On this episode of Guy Code, when it's 10 o'clock at night and Pornhub's videos are looking pretty good, you know what's happening next. Dim your lights and close your drapes cause you're going steady with your hand. It's all about masturbation. We are also talking about pregnancy scares, couples and their arguments and STDs. It's Guy Code.
Topic: Masturbation
Ray: Masturbation is the key to life like its a major key. A lot of stuff wouldn't have gotten done in the world if masturbation wasn't a thing like, would you think Thomas Edison would have made the lightbulb if masturbation wasn't a thing? We all know he didn't get no pussy so if it wasn't for his good ole right hand , we would be relying on rubbing sticks together to create fire so we can write on our stone tablets cause the dude who made the paper and pencil a thing wouldn't have done that cause I'm pretty sure he didn't get pussy either so like masturbation is a major key and I'm here for it
EJ: Masturbation is probably the coolest grossest thing you could admit to like if you aren't horny, then the thought of it is disgusting. I personally don't do it cause I feel like God is watching and once I die, he would bring it up and I don't want a black lady with big titties who's getting gang banged on a slide at a children's park to be the reason why I'm in hell when I wasn't even apart of it, I'm watching it through Pornhub and shit, it's bullshit.
Prince: I don't masturbate cause I get bitches like let that be known, I got hoes so that don't bother me. I don't do that shit.
Producer: Come on, you know you have masturbated one time in your life
Prince: Oh no, I know better. I know the consequences of masturbation. For example, look at Prod. He's a prime example of a consequence of masturbation. He probably does it everyday cause his left arm looks stronger than his right. He looks like a mess and I'm pretty sure that's the reason why his hairline starts in the middle of his head. And I don't want it.
Roc: I used to masturbate but I used to miscalculate and it would get on the dog or something like do you know how hard it is to wash cum off a pit bull?
Mike: I think it's just apart of life
Prince: Mike looks like if he came, Johnson's baby powder would come out cause he's so dusty.
Topic: Pregnancy Scares
Prince: Pregnancy scares are the worse, I'm assuming cause it never happens to me
Ray: Really?
Prince: yeah I'm not stupid, just like how Beyonce carries hot sauce in her bag, Nigga I carry Magnums everyday, all day. On the weekdays, I either carry them in my hair or in my sock. On Saturdays, I carry them in my bag cause I'm searching for pussy and usually I have my handy dandy backpack, ya feel me?
The Boys: mhm
Prince: and on Sunday, a nigga carry some condoms in his bible case just in case one of them nuns want to get a little nasty, ya feel me? Like Im always prepared cause I'm not ready to have little demon spawns yet.
Roc: It always happens to me, shit feels horrible
Prince: cause obviously you don't believe in condoms and you always fucking Desiree.
Roc: what does Desiree got to do with the pregnancy scares?
EJ: Desiree is baby magnet, you could cum on her face and she end up pregnant.
Prince: Desiree always pregnant, she claim she pregnant now, Ms. Casey Anthony- Probably killed the fucking baby trying to fight that lady at Applebee's. I told Roc to not take that girl to a place that give you cloth napkins cause she don't know how to act
Ray: uhuh you lyingggg
Prince: nah b, I'm dead ass *turns to face Ray* you would never believe it ho, when I tell you I got an extra large Tisanes tea with 3 shots of blueberry with light ice, never dark-
Ray: YASSS Spill the tea ho
Prince: Desiree was in that hoe mad as shit cause they gave her 2 green crayons when they were supposed to give her a red, blue, and green. Nigga she was livid, she stood up on the table, throwing a big ass fit. You ain't gonna never believe what Roc was doing b
Ray: What he do
Prince: Boiiii, he paid for the food, left a 10 dollar tip, and went in the bathroom with all his stuff on, next thing you know it. He outside running to his car.
Ray: You lyinggg
Prince: Nah, I wish man. I bet he was real sad that he departed with them 10 dollars since he beat up a crackhead for it and now he gotta give it away
Roc: That was in 2014 !!! You remind me of a plunger, you always bringing up old shit.
Prince: Was I talking to you Rocstopher? I don't think I was, I know I'm sort of cockeyed and got a lazy eye but you on the other side of me, I'm 101 percent sure I'm not looking at you to make it seem like I'm talking to you. So stay back there and think about how your gorilla of a girlfriend is banned from Applebee's. Anywho, like I was saying, then Desiree put the crayon in her ass- *gets cut off*
Producer: Can we finish this segment guys?
Prince: Oh yeah, Pregnancy scares are bad
Topic: Couples
Prince: Relationships, in general, gives me gas
EJ: Especially those IG famous couples, they do the most for 10 dollars.
Roc: Couples get on a nigga's nerves. Always kissing and shit in public like man. Tell me why, today at Subway, a nigga couldn't even get his 7 in. Pizza sub because some ugly ass couple was almost fucking in front of the register. All I wanted was a sandwich and I could barely get that! Like get a room, you don't even have to get a room. Just get the fuck out of my way.
Mike: I think you guys have the understanding of relationships all wrong. Relationships and couples are a beautiful thing like it's another person you are sharing your life with, you guys are just haters! Because me and my girlfriend are the best.
Prod: Yeah, Mike is right like relationships are great! For example, Me and Ray have been going steady for months now. Even though he threw me off the roof on our second month anniversary, I still love him and he still loves me! *grabs Ray's hand* and we are together forever, isn't that right my little Rayttlesnake?
Ray: Ok, first of all. I'm not your boyfriend *pushes Prod's head back until he falls out of his chair* and second, Relationships are trash. I'm trash by myself, why do I need another person to be trash with me? What's the point?
Mike: You guys don't understand the meaning of love!
Prince: You mean YOU don't understand the meaning of love because I can recall you saying you loved yo flat ass girlfriend after 3 days, if I remember correctly. Don't try to come for us cause if I wanted a hoe to hold hands and kiss me for likes on Instagram, I can get one.
Topic: Couples Arguments
Ray: Arguments in general is a waste of time and arguments with your significant other is more than a waste of time cause if you are both faithful and not cheating on each other, then the argument is boring garbage. It's either the girl getting mad about not shit to spice the relationship up or it's an argument about who didn't put the the dishes in the dishwasher. Either way, It's trash.
Prince: When I was in a relationship, all we did was argue,like if she wasn't yelling about how I go to parties, then she yelling about how she been naked for the past 3 weeks cause I didn't put the clothes in the dryer. Like I be feeling like a hot plate of food, the way she be blowing the fuck outta me like play with ya pussy, don't play with me hoe. Next topic.
Topic: STD's
Prince: man oh man, Roc know a lot about this topic. Man, He was in and out of Planned Parenthood so much.
Roc: Prince, don't tell my business!!
Prince: What? I didn't say what you had, I just said you know a lot about STD's since every time you piss, you get a burning sensation like damn, you act like I showed them your prescription for your wart cream.
Roc: PRINCE
Ray: Having STD's is like having a baby, you really can't do shit about it but cry, It don't fall asleep, You can pretty much only date people who have them and you can have them forever so I much rather have a baby then a STD
EJ: STD's are scary like I seen videos of infected areas due to STD's and it was the scariest shit I have ever seen in my life.
Prod: I have a STD and it's called Rayitis, it kills me if i don't get love from Ray
Ray: Welp, I'll send flowers for your funeral cause you aint getting none and that reminds me, You aren't even supposed to be within 7000 feet away from me. Want me to call Officer Shuttney again? Cause I will.
Prod: But baby I love you
Ray: