Game 18 - You will love me as much as I love you
Hindi ko alam kung bakit niya iyon natanong pero nanigas ako sa tanong niyang iyon. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya sasagutin. I couldn't even form a single reply. I was utterly speechless.
"I mean diba batchmate mo sila nI Ron and I was just wondering how close were you with the two." dagdag pa niya, he didn't sense that I was tensed. Kung naramdaman niya hindi niya pinakita at dinagdag niya sa tanong niya si Ron para lang siguro may masagot ako.
I'm being paranoid.
Umalis ako sa pagkaupo sa lap niya at umupo sa side niya, medyo malayo layo rin dahil ayaw ko ng maramdaman niya na tense ako. I sighed inwardly and answered him with the most nonchalant tone I could muster. "Medyo close rin. We ran into the same circles at isa pa simula preschool magkakakilala na kami." sagot ko. Sa school namin kung sino yung mga nakasama mo na nung preschool haggang high school kasama mo parin sila, kunti lang yung nagtra-transfer sa ibang school other than that, since preschool we were all together, iba nga pati college kasama parin namin through the escalator system. "Why do you ask?"
"He was acting strange lately." sagot niya sa akin. "Tanda mo nung tumawag ka at nasa bar ako? He was drunk and even telling us you would marry David Grey."
"I'm not marrying David." depensa ko agad..
He smiled ruefully. "I know. But Andy was really sure you would. I don't know why but he was. Tell me Emma, magkaaway ba talaga si Andy at Angelo Chua?" he asked. "Alam ko kaibigan mo si Angelo Chua and Charlene even said once that he was pining after you."
I laughed sardonically. "Angelo is not pining after me. Alam ko maraming chismis tungjol sa amin ni Angelo, high school palang marami na pero walang totoo dun. Angelo is in love with Elena not me." I told him. I really don't get it why everyoe would think Angelo was in love with me, he wasn't. It was clear from the start that he was in love with Elena not me. But never did I refute the rumors about it, ano pang saysay kung hindi naman sila makikinig. "And as for Andy and Angelo, paano mo naman naconclude na nag away sila?"
"Simula pagkakakilala ko kay Andy, Ron and him had always joked about Angelo Chua, sometimes Andy would badmouth him. At nung isang linggo nga, parang mas lalo siyang nagalit dahil lang kasama daw si Angelo Chua sa list ng mga son-in-law ng dad mo. Is there even such list?" he explained.
Of course, Andy would always be furious with Angelo. They had made it clear from day one that they would never get along. And some things that happened during our senior made it impossible for them to actually become friends. Andy had always hated Angelo at ganun din si Angelo.
Angelo, it seems would never forgive Andy for what he had done that time. Tama lang na hindi niya patawarin si Andy kasi kasalanan naman ni Andy but Andy however he needed to forgive Angelo. No. There was nothing to forgive, he just had to accept it.
Akala ko ayos na ang lahat pero sa mga sinasabi ngayon ni Caleb, mukhang wala pang naayos. I need to talk to Ron about Andy's behavior. And how did he even know about that damn list?
"Alam mo naman ang mga lalaki Caleb, eager to prove something. Simula palang they had always hated each other." I told him.
"May gusto ba sayo si Andy?"
"How would I know? At isa pa si Andy? Andy likes older women." I denied immediately.
He wrinkled his nose. "Kung wala bakit sobra siyang inis nung kasama si Angelo Chua dun sa sinasabi niyang listahan?" he asked.
"Lahat naman ng bagay na may kinalaman kay Angelo inis na si Andy at ganun din si Angelo. They had always hated each other. Can we stop talking about them?" I asked. "Nagmumukha kang chismoso Caleb."
He sighed and made a move to pull me close to him. "It's just that the thought of two men fighting over you is an unwelcome thought. I want you all by myself and I just want to be prepared if ever there comes a time that I will need to fight just to have you." niyakap niya ako bigla. "I just want you to be mine and mine alone."
And I can't help it but hug him back. "Silly you. When you asked me to be your girlfriend, I was already yours." I smiled at him. "Si Angelo walang gusto sa akin yun, bata palang kami si Elena na. At si Andy naman wala rin gusto sa akin yun. Galit lang talaga yun kay Angelo kaya nagkakaganun. Sometimes those two would fight just to have what the other has."
"Ibig mong sabihin kunyari may girlfriend si Andy, aagawin ni Angelo Chua yung girlfriend ni Andy? Ganun ba?" Caleb asked.
I shook my head. "Angelo would never steal someone else's girlfriend. He's an honorable man. I've never actually seen Angelo take something away from Andy but when provoked he would fight." depensa ko para kay Angelo.
"Pero si Andy kaya niyang mang-agaw?"
"Yes. Andy is capable of anything just to get what he wants. That's how I've always known him." sabi ko. "He never thinks of the consequences of his actions."
"Had he ever hurt someone? Alam mo na may nasaktan na ba dahil sa mga ginawa niya dati?"
"Madami. Pero may apat na tao ang sobrang naapektuhan sa ginawa niya."
"Anong nangyari?"
I shook my head and stood up. I still think Caleb should not learn about those things. About what happened to Andy before. It was going to affect their friendship, I know that. "The two hated each other even more, the other one was left broken and the other one feared taking risks and feeling anything." I looked at him and smiled. "Let's leave it that way. Hindi dapat natin pinag-uusapan si Andy. Masamang mag chismis."
He stood up and nodded. He placed his hands on my waist and stared at me and smiled. "Someday you will trust me enough to tell that story." he told me.
It's not about trust. I almost said aloud.
"And also someday you will also love me enough to trust me with your heart."
I went still. I pulled awyay and walked towards his big window and stared outside. The view looked serene. "I told you Caleb, I can't love you Caleb."
"Why not?" ramdam kong palapit siya sa akin pero hindi ko siya nilingon.
Because I'm too damaged. "I don't have the ability to love someone Caleb."
Naramdaman kong nasa likod ko na siya. "Do you love you family?"
"Of course." sagot ko kahit hindi ko alam kung saan to patungo.
"Your closest friends?"
"Well duh."
Hinarap niya ako sa kanya at ngumiti siya sa akin. The Smile. "Then doctor, you have the ability to love someone, you just choose to be indifferent with your feelings."
"Caleb alam mong ibang love yung sinasabi ko."
"Parehas lang yun Emma. When you love someone you love them unconditionally just like how you love your family and friends. And you doctor has the ability to love if you just choose to feel it. And I'll tell you this, someday you will love me as much as I love you. You will love me enough to take risk with me." Andy vowed.
I don't know. Did he just say he loves me? Or was he pertaining to the future that maybe someday he would also love me? But why does the knowledge that he loves me sent the butterflies in my stomach to do sommersault? When it was supposed to get rid of the butterflies?
"Baba na tayo at baka hinahanap na tayo." sabi niya at tumango nalang ako. Hindi ko kasi alam yung sasabihin ko.
Should I tell him that it would never happen and that he was just wasting his time or should I let him think that maybe someday.
That someday I would want to take a risk with him.
To fall in love with him.
A/N:
Siningit ko lang yung mga usapan nila about sa inability ni Emma na magmahal. It's really important in the story. Sorry to disappoint some of you who thought malalaman na dito sa chapter na to kung ano man past ni Andy at Emma but no, matagal pa yun maybe chapter 24 or so pa.
I will be busy muna this week at tatapusin ko yung paper ko about sa seminar namin. But I will still try to squeeze some more time in writing this.
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till next time...