Chapter Thirteen:
"Now everyone report to the dance floor, to the dance floor, to the dance floor."
"What the hell is that?" Will asked with a chuckle as I sat up to look through my blankets.
Completely messing up my bed, I replied, "The ringtone my roommate, Elise, was so kind to assign to herself."
"Now everyone report to the dance floor, alright now stop! Pajama time."
"Eminem. Wow," He commented. "I didn't know you crossed over to rap."
I rolled my eyes, "I haven't. She only set this as my ringtone so I would pick up the phone quicker. This is a god awful song. It get stuck in my head for days on end!"
Will chuckled at my misery as I continued to tear my bed apart, "Sounds like she is good for you.
"Come here little kiddies! On my lap, and guess who's back with a brand new rap and I don't mean rap as in a new case of child mol—"
Thank god I found my phone under my pillow and answers it before this nasty ringtone could go on any longer. "Hello?" I said into my phone while brushing my hair away from my face.
"Sophia! Thank goodness!" Elise's panicked voice sounded.
I sighed while sitting back to lean against my headboard. "Yeah it's me, I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday."
She let out a breath on the other end, "It's okay, you just worried me that's all."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
"It's fine, it's fine, as long as you're alright." There was a pause and I heard Elise mutter a few colorful words. A small smile played my lips as I realized she must be scurrying to get ready. "So where are you right now?"
"I'm in Ramsey, at my parent's house. In my old bedroom."
"How is everything?" Elise asked quietly.
"Well my grandpa passed away," She gasped and I added, "So you could say it's not going well."
"Oh Sophia! I'm so sorry to hear that! I would fly up there in an instant to be with you, but I can't take any more time off work and plane tickets cost so much—"
"Don't worry about it," I assured her. I understood her position, and she didn't need to travel all the way up here to support me. I'm doing fine.
I'm fine.
"God, I just feel so sad for you!" She said, sympathy in her voice.
I held back a sigh, "It's okay." But it's not. "I'm okay, everything is under control up here."
"Are you sure? I can try to find a way there if—"
"No it's okay, hold down the fort while I'm gone," I tried to tease.
"Any idea when you're coming back?" She wondered.
"The memorial service is Thursday, and I don't know when I'll be back. I might stay through the weekend, or leave Thursday night. I'm not sure yet."
"Okay well take your time! I don't want you to feel rushed to get back."
I smiled. Elise is so thoughtful. "I'll keep you posted."
"Thanks. Hey, by the way, that hunky piece of man, Gavin, stopped by last night."
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, "Gavin stopped by?"
"Yeah he did, he wanted to see what was wrong apparently. He asked where you were, and I told him that you weren't here and that he could just call you."
"He hasn't called me," I pointed out.
"He said you never gave him your number. So I gave it to him, hope that's alright."
"Yeah that's fine." Had I really not given Gavin my number? Huh.
There was a crash on her end. "Oh shit, I have to go. I just spilled the coffee everywhere," She cursed.
I chuckled slightly, "Don't destroy our apartment! Bye."
I hung up my phone just as she yelled out a few more cuss words out of frustration, tossing it on the bed with a roll of the eyes. Then I noticed Will was still in the room, and was staring at me, and I jumped at little.
"What?" I asked, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze.
He shrugged and then we lapsed in to a silence for a bit. It was a little awkward, and after a few minutes, he spoke up.
"So who is Greg?"
I turned to face him in confusion. "What?"
"The guy your friend was just talking about, who is he?"
Realization dawned on me. "Oh, you mean Gavin?"
Will shrugged nonchalantly, "Yeah same difference."
I crinkled my nose, "Not really."
"Anyways, who is he?"
I reached for my Coke can, only to find it was already empty. Curses. I threw it carelessly across the room. "Why does it matter to you?"
"It doesn't," Will answered a little too quickly.
I gave him a suspicious look, "He's someone I work with," I started, and Will cut in.
"Oh so he's just an accountant?" Will asked, and I was slightly taken aback by how, once again, he made accounting sound so dismal. Yeah sure, it is pretty boring ninety eight percent of the time, but Gavin is the reason for the two percent where I have fun.
