Goodbye was never an option, so please come back to say hello.
It was simple. One sentence on a scrunched up note that seemed to have been kept in a pocket for a long time. The letters were the same though, written in a crooked yet perfect kind of way that Ashton only could recognize as Luke.
None other than Luke was able to use such simple words from the English vocabulary and create something so extremely poetic. Something so beautiful. Something so.. hopeful.
And yet it had been kept away from Ashton for too long.
"You knew. You fucking knew and you didn't tell me" Ashton spoke up, his voice raspy since he hadn't spoken in hours. Michael had given him news too big to comprehend, and after hours of analyzing back and forth, Ashton still didn't understand a fucking thing.
"I didn't know" Michael mumbled in a frustrated way while running a hand through his tangled hair. A cold wet towel was still hanging over his shoulders after cleaning the long and deep scratch marks that covered his throat and chest.
"You had the fucking note" Ashton spoke through gritted teeth, his eyes avoiding Michael as stubbornly as he could.
"So what?" Michael snapped. There were so many emotions going on all at once and Ashton was patiently waiting for one of them to burst. Ever since Michael had worded out the unbelievable news about Luke it had grown tense between him and Ashton. All the emotions and feelings between them made everything worse than it had to be.
"I found the fucking envelope and that's it. I didn't know shit about any of this. I still thought Luke was dead, just like everyone else. Ty kept us all in the dark about this. You're not the only victim"
Ashton wanted to laugh in anger at the way Michael tried to make himself as innocent as possible, but Michael was just as much of a cold blooded criminal as Ashton was. There was no way either one of them could become so called 'victims'.
"Then why the fuck did you carry the note around? Was it in the envelope? Did you try to fucking hide it or something?" Ashton snapped, not leaving Michael any time to answer a question before asking a new one. He was desperate for answers. Desperate to know everything about Luke.
Michael rolled his eyes and looked at Ashton with an irritated expression.
"I didn't hide it," Michael mumbled and huffed out a breath, "I just thought I'd keep it until I realized what the fuck I was about to tell you. This shit is fucked up Ash, and I have no idea if it's real or not. Now when Ty isn't here to confirm it we don't know if this is really happening or if this is just someone else trying to get to you"
Ashton sat still on the bed, half his face lit up by the enormous moon on the night sky, trying his best to ignore what Michael had just said. Ashton knew that could easily be the case. Luke had been proven to be dead, so this could easily be someone trying to play with Ashton's mind.
Luke had always been the major use in getting Ashton's attention, either if Luke was dead or alive, that would work. But at this moment Ashton didn't care. He had a choice; either he went and got to see Luke's pretty face again, or he'd walk right in the trap and die while hope was the only thing making his heart beat.
"I just," Michael continued, a sigh leaving his lips as he ran a hand over his face in exhaustion, "I've saved your life about 4 times in the last 6 weeks. I'm kind of trying to keep you alive for the 5th time now"
Ashton sighed, finally turning to look at his friend who was seated in the doorway, his back against the wall as he glanced out to the beach. "I won't stay, Mike. There's no way in hell I won't go to Luke, whether he's there or not"
"Fine" Michael mumbled, standing up to walk away, but Ashton stood up quickly to stop him. Michael turned and looked at him with an exasperated look on his face, making Ashton grow irritated once again.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? I get that you're bitter about the fact that I'm leaving, but I guessed you'd be at least a bit fucking happy about the fact that I'm alive and Luke is as well"
"I am. It's just really fucking depressing to know that at age 5 I couldn't stop my own mother from leaving, and at age 17 I still fucking can't stop my best friend from leaving me as well" Michael mumbled, causing Ashton's grip around his wrist to tighten.
"You're so fucking unfair, Michael" Ashton said and shook his head in frustration. "What am I supposed to do? Choose?"
Michael breathed out a chuckle. "I'm not stupid. Why would I let you choose when I already know what you're going to do?"
Ashton breathed harshly in and out through his nose, his grip around Michael's wrist dropping as he shoved the boy away. "Then if you know, why are you trying to prevent it? If it's so fucking obvious I want to leave, why are you trying to keep me here?"
"Are you really asking me that question?" Michael snapped, shoving Ashton as well until the older boy's back met the wall. "Is it that unbelievable to you that a friend can actually care about you? Even though you don't give a shit about me doesn't mean I don't give a shit about you!"
"If you care so fucking much why are you trying to keep me from a place where I will actually live and be happy for once in my life?" Ashton argued back, jabbing a finger in Michael's scarred chest.
"I'm not keeping you away!"
