” Zayn sounded sad.
“Bullshit,” Liam hissed, he stood up and opened the door. Zayn had his hands on his head and his tanned face was riddled with concern. Zayn stepped towards him but Liam stepped back, “I know, I fucked up. You don’t need to keep punishing me.”
Zayn shook his head, “No. Liam, I can’t keep fighting with you. I can’t watch you look like this anymore.”
“Like what?”
Zayn sighed, “Man, I have never seen you look so broken.”
Liam felt the tears roll down his face, “She played me.”
Zayn’s eyes widened, “What do you mean?”
The door opened and two guys walked in, Liam wiped his face and headed for the door, “Not here.”
They were in the smoking area, the wind pounded against the tree’s and dark clouds hung in the sky above rendering the whole world shadowed and dull. Liam sat down in the long bench and put on a pair of sunglasses to hide his tears.
Zayn sat next to him and lit up a cigarette. “What’s going on Liam? I saw you last night in the hallway and I, I’ve never seen that look on your face.”
“It was all a game,” Liam whispered.
“What was?”
“Jennifer, she was playing me to get on Dakota’s side. She set me up and I fucking fell for it,” Liam stood up and began kicking the scattered leaves on the concrete.
“I…” Zayn was at a loss for words.
“Yeah, all of this was just me fucking up and ruining my relationship with you. For what?” He looked at Zayn.
“I heard her screaming for you,” Zayn said, “I… do you really think she doesn’t care at all?”
Liam slumped back down, “When Niall finds out what I’ve done, he’ll never forgive me.”
Zayn wrapped an arm around Liam, “He will. We’re brothers, despite what I said that will never change.”
Liam wrapped his arms tightly around Zayn as he began to cry, “How am I supposed to feel? She’s in hospital, was it my fault?”
Zayn held him, “Liam, you didn’t force her to crash that car.”
Liam sobbed. “The worst part…” he looked up at Zayn, “I love her.”
Zayn sighed and just pulled Liam in tighter, “She’ll be okay.”
“But will I?” Liam asked, breathless.
Zayn didn’t say anything, they sat in silence as Liam cried and tried to call Jennifer again. Niall called Zayn but he ignored it, Liam needed him. “Liam,” Zayn broke the silence. “You’ll be okay, we’ll get through this.”
“We?” Liam looked at him, unsure. He felt so fragile, if Zayn went back to ignoring him. He didn’t know what he would do.
“Yes, we. I forgive you, Liam.” Zayn smiled. “But if you ever fucking pull that on me again I will kill you.”
Liam smiled, “Thank you. I really… I just fucked up. I can’t lose you boys.”
“You wont.”
“Harry knows,” Liam whispered.
Zayn whistled, “Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck.” Liam nodded.
“Do you think you can forgive her?” Zayn asked as he butted out his cigarette.
Liam shook his head sadly, “She played me, she got me to turn against the boys I trust the most, I don’t know if anything I felt was even real. She’s a liar, I can’t forgive that.”
Zayn nodded and patted Liam’s back. Pete walked over and opened the gate, “Let’s go boys.” Zayn stood up and took Liam’s hand helping him up. He texted Harry as they walked.
I know about Jennifer too. Liam’s in a pretty bad state, maybe hold off on telling the boys. Just until we know she’s okay? - Zayn
Harry replied instantly.
Fuck. I figured you knew when you followed him out. Is he alright?
Zayn got into the car and looked over at Liam who was trying to call Jennifer again. He groaned in frustration when there was no answer and swore.
No. He’s blaming himself.
His phone buzzed seconds later.
What, why?
With a sigh he watched Liam who was experiencing, anger, grief and denial and Zayn wasn’t sure what to say or do. He didn’t know what happened when they fought but it was loud enough for him to know, nothing good came out of it. Zayn just hoped she was going to get better, Liam would never get over it if something happened to her. He quickly typed a reply.
I don’t know exactly but I heard the screaming and when I opened my door he was running through the corridor, she was on her knee’s crying. I hope she’s okay.
As they drove in silence Harry replied.
I wont tell the boys. Just look after Liam until I get to talk to him, yeah? Looks like Dakota was blackmailing Jennifer. If she didn’t get Liam on their side, she threatened to leak the video of Louis. This just keeps getting worse, doesn’t it?
Zayn’s eyes widened and he groaned, “Liam,” he began.
Liam looked up through sad eyes, “Yeah.”
“Did you know Dakota was blackmailing Jennifer?” Zayn felt sick.
“What?” Liam sat up in horror.
Zayn began to explain and Liam started to cry all over again. The guilt that slipped through him was all consuming and he wondered if Jennifer was stable or critical? Would he ever get the chance to hear her explain? Did he want to hear her explain? He closed his eyes, head aching and mind racing. What the hell was he going to do?
Liam just wanted to know she was okay, he didn’t want to forgive her. No, that wound in his chest was never going to heal no matter what she said. She could have told him what was going on? It made him question if any of their time spent together was real, or was it all a lie?