"What's so wrong with being an accountant, anyways? Do you like doing your own finances? Besides, he's really smart," Will shifted when I mentioned that. He's had a hard time in school ever since junior high. "And he's funny. He's my entertainment in the office."
Will grimaced, ever so slightly that I would have missed it if I wasn't paying attention. "Baseball players are still so much more badass."
"He played baseball his whole life, until he hurt his knee before his senior year of college," I said matter-of-factly.
Will rolled his eyes, "He hurt it? Please. I hurt my knee once, and later that night I pitched in a game and hit a home run."
"Will," I began, keeping my face straight. "Crashing on your bike and skinning your knee as a ten year old isn't the equivalent of having surgery."
"That's not what happened, I—" Will began to defend, but I stopped him.
"I was there! You crashed into a telephone pole. Then, so kindly, you claimed instead that I shoved you off your bike. My mom took my game boy for a week because she believed your lying ass."
Will paused for a moment to contemplate, then he gave me a sheepish grin. "I forgot you were there with me."
Of course you did.
"What?" Will asked. Oops, guess I said that out loud.
"Nothing," I replied quickly, after throwing one of my pillows at him.
Will shrugged it off pretty quick. "Oh hey, while we're on the topic, who was that guy with you at the game?"
"Oh, that was Gavin," I explained, making the connections for him.
"That was Gavin?" He asked, clearly surprised by the information I gave him. I nodded to confirm. He smirked and shook his head, "Well I'll be damned."
"What'd you say that for?" I asked, clueless about Will's somewhat cocky behavior.
But before he could answer, my cell phone rang again. This time, it was my generic ringtone, which is "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train.
I held up a finger to him to tell him to hold his thoughts for a moment. Not recognizing the number, I answered, "Hello?"
"Sophia?" A deep and familiar voice questioned.
"Yes this is she. Who is this?"
"It's Gavin."
"Oh, hi."
"Hi." Awkward silence.
I sighed, "I'm sorry for running out of you so fast. I had some family issues."
"So you just packed up in the middle of the work day and fled town? Why would you do that? Do you have any idea what—" I didn't hear the end of that sentence, or respond, because my phone was ripped from my grasp.
Surprised, I looked up to see Will holding my phone to his ear. I reached to get it back.
"Hey! Give that back or I'll—" Will clamped a hand over my mouth and rested the phone between his head and shoulders while keeping one hand covering my mouth and the other blocking my blows. I tried to lick his hand to make him retract, but all he did in response was wink suggestively. Naturally, that only made my face heat up and my temper flare.
"Please excuse Sophia Kingston from work for the week, because there was a family emergency and she is needed in Massachusetts right now." I was suddenly reminded of the time Will called the school when we were thirteen and got us both excused for the day. He was speaking the same way now that he did then. We ended up sneaking around town and doorbell ditching all day.
Will was quiet as Gavin spoke, and when he thought it was safe, he took his hand from off my mouth. Finally. "In this case a family emergency means the passing of a family member," Will explained, with a slight cold edge in his voice. At those words, I sat back against my headboard and closed my eyes with a sigh. The momentary fighting flare in me had dissipated.
"I will send her your condolences. Mhm. No she's not available to be spoken to at the moment," Will sent me a smirk and I gave him a less than halfhearted smile in return. I really just didn't want to talk with any one right now, and was glad he could understand that without me having to say it.
"Who am I?" Will looked at me again, and I wondered what he was thinking behind those big brown eyes. Then, his face contorted into that crooked grin he was so famous for around here. "I'm Will Harvey."
*****
Turns out, a rookie hotshot Major League Baseball player can pretty much get you out of anything. Will said Gavin was very understanding once Will said who he was.
Still, later that day I called my boss so I could personally tell him why I left and that I wouldn't be at work for the rest of the week. Mr. Sommers was far less fair about it than Gavin. Based on his tone, I concluded that he was disappointed and even a little mad. I couldn't let that get to me, though. At least not now.
