I Look After You
When Niall got the call all the colour drained from his face and he swayed on his feet, with shaking legs he turned to Liam and Zayn and said what he never thought he’d ever have to say in his lifetime. “It’s Louis,” he began.
“Thank god, Harry found him?” Liam said smiling but when he met Niall’s face he stopped smiling, “What’s happened?”
“Louis in hospital, he overdosed on painkillers.” Niall dropped into the chair next to Zayn and began to cry.
“What?” Zayn asked.
“He, Harry found him, overdosed.” Niall said.
Liam and Zayn said nothing, they both stared silently and then Liam opened his mouth with a somber expression on his face, “He’s okay?”
“I don’t know,” Niall replied quietly. “Harry hasn’t told management he didn’t even call me, it was Oliver the driver… Harry’s gone to the hospital with Louis.”
“Well, we need to be there,” Zayn stood up.
They left Liam’s hotel room and rushed down the corridor ignoring Jennifer as she called out to them, Niall cried the entire car ride to the hospital and Zayn was silent. Liam buried his face in his hands to hide the tears the erupted down his tired face. At the hospital they were ushered through a side door and walked in silence following a small nurse. All the boys were pale wearing strained expressions and Niall was wrought with worry not only for Louis but for Harry, how would he be handling all this?
As they rounded the corner Niall spotted Harry sitting with his knees pulled up on the chair and his chin perched on his knees. Getting closer Niall noticed Harry was soaking wet, “Harry?” His voice was gentle.
Harry stood up and the moment he saw the three boys he burst into uncontrollable sobs. Liam rushed to wrap his arms around Harry who buried his face into his shoulder. Zayn just looked on with Niall helplessly and a few nurses were watching them curiously from further down the corridor. Niall glared and they quickly rushed away.
“It was awful,” Harry mumbled.
Liam was pale and looked so tired, Niall didn’t know where to stand or who to talk to he just looked around frantically for any sign of Louis but the door they were standing outside of was closed, Louis name was on the door under the number and Niall felt his stomach tighten.
“Will he be…” Niall began.
Harry pulled away from Niall and shrugged, “I don’t know,” he whimpered.
Liam and Zayn helped Harry back to his chair and he quietly recounted what had happened, he was heaving with sobs as he told of finding Louis cold and lifeless on the floor. Tears streamed down Niall’s face as he listened, feeling guilty for not finding Louis when he went searching. Feeling the regret of not slapping Dakota in the face when she was mouthing off to Louis all the times that led up to this critical moment.
Zayn too was watching on in horror as he listened to Harry, often reaching out to pat Harry’s back but pulling away. He stared down at his feet and Niall squeezed his shoulder in silent reassurance.
The hospital was cold and clinical, fluorescent lights and the smell of disinfectant riddled through the air. White walls with navy seats and shiny grey floors that stretched on for what seemed miles to Niall. He hated hospitals and a chill ran down his spine as he tried to stay calm and not lose it in front of the boys. He needed to be strong for Harry, they all did.
“This is our fault,” Liam said with a shaking voice.
“No, mate, it’s not… none of us could see this coming.” Niall replied sternly, yet deep beneath his strong facade he too couldn’t fight the blame that was boiling beneath his pale skin.
“I can’t lose him, I can’t…” Harry cried.
Niall took off his jacket and handed it to Harry, “You’re shivering, take my jacket.”
“I’m fine,” Harry replied.
“No, you’re not. Put this on, we can’t have you getting sick too you’ll end up in here,” Zayn added handing over the jacket.
Harry put the jacket on in silence and closed his eyes as he ran a shaky hand through his messy brown hair, Niall watched Liam wipe his eyes and hug Zayn. They were like brothers, when one hurt, they all did. Never was their connection more strong then it was in this cold, sad moment.
Between the four of them they silently waited for someone to come and tell them what was going on, Niall wrapped his arms protectively around Harry who looked so small and broken. A doctor emerged with a stone cold expression on her face, “Boys, I am Doctor Macintire.”
“Is he going to be okay?” Harry burst out.
“Can we see him?” Liam and Niall said at once. Zayn stayed silent watching the doctor as she shifted on her feet and held a clipboard in her hand protectively.