"You were digging through my stuff to hide all these things!" Ashton yelled, pointing at the envelope and note lying on the bed.
"No! I was digging through your stuff to find your pill!"
It grew quiet after Michael's words, their loud argument leaving heavy breaths as Ashton looked at Michael with furrowed eyebrows while the younger boy was looking down at the floor. Michael huffed out a broken laugh before turning around to leave once again. Ashton caught his arm just like the last time, keeping him in place while not saying a word.
Ashton's grip on Michael was tight to make sure the boy would not walk away from him. As soon as Michael gave up the struggle and slumped his shoulders, Ashton released his hold on him and slowly turned Michael around.
"You what?" Ashton asked, his quiet voice the opposite compared to how it had been only seconds before.
Michael shrugged, a careless look on his face as he slowly walked over and sat down on Ashton's bed. He picked up the note with Luke's scribbles on it and let his fingertips play with the edges of it.
"I honestly didn't know about any of this stuff. I didn't know about Luke, none of us did. When I read it I was really fucking shocked, I swear," he started, his tongue running over his bottom lip as he furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "I was never out to get these things, I'm sure Ty had a plan about it all for you. Though, he wasn't there to stop me, he never will be now, and I was the one having to break this shit to you"
Ashton stood still against the wall, listening to Michael intently while letting his eyes study him as carefully as he could. He slowly crossed his arms over his chest, still feeling Michael's aggravated touch after shoving him before.
"Why would you want the pill?" Ashton mumbled, quite hesitant to know the answer to his question. Even though it was obvious what it would be.
"What do you think?" Michael answered and ran a hand through his hair before turning to meet Ashton's eyes. "I have no one anymore, Ash. I tried that when I was younger; having no one. I wasn't very good at it. I have never felt so shitty in my whole entire life, and we've had some shitty situations to go through"
"You're not alone, Mike. I don't think you understand that it's not just me who matters. I'm no one compared to all the other guys in our family. I've treated you like shit, you should be happy I'm leaving" Ashton answered, slowly making his way towards Michael on the bed.
"And I don't think you understand the outcome of all of this," Michael spoke, looking down at his lap and reading the note over and over. "After this, after everything we've done to get you out of prison, it's over. Ty was the only one who had answers to what we should do, and now he's not here. Without him, and you, and Chase for that matter, we're nothing"
"Seth's still here" Ashton mumbled.
"Seth's going back. Seth and his crew. They were only here for reinforcements, they were never here to stay. That was the plan to begin with. Trey and LL are probably going with them, since there's nothing else to do for them. Also, my mother is a fucking bitch and Calum's gone. Or, I'm gone and he has no idea where I am or how to reach out to me. I can't step my foot back in New York, not even fucking America, so there's that"
Ashton sat silent at the news, not knowing what the fuck to say or do to make things better because there probably wasn't anything he could do to lift Michael's spirits. He'd bring Michael if he could, but he couldn't. They both knew that. Michael didn't want to go anyway. Not like this.
"So that's why I was looking for the pill," Michael continued, his voice rusty and tired. "Because I know how it is to be alone, me more than you, and you reacted just the way I am right now. You tried to kill yourself because of it, so I should be able to do that as well"
Ashton shook his head, huffing out a breath. "I'm not giving you the pill. I'm not letting you have a fucking suicide pill"
"Why? It's not like you're gonna need it," he answered and lifted the note to wave it around, proving his point. "Would you rather have me alone on a fucking deserted island, suffering each day that goes by, knowing you could have helped me end it when I needed it the most?"
Ashton rolled his eyes. "You're a genius, Michael. You would have found a way to kill yourself if that's really what you wanted"
"That's not the same thing," Michael said and sighed in frustration before holding out his hand in front of Ashton. "Give me the fucking pill now, please-"
"No. You saved me from killing myself several times, and look what outcome that gave me," Ashton said, snatching Luke's note from Michael to show what he meant. "If I can get at least a sign of hope, so can you"
Michael's eyes were locked on his hands in his lap, his nails scratching the skin of his thumbs in a stressed and anxious kind of way.
"I'm not letting you kill yourself," Ashton continued, shaking his head as he hesitated to touch his friend. He kept his hands to himself though. "I'm just not"
"Then what am I suppose to do?" Michael asked, a hopeless shrug following after his muttered words.