The days leading up to Thursday passed in a slow blur. Everyone in my house kept busy to prepare for Grandpa's memorial service, but it was really just to keep our minds occupied.
Dad ended up bringing the tubs of pictures out into the dining room. Every once in a while, we would all stand around the table, picking out pictures and talking about the stories behind them. It was nice to relive some of those fun memories we had with Grandpa.
I tried to remain positive, but looking at all these pictures just created an ache in my gut. I missed Grandpa terribly. All I want to do is drive up and play a game of chess with him and have one of our playful talks.
Then I'd remember I can't.
I didn't cry during our days of preparation. I kept up the tough facade so my family would feel comforted. Sometimes, it was harder. Multiple times a day, I felt an incredible weight crushing my shoulders, and I would run upstairs and lock myself in my bedroom for fifteen or twenty minutes to gain control again. I couldn't lose it in front of my family. Their despairing faces would be too much.
When I went upstairs, I usually called Elise or watched an episode of Friends. They were both nice distractions.
All of a sudden, the day of the memorial had arrived. It turned out that I was about a million times less prepared than I thought I was.
*****
Grandpa's service at our house wasn't supposed to be anything huge. Just family and some of his friends. So when seventy eight people ended up in my house, I was suddenly very overwhelmed. It had hardly started and I already felt like I was suffocating.
Of course almost eighty people would show up for Grandpa. He's one of the greatest people to ever live. Anyone who met him knows how special he is, which is supported by the tons of people flooding into my house.
"Are you okay?" Jane asked, and I looked to see that she was carefully studying my face.
I blinked and shook my head, "Yeah. I'm fine. Why?" I hadn't meant for my sentences to come out short and breathy, but they did.
"Your face is about as white as the twins' thighs." I chuckled at this. In our family, Blake and Luke are notorious for their white thighs. It's quite hilarious during the summer.
"I'm okay," I tried to assure her again, when I truthfully felt everything but okay.
She rolled her eyes, "I know you're not." I looked down to avoid her eyes, and she added "Just don't forget to breathe okay? It seems like it has slipped your mind a few times."
I forced a smile, "Thanks sis."
The doorbell rang so Jane and I, on door duty like we were, sighed before going to answer it. I flung the door open, and my jaw dropped in shock at who I saw.
There on my porch stood Cynthia. As if I didn't have enough problems right now.
Frick. I had forgotten that her parents had some sort of financial tie with the senior home Grandpa was in. I don't know the details, nor do I care to be truthful – this is Cynthia, and I do no concern myself with anything that goes on in her life these days. But still, why the hell were they here? Grandpa had died in that place. And now they're showing up here? I'm a little pissed and hurt to be seeing them. Especially Cynthia, actually.
"Oh Sophia!" Cynthia exclaimed before dramatically pulling me in to a hug. I all but rudely shoved her away.
"Cynthia. What a, surprise," I said blandly through clenched teeth.
"I am so, so sorry to hear about your Grandpa!" Good grief was she always this annoying? I picked out a shitty friend. I didn't respond, and neither did Jane, (my sister appeared to be almost as irritated and shocked as me) so Cynthia took the tray from her father's hands and held it up. "We brought pecan pie for your family."
Subconsciously, I smiled, remembering when I had pecan pie for the first time. It was with Grandpa and my parent's right before Jane was born. Long story short that was how we discovered I have an allergy to tree nuts. It was Grandpa's favorite pie, but when he found out I was allergic, he didn't hesitate to abstain from it for my sake.
He sure was a great man.
"You can take it out back and put it on the table with the other dishes," I instructed her before turning on my heels and walking away.
I felt like I was in my own bubble. I wasn't very aware of my surroundings, I don't remember anything really happening. There wasn't many people I talked to. Quite frankly, I didn't want to deal with people. So I wandered aimlessly around my backyard, totally absorbed in my thoughts and emotions. As the afternoon dragged on, I was finding it even more difficult to keep myself together. All the pressure of the people around was giving me a headache and making me want to just break down in a corner like a child.
