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A/N It's a bit cheesy. You'll get over it. Big love to all my readers.
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Heavy In Your Arms
Harry stepped into the corridor and shuddered, it was cold and his tired body ached from head to toe. He followed in silence as the doctor opened the door slowly to let him in, she turned to him. “I don’t want you to panic when you see him, he’ll look different but try to stay positive. We’re doing the best we can.” She promised as she let him in and shut the door behind him. A gaggle of reporters rushed her in the corridor and he heard her swear as she began calling for security. Harry turned to the room and it was quiet and dark. The only sounds that filled the large room were the mechanisms of the breathing machine as it rhythmically pumped up and down. Tears rolled down his face when he saw Louis lying on the bed, his hands were at his sides and his chest rose and fell artificially, with the machine.
A faint glow from the bedside table illuminated his face and it was gaunt, pale. Harry had never seen Louis look so small and fragile. Louis was the shortest but the way he beamed at them, bounced around and carried himself always made him seem so big, larger then life. Now, now, he looked so delicate; as if made from glass and Harry was hesitant to touch him. As he inched closer to the bed flashes of Louis, lifeless on the bathroom floor assaulted his vision and he whimpered. On shaking legs Harry carefully walked closer to the bed, at first he was going to sit on the chair positioned next to the bed but he felt an overwhelming urge to be close to Louis.
The words ‘critical’ and ‘fatal’ waded through his mind and tears shone on his cheeks as he reached out and grasped Louis small hand within his own. Louis felt cold, Harry squeezed his fingers hoping his touch alone would rouse Louis from his slumber. An IV was inserted into a vein in his hand and Harry’s eyes followed the drip all the way to the fluid bag hanging above the bed.
“Oh Louis,” he whispered kissing his hand. “What have you done?”
Harry closed his eyes and pressed his face to Louis hand, he stroked his fingers softly and listened to the whir of the machines that echoed through the room.
“I can’t lose you Louis, I promised we’d have forever and now I’m…” he paused, looking up into Louis still face, wishing those beautiful blue eyes would meet his once more. Taking deep breaths he stilled himself before continuing, talking to Louis seemed to be helping him on some unconscious level. “I’m so scared Lou,” he whispered.
Activity buzzed beyond the door but the room was still, quiet. Harry couldn’t help but laugh, all he and Louis wanted was to be together in peace but somehow the fates had been cruel and delivered them that peace in way neither of them had wished for.
Harry trailed his fingers along Louis tattoo’s, they were a secret puzzle that matched with his own sleeve, each of them telling the story of their love that was not able to be made public. Looking at it now, everything seemed so trivial, the fame, the money everything meant nothing without Louis standing beside him. Harry felt calmer with Louis but it was lonely looking down at him so still in the bed. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and Louis had never looked so weary. Harry climbed up onto the bed and positioned himself against Louis’ still form. He kissed Louis neck and traced his fingers along the exposed tattoo on his bare chest reading, ‘it is what it is.’
Harry’s wet body was wedged against Louis and he looked into his face, studying his hard jawline and the stubble on his chin. He brushed Louis’ soft hair from his eyes and began to sing softly to him. It was an eerie sound echoing through the room, Harry’s soft whispers of a love he would never give up and the promises that he made Louis in the silence.
Louis didn’t move, didn’t even so much as twitch and he wished he would open his eyes and see that Harry was there, waiting for him.
“Come back to me,” Harry whispered kissing Louis cheek. His tears fell onto Louis face and Harry softly kissed his lips.
Harry closed his eyes resting his head on Louis unmoving shoulder, he had always felt safe in Louis presence but in that moment Harry had never felt more alone. Behind lidded eyes he relived Louis’ overdose again and again, it was painful and terrifyingly real but his mind wouldn’t let him forget it. He fell into a dreamless sleep with the hum of machines droning out the sound of his silent cries.
Harry hadn’t realised he had fallen asleep until a warm hand patted his shoulder and roused him from his deep slumber. At least asleep Harry forgot the pain of reality, everything was warm and safe behind closed eyes. Opening them slowly he looked up to see Liam staring down at him.
“Harry, wake up,” Liam whispered softly.
“Is he okay?” Harry’s voice was croaky and he looked up at Louis who was still soundlessly unconscious.
The reality was too much and Harry dropped his head back on Louis shoulder intertwining his hand with Louis’. Liam looked over, worriedly at Niall who was standing silently on the other side of the bed, he leaned over and hesitantly placed his hand over Louis.
“Nothings changed,” Harry whispered, dejected.
Liam sat on the chair beside Harry and stroked his hair, “we’ll be okay. We can get through this.”
Zayn walked into the room with a box carrying four coffee’s, he smiled weakly at Harry and shut the door. People were standing outside talking loudly and some arguing, Harry knew it was management and reporters.
“His family can’t get back yet they’re stuck in America until tomorrow,” Niall told Harry as he took a cup from Zayn and sat down. Zayn sat on the edge of the bed and Harry wearily sat up to take the coffee. His hair was all pushed to one side from where he had fallen asleep and his clothes were still damp.
“Management are talking to the public, someone released photos of the ambulance and one of the asshole hotel workers, well, ex workers now released the video of you on the floor with Louis.” Zayn said bitterly.
“What the fuck is wrong with people?” Harry growled, rubbing his eyes.
Liam sat in silence drinking his coffee and staring blankly at Louis, “He looks so peaceful,” Liam whispered.
Niall wiped his face and turned away. “I don’t know if I can be here,” he confessed.
“We’re all here for you, Niall, it’s okay to be upset.” Harry smiled faintly.
“I, I just can’t believe this has happened,” Niall said meekly.
“I am going to punch Louis so hard when he wakes up from this,” Zayn added.
Harry laughed but it was forced and Liam rolled his eyes.
They sat in silence watching Louis and Harry stood up to relieve himself, stretching he walked to the connecting bathroom and when he shut the door he just stared at his reflection. He looked gaunt, tired and a little messy. His hair was going in every direction, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy from all the tears he had shed. “I could fill the Atlantic ocean with tears for you, Louis,” he said to his reflection.
When he reentered the room the boys looked up at him with worried looks on their tired faces, “You okay?” Niall asked.
“Yeah, I suppose,” Harry replied, yawning he walked to the side of the room and picked up a chair he placed it next to Liam and took Louis hand instinctively. A nurse came in and shyly spoke, explaining that she needed to change his IV and take another blood sample for examination of his toxicity levels. Harry looked away as she drew the crimson blood from Louis arm. When she left he rested his head on the bed and listened as Liam began to sing 'Moments.'
Zayn and Niall joined in, Harry buried his head on Louis stomach and listened as they sung in unison. It filled the room with a beautiful warmth, the boys were united by their brotherly love and Louis tragic fall from grace. Niall’s voice caught as he sung ‘don’t wanna be without you, lights the night sky,’ Liam sung Louis verse which made Harry’s shoulders shake.
‘If we could only turn back time,’ Zayn sung, his voice sounded heartbreakingly sad.
When they finished they stood up and all held each other tightly for a long time. Harry sighed and sat down leaning his head on the bed, his eyes were heavy as he held Louis hand. They all fell asleep in the darkness of the room and Harry hoped that Louis would hear them, know they were all here for him and want to come back to them, to Harry.