Ashton looked at him for a while before finally reaching out and placed a hand on the back of Michael's neck, giving the boy a shake. "You get yourself a fucking life, Michael. If you don't go with Seth you have an actual chance to get the fuck out of this shit-life we have been living for the most part of our existence"
Michael glanced up and gave Ashton a thoughtful look. "What are you saying? That I should move to fucking Antarctica and start a business? Live my life as an actual decent human being? That's never gonna happen, you know it isn't"
Ashton sighed at his friend's lack of beliefs. "I know you, Mike. Even though I've been a complete fucking asshole towards you, you're still my best friend. You out of all people in my life is the most human. You could get yourself a life faster than anyone here. Just, get yourself a life, live it, and give it a shot. Don't rely on me. I don't want that responsibility"
Michael didn't speak for a while after Ashton was done, making the silence around them thick. But soon enough did the green-haired boy nod his head and run a hand over his face before breathing out heavily.
"If my life sucks, don't complain if you find my dead body on a glacier one day in the future" Michael mumbled, causing Ashton to roll his eyes again. He wasn't a fan of his friend's sarcasm. He didn't have time to argue though as Michael spoke up again.
"I kind of wish I had gotten one of these," he said and tapped the note in Ashton's hands, "Or at least that I left one. He deserves better than complete silence"
Ashton glanced down at the pretty words Luke had written him, licking his lips when feeling his heart beat harder. Ashton had never once tried to compare his feelings to someone else's, never even believed that he could, but maybe Michael felt the same way.
"Like I said before," Ashton spoke and shrugged, "You're a genius. You found Seth when he was supposed to be dead. I'm pretty sure you can contact Calum as well if you stop acting like a damn baby who's life is supposedly over"
"I guess" Michael answered and snorted soon after. They stayed silent after that, none of them saying a word for a long time, and Ashton almost believed that that was it. That Michael would stand up and leave so Ashton could be alone. He was wrong when he heard Michael finally speak up again.
"This is the last time we'll see each other, right?"
Ashton hadn't really thought about it. So much shit had happened in the last couple of hours that his mind had a hard time keeping up with it. He was leaving, to meet Luke out of all people. Luke; who was said to be dead. Luke; who he had watched being buried under ground. Luke; the love of his life.
He hadn't even thought about the fact that he was about to start a whole new life without any of his family. A life without his best friend.
Michael would not be a part of his new life.
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so" Ashton breathed out, his answer weak as he was hit with the realization.
Michael didn't seem like he was hit with brand new information though. He only pursed his lips and nodded his head, sighing quietly as he slowly accepted the facts. He lifted his hand and placed it on Ashton's shoulder, squeezing it weakly before dropping it to his lap again.
"Well, I'm gonna miss you" he mumbled, his words sincere yet distant to Ashton's comfort.
In the last four years of Ashton's life he had lost his big brother, his friend, his uncle, and the love of his life, and he never once had time to say goodbye to any of them. Ashton had the time to say goodbye to his best friend at this specific moment, so he did.
He pursed his lips before holding out two fingers in front of Michael, making the younger boy glance at them before biting down on his bottom lip harshly. It seemed like Michael was hesitating and Ashton was quite sure he had really fucked up this time, but after a few dreadfully long seconds did Michael reach out and hook his own fingers with Ashton's, doing their handshake that had been with them since they were young kids.
As the childish act was over, nothing happened. Ashton's hand was still in Michael's and Michael's breathing was uneven, causing Ashton's chest to physically pain.
So, for once in both their lives, Ashton reached forward and pulled Michael into a genuine hug, holding his friend close as he breathed heavily. Michael seemed taken by the act, but soon enough wrapped his own arms around Ashton and hugged him back. A silent conversation was going on between the two of them, saying everything that had not been said throughout the years of being friends.
"I'll miss you too" Ashton finally answered.
**
Ashton hadn't moved in at least half an hour. The car who had taken him here from the Cairn's Airport had dropped him off without a single word, and Ashton was now quite sure this would be the end of his life. It seemed too suspiciously easy for this to be the way to Luke. The worn out beach-apartment building was empty enough for Ashton to believe it was completely abandoned for everything else but cruel murderers.
But Ashton wasn't scared. He had never been scared. He had never been scared of dying, and only days prior he had actually tried to kill himself. Now it was different. This time Ashton had been hopeful that Luke would be the first face he'd see as he arrived at said address, but it was completely empty.
He could hear a few noises and voices farther away, but that didn't assure him one bit. Ashton would step inside the building in front of him and unlock the door and he'd probably die, and he wasn't sure if he was okay with it or not.
He left his men to see Luke. He didn't leave to die, he could have died without leaving. But that wasn't it, he just wanted to see Luke.
"Fuck" Ashton mumbled and ran a hand through his hair before grabbing his bag and stepped inside the apartment building. The door screeched as he opened it, the building should not be old enough to make such sounds. Ashton sighed before continuing up the stairs, intently studying each door until he was met with the same number that was written on the note in his hand.