She inhaled deeply and asked if the boys would follow her to the private room next door, when she shut the door she turned to them, “Do any of you know exactly what he took?”
They all shook their heads and Harry spoke quietly, “I think he took painkillers, he had vodka in the bathroom with him. I … I tried to make him throw it all up. I don’t know what happened I mean, he was missing and then–”
Doctor Macintire cut him off, holding up her hand, “Harry, this is no ones fault, okay?”
“I just, if I was…” Harry was incoherent as he cried.
Liam held him tighter and Niall just stood helplessly, he felt light headed and leant against the wall for support. Zayn shot him a wary glance but he nodded and turned back to the doctor.
“Did he take something else?” Liam asked, he rocked Harry protectively.
She nodded solemnly, “Yes, we have found the reason he is unable to regain consciousness for long periods of time, if any, is because he also took a lethal cocktail of Barbiturates. The mixture of these with alcohol can greatly damage the central nervous system and respiratory system.”
“He took what?” Niall asked. He tried to listen as she explained he took a large amount of sleeping pills but the previous day flashed through his mind uncontrollably. He remembered finding Louis running from the marquee with a look of horror and pain on his face. Niall wished he had tried harder to get Louis to talk, if only they had seen Dakota coming they wouldn’t be in this position.
“I should have found him,” Niall sighed wiping his tired eyes.
“None of this is your fault,” Harry replied, he looked up from Liam’s soaked shoulder “I’m the one who did this to him.”
“No,” Zayn walked toward Harry, “It’s Dakota, none of this is your fault. She played us all, she had your phone. Louis know’s you would have looked for him. It’s management and Jennifer, Dakota. Harry you can’t blame yourself,” Zayn’s voice was raised in a desperate attempt to get through to Harry.
“He’s right,” Doctor Macintire replied softly, “these things happen, usually the person is in a lot of emotional pain that they want to escape, sometimes more pain then we realise. You can’t blame yourself, it will only make things harder.” The honesty in her lined face was comforting to Niall as he watched her stroke Harry’s face, an attempt at reassurance that was lost on deaf ears as he began to pace frantically, wet shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor.
There was a knock on the door and the doctor excused herself, she tucked her grey hair behind her ear as she spoke in hushed tones outside the door. Returning she smiled faintly and cleared her throat, Harry came towards her at once. “Is he okay?” Harry’s voice was shaky.
“Harry, all of you, why don’t you sit down,” her voice was gentle and her face was kind but there was a seriousness behind her eyes that made Niall feel nauseous.
“Tell us, is he okay?” Liam snapped.
She turned and put a hand on his knee, “Liam, is it?” He nodded and she continued, “The cocktail that Louis took is very dangerous and he is in a critical condition, his breathing is extremely shallow and we cannot risk the lack of oxygen going to his brain. For now, he is okay but I need you to know that when you go in there it’s going to be very overwhelming. We have had to put him on a ventilator to help him breathe and he is currently receiving an intravenous drip of saline to flood his system of any remaining drugs left in the body. Louis looks very sick but I need you to know that we are doing all we can. He is having a nasogastric tube,” she paused, “that’s a nose tube to deliver something called activated charcoal.”
“What is it?” Niall asked.
“It is a used to treat overdoses and poisonings following oral ingestion. Louis has taken sleeping pills, a lot of them and though Harry pumped his stomach because of his drowsy state we need the charcoal to absorb the toxin to prevent it being absorbed into the gastrointestinal tract.”
They all looked at her blankly.
“It will bind the toxins to the charcoal to prevent his body from absorbing anymore, we cannot risk his body absorbing anymore of the chemicals because it could prove lethal.”
“He could die?” Harry choked and his voice rose several octaves.
“At this point it is a possibility, we are doing everything we can to keep him from going into a comatose state. I need you to all be positive, okay?”
She smiled sadly at them and stood up.
“I can’t have you all go in at once, so is there someone in particular you want to sit with him?”
“Harry,” the boys said in unison.
Liam patted his shoulders, and turned to look at Niall who was crying into his hands. “What the fuck happened to us?”
“He’ll be okay,” Liam promised but Niall wasn’t sure he was right this time.