For some reason, I found myself wanting to be with Will. He had a funny way of distracting me, and what I really needed right now was for my mind to be taken off all the chaos of the party. But where was he? I hadn't seen him at all. Had he not come tonight?
I sat on a comfy chair on my back porch, feeling more alone than I had my entire life. People kept walking by, and part of me heard all their apologies and the other part of me blatantly ignored them. I didn't need their apologies. What I needed was my grandpa.
Eventually I stood up again. Sitting down clearly wasn't helping my emotional case right now.
I surveyed my backyard, jam packed with people, and tried to locate my family. The twins were sitting on a bench on the opposite side of the yard, both looking down and very visually upset. Blake was talking, and Luke was nodding periodically. They really were the perfect set of twins. When one was down, the other strapped on their big boy pants to console them.
Mom and Dad were next to each other, both appearing to be out of their comfort zone with how many people were here. They were trying to be polite to the people talking with them, but I could see the sadness clearly in both their eyes. Jane suddenly arrived next to Mom, and Mom said something to her before she nodded and walked off.
My eyes darted to the right of Mom and Dad, and relief washed over me when I saw Will standing there, immersed in conversation. My legs were about to carry me over to him until I noticed who he was talking with.
The angelic Cynthia. Note the heavy sarcasm.
Suddenly, it all became too much. Everything felt like it was crumbling, and before it completely crashed, I turned so I could run up to my bedroom. But as I did, a hand enclosed my wrist.
"Where are you going?" It was the voice of my sister.
Instead of answering, I shrugged. If I spoke, I knew I would probably break for real. "Mom said the speeches and slideshow are going to begin in about ten minutes, so you should come take a seat."
As quickly as I could, I composed myself and nodded before following Jane back into the yard. Instantly, I felt like I was pelted with questions and comments and just voices.
"I'm so sorry about your grandpa, honey."
Did the backyard just suddenly get smaller?
"Oh, good ole Chuck. He was just the finest man I ever met."
Why did I think I'd be able to handle giving a speech?
"How are you holding up, sweetheart?"
My eyes blurred over all the faces, and somehow landed on Will several yards away. He was still talking to Cynthia, and he cracked that crooked grin I loved so much.
That's what did it.
My eyes welled up and I quietly whispered, "I can't do this anymore." Whether anyone heard me, I don't know. I was in that state of mind where I didn't know of anything going on around me.
I could only think of one thing. And that was that I needed to get the hell out of here.
~~~~~
Will's POV
I wasn't expecting there to be so many people at the Kingston's for the event. My mom had said that it would be small, with only close friends and family. But there was a shitload of people here.
The more I thought about it, it wasn't even surprising that so many people had come. I had known Charles, Soph's Grandpa, basically since I had moved here. In fact, I knew him so well that I actually had called him Gramps when I was younger.
He was one of the best people to have walked the earth. After me and Soph broke up, I even still went to see him from time to time. He had good advice for everything, and was just so full of life. I liked to visit him just for a nice talk. And almost always, he'd mention her. I was always glad when he did. The main reason I came was to hear if anything was new with her. But I had too much pride to ask directly, and I don't think I'd be able to admit aloud that that was a motive to visit him.
Gramps talked about Soph in such a special way. The two of them really had a close bond. I knew she was devastated by his passing, but what's weird is that she is acting almost completely normal. She's putting on a front so people don't see how upset she really is.
I can tell she's sad by the way she zones out for long periods of time, with that forlorn expression that makes me want to make her smile. Also, she hasn't eaten basically anything since we've arrived. That's saying something, because she can eat almost as much as me.
She was worrying me. Something was definitely way wrong with her. Tonight, after the service, I've decided to ask her how she's really feeling and pry it out of her, whether she wants to talk about it or not. It's what is healthy.
I walked back down the hall after doing my business in the bathroom, when I heard a quiet whimpering in the living room.
Anxious, I walked in to see what was going on. What surprised me was when I saw Jane, sitting alone on the couch with her head in her hands, just crying.
"Jane?" I asked in disbelief. She didn't say anything, just kept crying, so I knelt down in front of her. "Jane, it's okay. It's me, Will. What's wrong?"