The door was dark blue. Scratches and bumps covering it to the point where it was rather more wood visible than the actual paint.
Ashton picked up the key from his back pocket, the chain dangling in his hands as he stared at the metal. Was he ready for this? Was he ready to die without being able to say goodbye to Luke? Because if he does die; this would be a goodbye, even though Luke had claimed it was impossible for them to ever be separated. But if Luke was actually dead, and Ashton would die within the next minute, there was no way Ashton would ever see the blonde beauty again.
No one would allow them to create such dangerous chaos again. Not even in a life where people were already dead.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck" Ashton cursed under his breath, his thoughts pounding his head like if someone was banging his skull against a stonewall. The key was burning his skin, a silent demand for him to use it before it was too late. Ashton wasn't sure if it could ever be too late, but he did as the voices in his head told him, and put the key in the lock.
With a slow click the door was unlocked, leaving silence around Ashton as he reached for the handle and held it in his hand. The handle was cold, meaning no one had held it in a long time, and Ashton was suddenly nervous. It was a foreign feeling and he hated it, but he couldn't make it stop. He couldn't make it disappear.
"I love you" Ashton whispered, his eyes closed as he pictured Luke's pretty face in front of him. His hand pushed down the handle, slowly but surely opening the door up to a closed-in apartment. Ashton took a deep breath and entered, the empty and silent home gave him no hope whatsoever.
He didn't have time to move an inch before a dog, large enough to have its head reaching up to Ashton's hip, came from a room farther into the apartment, barking and growling with its teeth showing in a threatening type of way.
Ashton was stunned as he was pressed up against the wall, desperately trying to get as far away as he could. The dog could easily tear him up to pieces, seeing as he was looking at him with those black psychopathic eyes that only read kill.
Ashton wondered if that's how he had acted before. He wondered if he had stepped inside his conscience again and his mind was trying to show him how he could never make up for what he had done. But this was real. Ashton knew it was when the dog took a secure grip around his wrist, dragging him down so he was crouching on the floor.
The dog released its hold and looked at Ashton with blood in mind, before making a move forwards again. Ashton was ready to die; by a watchdog more psychopathic than himself.
"Bear"
The voice came from nowhere, but Ashton could recognize it from anywhere around the globe. It was soft, the name of the dog rolling off his tongue in such a beautiful way instead of absolutely ridiculous. His voice was what made Ashton's heart beat with such intensity that he thought he was being electrocuted in the best way possible. His voice made Ashton believe. Believe that everything had not been a trap, believe that it was all true.
Because it was Luke.
"It's okay"
The dog stepped back, his black eyes going brown like if just the mere sound of Luke's voice had turned him into an innocent puppy. Ashton understood the dangerous animal, because Luke could do the exact same thing with him. Luke could turn Ashton innocent just by speaking while looking into his eyes.
So Ashton lifted his head and slowly rose from the floor as the dog had stepped away, looking into Luke's clear blue eyes and let the air in his lungs escape in a relieved breath.
Luke was standing in the hallway. His blond hair pushed away from his face, though a few strands still found their way in front of his beautiful blue eyes. His pink lips were parted, his breaths deep as he breathed in and out of his mouth. He was dressed in clothes Ashton used to see him in, like if nothing had happened between them in the past weeks. Scars were still visible on his face, though they were slowly healing.
Nothing of that mattered though, because all Ashton could see was pure beauty. He thought he'd never get to see that face again, and now here it was, right in front of him. He still couldn't believe a thing. He couldn't understand that it was Luke standing a few feet away, looking at him with tears in his eyes.
"Hi" Luke finally spoke, his words now directed to Ashton himself. The small greeting was weak as the tears in Luke's eyes made it hard for him to speak. Ashton didn't care. He heard it loud and clear, and he'd play it on repeat for years and years if he could, only to relive this specific moment for the rest of his life.
"Hello" Ashton answered, thinking back to the words in the note Luke had written him. There were no goodbyes between them, only hellos.
Luke breathed out a small laugh through his tears, a sound giving away just how he felt. Relief, happiness, warmth, love.
They looked at each other for endless of seconds, both keeping their distance as they weren't quite sure if this was a dream or not. Ashton's back was pressed up against the wall again, his heart beating loudly as he felt the touch of reality.
This was not a dream.
"Hello" Luke breathed before running over and throwing himself in Ashton's arms. Ashton was quick to catch him, used to the way his arms fit so perfectly around Luke's small body. Luke's face found itself in the crook of Ashton's neck, his lips burning Ashton's skin in the most beautiful way possible.
