Shannon's POV
Cammie looks stunning and I can't help but double take as she hops into my car.
"Looking good Cam." I say, I have never said her name like that before but it felt natural.
"You're looking ready to party." Cammie flirts, I feel her embarrassment from that complement and I can't help but let out a little laugh.
"Yes, let's go." I laugh, starting the car and head to the party. I turn the music up and to my surprise Troye's song Wild projects through my shitty speakers.
We arrive at Jakes friends house. I haven't told Cammie about Jake yet. I feel like I should but honestly I don't think she would wanna listen to me talk about boys. She will meet him tonight anyways, I just hope he's on his good side.
"Right lets go." I say, grabbing my phone and hopping out the car.
"Do you even know who's house this is?" Cammie asks looking concerned. I want her to meet Ness and I'm glad she decided to come. Maybe they could end up together and I won't have these weird feelings when I'm with her.
"No, not really. Let's just say, its a friend of a friends house." I convince her and walk with her to the front door of the two storied house.
I don't bother to knock over all the loud music and enter with Cammie trying not to make an entrance. I don't want to lose Cammie so I reach down and grab her hands. I feel shooting pains rush through me but quickly shake it off. I carry on walking through a crowd full of teenage bodies, trying to find Vanessa.
She stands with a half empty drink near a crowd of drunks. I approach her and give her a massive bear hug. I bring my mouth to Cammie's ear and she tilts her head into me.
"This is Vanessa." I yell, hoping to god she likes her, or even that Ness likes her. I can't deal with these feelings anymore they are killing me.
Maybe if I leave they will talk and get to know each other. I take off into the crowd again trying to find any form of alcohol.
I grab the closest two red cups from a table filled with uneaten food. I fill them to the brim with ice Smirnoff. 'Hopefully she likes Vodka.' I think to myself. I avoid everyone's touch heading back into the crowd to Cammie. The music is so loud I can barely think.
I scan for Cammie and she hasn't moved from where I last left her. She stands by herself making me upset. 'She's such a nice girl, and nobody is talking to her.' I think angrily.
I push past the last lot of people only to see Vanessa making out with another girl with similar blonde hair to Cammie. Well that's a no go. Secretly I'm happy she didn't kiss Cammie. I don't want her to be with anyone and I don't even know why but I feel myself hating anyone that touches her.
"How long was I gone?" I laugh in her ear again so she can hear me.
Cammie reaches up to my ear, sending shivers down my spine. "Not long, that's the surprising part." We both laugh and I hand Cammie her drink but she doesn't drink it straight away.
"Thanks." She says and I barely hear her.
"It's quieter over here." I point with my cup and grab Cammie's arm again. I wish I wasn't a terrible dancer so I could dance with her. I would probably end up on the floor.
I feel an urge to be close to her but I have to control it. I take Cammie to a quiet corner so I can hear her beautiful voice again. I stand close to her, just so I can be near her.
"We can kinda hear now." I say, half yelling at her. I take a gulp of my drink, thinking it would cure the butterflies.
"It's a nice place." Cammie says, leaning in close to tell me.
"A little too nice for a party." I say, I've never been here before but I've been to a lot of parties. I hope that Jakes friends parents are out of town for a week, because that's how long it would take to clean. It's so massive.
Thinking of Jake, Cammie hasn't met him and I haven't seen him in awhile. We have kinda been distant lately. I want to be around him, I want to feel the feelings that Cammie doesn't mean to give me from him.
"Come with me." I says and Cammie follows. I scan the crowd for Jake and of course he's playing beer pong. I watch him sway back and forward, he is already wasted.
I make my way up to him to greet him and kiss him on the cheek. Probably not the best idea to kiss in front of his friends. He drinks more and more until he only has two cups left. When I touch him I feel nothing, it scares me. If anything I feel hurt or like shit because I don't understand anything about me anymore.