"It's Sophia," She managed to choke out between sobs.
Something was wrong with Soph? Instantly, my heart went in to overdrive and I panicked. "Is she okay?"
Jane let out a long breath, "No, she's not." She finally looked up to meet my look of confusion, and continued speaking. "All week, Sophia has been brave. I never thought anything of it, and no one else did either. I guess it was nice to think that one of us had it together. But, but what I failed to realize, i-is," Jane began to stammer again as she held back sobs, and I waited patiently. "Is that she's so sad. Will, she's really, really sad. I've only ever seen her this way once before and that was when you guys broke up and now she's gone and I don't even know what to do I just want to make her feel better and I-I can't." The end of her speech was all rushed together in a hurry, and combined with her cracked cries, I almost didn't even register it all.
"What do you mean she's gone?" I asked, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.
"She left," Jane said miserably. "Right before she was supposed to speak, she said she couldn't do this anymore and she just, she just left. I don't know where she went, Will. And I'm freaked. I don't want anything to happen to her."
Then, my instincts seemed to take over and I marched on over to the door with purposeful steps.
"Wh-where are you going?" Jane sniffled.
I turned and gave her a look of sympathy and determination. "I'm going to find your sister." Soph. My Sophia.
Jane forced a sad smile, "Thank you. If anyone can, it will be you."
I nodded curtly before leaving. Jane was right.
I knew exactly where to go.
~~~~~
Sophia's POV
Well here I was, standing in front of Grandpa's senior home, waiting to go in. I had come all this way, because I just...I had to see for sure.
I was scared to go in though, because I knew that if I did, I would be hit with the cold reality that he was really gone. All of a sudden, a small and irrational surge of hope overcame me and I burst through the doors of the senior home. I didn't even look at the receptionist to check in, I just went ahead and on through.
I could have been more polite and slowed down a little, but I wasn't in the right state of mind to be using manners. All I had in mind was where I was going, and that was to Grandpa's room. I turned down the third hallway and went down to the seventh room on the right. My breath caught in my throat at what I saw.
No longer did his door say "Charles Kingston Jr." on it; it didn't have a name. The door was open, and I peeked in to see that none of his stuff was in there anymore.
When had we come to get his stuff? I would clearly remember something like that.
"You look familiar, are you by chance his granddaughter?" I whipped my head to the voice, and saw an employee standing there. I sniffled and wiped the tear that had betrayed me. She smiled politely, "You were in the pictures on his dressers. Are you Sophia?" I nodded again.
How did she know this? I hadn't ever seen her before.
"He was an all-round wonderful person, your grandfather. So full of life! And oh, he was so fond of you. He spoke of you often, and how proud he was of you being independent and going off to New York. He loved you so much." My breath hitched as I swallowed the tears that were coming.
"Aw, sweetie," The lady pulled me in to a hug, which was supposed to be reassuring, but I still felt so empty. I wiped away one more tear that had fallen when she pulled away. "We have his stuff in our side room waiting for your family to come pick it up. Would you like to come take a look?" I nodded and followed her down the hall.
She left me in the storage room so I could have some time, but I wasn't in there long. Looking at his belongings was too daunting. There was one picture on the top, and it was of me and him after I had caught my first fish. I was holding the fish, completely covered in dirt, with a toothless grin on my face. Grandpa was knelt down next to me, smiling so proudly.
I needed to get out of here.
Gently, I tucked the picture in my sweatshirt pocket and hurried out.
Almost as soon as I hit the sidewalks, I burst out crying. It was dark out now, and I had no clue what time it was, but I just walked down the streets. I must have looked pathetic just crying on the streets, but I really couldn't care less. Cars were passing by every so often. I didn't know anyone in this town, and I don't give a shit what they think anyways.
Vaguely, I remember hearing a car door slam shut and then footsteps were hurrying towards me. "Sophia!" I thought it was strange that someone had called my name, but I figured I had imagined it. "Soph stop walking!"
I blinked a few times in surprise before turning around. Sure enough, there was Will, running towards me. Except he was too late now, I did not want to talk with him. I was suddenly very angry at him again, even though he had been getting along well on this trip. "Go away."