"I love you" Ashton whispered. His voice was shaky and he just then realized that he was crying. Luke's arms around him tightened, almost making it hard for both of them to breathe, but they didn't care. They just wanted to be close.
"I love you too" Luke sobbed and fisted his hands in Ashton's hair, feeling the curly strands that had been cut shorter only days before.
Ashton cupped the back of Luke's head, slowly pulling them apart far enough so they could look into each other's eyes. Luke's eyes were bluer than Ashton remembered, the tears in his eyes making the color turn brighter. Ashton slipped his hand to Luke's cheek, cupping it carefully as he let his thumb wipe away the tracks of tears.
He had almost forgotten how good Luke's soft skin felt under his touch. He had almost forgotten how amazing Luke's pink lips felt against his own. He had almost forgotten how perfect Luke felt against him.
"You're so beautiful," Ashton breathed and bit his bottom lip harshly as Luke smiled trough his tears and reached out to wipe away the tears on Ashton's own face. "You're even more beautiful than I remembered"
"You too" Luke answered, caressing Ashton's cheek tenderly before leaning in to finally press his lips against the older boy's.
Ashton hadn't dared to even dream about kissing Luke again, knowing it would hurt so unbelievably bad when knowing it was just an imagination. The worst thing he could do was imagine Luke being with him when there was no way that would physically happen again.
But now here he was, Luke's sweet lips working against his own as Ashton held him closer than ever before. Luke's fingers ran through Ashton's hair again, tugging at the curls as Ashton slowly slid down the wall to sit down on the floor, placing Luke in his lap.
Lips worked together like if it was the first or last time this would ever happen. So much was put into one simple kiss, and Ashton felt how all the pain he'd felt throughout the weeks of hell suddenly disappeared, all thanks to his Luke.
Ashton ran his tongue against Luke's bottom lip, meeting Luke's tongue only seconds later and moaning softly at the taste and feeling of his beautiful boy. Luke moved closer, if even possible, and mumbled sweet 'I love you's' while never once breaking the kiss apart.
It was only when they were out of breath and desperate to look into each other's eyes again that they pulled away from their kiss and studied each other in silence.
"I thought you were gone, I thought you left me" Ashton whispered, his eyes slowly closing as Luke nodded his head and placed his forehead against his. "I thought I had lost you"
"Never," Luke murmured, his hands on each side of Ashton's face as he let his thumbs caress Ashton's skin.
"I'd never leave you. I'm yours," Luke breathed and let his hand drop so it ran down Ashton's arms and stopped by his forearm, slowly letting his fingertips move over the angel wings tattooed on his skin. "I'll always be yours"
Ashton grabbed Luke's face and placed his lips on his again, engaging yet another passionate kiss that had been kept away for too long. Ashton's hands ran over Luke's waist, keeping him steady in his lap before sliding his hands under Luke's shirt, feeling his warm and soft skin against the palm of his hands.
Ashton had missed him so goddamn much.
They pulled away again, looking at each other with colorful eyes. Luke smiled. Ashton took it all in, feeling his heart beat and his eyes sting. He was crying again, feeling like he could let go of everything now when Luke was here to hold him up if he were to collapse.
Ashton swallowed, letting his lips form the most genuine smile Luke has ever seen the older boy give him, before he leaned in the press light kisses along Luke's forehead, nose, lips, and chin.
Ashton pulled away again, reaching down to his left hand and slid the crooked ring off of his pinky finger. Luke noticed and watched him with a beautiful smile on his face. Ashton grabbed his hand and held it in his, letting the pad of his thumb caress Luke's slim fingers before he slid on the ring where it was supposed to be.
Luke studied it, the wires still nothing more than cheap steel, but it was worth more than money could buy as it was wrapped around his finger.
"I love you so much" Luke whispered, his eyes glancing up to meet Ashton's again.
Ashton still didn't understand a thing. He had no idea how Luke could be here right at this moment when there were enough proof to show everyone around the world that he was dead. Ashton didn't know how Luke had found a place in fucking Australia, with a crazy dog guarding him day in and day out.
But at this moment Ashton didn't care, because he had everything he could ever ask for.
"I love you too," Ashton answered, pure sincerity in his words as he reached forward and left a sweet kiss on Luke's lips before pulling away only an inch to breathe against Luke's skin; "Angel"
-
one chapter left woah
there you have it lashton is back, you're welcome. and chill, everything will be explained in the next chapter. also, there will still be no epilogue since i don't see it going with the story :)
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