I zone out and look at the ground remembering I have a perfectly good drink in my hand. I scull my drink until a thin layer of clear liquid remands at the bottom of my cup. The alcohol burns the back of my throat but disappears after awhile.
I catch Cammie staring at me and I smile at the thought of her judging me drink. I head back around towards her so she doesn't seem so lost again.
"This is Jake, my boyfriend." I say ashamed to be pointing him out. 'It's the drunk guy losing beer pong.' I think to myself.
We watch the disappointing game together and I finish my drink. I need another to numb my butterflies. 'I wonder what drunk butterflies would be like?' I laugh to myself, the drink is already kicking in.
"Dance with me?" Cammie asks out of the blue.
"I'd love too." I say, not needing time to think. There is nothing I would love more. I take my cup to the closest table and without warning Cammie takes my hand. The feeling returns and she gently pulls me along by her side into the crowd.
We make it to the middle, and my body already begins to move with the music. Cammie leads me with my hand tangled in hers. She directs me into a twirl, even though it didn't go to the music. I laugh but I know she won't hear me.
"I can't dance." I yell, but she frowns, meaning she still can't hear me. Cammie moves her ear to my mouth, putting her dirty blonde hair behind her ear.
"I'm crap at this." I say leaning in, inches from her ear. Cammie turns and frowns at me, again I'm unsure if she heard me. She grabs my other clammy hand and I instantly feel sorry about it.
For a second I imagine just Cammie and I dancing alone. I don't care about anyone around me anymore, I feel so relaxed and I'm over pushing these feelings for her aside.
Her moves are turning me on so much and I give up trying to control myself. Cammie slowly moves closer into me, as we dance against each other. We blend into the crowd, unseen in the dark and the flickering lights. I stare into her olive green eyes and can't help but smile.
We don't say a word but I know she feels the same way I do towards her. Cammie smirks, and places my hands on her swaying hips. My hearts races and I feel shocks throughout my body, I don't want her to stop.
She moves her hands slowly up around my neck, her eyes not leaving mine. I want more, I want to kiss her. She gives me these feelings I don't feel from Jake. The music picks up, and there is no longer a gap between us. I press my hips to hers fitting together like two jigsaw pieces. We move slowly together as one.
We dance like this together for awhile, and I feel like I'm slowly melting away by her touch. Cammie leans in close and I can't help but follow suit.
We are so close I feel her breath against my face. I lean my forehead lightly against hers. I want to kiss her but I feel as if she should make the first move so I stay in this position. I long for her soft lips against mine. I catch her eyes looking at my lips and I give her the 'okay' look.
I feel a large hand on my shoulders and I'm ripped away from Cammie's body. I literally want to scream but I keep it together.
"Come on babe, let's dance." Jake says, pulling me in a different direction to Cammie. 'He must of seen everything. He must hate me right now.' I contemplate with myself. I don't say a word, as I walk off with him.
I quickly turn back only to see Cammie walking in the opposite direction. 'What the fuck was I thinking, I shouldn't of done that. I shouldn't of lead her on. I didn't want to hurt her. I think to myself, feeling guilty. Jake pulls me close into him and I ignore his touch.
He struggles to keep up straight and stumbles trying any dance moves he thinks he has. Cammie was definitely better, but of course she would be. She's been dancing all her life.
I feel guilty again thinking about her when really I should be thinking of Jake. To be honest I no longer care. I don't know what this means but it definitely means I no longer feel anything for him, or did I ever feel anything for him? I thought I did. Was I lying to myself?
I stay with Jake awhile feeling as if I owe it to him. 'Did he care that I was about to kiss her? Or did he not even notice?' God I hate him for pulling me away, I know I shouldn't, but I do. I shouldn't want her, I shouldn't, but she's all I can think about. I don't want to resist these feelings anymore. The alcohol is controlling my mind.
"Come with me!" Jake yells into my ear, waking me from my daydreaming. Before I know it, he's dragging me back through the crowd. I lazily walk behind him until we make it to an unknown door.