"I'm not leaving."
"Seriously Will, back the hell off and leave me alone," I seethed before turning back around to walk away.
"No, I'm not leaving you again."
I scoffed angrily, "Sure you aren't."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I could barely make out the defensiveness in his voice, which just made me madder.
"It means that I don't believe you!" I was still crying, but I didn't really care. I was way gone at this point.
"Look, Soph—"
"No Will stop, seriously just stop it! Let's face it, we both know this friendship hasn't existed for five years. You freaking left me in the dust, Will. Do you even know how much that sucked? Or how much time I spent missing you?"
"Soph—"
"No, you don't know. But whatever, I'm so over it now," Lie. Big ole fat one, too. "Because you know what I've realized? Everyone leaves you at one point or another. Whether it's by choice or because their time here is done, everyone leaves you in the end." My voice was bitter and I couldn't help it. Everything had been bottled up for so long, and now that someone else was out of my life, I burst.
Will's face had softened a lot throughout my speech, and for a moment we just stood there looking at each other. My crying wasn't that loud anymore, but the tears were still coming, and I couldn't help it.
"Sophia," Will began, and I wasn't quite sure I wanted to hear what he had to say. "I'm so so sorry for everything." My eyes snapped up to his chocolate ones. Of all the apologies I've heard today, this is the first one that didn't sound pitiful, but instead meaningful.
"What?" I asked dumbly.
"I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. It was a pride thing, I guess. When we broke up it wasn't like I could just come groveling back to you. Besides, I didn't think you would ever want to be my friend again."
"Oh so all my trying to talk to you didn't make you think I missed you?' I snapped sarcastically.
Will sighed, "Those times were hard, and I'm sorry to say that I can't really give you an explanation for why I acted the way I did. I was just so...overwhelmed, and confused, I didn't know what to do." I just looked at him for a moment, trying to think about what he said. Then he took a step closer. "Soph, you have to believe me when I say I'm sorry. Because I mean it."
I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut.
Some things are just too great not to fight for, I heard the voice again. Who was that?
"I'm willing to do pretty much anything just for us to at least be on speaking terms again," Will tried again. "Ever since I moved to the city, I've been trying to work up the nerve to talk to you, but I...I didn't think that was what you would want. I miss having you to talk to, both on the good and bad days. You were my person."
I subconsciously shook my head as I reasoned with myself. So badly, I wanted to just agree and jump whole heartedly back in to this friendship. But I also was afraid to, knowing that if everything continued to disappoint, it would be my fault, for one again putting myself in this position. I would be angry at myself if I was let down again, is that something I can handle?
I opened my eyes to see Will studying my face. "Please?"
I sighed, giving myself one more minute for composure. Composure was useless at this point, though, since the tears were still falling helplessly. "I can't say I forgive you," I said honestly, and finally. His face dropped.
People change.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
Some things are just too great not to fight for.
Is this worth fighting for?
Yes. I let out a breath, "But I'm willing to work to get there." Will's face almost instantly brightened, causing my heart to stutter stupidly.
I really hope I don't regret this.
Grandpa would sure be happy if he knew about this.
Suddenly, realization dawned on me. That voice in my head, it had been Grandpa. And those we were some of his last words to me. A crushing weight hit me, and I looked up to see Will looking at me carefully.
"Will," I whispered. I took a staggered breath before continuing, "He's really gone."
"Soph," Will said softly before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me in to a comforting hug.
That was it. For the first time in ages, I felt actually comforted and safe. I just cried into him, with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist. He lightly stroked my hair and rested his head on top of mine.
"It's okay to be okay, Soph. I'm here for you, and I'm not going to leave again. It's okay," He whispered. I really hope so, Will. I really hope so.
I believed him with almost my entire heart. I wanted him to stay, and I knew how much I needed him to stay this time. But there was still that small shadow of doubt in the back of my mind. Quite honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it again if he leaves.
One thing that I found reassuring is that Will and I have a guardian angel watching down on us, and that angel wants us to be happy.