Jake quickly opens the door as if he doesn't want anyone to see what we are doing. He flicks the light to get his bearings, then quickly switches it off again. My eyes try to adjust and he slowly pulls me onto a bed.
"Jake, you're drunk." I say as he pulls his white t-shirt up over his head.
"So, that's never stopped us before Shannon. You've always been into drunk sex." He smirks and crawls onto the bed up close to me.
"Yeah, it's just... I'm not feeling it tonight. Maybe another night." I half ask. He wraps his arms around me unclipping my bra, pulling it from my chest underneath my top.
Jake kisses me hard but I can't help but kiss him back. 'Maybe if I have sex with him I'll know if I really do love him.' I discuss with myself, pulling off my shoes and socks kneeling on the bed against his bare chest.
We kiss I feel nothing. All I can think about is Cammie. He puts his hands slowly up my shirt but I hardly feel anything. I don't feel what I feel with Cammie.
He lays me down gently on the bed and unzips his pants, pulling them down to his knees. I begin to panic, no longer wanting this to continue. I have my answers to everything inside my head. I can't do this anymore. It doesn't feel right. I know it's not right. It's not the same. He's never made me feel the way Cammie does already.
"Stop. I don't want to tonight." I struggle to say. I attempt to sit up against to wall, but he grabs my arm, pulling me back down onto the bed.
"It's okay, I'll be quick." He whispers into my ear, kissing my neck.
"No, please stop." I half yell. Trying to avoid his touch.
"What? Stop this?" He kisses a trail from my neck to my V line. I don't enjoy it.
"No! Get off me!" I push him up with my strength but he barely moves. It feels as if his body is possessed by alcohol.
"Come on babe." He moans. He ignores me again and begins to pull my pants down fast but I quickly react, grabbing them and pulling them back up. I roll away onto the floor and sit up against the wall.
"What the fuck Shannon! You always want to have sex." He says frustratedly. I don't answer him for and moment and I watch him pull up his pants and jump off the bed.
"I'm sorry." I say quietly. "I don't know if this is working out." I tell him barely letting the words leave my mouth. What am I saying. I know I no longer want to be with him? I don't love him, not after this. He just tried to have sex with me. He didn't listen. I argue with myself.
"You know what? Fuck you Shannon." This is bullshit. I don't wanna be with you anymore either!" He yells grabbing his top from the floor.
"I hope you have fun making out with your new lesbian friend. I'm sure that will make you feel so much better." He yells again, storming out the room.
His words hit me like shrapnel travelling through my body. Tears fall without warning and my chest begins to collapse. I can't think straight anymore. I pull my knees into chest, burying my face.
I hear two knocks at the door, and I don't say a word hoping whoever it is, leaves. I hear something but it's faint over the music. I hear the door handle twist and light creeps through the crack of the door.
"Shannon are you in here?" A soft voice asks and I instantly know it's Cammie. I quickly clear my throat to respond.
"I'm fine. I'm okay." I try to reassure her. I hear her footsteps around the room but can't see her in the darkness. I hear a click and light fills the room. I wipe salty tears from eyes before she sees my messed up face.
"Shannon? What happened?" Cammie asks, sounding very concerned. She makes her way towards me and joins me on the floor.
"I couldn't do it." I struggle to say and the tears return, dripping from my puffy cheeks. "He came onto me. I couldn't get up. I couldn't stop him." I can no longer breath. My lungs feel like they are falling apart. I can't tell her anymore, my words are no longer form sentences.
I can barely speak but I so badly want to tell her I don't love him and that I don't think I have for awhile. Especially by the way he treats me. That I feel something for her, and that I'm so scared of it. The words stay trapped inside me I avoid eye contact feeling ashamed for crying.
"Shhh, it's okay, he's gone now. Cammie says trying to relax me. Cammie wraps her arms around me, pulling me into her chest. Even her touch instantly calms me down. I stay silent, and attempt to control my breathing again. It felt impossible from me crying and her holding me.